We had a few posts on having 'how many kids?' a few days ago (November 28 - December 4 posts). Here is one comment recently posted. I think it's worth sharing.
Thanks Dian.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Kids-5
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Story of Adam and Eve.
Mard aurat se kuch aur nahi chahta siwaye charasaazi-o-gumgusaari ke, magar aurat naseh bun ker bohat kuch barbad ker deti hai.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Doctor Zhivago
Uncle Saugoree's post "Old story" reminded me of one of the best novel I ever read and get inspired in my life - Doctor Zhivago. I am posting relevant part from his post.
"To tell you the truth I was watching one old movie as usual and thought of it very different than when I first saw it, "Dr. Zhivago".One good thing for watching such oldies is that you dont have to watch it all can interrupt wherever and whenever you want to. Thus while watching I was carried into my own world of imagination.
As a Muslim why do I support the idea of a man, no matter who he is, for having married one woman and carrying on with another one so passionately that ultimately losing the life (You will recall at Omar Sharief's excellent portrayal of the acute coronary syndrome on seeing Laura). He obviously loved Laura more than he loved his wife, mother of at least two of his children. As a man of course you could love two women at the same time and equally which is human. I guess you could say the same for a woman too but women according some sayings of sages are "monogamous" by nature (Are they?)
Anyway, the villainous Komerov was right in saying about her, "a slut", and yet Laura was so devoted to Yuri (Dr. Zhivago).Well, it is such a moving story and catching and absorbing on the screen performed so well through MGM, and you cant help but moved by it and end up in sympathy with both Laura and Yuri and of course Tonya. It reminded me of Chacha Ghalib who while married loved another woman".
"To tell you the truth I was watching one old movie as usual and thought of it very different than when I first saw it, "Dr. Zhivago".One good thing for watching such oldies is that you dont have to watch it all can interrupt wherever and whenever you want to. Thus while watching I was carried into my own world of imagination.
As a Muslim why do I support the idea of a man, no matter who he is, for having married one woman and carrying on with another one so passionately that ultimately losing the life (You will recall at Omar Sharief's excellent portrayal of the acute coronary syndrome on seeing Laura). He obviously loved Laura more than he loved his wife, mother of at least two of his children. As a man of course you could love two women at the same time and equally which is human. I guess you could say the same for a woman too but women according some sayings of sages are "monogamous" by nature (Are they?)
Anyway, the villainous Komerov was right in saying about her, "a slut", and yet Laura was so devoted to Yuri (Dr. Zhivago).Well, it is such a moving story and catching and absorbing on the screen performed so well through MGM, and you cant help but moved by it and end up in sympathy with both Laura and Yuri and of course Tonya. It reminded me of Chacha Ghalib who while married loved another woman".
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sexual journey - Men & Women
I didn't agree but for sure pondered when I read this:
"Men's sexual journey starts with wandering eyes and polygamous nature but as they grow old they learn that only monogamous relationship works. Thats their comedy of error. Women's puberty sets in with monogamous mindset but as she grow more in life, she learns the pleasure of polygamous relationships. That's her tragedy of error"
"Men's sexual journey starts with wandering eyes and polygamous nature but as they grow old they learn that only monogamous relationship works. Thats their comedy of error. Women's puberty sets in with monogamous mindset but as she grow more in life, she learns the pleasure of polygamous relationships. That's her tragedy of error"
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
On patronizing community
I had interesting talk with a colleauge. He is applying green card for his mother in Pakistan. I advise him to hire a 'gora' lawyer. He told me he is hiring a fresh Pakistani-American graduate who has just started his practice (ABCD bachha). I was little shocked. I asked: "Why?"
He replied: "If we will not patronize our own kids and graduates who else will?'
I think - it make sense.
He replied: "If we will not patronize our own kids and graduates who else will?'
I think - it make sense.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sadqa
Agar bachpun main hame koi chot lug jaati to dadi kehtiN: "Chalo achha huwa, bari musibat ka saqda huwa".
Kiya ye sach hoga ke zindagi main darasl koi chota nuqsan is baat ka istaa'ra hota hai ke hamara koi bara nuqsan hone wala tha magar qudrat ne hamari bachat ker di!
Kiya ye sach hoga ke zindagi main darasl koi chota nuqsan is baat ka istaa'ra hota hai ke hamara koi bara nuqsan hone wala tha magar qudrat ne hamari bachat ker di!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Land of opportunity
Rajan Bhai is one heck of a funny person. He came to this country in mid 70s from a small village of Gujrat, India. He worked hard and turned into a mutli-millionare businessman. (He is known in friend circle as 'crorepati') I like him as his views are always unique and I think he is a god-gifted smart man. He run his business in his own desi style. His one son finished MBA from an Ivy leayge school and joined him in business and is very frustrated with (per his say) unorganised way of running business. Here is a conversation between him (RB) and his son (S):
S: : "Daddy! can we sit down and jot precisely how much our all businesses worth?"
RB: "Tum janna chahte ho ke main ne ab tuk kiya kamaya"
S: "Kind of yes"
RB: "Beta! Jo kuch bhi hamare paas hai bus us main se aik shirt aur patloon minus ker do. Baqi jo kuch hai - tumhari eduation mila ke - woh sab kuch kamaya hi kamaya hai"
Rajan Bhai landed in this country with just one shirt and a pant. No wonder, people say this is a land of opportunity.
S: : "Daddy! can we sit down and jot precisely how much our all businesses worth?"
RB: "Tum janna chahte ho ke main ne ab tuk kiya kamaya"
S: "Kind of yes"
RB: "Beta! Jo kuch bhi hamare paas hai bus us main se aik shirt aur patloon minus ker do. Baqi jo kuch hai - tumhari eduation mila ke - woh sab kuch kamaya hi kamaya hai"
Rajan Bhai landed in this country with just one shirt and a pant. No wonder, people say this is a land of opportunity.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Pakistani Larki
I have short hair with blonde highlights. My accent is pure american. I wear Jeans and T shirts. I hang out with "gora bachhas". Most of my collection is of english songs. I watch american football. Yes I do puff cigrettes and get drunk with beers in dorm parties.
Magar kubhi kubhi mera bhi dil kerta hai ke kisi desi dhabe pe khare ho kar pani puri khauN. Eid pe haatoN pe Mehndi lagauN aur bhare bhare duppatte wala shalwar kameez pahenuN. Ab bhi jub abbu 'youtube' pe Mehdi hasan sunte hain to mere pauN computer ke paas jum jaate hain aur mere dil ki dharkanaiN tez ho jaati hain. Main ne Lahore chora to saat (seven) baras ki thi magar ab bhi dil kerta hai ke ur (fly) ke Rabia khala ke aangan main paunch jaun aur aankh macholi khelun....
Ooper se hum ABCD lurkian kitni hi angrez nazar aa'ain magar hamare andar ki Pakistani lurki kubhi nahi marti!!
Magar kubhi kubhi mera bhi dil kerta hai ke kisi desi dhabe pe khare ho kar pani puri khauN. Eid pe haatoN pe Mehndi lagauN aur bhare bhare duppatte wala shalwar kameez pahenuN. Ab bhi jub abbu 'youtube' pe Mehdi hasan sunte hain to mere pauN computer ke paas jum jaate hain aur mere dil ki dharkanaiN tez ho jaati hain. Main ne Lahore chora to saat (seven) baras ki thi magar ab bhi dil kerta hai ke ur (fly) ke Rabia khala ke aangan main paunch jaun aur aankh macholi khelun....
Ooper se hum ABCD lurkian kitni hi angrez nazar aa'ain magar hamare andar ki Pakistani lurki kubhi nahi marti!!
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Thank you Masud
I mentioned on this blog about my broken friendship with Masud (here). This weekend I really missed him a lot. Somebody asked me to name a person whom I will be thankful ever in my life. I had few names and one was Masud.
In final year of my medical school - I completely lost touch with my education. I was having too much fun outside college, in hostel and in college's cafeteria. I lost track of all lectures, clinical rotations and practicals. I didn't touch any text book for months. A month before final exam I realized my stupidity after a surgeon degraded me during my seldom showup at one clinical rotation (I failed to read a simple CXR). I asked Masud - what should I do? Masud made a crash course of all subjects and suggested small booklets/articles instead of text books. He was my instant encyclopedia. I just didn't clear all subjects but secured upper high first division.
I want to thank you my friend Masud - where ever you are and if you ever read my blog.
In final year of my medical school - I completely lost touch with my education. I was having too much fun outside college, in hostel and in college's cafeteria. I lost track of all lectures, clinical rotations and practicals. I didn't touch any text book for months. A month before final exam I realized my stupidity after a surgeon degraded me during my seldom showup at one clinical rotation (I failed to read a simple CXR). I asked Masud - what should I do? Masud made a crash course of all subjects and suggested small booklets/articles instead of text books. He was my instant encyclopedia. I just didn't clear all subjects but secured upper high first division.
I want to thank you my friend Masud - where ever you are and if you ever read my blog.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Kids-4
Another important dimension added to previous posts on discussion of "number of kids to have" from a reader.
I have a son with "special needs " and a healthy normal daughter mashallah .The thought of having a third child scares the hell out of me.what if ?? I get another child with disabilities. At the same time the thought that my daughter will never have any normal brother-sister relationship, and that all the burden of a 'handicapped brother' will be on her shoulders, when we will not be with them anymore,"KILLS ME". It's "complicated''.
I have a son with "special needs " and a healthy normal daughter mashallah .The thought of having a third child scares the hell out of me.what if ?? I get another child with disabilities. At the same time the thought that my daughter will never have any normal brother-sister relationship, and that all the burden of a 'handicapped brother' will be on her shoulders, when we will not be with them anymore,"KILLS ME". It's "complicated''.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Kids-3
Somebody left comment regarding my previous posts on kids. I think this comment itself deserve a post.
