Saturday, November 14, 2015

On "not valuing eternal moments"

As, I was cleaning my old emails, there was a years years old email sitting there. I am glad it was still there to remind me that we are cruel people. We never value present eternal moments of life at those given moments (Idea behind this post). I wish, I have understood the beauty of heart of another person at that given moment. I lament my kamzarfi of not to appreciate beauty of those moments as they happen. We are idiots, at least I am.

When I left the town after residency and went back to re-visit. One woman I adored a lot. We realized we cannot be together due to our religious, family, color, language, cultural and circumstantial differences.

It has some explicits. Read at your own risk but I believe explicits is the beauty of this letter.

"Strange thoughts. It is like you never came. And when you were here, it was like you never left. Fuck you, doctor. All my frustration of not being touched by you just merges into one word. Fuck you. You and your touch. You inside me. The pressure of your body on my body. The weight. I never knew simple lovemaking is so good. The look of your face when you are about to climax. The constant kissing. Your eyes. I think unlike as you were with me before, we did not talk as much as I would like us to. Your hands. Doctor, it was domestic almost. We getting ready to go out. I was wearing make up, you were changing clothes, I was correcting your collar. Fuck you. Just fuck you. 

The sex was like movie kind of sex. In the middle of all the lovemaking, the idea that you may not love me the way I love you. That my emotions for you are may be too strong for you to handle. It makes me feel strange that actual physical part of lovemaking can be so good. That it can sustain for more than few minutes. That somebody can devour my breasts. That I can kiss you for hours. That I can climax twice in a day without self-pleasure. Fuck you. You are a motherfucker. Touch my arms. Touch my back. I could taste my vagina, the smell in your mouth. The kiss on the lake. Just fucking disappear. I should have ask you about normal things like flight, weather, family, work. And you will forget me and my touch. But I will not forget. I will not forget. Before, I missed you more than your touch. This time, I will miss your touch more than you. You are an asshole. I hate you. The rage that I feel inside is overfuckingwhelming.

So angry. Cannot live with you, cannot live without you. A kiss on the side of lake, a touch of hands while sitting together, having a hot chocolate. Dreaming of living with you in the sun."


Beyond said...

I noticed that you adored the lady, not loved her. The email sounds very passionate. Was she in love with you?

Mystic said...


Love is a very relative term but indeed I adored that girl, which is a form of love. No?

bsc said...

Absolutely personal frank words, never heard something even close to it
And that you are sharing with us that is even more amazing mystic
Nobody can be like you. On the other hand to have person so close and in love is your khush qismati. Long long ago I remember a movie "andaz" song
"Nigahen bhi mila kerti hen dil bhi dil say milta hay
"magar ik cha hanay wala baRi mushkil say milta hay"

Mystic said...

Uncle: I heard this song twice tonight... :)