And let me tell you why we never got second kid. My wife had very complicated pregnancy. She survived. I don't want her to go through same nightmare again putting her life at risk. Beside possible handicap kids and bad relationship, sometime strong bond also prevent you from having kids. Strange!!
And let me tell you why we never got second kid. My wife had very complicated pregnancy. She survived. I don't want her to go through same nightmare again putting her life at risk. Beside possible handicap kids and bad relationship, sometime strong bond also prevent you from having kids. Strange!!
Kids-2
I recieved this email on my previous post "Kids"
Dear Zindagi ki diary bhai,
I am married for 3 years and we have difficult marriage. We are fighting all the time. We are in Marriage counseling - which may even fail. I am already 34 years old. I don't want to bring a soul in this world not knowing our own relationship.
This is another reason people don't get more or even one kid.
XXXXX
Dear Zindagi ki diary bhai,
I am married for 3 years and we have difficult marriage. We are fighting all the time. We are in Marriage counseling - which may even fail. I am already 34 years old. I don't want to bring a soul in this world not knowing our own relationship.
This is another reason people don't get more or even one kid.
XXXXX
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Kids
As my cousin Aga (here, here) was visiting me - we argued about many things in life. (He is one smart ass).
One other thing we debated is about how many kids a married couple should have? I always think that couples should have 4 kids or at least 3 kids for 2 simple reasons. Firstly, they are fun. Secondly, when you get old and die - they have their own strong social support of brothers and sisters.
The only flip side of having more kids is - what if you get a handicap child - as it is too draining - physically as well as emotionally (Amin Bhai, Sameer Ali uncle).
I found this debate interesting...
P.S: It is said that Kids of younger parents are more misbehaved.
One other thing we debated is about how many kids a married couple should have? I always think that couples should have 4 kids or at least 3 kids for 2 simple reasons. Firstly, they are fun. Secondly, when you get old and die - they have their own strong social support of brothers and sisters.
The only flip side of having more kids is - what if you get a handicap child - as it is too draining - physically as well as emotionally (Amin Bhai, Sameer Ali uncle).
I found this debate interesting...
P.S: It is said that Kids of younger parents are more misbehaved.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Giving to Homeless
As we came out of a desi restaurant, we were confronted by a homeless person. I usually have spare change on side for this purpose. My cousin is very opposed in giving money to homeless people standing at roadside as they usually go and spend everything on beer and drugs. I have other view. I have 3 reasons to give 'change' to them.
1. I want my kids to learn the value of giving without going in too much of logic.
2. If I am blessed excessively - more than I deserve - what right I have to rationalize, stereotype or make assumptions before giving to someone. I will give with good intention (niyyat). Its not my job to justify his act of using money.
3. If he will not find money soon to get his beer he will 'mug' someone in desparation. My 2 quarters may keep evil at least at non-violent level.
Make sense?
1. I want my kids to learn the value of giving without going in too much of logic.
2. If I am blessed excessively - more than I deserve - what right I have to rationalize, stereotype or make assumptions before giving to someone. I will give with good intention (niyyat). Its not my job to justify his act of using money.
3. If he will not find money soon to get his beer he will 'mug' someone in desparation. My 2 quarters may keep evil at least at non-violent level.
Make sense?
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Solace
Someone not only took my money but on top of me threatened me if I ask again!! I was angry. I opened Quran and page was "Surah Al 'Adiyât". Read it. It prevailed peace inside me and I found my way to deal with it.
100:8 - And violent is he in his love of wealth.
100:9 - Does he not know,- when that which is in the graves is scattered.
100:10 - And that which is (locked) in (their) breasts is made manifest-
100:11 - That their Lord had been Well-acquainted with them, (even to) that Day.?
I left my 'hisab' on All-mighty....
100:8 - And violent is he in his love of wealth.
100:9 - Does he not know,- when that which is in the graves is scattered.
100:10 - And that which is (locked) in (their) breasts is made manifest-
100:11 - That their Lord had been Well-acquainted with them, (even to) that Day.?
I left my 'hisab' on All-mighty....
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Name and luck
Mera khayal hai ye durust hai ke aadmi ki zindagi pe uske naam ka bara gehra asar hota hai.
It happened to me as I start using last name rather than my father's name. My first cousin comletely get cured of his chronic sickness as he changed his first name. Some womens' life get screwed with new married name and few women get new life..In many cultures, great care and importance is given in naming kids.
If your life is stuck or under bad stars or going with bad luck for long time or if you are just accident prone - try new nick, start using your middle name or last name more - try it - it may help.
I don't know how to explain it. It may be completely anecdotal or just my bias but I have seen it working. Any thoughts?
It happened to me as I start using last name rather than my father's name. My first cousin comletely get cured of his chronic sickness as he changed his first name. Some womens' life get screwed with new married name and few women get new life..In many cultures, great care and importance is given in naming kids.
If your life is stuck or under bad stars or going with bad luck for long time or if you are just accident prone - try new nick, start using your middle name or last name more - try it - it may help.
I don't know how to explain it. It may be completely anecdotal or just my bias but I have seen it working. Any thoughts?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A quote
"Badnaseeb hai woh shaks jise dost na mile, aur us se bhi ziyada badnaseeb hai woh shaks jo achhe doston ko kho de" !
- Hazrat Ali
- Hazrat Ali
Monday, November 16, 2009
Geebat
Baat bohat purani hai magar barsoN baad yun lag rahi hai jese kul hi ki baat ho.
Yun to main jawani main kafi daheriya (atheist) tha magar aik din Jumma parhne 'local' masjid main chalaa gaya. Maulvi sahab ne "Geebat" ke mozun pe bara dhuwan daar khutba diya. Kuch waqiye sach the aur kuch banawti. Magar Maulvi sahab ki aik baat dimag main regh gai ke: "Jub koi kisi ki geebat kerta hai to poora arsh jalal main aa jata hai. Aur foran geebat kerne wale ki saza tajweez ho jaati hai". Mujeh bari hasi aai thi.
Lekin umer ke is hisse main aa ker lagta hai shayed maulvi sahab ne kuch aesa galat bhi nahi kaha tha. Koi to wajah hai ke Quran ne geebat ko murdar khane ke barabar tajweez kiya hai.
Yun to main jawani main kafi daheriya (atheist) tha magar aik din Jumma parhne 'local' masjid main chalaa gaya. Maulvi sahab ne "Geebat" ke mozun pe bara dhuwan daar khutba diya. Kuch waqiye sach the aur kuch banawti. Magar Maulvi sahab ki aik baat dimag main regh gai ke: "Jub koi kisi ki geebat kerta hai to poora arsh jalal main aa jata hai. Aur foran geebat kerne wale ki saza tajweez ho jaati hai". Mujeh bari hasi aai thi.
Lekin umer ke is hisse main aa ker lagta hai shayed maulvi sahab ne kuch aesa galat bhi nahi kaha tha. Koi to wajah hai ke Quran ne geebat ko murdar khane ke barabar tajweez kiya hai.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Grandparents
Mera khayal hai jis ghar main Dada Dadi ya Nana Nani bachhoN ke saath rehte hain unki nafsiyati sehat sirf waldain ke saath rehne wale bachhoN se behtar hoti hai.
(I think kids who live with grand parents have better psychological health than who just live with their parents)
(I think kids who live with grand parents have better psychological health than who just live with their parents)
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Habib Jalib's Mainay Uss Say Yeh Kaha
Friday, November 06, 2009
On dead loved ones
Kiya ye sach hoga ke jo log hum se muhabbat kerte hain woh maut ke baad bhi hamare liye fiqar mand rehte hain.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Aurat ke gaaloN ki surkhi
Hamari umer koi 12/13 baras rahi hogi jub bari Apa ki shadi hui. Bari Apa shayed shadi se bohat khush nahi thiN magar doli beth gaiN. Dusre roz jub khandan waale unhe rasm ke liye ghar le kar aaye to bari chachi ne kaha: "GaaloN ki surkhi dekh ke lagta hai, bitiya sari zindagi khush rahe gi"
Meri aadhi zindagi guzar gai tub mujhe pata laga - Aurat ke gaaloN ki surkhi ka kiya matlab hota hai!
Meri aadhi zindagi guzar gai tub mujhe pata laga - Aurat ke gaaloN ki surkhi ka kiya matlab hota hai!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
On End of life care
Agar aap ko yaad ho to main ne is blog pe Shamsha aur Salim (here) ka zikar kiya tha. Kuch dinoN pehle mujeh ittlah mili ke un ki walida Karachi ke aik hospital main bohat bimar hai!
Main ne unhe phone kiya to Shamsha se baat hui. Baat bohat choti si hai magar bohat aham hai -aur shayed hum sab ko sikhati hai ke apne 'loved ones' ke aakhri ayyam main hame kiya sochna chahiye.
Jub Shamsha ne phone pe mujhe saari tafseel batai to main na khaha: "Dekho tumhari walida ke bachne ki umeed to bohat kum hai. Ye batao tum kiya chahti ho?....I mean do you want to be very aggressive till doctors do CPR, cardiac shock and code till technically pronounce dead or let her go peacefully if there is no reasonable hope. Un ki further treatment - is baat pe depend kerti hai ke - tum kiya chahti ho?"
Shamsha ne jawab diya : "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!"
"Than remove ventilator and let her be pain free with morphine". I replied.
Bieng a physician, my impression is that - many times family members treat themselves and put their 'loved ones' through painful medical interventions which unnecessary just prolong their agony!
Magar ye sochne ki salaihiyat pane ke liye ke "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!" - khud andar se bohat mazboot hona parta hai.
Trust me - its not easy!!
Main ne unhe phone kiya to Shamsha se baat hui. Baat bohat choti si hai magar bohat aham hai -aur shayed hum sab ko sikhati hai ke apne 'loved ones' ke aakhri ayyam main hame kiya sochna chahiye.
Jub Shamsha ne phone pe mujhe saari tafseel batai to main na khaha: "Dekho tumhari walida ke bachne ki umeed to bohat kum hai. Ye batao tum kiya chahti ho?....I mean do you want to be very aggressive till doctors do CPR, cardiac shock and code till technically pronounce dead or let her go peacefully if there is no reasonable hope. Un ki further treatment - is baat pe depend kerti hai ke - tum kiya chahti ho?"
Shamsha ne jawab diya : "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!"
"Than remove ventilator and let her be pain free with morphine". I replied.
Bieng a physician, my impression is that - many times family members treat themselves and put their 'loved ones' through painful medical interventions which unnecessary just prolong their agony!
Magar ye sochne ki salaihiyat pane ke liye ke "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!" - khud andar se bohat mazboot hona parta hai.
Trust me - its not easy!!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Zehra Nigah ki khubsurat nazam - Pakistan ke har Shahr ke naam
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Suna hai sher ka jub pet bhar jaaye
to woh hamla nahi kerta
darkhtoN ki ghani chauN main ja ker let jaata hai
Hawa ke tez jhonke jub darkhtoN ko hilate hain
to maina apne bacche chor ke
kawwe ke andon ko paron se tham leti hai
Suna hai ghonsle se koi bachha gir pare to
sara jangal jaag jaata hai
Suna hai jub kisi naddi ke paani main
baye ke ghonsle ka gandumi saaya larzta hai
to naddi ki rupehli machlian use parosi maan leti hain
Koi toofan aa jaaye koi pul toot jaaye
to kisi lakri ke takhte per
ghilari, saanp, bakri aur cheetah saath hote hain
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Khuda wanda, jaleel-o-mautabar,
daana-o-beena, munseef-o-akbar
mere is shahr main
ab janglon hi ka koi qanoon naafiz ker
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Suna hai sher ka jub pet bhar jaaye
to woh hamla nahi kerta
darkhtoN ki ghani chauN main ja ker let jaata hai
Hawa ke tez jhonke jub darkhtoN ko hilate hain
to maina apne bacche chor ke
kawwe ke andon ko paron se tham leti hai
Suna hai ghonsle se koi bachha gir pare to
sara jangal jaag jaata hai
Suna hai jub kisi naddi ke paani main
baye ke ghonsle ka gandumi saaya larzta hai
to naddi ki rupehli machlian use parosi maan leti hain
Koi toofan aa jaaye koi pul toot jaaye
to kisi lakri ke takhte per
ghilari, saanp, bakri aur cheetah saath hote hain
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Khuda wanda, jaleel-o-mautabar,
daana-o-beena, munseef-o-akbar
mere is shahr main
ab janglon hi ka koi qanoon naafiz ker
Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai
Saturday, October 17, 2009
On Journalism
"Page 3" is one of my favorite movies on yellow journalism. See the following scene - from 3.32 secs to 5.12 secs. I love this guy - Atul kulkarni. His dialogues are worth giving attention.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Shatranj
(When I was learning chess - I remember following advise from a teacher)
"Dekho beta! Shatranj ke khel main 2 tarah ke khiladi hote hain. Aik woh, jo pehle chaal chal ker dushman ko maat dena chahte hain. Magar ziyada shatir woh hote hain, jo dushman ki chaal ka intezar kerte hain taake na sirf dushman ki zehni kefiat ka andaza ho sake bulke us ke mohre chal jaane ke baad, ziyada kari zarab lagai ja sake. Shatranj ke khel main, chalak hone se ziyada sabir hona zaroori hai"
Zindagi ka khel bhi shatranj ki bisat se koi ziyada mukhtalif to nahi!
"Dekho beta! Shatranj ke khel main 2 tarah ke khiladi hote hain. Aik woh, jo pehle chaal chal ker dushman ko maat dena chahte hain. Magar ziyada shatir woh hote hain, jo dushman ki chaal ka intezar kerte hain taake na sirf dushman ki zehni kefiat ka andaza ho sake bulke us ke mohre chal jaane ke baad, ziyada kari zarab lagai ja sake. Shatranj ke khel main, chalak hone se ziyada sabir hona zaroori hai"
Zindagi ka khel bhi shatranj ki bisat se koi ziyada mukhtalif to nahi!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
On dealing with women
Aurat ko samjha nahi jata; Aurat ko samjhaya nahi jata - bulke Aurat ko sirf 'manage' kiya jata hai.
(As per one wise husband)
(As per one wise husband)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Destiny
Amma aksar rawani main aik baat kehti hain - kitni sach hai:
"Aap aulad ko janam de sakte hain karam nahi"
(you can give birth to your kids but not destiny)
"Aap aulad ko janam de sakte hain karam nahi"
(you can give birth to your kids but not destiny)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Ishq ka ghao
Tum kiya jano ishq ka ghao kiya hota hai.
Hamara kunba kattar ahle-tashee tha. Muharram ke mahine main ghar pe matam aur noha-khawani hona, bahir sabeel lagana, shame gareebaN ki majlis main jana aur taziye sajana - jub se aankh khuli yahi dekha tha.
Aur phir mujhe aik naujawan se mohabbat ho gai. Wahi meri zindagi ho gaya. Wahi mera orhna bichona ban gaya. Usi ke dam se har chiragaN tha. Use bhi shayed mujh se itni hi mohabbat thi. Pehle chup chup ke chitthi ke zariye ishq hua, phir mulaqataiN hone lagi. Ghar walon ko pata laga to pehle shamat aayi magar abba ne halat ki naazuki ko jana aur usse se kaha, hamare ghar rishta bhej de. Woh rishta le ker aaye, baat pakki ho gayi. Tayyariyan hone lagi, 'card' bat gaye. Main aroosi jore ke khawab bunne lagi. Main saatwaiN aasman pe thi. Duniya mere peroN tale thi. Lagta tha sab kuch mil gaya.
Shadi ko 7 roz baqi the ke meri hone wali saas ne mujhe ghar bulaya aur kaha: "Is ghar main bahu ban ke aana hai to - apna maslak chorna hoga, tumhe sunni banna pare ga". Meri aankoN tale andhera aa gaya. Larka bhi 'Summun Bukmun Umyun' ho gaya. Main ishq aur iman ke beech phans gai. Main ne Iman ko chun liya. Maslak chorne se inkar ker diya. Baat barh gai. Abba bhi bharak gaye. Shadi toot gayi. Woh gusse main America chala gaya.
Main aadhi pagal ho gayi. Soch soch ker mera blood pressure itna barha ke 'stroke' ho gaya. Socho 23 baras ki lurki ko 'stroke' ho jaaye. Us se bachi to saare baal sufed hona shuru ho gaye. Doctors ne test kiye to bataya koi 'auto-immune disease' hai. "Steroid" se itni moti ho gai ke ab khud ko aaine main dekhti hun to ghin aati hai. Ye baalon pe khizab laga hai. Ye jild ki mulayimat masnooyi hai (softness of skin is fake).......
Ab bhi poora din bank main kaam ker ke jub ghar aati hun aur thake haare aankh band ker ke takiye pe sir rakhti hun to lagta hai jese uske qadmoN ki aahat hui hai......Tum dekhna aik din isi 'insomnia' se mar jaaun gi..
Mere bhole doctor - Tum kiya jano ishq ka ghao kiya hota hai.
Hamara kunba kattar ahle-tashee tha. Muharram ke mahine main ghar pe matam aur noha-khawani hona, bahir sabeel lagana, shame gareebaN ki majlis main jana aur taziye sajana - jub se aankh khuli yahi dekha tha.
Aur phir mujhe aik naujawan se mohabbat ho gai. Wahi meri zindagi ho gaya. Wahi mera orhna bichona ban gaya. Usi ke dam se har chiragaN tha. Use bhi shayed mujh se itni hi mohabbat thi. Pehle chup chup ke chitthi ke zariye ishq hua, phir mulaqataiN hone lagi. Ghar walon ko pata laga to pehle shamat aayi magar abba ne halat ki naazuki ko jana aur usse se kaha, hamare ghar rishta bhej de. Woh rishta le ker aaye, baat pakki ho gayi. Tayyariyan hone lagi, 'card' bat gaye. Main aroosi jore ke khawab bunne lagi. Main saatwaiN aasman pe thi. Duniya mere peroN tale thi. Lagta tha sab kuch mil gaya.
Shadi ko 7 roz baqi the ke meri hone wali saas ne mujhe ghar bulaya aur kaha: "Is ghar main bahu ban ke aana hai to - apna maslak chorna hoga, tumhe sunni banna pare ga". Meri aankoN tale andhera aa gaya. Larka bhi 'Summun Bukmun Umyun' ho gaya. Main ishq aur iman ke beech phans gai. Main ne Iman ko chun liya. Maslak chorne se inkar ker diya. Baat barh gai. Abba bhi bharak gaye. Shadi toot gayi. Woh gusse main America chala gaya.
Main aadhi pagal ho gayi. Soch soch ker mera blood pressure itna barha ke 'stroke' ho gaya. Socho 23 baras ki lurki ko 'stroke' ho jaaye. Us se bachi to saare baal sufed hona shuru ho gaye. Doctors ne test kiye to bataya koi 'auto-immune disease' hai. "Steroid" se itni moti ho gai ke ab khud ko aaine main dekhti hun to ghin aati hai. Ye baalon pe khizab laga hai. Ye jild ki mulayimat masnooyi hai (softness of skin is fake).......
Ab bhi poora din bank main kaam ker ke jub ghar aati hun aur thake haare aankh band ker ke takiye pe sir rakhti hun to lagta hai jese uske qadmoN ki aahat hui hai......Tum dekhna aik din isi 'insomnia' se mar jaaun gi..
Mere bhole doctor - Tum kiya jano ishq ka ghao kiya hota hai.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Aag
"Main ne to zindagi main kubhi tassawur bhi nahi kiya tha ke meri talaq hogi. Mera baap aik gareeb dukandar tha jiski gulberg main aik choti si parchoon ki dukan thi. Hum saat bahenain (seven sisters) thiN. Hame maaloom tha ke jahan bhi shaadi ho wahan kuch bhi ho jaaye nibah kerna pare ga. Jub gurbat itni ziyada ho to 'domestic violence' aur 'shohar ki berahravi' (infidelity) wagera jesi cheezain sab be-maani ho jaati hain.
Mere liye jab America ke lurke ka rishta aaya to Amma Abba ne kuch soche samjhe bagair biyah diya. Mera kiya tha - pehle hi zindagi kaunsi jahannam se kum thi....
Bachpun se mujhe aik khawab aata tha ke darya kinare mera aik makan hai - aur phir ghar ke peeche sabzazar (backyard) main aag lagti hai aur mere poore makan ko lapet main le leti hai. Main mushkil se jaan bachati hun. Main ne is khawab ko kubhi koi ahemiat nahi di....
Shaadi ker ke main florida aayi. Darya kinare khubsurat house tha. Phir aahista aahista shohar ki asliat zahir hona shuru hui. Aaye din maar khana, Us ka din raat drunk hona, Marital (a***) rape kerna, strip dancers ke saath uska dinon gaib ho jana - mere liye maamul ban gaya. Sab sehti rehi ke peeche amma abba aur baqi behenain pareshan hongi. Phir 2 betiyan ho gayi to unka khayal aata. Sochti chalo 'financial' aasudgi to hai...Bachhiyan achhi taalim to paa rahin hai.... Main samjh lungi ke kisi kothe pe tawaif bethi hun.
Magar us khawab ne peecha na chora.
Phir hamre peeche ke house main aik Pakistani family aa ker abad hui. Mere shohar ka unki aik lurki se chakkar chal gaya. Us pe mere shohar ne khub paise lutane shuru ker diye. Aur phir aik din usne mujhe talaq ka kagaz pakra diya.
Salam kerti hun is mulk ke nizam ko, jis ne mujhe mera haq dilwaya - aur itna kuch mila ke main aur betiyan mehfooz hain aur izzat se sufed-poshi ka bharam qaaim hai.
Socha na tha ke woh khawab sachha hoga. Shayed bohut kuch pehle se hamari qismat ki kitab main likh diya jaata hai. Woh aag aik aurat thi, jis ne darya kinare wala mera makan jala diya."
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Baat Go Zara Si Hai
Amjad Islam Amjad ki aik khubsurat nazam
Zindagi Kay Melay MeiN
KhwahishooN Kay Railay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JanaaN
Es Qadar Jhamailay MeiN
Waqt Ki Ravaani Hai
Bakht Ki Girani Hai
Sakht Bay-Zameeni Hay
Sakht La-makani Hai
Hijr Kay Samandar MeiN
Takht Aur Takhtay Ki
Ek Hi Kahani Hai
Tum Ko Jo Sunani Hai
Baat Go Zara Si Hai
Baat Umr Bhar Ki Hai
Umr Bhar Ki BaataiN Kab
Do Ghari MeiN Hoti HeiN
Dard Kay Samandar MeiN
Un-Ginat Jazeeray HeiN
Bayshumaar Moti HeiN
Aankh Kay Jazeeray MeiN
Tum Ne Jo Sajaya Tha
Baat Us Diyay Ki Hai
Baat Us Gilay Ki Hai
Jo Lahoo Ki Khilvat MeiN
Chor Ban Kay Aata Hai
Lafz Ki FaseelooN Par
Toot Toot Jaata Hai
Zindagi Se Lambi Hai
Baat Takhliyay Ki Hai
Takhliyay Ki BaatoN MeiN
Guftagoo Izaafi Hai
Piyar Karnay WalooN Ko
Ek Nigah Hi Kafi Hai
Ho Sakay To Sun Ja'oo
Ek Din Akailay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JannaN
Es Qadar Jamailay MeiN!
Zindagi Kay Melay MeiN
KhwahishooN Kay Railay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JanaaN
Es Qadar Jhamailay MeiN
Waqt Ki Ravaani Hai
Bakht Ki Girani Hai
Sakht Bay-Zameeni Hay
Sakht La-makani Hai
Hijr Kay Samandar MeiN
Takht Aur Takhtay Ki
Ek Hi Kahani Hai
Tum Ko Jo Sunani Hai
Baat Go Zara Si Hai
Baat Umr Bhar Ki Hai
Umr Bhar Ki BaataiN Kab
Do Ghari MeiN Hoti HeiN
Dard Kay Samandar MeiN
Un-Ginat Jazeeray HeiN
Bayshumaar Moti HeiN
Aankh Kay Jazeeray MeiN
Tum Ne Jo Sajaya Tha
Baat Us Diyay Ki Hai
Baat Us Gilay Ki Hai
Jo Lahoo Ki Khilvat MeiN
Chor Ban Kay Aata Hai
Lafz Ki FaseelooN Par
Toot Toot Jaata Hai
Zindagi Se Lambi Hai
Baat Takhliyay Ki Hai
Takhliyay Ki BaatoN MeiN
Guftagoo Izaafi Hai
Piyar Karnay WalooN Ko
Ek Nigah Hi Kafi Hai
Ho Sakay To Sun Ja'oo
Ek Din Akailay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JannaN
Es Qadar Jamailay MeiN!
Friday, September 04, 2009
Usre Yusra
I didn't blog much in last one week, as I was trying to overcome the shock of death of one of my very good friend. Imagine a friend, who you meet everyday - who is always smiling, helping and ready to give fair advise - who you talk to in the morning and in the evening you get news that he is shot dead during house robbery, leaving behind a 2 year old and a pregnant wife!
It took me sometime to overcome the grief. I tried to find solace in books, movies, internet and may-o-meena-o-ayag but without any help. I can't explain but what bring some relief to my heart were 2 small ayats from Quran. Actually, the same thing is said twice - telling me how important is this message of life:
F'inna-m'a'l-usre-yusra. Inna m'a'l-usre-yusra (94:5-6)
(So verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief)
It took me back 16 years ago, when we all friends were going through little tough time trying to find residency spot in USA. One of my friend received news of having baby back home in Pakistan. He jumped with joy in Chicago's lincoln park and named his daughter Yusra. Indeed! he was smart and was able to connect the dots of this universal mystic web.
Allah hum sab ko asani de aur asani taqseem kerne ka sharf de (Ashfaq Ahmad)
It took me sometime to overcome the grief. I tried to find solace in books, movies, internet and may-o-meena-o-ayag but without any help. I can't explain but what bring some relief to my heart were 2 small ayats from Quran. Actually, the same thing is said twice - telling me how important is this message of life:
F'inna-m'a'l-usre-yusra. Inna m'a'l-usre-yusra (94:5-6)
(So verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief)
It took me back 16 years ago, when we all friends were going through little tough time trying to find residency spot in USA. One of my friend received news of having baby back home in Pakistan. He jumped with joy in Chicago's lincoln park and named his daughter Yusra. Indeed! he was smart and was able to connect the dots of this universal mystic web.
Allah hum sab ko asani de aur asani taqseem kerne ka sharf de (Ashfaq Ahmad)
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Mr. Singh ki kahani
"Mr. Singh, the widower, grew up in a boisterous Indian household with 14 family members. In Fremont (california), he moved in with his son’s family and devoted himself to his grandchildren, picking them up from school and ferrying them to soccer practice. Then his son and daughter-in-law decided “they wanted their privacy,” said Mr. Singh, an undertone of sadness in his voice. He reluctantly concluded he should move out. So when he leaves the Hub, dead leaves swirling around its fake cobblestones, Mr. Singh drives to the rented room in a house he found on Craigslist. His could be a dorm room, except for the arthritis heat wraps packed neatly in plastic bins.
“In India there is a favorable bias toward the elders,” Mr. Singh said, sitting amid Hindu religious posters and a photograph of his late wife. “Here people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.”
Read full story here from NYtimes
“In India there is a favorable bias toward the elders,” Mr. Singh said, sitting amid Hindu religious posters and a photograph of his late wife. “Here people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.”
Read full story here from NYtimes
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Vibes of the House!
Koi 2 saal pehle is blog pe main ne apne nana ki aik choti si baat likhi thi jis main unhon ne makan se inssan ki wabastagi ka zikar kiya tha (here)
Mera aik dost aaj kul 'house' buy kerne ke liye alag alag neighbouhood ke chakkar kaat raha hai. Us ke walid (visiting from Pakistan) ka israr hai ke woh jo makan bhi dekhne jaaye unhe zaroor saath le jaaye.
Main ne apne dost se poocha: "Tumhare walid ka har makan dekhne ke liye saath chalna mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai. Ye faisla to tum dono mian biwi ko kerna chahiye"
Mere dost ne jawab diya: "Tumhari baat theek hogi. Magar mere abbu kehte hain, har makan ki apni aik musbat ya manfi maqnatisyat (postive or negative vibes) hoti hai. Jis makan main kubhi achhe log rehte hain, woh makan aap hi apni khusbu deta hai aur wahan rehne wale khub abad hote hain, unhe sukoon ka aehsas rehta hai aur unke kaam khub bunte hain. Aur kuch makan apne saath nahoosat ke saaye le ker aate hain.
Mere walid saath chalte hain to na to woh makan ki qeemat poochte hain na tafseel janna chahte hain - na to unhon ne is makan main rehna hai - jub tuk hum mian biwi apne hisab se makan jaanchte hain woh bus chup chap makan ke andar phirte rehte hain. Pasand aata hai to sir hila ke kehte hain "theek hai" ya phir kehte hain - koi dusra makan bhi nazar main rakho".
Kiya ye sach hoga ke - "every house has its positive or negative vibes?"
Mera aik dost aaj kul 'house' buy kerne ke liye alag alag neighbouhood ke chakkar kaat raha hai. Us ke walid (visiting from Pakistan) ka israr hai ke woh jo makan bhi dekhne jaaye unhe zaroor saath le jaaye.
Main ne apne dost se poocha: "Tumhare walid ka har makan dekhne ke liye saath chalna mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai. Ye faisla to tum dono mian biwi ko kerna chahiye"
Mere dost ne jawab diya: "Tumhari baat theek hogi. Magar mere abbu kehte hain, har makan ki apni aik musbat ya manfi maqnatisyat (postive or negative vibes) hoti hai. Jis makan main kubhi achhe log rehte hain, woh makan aap hi apni khusbu deta hai aur wahan rehne wale khub abad hote hain, unhe sukoon ka aehsas rehta hai aur unke kaam khub bunte hain. Aur kuch makan apne saath nahoosat ke saaye le ker aate hain.
Mere walid saath chalte hain to na to woh makan ki qeemat poochte hain na tafseel janna chahte hain - na to unhon ne is makan main rehna hai - jub tuk hum mian biwi apne hisab se makan jaanchte hain woh bus chup chap makan ke andar phirte rehte hain. Pasand aata hai to sir hila ke kehte hain "theek hai" ya phir kehte hain - koi dusra makan bhi nazar main rakho".
Kiya ye sach hoga ke - "every house has its positive or negative vibes?"
Saturday, August 22, 2009
On phone calls
One lesson I learned atleast last weekend is to always return phone calls. You may not know the person or may even dislike the person. But, it may make difference in someone's life.
Nida went with me to medical school in Pakistan. One day while we were in second year, she left medical school forever without any notice. That left a bitter taste for everyone in the group. Somehow, her signed transcript of anatomy rotations (called "stages" in Pakistani medical schools) stayed in my dissection manual. She never appeared in exam so this was the only valid transcript available.
Years later, when I was in residency, I received a call from a person named Badar Ali to call back. I could not recognise the person and just ignored it, thinking some Pakistani may be looking for a free prescription.
This weekend I bumped a familiar girl in a desi restaurant. She was sitting there with her family. We both looked at each other and I realized its Nida. I introduced myself. She was surprised too. Her father was there. He said: "I tried to contact you few years ago, when Nida went to Pakistan and could not locate her transcript there. She found your number there and asked me to contact you. If she would have it, it would have saved many credit hours and money for her PA (physician assistant) program. I guess, it was a wrong number ".
I kept quiet.
Guess what ! I came home and open my file from medical school. Nida's transcript was lying there along with my rotations. I am still thinking - should I call her and return it or just move on with my life till I find enough courage to face her and her father!
P.S: She left medical school overnight as her father received threats from a business rival to pay either good amount of money or loose daughters.
Nida went with me to medical school in Pakistan. One day while we were in second year, she left medical school forever without any notice. That left a bitter taste for everyone in the group. Somehow, her signed transcript of anatomy rotations (called "stages" in Pakistani medical schools) stayed in my dissection manual. She never appeared in exam so this was the only valid transcript available.
Years later, when I was in residency, I received a call from a person named Badar Ali to call back. I could not recognise the person and just ignored it, thinking some Pakistani may be looking for a free prescription.
This weekend I bumped a familiar girl in a desi restaurant. She was sitting there with her family. We both looked at each other and I realized its Nida. I introduced myself. She was surprised too. Her father was there. He said: "I tried to contact you few years ago, when Nida went to Pakistan and could not locate her transcript there. She found your number there and asked me to contact you. If she would have it, it would have saved many credit hours and money for her PA (physician assistant) program. I guess, it was a wrong number ".
I kept quiet.
Guess what ! I came home and open my file from medical school. Nida's transcript was lying there along with my rotations. I am still thinking - should I call her and return it or just move on with my life till I find enough courage to face her and her father!
P.S: She left medical school overnight as her father received threats from a business rival to pay either good amount of money or loose daughters.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Time Traveler's Wife is a newly released film and based on a best selling novel. Plot is very unique. It's a story of a girl who falls in love at a very young tender age with a man who time travel unpredictably at different stages of her life. It's a conceptual movie about immortality of love.
I saw this movie with understanding that true love comes to your heart no matter how unbelievable its for other people. When you are in love - time, space, death and other life events - doesn't matter. You always live with the perception of other person beyond his actual physical growth and existence. I think, its a worth watching movie.
From novel:
"Our life together in this too-small apartment is punctuated by Henry's small absences. Sometimes he disappears unobtrusively; I might be walking from the kitchen into the hall and find a pile of clothing on the floor. I might get out of bed in the morning and find the shower running and no one in it. Sometimes it's frightening. I am working in my studio one afternoon when I hear someone moaning outside my door; when I open it I find Henry on his hands and knees, naked, in the hall, bleeding heavily from his head. He opens his eyes, sees me, and vanishes. Sometimes I wake up in the night and Henry is gone. In the morning he will tell me where he's been, the way other husbands might tell their wives a dream they had: "I was in the Selzer Library in the dark, in 1989." Or: "I was chased by a German shepherd across somebody's backyard and had to climb a tree." Or: "I was standing in the rain near my parents' apartment, listening to my mother sing." I am waiting for Henry to tell me that he has seen me as a child, but so far this hasn't happened. When I was a child I looked forward to seeing Henry. Every visit was an event. Now every absence is a nonevent, a subtraction, an adventure I will hear about when my adventurer materializes at my feet, bleeding or whistling, smiling or shaking. Now I am afraid when he is gone.."
I saw this movie with understanding that true love comes to your heart no matter how unbelievable its for other people. When you are in love - time, space, death and other life events - doesn't matter. You always live with the perception of other person beyond his actual physical growth and existence. I think, its a worth watching movie.
From novel:
"Our life together in this too-small apartment is punctuated by Henry's small absences. Sometimes he disappears unobtrusively; I might be walking from the kitchen into the hall and find a pile of clothing on the floor. I might get out of bed in the morning and find the shower running and no one in it. Sometimes it's frightening. I am working in my studio one afternoon when I hear someone moaning outside my door; when I open it I find Henry on his hands and knees, naked, in the hall, bleeding heavily from his head. He opens his eyes, sees me, and vanishes. Sometimes I wake up in the night and Henry is gone. In the morning he will tell me where he's been, the way other husbands might tell their wives a dream they had: "I was in the Selzer Library in the dark, in 1989." Or: "I was chased by a German shepherd across somebody's backyard and had to climb a tree." Or: "I was standing in the rain near my parents' apartment, listening to my mother sing." I am waiting for Henry to tell me that he has seen me as a child, but so far this hasn't happened. When I was a child I looked forward to seeing Henry. Every visit was an event. Now every absence is a nonevent, a subtraction, an adventure I will hear about when my adventurer materializes at my feet, bleeding or whistling, smiling or shaking. Now I am afraid when he is gone.."
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Schizophrenia
I have seen few casses of schizophrenia during my practice and very much convinced that more than a psychological disorder, its a physiological disease. Its just unfortunate that few people get it. No they are not crazy people. Its just like diabetes, coronary artey disease or breast cancer which strike many people without their own fault.
"Doctor Sahib, chote chote bonoN (dwarf) jesi koi makhlooq hai. HazaroN ki taadat main mere aas paas jama rehte hain. Bus dar lagta hai mere ooper na char doraiN. Soti hun to bister ke neeche jama ho jaate hain. Kubhi yun mehsoos hota hai, bahir khirki ke jama hain. Aik shor sa har waqt machaye rakhte hain. Har waqt ayatul kursi parhti rehti hun magar koi faraq nahi parta. Kisi aur ko nazar nahi aate na sunai dete hain. Dr. Sahib, log kehte hain mujhe schizophrenia hai. Hoga magar khuda ki qasam - kuch to hai jo sach hai. Sab kuch jhoot nahi. Ye sirf mere dimag ka khalal nahi...."
"Doctor Sahib, chote chote bonoN (dwarf) jesi koi makhlooq hai. HazaroN ki taadat main mere aas paas jama rehte hain. Bus dar lagta hai mere ooper na char doraiN. Soti hun to bister ke neeche jama ho jaate hain. Kubhi yun mehsoos hota hai, bahir khirki ke jama hain. Aik shor sa har waqt machaye rakhte hain. Har waqt ayatul kursi parhti rehti hun magar koi faraq nahi parta. Kisi aur ko nazar nahi aate na sunai dete hain. Dr. Sahib, log kehte hain mujhe schizophrenia hai. Hoga magar khuda ki qasam - kuch to hai jo sach hai. Sab kuch jhoot nahi. Ye sirf mere dimag ka khalal nahi...."
Saturday, August 08, 2009
50 lessons of life
Regina Brett is a well known american columnist. The single most popular column ever written by Regina was "50 Life Lessons," written for The Plain Dealer when she turned 50 years old in 2006. Actually she found her fame for this column. I choose my most favourite ones and at end put link for original 50.
- Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
- You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
- Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- The most important sex organ is the brain.
- Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
- Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
- Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
- Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
- If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
- All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
- No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
- If you don't ask, you don't get.
All 50 here
Friday, July 31, 2009
Effortless
One Word - I learned in my life - which makes a distinct between a genius vs a regular person is "effortless".
Like in music few people can sing anything (no matter how difficult) so "effortlessly" like Kishore Kumar, Ahmad Rushdie, Mehdi Hasan and in west Beatles, Michael Jackson, Elvis and others. In acting, this moment I can think of Anil Kapoor in India and Sajid Hassan in Pakistan. If you watch them - their acting seems so natural, pleasant and completely effortless - like its just a way of life. Remember Jerry Sienfield? (what an effortless comedian). Similar is true for poets (famous episode of Ghalib when he recited whole bawazan ghazal in King's court), artists, cartoonists, scientists, surgeons, physicians and list goes on.
I don't know are they just gifted or they choose to do in life what they call "calling of their heart"?
Like in music few people can sing anything (no matter how difficult) so "effortlessly" like Kishore Kumar, Ahmad Rushdie, Mehdi Hasan and in west Beatles, Michael Jackson, Elvis and others. In acting, this moment I can think of Anil Kapoor in India and Sajid Hassan in Pakistan. If you watch them - their acting seems so natural, pleasant and completely effortless - like its just a way of life. Remember Jerry Sienfield? (what an effortless comedian). Similar is true for poets (famous episode of Ghalib when he recited whole bawazan ghazal in King's court), artists, cartoonists, scientists, surgeons, physicians and list goes on.
I don't know are they just gifted or they choose to do in life what they call "calling of their heart"?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Women & Pornography
Someone commented on my recent post, "Divorcing on 5th anniversary". The comment deserves a post, as it describes a dimension of women's psychology. I acknowledge I was not up to the mark when I missed adding this angle of disgust to pornography, at least from a girl's (Amina's) point of view - Thanks, Raheema!
"Sir! you are dead wrong. Amina didn't get frustrated due to the lack of sex, but felt cheated, and felt that she couldn't provide enough for her husband. Women hate their men watching porno for reasons which you might not understand as a man. It's more emotional frustration than a physical one, as you tried to portray.... Raheema"
*
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Time out!
This is a common practice to give 'time out' to children if they don't behave, make mistakes or do something undesirable in the eyes of parents. This act of giving 'time out' is from the universal concept of "Reward & Punishment". Personally, I don't believe on idea of "time out". I think, it harms kid psychology more than helping their character. It tells them that making mistake is wrong. Psychologically, they get more prone to find escape rather than to stay and face adversaries of life. I think, it make them their all life to 'please' their parents. God forbid! if they get use to 'time out' (and don't get it) - parents may not be there to guide or save them.
Unfortunately, real life doesn't give "time out" - you deal with it!!
Unfortunately, real life doesn't give "time out" - you deal with it!!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Nazeer Akbarabadi- 2
Man ! Leave greed and air, stop roaming place to place
Robber of ever (death) rob (everyone) with a bang day and night
What Bison, Buffalo, Bull, Chicken - nor big bucket will save bone
What Wheat, Rice, Provision, Pea - What Fire, Smoke and flame
Everything will lay astray - when traveller will take his road
Related previous Post: Nazeer Akbarabadi
Sunday, July 19, 2009
DNR
During my residency I had to rotate for a month in Pediatrics. (Personally I always found pediatrics emotionally so overwhelming that I decided not to choose it as my career).
We had one 5 year old child in our service who survived the resuscitation efforts but became machine dependent due to severe anoxic encephelopathy. Child was often getting admitted from home due to different infections. During my rotation, our attending tried to speak to parents to make child DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) in case of any other catastrophy but parents had hard time making any such decision. At that time, I was a young blood and full of logic. I could not comprehend the stupid stubbornness of parents.
Now when I am a father of 2 healthy kids - it always run shiver through my spine even thinking of being in such situation. Now I can completely understand the heart of those parents who once had that healthy smiling kid in their arms. Now I know, how hard it is to say goodbye to your own child and to sign that DNR papers.
We had one 5 year old child in our service who survived the resuscitation efforts but became machine dependent due to severe anoxic encephelopathy. Child was often getting admitted from home due to different infections. During my rotation, our attending tried to speak to parents to make child DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) in case of any other catastrophy but parents had hard time making any such decision. At that time, I was a young blood and full of logic. I could not comprehend the stupid stubbornness of parents.
Now when I am a father of 2 healthy kids - it always run shiver through my spine even thinking of being in such situation. Now I can completely understand the heart of those parents who once had that healthy smiling kid in their arms. Now I know, how hard it is to say goodbye to your own child and to sign that DNR papers.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Lawa
Jub Rahim Bhai - Sameena Bhabhi ke peeche churi (knife) le ker bhage to Sameena bhabhi ne 911 call ker di. Rahim Bhai aik raat jail main rahe. Uske baat abbu 'bail' kerwa ke hamare ghar le aaye magar poore khandan main Rahim bhai pe bari thu thu hui. Abbu ne bhi khub khari khari sunayi. Main wahiN betha sochta raha ke Rahim bhai jese miskeen shaks ne churi kese utha li?
Rahim bhai visa pe canada aaye the - Canada main rukne ke liye Sameena bhabhi se shadi ker li. Sameena bhabhi ne is baat ka khoob 'advantage' liye. Shadi ko 22 baras guzar gaye - 2 bachhe college paunch gaye magar Sameena bhabhi ka har dusre din ye taana khatam nahi huwa ke "Aaj canada main meri wajah se bethe ho werna karachi main jutiaN ragar rahe hote"
22 baras ka gubaar - lawa bun ker jo aik din nikla to sab kuch saath baha ke le giya. Rahim bhai ab Brampton main kahin akele rehte hain - aur har sham logon ko emails forward ker ke waqt katte hain.
Rahim bhai visa pe canada aaye the - Canada main rukne ke liye Sameena bhabhi se shadi ker li. Sameena bhabhi ne is baat ka khoob 'advantage' liye. Shadi ko 22 baras guzar gaye - 2 bachhe college paunch gaye magar Sameena bhabhi ka har dusre din ye taana khatam nahi huwa ke "Aaj canada main meri wajah se bethe ho werna karachi main jutiaN ragar rahe hote"
22 baras ka gubaar - lawa bun ker jo aik din nikla to sab kuch saath baha ke le giya. Rahim bhai ab Brampton main kahin akele rehte hain - aur har sham logon ko emails forward ker ke waqt katte hain.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
KirnaiN
Urdu main mere kiya, kai logoN ke pasandeedah writer hain - Shafiqur-Rehman. Unki aik 'short story' hai "kirnain"........I think, it is one of the finest love story written in urdu literature.....
Us kahani ka aik jumla bohat sada hai magar zindagi main mujhe lagta hai is se ziyada sachhi baat shayed hi likhi gai ho: "Agar yahi hona tha to mere dil ki weerani ne pehle hi se kiun na bata diya"
Us kahani ka aik jumla bohat sada hai magar zindagi main mujhe lagta hai is se ziyada sachhi baat shayed hi likhi gai ho: "Agar yahi hona tha to mere dil ki weerani ne pehle hi se kiun na bata diya"
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Rishte aur Security
Shazo ne bikul theek kaha tha: "Jis rishte se security bhi na mile - there is no point in such bloody relationship"
Saturday, July 04, 2009
realization
Nahi nahi!
Koi pagal nahi
Sab pagal hain
Kuch log pagal hain
Tum pagal ho
Bulke shayed
Sirf main pagal hun!
Koi pagal nahi
Sab pagal hain
Kuch log pagal hain
Tum pagal ho
Bulke shayed
Sirf main pagal hun!
Friday, July 03, 2009
Working on Marriage
(The following post is controversial, and you have all right to disagree)
There is no such thing as "working on marriage." Marriages either work or don't work. But working on marriage is the rationalization of the fact that you are in a noncompatible relationship. There may be another thing - acceptance of your given circumstances. But no, Sir! Marriage doesn't get better by working on it! - it just survives.
Personalities are like blood groups -
if they don't match, they just don't match.
There is no such thing as "working on marriage." Marriages either work or don't work. But working on marriage is the rationalization of the fact that you are in a noncompatible relationship. There may be another thing - acceptance of your given circumstances. But no, Sir! Marriage doesn't get better by working on it! - it just survives.
Personalities are like blood groups -
if they don't match, they just don't match.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Playing with change!
Jub hum residency ker rahe the to hamare paas aksar qismat ke maare Pakistani, Indian lurke 2/3 hafte ke liye aa ker ruk jaya kerte the. Koi student hota, koi unemployed hota, koi is perdess main naya naya be-sahara hota.....
Aese hi aik lurka aaya tha Asghar. Asghar koi 3 mahine hamare saath raha. Phir use Loyola University main admission mil gaya aur woh kahiN aur roommate chala gaya. Jub hum hospital main hote to woh 'kitchen apron' pahen ker bari nafasat se hamare liye khane pakata.
Hum saare roommate har shaam apne bache kuche khulle (change) yogurt ke aik khali dabbe main daal dete. Farig auqat main Asghar un quarters, dimes, nickels aur pennies se khelta rehta. Aik din main ne Asghar se poocha: "Ye tum 'change' se kehlte rehte ho, is ka kiya maqsad?". Asghar ne jawab diya: "Yun change se kehlne se mere andar, bure waqt ke aehsas pe aik marham sa lug jata hai"
Uske baad meri zindagi main do teen aese waqt aaye jub mujhe paison ki aik dam se shadeed zaroorat par gai magar intazam nahi ho raha tha. Mujhe Asghar yaad aaya. 'Change' se kehlte huwe sach much mera dard kuch kum ho gaya...
A psychological escape - I guess!
Aese hi aik lurka aaya tha Asghar. Asghar koi 3 mahine hamare saath raha. Phir use Loyola University main admission mil gaya aur woh kahiN aur roommate chala gaya. Jub hum hospital main hote to woh 'kitchen apron' pahen ker bari nafasat se hamare liye khane pakata.
Hum saare roommate har shaam apne bache kuche khulle (change) yogurt ke aik khali dabbe main daal dete. Farig auqat main Asghar un quarters, dimes, nickels aur pennies se khelta rehta. Aik din main ne Asghar se poocha: "Ye tum 'change' se kehlte rehte ho, is ka kiya maqsad?". Asghar ne jawab diya: "Yun change se kehlne se mere andar, bure waqt ke aehsas pe aik marham sa lug jata hai"
Uske baad meri zindagi main do teen aese waqt aaye jub mujhe paison ki aik dam se shadeed zaroorat par gai magar intazam nahi ho raha tha. Mujhe Asghar yaad aaya. 'Change' se kehlte huwe sach much mera dard kuch kum ho gaya...
A psychological escape - I guess!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Ishq
Jub log kehte hain ke Hazrat Ibrahim ke liye aag gul-o-gulzar ban gai thi to mujhe nahi lagta ke aag sach much main bujh gai ho gi - bulke mera khayal hai ke Hazrat Ibrahim Allah ke ishq main is qadar doob chuke the ke - namrud ki sulgaii us aag ki tapish ka unhe aehsas hi nahi hua....
Pata nahi kiun mujhe aesa lagta hai
Pata nahi kiun mujhe aesa lagta hai
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Aik lakh rupe
(I wanted to write this post for a while but hold back as every time I think of it, shiver runs through my spine. It also tells how people perceive situation and moments differently - This will be both in english and urdu words as uttered by characters)
I think it was 1995. After starting residency, I was visiting Pakistan first time. Abdul was one of my childhood friend. He asked me to lend him 1 lac rupees for one year. I knew Abdul very well. They were 5 brothers and sisters and he was the bread winner for family with his father. He secretly invested all savings of family (intended for sisters' marriages) in stock market and lost every penny. He appeared very dishevel and depress. I had few money saved during residency. I lended him 1 lac rupees...
Every time I visited Pakistan - he had issues going in life and he always asked for one more year. Over years, I forgot about that money. 13 years passed...one lac rupees even lost its value in US dollars. Last year while I was visiting Pakistan, I was passing through the area of Abdul's residence. Without any intention, I entered his apartment complex and knocked on his door. By now Abdul was married and had 2 kids.
He was more surprised than happy to see me. Though, he welcomed me to his home.."pareshani us ke chehre se saaf ayaN thi"....His wife (bhabhi) came and asked for "chai". She was a gracious lady.
As I realized, what's making him 'jhijhak', I decided to leave after salam-dua and without any mention of money. As I stand up to leave, Abdul closed the door of his living room.
Abdul: "Main janta hun tumhare aik lakh rupe barsoN se mere paas udhar hain magar kiya karun meri zaroortoN ne kubhi mujhe itne paise jama hi na hone diye"...
He hold my hand and start crying. I was speechless. An adult man of 2 growing kids was crying like a kid. As I remained speechless, he thought I am angry or thinking that he is just acting up a drama ... Probably, he wanted me to say something but I just could not find words..
Abdul: "Sach poocho to main tumhare aik lakh rupe to kubhi wapas na ker sakooN ga magar..."
woh thori der khamosh raha aur jumla mukammal kiya...
"...magar tum chaho to aaj ki raat meri jagah meri biwi ke saath reh sakte ho"
Ye jumla sun ker meri ooper ki saans ooper aur neeche ki saans neeche reh gai...
I just walked out of his house and could not breath properly till I walked 2 miles before hailing taxi...and till today as I said it send shiver through my spine...
Ye gurbat bari kamini cheez hai
I think it was 1995. After starting residency, I was visiting Pakistan first time. Abdul was one of my childhood friend. He asked me to lend him 1 lac rupees for one year. I knew Abdul very well. They were 5 brothers and sisters and he was the bread winner for family with his father. He secretly invested all savings of family (intended for sisters' marriages) in stock market and lost every penny. He appeared very dishevel and depress. I had few money saved during residency. I lended him 1 lac rupees...
Every time I visited Pakistan - he had issues going in life and he always asked for one more year. Over years, I forgot about that money. 13 years passed...one lac rupees even lost its value in US dollars. Last year while I was visiting Pakistan, I was passing through the area of Abdul's residence. Without any intention, I entered his apartment complex and knocked on his door. By now Abdul was married and had 2 kids.
He was more surprised than happy to see me. Though, he welcomed me to his home.."pareshani us ke chehre se saaf ayaN thi"....His wife (bhabhi) came and asked for "chai". She was a gracious lady.
As I realized, what's making him 'jhijhak', I decided to leave after salam-dua and without any mention of money. As I stand up to leave, Abdul closed the door of his living room.
Abdul: "Main janta hun tumhare aik lakh rupe barsoN se mere paas udhar hain magar kiya karun meri zaroortoN ne kubhi mujhe itne paise jama hi na hone diye"...
He hold my hand and start crying. I was speechless. An adult man of 2 growing kids was crying like a kid. As I remained speechless, he thought I am angry or thinking that he is just acting up a drama ... Probably, he wanted me to say something but I just could not find words..
Abdul: "Sach poocho to main tumhare aik lakh rupe to kubhi wapas na ker sakooN ga magar..."
woh thori der khamosh raha aur jumla mukammal kiya...
"...magar tum chaho to aaj ki raat meri jagah meri biwi ke saath reh sakte ho"
Ye jumla sun ker meri ooper ki saans ooper aur neeche ki saans neeche reh gai...
I just walked out of his house and could not breath properly till I walked 2 miles before hailing taxi...and till today as I said it send shiver through my spine...
Ye gurbat bari kamini cheez hai
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Friendship
What a remarkable quote of Martin Luther King Jr.
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends".
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends".
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Divorcing on 5th Anniversary
(following post carries the content of sexual description)
Ever heard of people divorcing on their wedding anniversary? - Read this tale.
When Alam Khan came from Pakistan, he was a young tall, handsome Pathan boy of 22. His father was my friend. Due to a snowstorm in Chicago, his connecting flight was canceled, and he stayed with me for three days before I shipped him on a domestic flight to his father. He was one heck of a jolly happy dandy young man.
Alam Khan, with his father's help, bought a small gas station in one of the rural areas of Tennessee in the vicinity of the Smoky mountains. Amina - who later became his wife, was passing by with her family to visit there. When they stopped at Alam's gas station, Amina went inside the store to get a soda and met Alam Khan. It was a love of first sight. Somehow Alam managed to slip his cell phone number to Amina. They stayed in touch. Amina's family declined the marriage proposal from Alam's family as they were Shia sect, and Alam was from the Sunni sect. Amina rebelled against her family's wishes, ran away from home, and went to stay with Alam. Their families disowned both. One day I received a call from Alam and Amina to see if I could make their families accept their relationship. First thing I advised them to go to court and get married. Indeed, they did. I spoke to Alam's father and Amina's family (who were furious), but since they were legally married, both families had no choice but to swallow their kids' wishes. A grand reception was finally arranged at one of the 5-star hotels in Atlanta. I was invited to their wedding over the memorial weekend in 2004. Alam and Amina were pleased and glowing. Amina met me for the first time but treated me like her brother. I got very close to her family (and still I am).
Once the honeymoon period was over - fights erupted between Alam and Amina. I received calls from Amina on and off with various complaints against Alam. Over time after having long talks with Amina, I realized that the underlying issue was something else. What was taking a toll on marriage was Alam's habit of pornography! Since the business was doing good and employees were running it, Alam all day watched, read, and chatted porno on his computer at work and masturbated many times every day while at work, and consequently unable to perform intercourse at night due to penile fatigue. I started getting calls from Alam to prescribe viagra, which I initially took just as a curious inquiry from a newly married man; later, Amina told me that he couldn't perform despite getting a heavy supply from a local urologist. Amina, being an eastern girl, was unable to verbalize her agony and reacted with fights as it is still taboo in our culture for a girl to acknowledge sexual dissatisfaction. Once I realized the issue, I had multiple talks with Alam to abandon his addiction to pornography, but he could not. He was, in real terms, addicted. I advised him to see a therapist and to go to a marriage counselor. Nothing worked.
They divorced on their 5th wedding anniversary!
*
Monday, June 08, 2009
Closure!
Zindagi main insaan kubhi sirf aik lafz dhundhta reh jaata hai.
Kisi kitab ka aakhri safha nahi milta.
Koi 'file' hai jo kabhi daakhile-daftar nahi hoti.
Dil main weerani aesa basera daal leti hai,
dil ki zameen aesi baanjh ho jaati hai ke
insaan sehra ki tapti dhoop main -
har sarab ka peecha kerta rehta hai -
magar paani ki woh bund nahi milti jis se qarar aa jaye!
Is blog pe main ne apne dost Ahsan Ali ki maut ka pehle bhi zikar kiya hai (like here). Is 'weekend' pe main aik shaadi pe gaya to aik dum se Ahsan Ali ki biwi (Rehana bhabhi) saamne mil gai. Salam Dua ke baad usne kaha main tum se kuch baat kerna chahti hun. Ahsan Ali ki maut ko 3 baras ho gaye magar mujhe aesa laga ke Rehana bhabhi ke chehre ne shayed 30 barson ka safar tey kiya hai.
Hum starbucks ki taraf rawana huwe. Jese hi main ne gari start ki lata ji ka song shuru ho gaya "tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi" (here). Main ne CD band kerna chahi to Rehana bhabhi ne manah ker diya. Kehne lagiN main ye sunna chahti hun. Hum kafi der starbucks ke parking lot main khamosh bethe rahe. Mujhe nahi maloom main Rehana bhabhi ka dukh kese baantta. Kuch der bad bhabhi phoot phoot ke rone lagi. Main kiya kehta. Jub unki kuch dharas bandhi to unhon ne kaha: "Tum Ahsan Ali ke sab se achhe dost the. Bus dua karo kisi tarah aik baar kisi tarah woh aake muje se keh jaaye ke, main ne tumhe muaf ker diya hai. Uski maut ke baad aik aik lamha main us ke 'forgiveness' ko tarsi hun. Bus aik dafa, bus aik dafa kahin kisi khawab main aake, ya kisi aur tarah mere kaan main keh jaaye - ke use mujhe se koi gila nahi werna ye guilt mujhe maar dega"
Main tasalli ke do lafzon ke siwa kuch na keh saka. I drove her back to wedding.
Meri Dua hai Bhabhi ke dil ko sukoon mil jaye.
Unke dukh ko 'closure' mil jaaye.... I hope she can moveon with life.
Kuch zakham saari zindagi nahi bharte - bus aaihsta aahista riste rehte hain!
Kisi kitab ka aakhri safha nahi milta.
Koi 'file' hai jo kabhi daakhile-daftar nahi hoti.
Dil main weerani aesa basera daal leti hai,
dil ki zameen aesi baanjh ho jaati hai ke
insaan sehra ki tapti dhoop main -
har sarab ka peecha kerta rehta hai -
magar paani ki woh bund nahi milti jis se qarar aa jaye!
Is blog pe main ne apne dost Ahsan Ali ki maut ka pehle bhi zikar kiya hai (like here). Is 'weekend' pe main aik shaadi pe gaya to aik dum se Ahsan Ali ki biwi (Rehana bhabhi) saamne mil gai. Salam Dua ke baad usne kaha main tum se kuch baat kerna chahti hun. Ahsan Ali ki maut ko 3 baras ho gaye magar mujhe aesa laga ke Rehana bhabhi ke chehre ne shayed 30 barson ka safar tey kiya hai.
Hum starbucks ki taraf rawana huwe. Jese hi main ne gari start ki lata ji ka song shuru ho gaya "tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi" (here). Main ne CD band kerna chahi to Rehana bhabhi ne manah ker diya. Kehne lagiN main ye sunna chahti hun. Hum kafi der starbucks ke parking lot main khamosh bethe rahe. Mujhe nahi maloom main Rehana bhabhi ka dukh kese baantta. Kuch der bad bhabhi phoot phoot ke rone lagi. Main kiya kehta. Jub unki kuch dharas bandhi to unhon ne kaha: "Tum Ahsan Ali ke sab se achhe dost the. Bus dua karo kisi tarah aik baar kisi tarah woh aake muje se keh jaaye ke, main ne tumhe muaf ker diya hai. Uski maut ke baad aik aik lamha main us ke 'forgiveness' ko tarsi hun. Bus aik dafa, bus aik dafa kahin kisi khawab main aake, ya kisi aur tarah mere kaan main keh jaaye - ke use mujhe se koi gila nahi werna ye guilt mujhe maar dega"
Main tasalli ke do lafzon ke siwa kuch na keh saka. I drove her back to wedding.
Meri Dua hai Bhabhi ke dil ko sukoon mil jaye.
Unke dukh ko 'closure' mil jaaye.... I hope she can moveon with life.
Kuch zakham saari zindagi nahi bharte - bus aaihsta aahista riste rehte hain!
Thursday, June 04, 2009
preserving victory
One important lesson I learned in life is to understand that: only victory is not important but to learn to preserve victory by following path of grace.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Brighter side - A conversation
(How things can be percieved differently. Here is one example. Recently one of my friend visited his child's pediatrician with his wife...)
"We are so worried. Our son is 5 years old and still not potty trained. We don't know what else to try. We tried every trick we learned from textbooks, internet and various magazines. He just don't get it. He just don't giveup to any prize or punishment either."
"Isn't it good?"
"What? is it good that our son is already 5 years old and still in diapers?"
"There is no human being on this planet earth who remained in diaper ever because he was not thought to be potty trained. Its a natural thing bound to occur sooner or later. But I think, your son is showing a trend in his personality that he doesn't give up to pressures. Isn't it good?"
"Yesss....but...."
"Rather concentrating on his potty training, concentrate on his positive personality trait and to conserve it from not going to other extreme of stubborness.."
"We are so worried. Our son is 5 years old and still not potty trained. We don't know what else to try. We tried every trick we learned from textbooks, internet and various magazines. He just don't get it. He just don't giveup to any prize or punishment either."
"Isn't it good?"
"What? is it good that our son is already 5 years old and still in diapers?"
"There is no human being on this planet earth who remained in diaper ever because he was not thought to be potty trained. Its a natural thing bound to occur sooner or later. But I think, your son is showing a trend in his personality that he doesn't give up to pressures. Isn't it good?"
"Yesss....but...."
"Rather concentrating on his potty training, concentrate on his positive personality trait and to conserve it from not going to other extreme of stubborness.."
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Acceptance
Zindagi main insaan ki saari khushi ka daro-madar sirf aik lafz pe hai - "acceptance" (qabool ker lena).
Biwi saari zindagi is liye 'unhappy' rehti hai - kiunke shohar ko 'accept' nahi ker pati. Shohar saari zindagi biwi se nalaN rehta hai. Kisi ko haar (defeat) 'accept' nahi hoti. Aashiq ye 'accept' nahi ker pata ke mehbooba us ki nahi ho sakti.
Aur agar insaan accept kerne pe aaye to 'wheel chair' ko bhi accept ker leta hai - jese mera dost asif - jo jawani main hi paraplegic ho gaya. Jese koi majboor aurat apne tawaaiif hone ko piyar se nibha jaati hai. Parents aulad ki maut tuk seh jaate hain. Beti ke dukh pe pehle hi is blog pe kai posts hain.
Dil ki jalan se markatul-araa 'art, literature, poetry' janam leti hai, magar saali andar ki bechani nahi jaati.
Agar aap ne Rohinton Mistry ka novel 'A fine balance' parha ho (nahi parha to zaroor parhiye) to uska bunyadi khayal bhi yahi hai ke: "Jin halat ko aap tabdeel nahi ker sakte, un dukhoN ko accept ker lain" - zindagi sahl ho jaati hai.
I want to write few words from one of my prev. post: ".......Is kaainat main kub saare sawalon ke jawab milte hain. Koi formula nahi chalta. Kisi mantiq ki chul theek nahi bethti. Hum saari zindagi jaanne ki tag-o-do main lage rehte hain magar saara kuch is dil ke maanne se hai. Agar dil ko qarar aa jaaye to koi maujiza naqabile yaqeen nahi rehta. Kuch bhi namumkin nahi rehta. Falsafa chale na chale magar jo baat, jo cheez is dil ki dharkan ki ley(tune) se murtaish (vibrate) ho jaaye - wahi haq, wahi sach ! Sala ye harami dil !!.."
Biwi saari zindagi is liye 'unhappy' rehti hai - kiunke shohar ko 'accept' nahi ker pati. Shohar saari zindagi biwi se nalaN rehta hai. Kisi ko haar (defeat) 'accept' nahi hoti. Aashiq ye 'accept' nahi ker pata ke mehbooba us ki nahi ho sakti.
Aur agar insaan accept kerne pe aaye to 'wheel chair' ko bhi accept ker leta hai - jese mera dost asif - jo jawani main hi paraplegic ho gaya. Jese koi majboor aurat apne tawaaiif hone ko piyar se nibha jaati hai. Parents aulad ki maut tuk seh jaate hain. Beti ke dukh pe pehle hi is blog pe kai posts hain.
Dil ki jalan se markatul-araa 'art, literature, poetry' janam leti hai, magar saali andar ki bechani nahi jaati.
Agar aap ne Rohinton Mistry ka novel 'A fine balance' parha ho (nahi parha to zaroor parhiye) to uska bunyadi khayal bhi yahi hai ke: "Jin halat ko aap tabdeel nahi ker sakte, un dukhoN ko accept ker lain" - zindagi sahl ho jaati hai.
I want to write few words from one of my prev. post: ".......Is kaainat main kub saare sawalon ke jawab milte hain. Koi formula nahi chalta. Kisi mantiq ki chul theek nahi bethti. Hum saari zindagi jaanne ki tag-o-do main lage rehte hain magar saara kuch is dil ke maanne se hai. Agar dil ko qarar aa jaaye to koi maujiza naqabile yaqeen nahi rehta. Kuch bhi namumkin nahi rehta. Falsafa chale na chale magar jo baat, jo cheez is dil ki dharkan ki ley(tune) se murtaish (vibrate) ho jaaye - wahi haq, wahi sach ! Sala ye harami dil !!.."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Drowning incident and dreams
Sheik Adil Kalbani is recently appointed first black Imam at the Grand Mosque in Mecca. 2 years ago, he dreamed that he had become an imam at the Grand Mosque in Mecca, but he dismissed that dream.
This long weekend, I planned to take my son to a water park. A night before I dreamed that I have some kind of accident and I am all blue. Than its all dark in my house and my son is hysterically crying, and my mom is trying to calm him done (I am not there anymore)........I woke up with this dream and dismissed it as a mere nightmare.
On Sunday, I was with my son doing a water ride with double tube. My son was excited and little hyper. While we approached ride, he moved his legs inside the tube and that disbalance the whole tube. As I tried to manage, tube flipped upside down. I felt myself drowning (I don't know how to swim). Somehow - I was able to grab floating tube with one hand and my son with other hand. I kept floating inside water for a minute. Those 60 seconds were like 60 years. I kept my mouth annd nose shut. I was worried about my son. Meanwhile, life guard was there, he rescued me and my son. I was shaken and naturally my son was!
Probably, my mom's Dua saved me and my son. As I wrote earlier on this blog - yo can't dismiss all dreams.
This long weekend, I planned to take my son to a water park. A night before I dreamed that I have some kind of accident and I am all blue. Than its all dark in my house and my son is hysterically crying, and my mom is trying to calm him done (I am not there anymore)........I woke up with this dream and dismissed it as a mere nightmare.
On Sunday, I was with my son doing a water ride with double tube. My son was excited and little hyper. While we approached ride, he moved his legs inside the tube and that disbalance the whole tube. As I tried to manage, tube flipped upside down. I felt myself drowning (I don't know how to swim). Somehow - I was able to grab floating tube with one hand and my son with other hand. I kept floating inside water for a minute. Those 60 seconds were like 60 years. I kept my mouth annd nose shut. I was worried about my son. Meanwhile, life guard was there, he rescued me and my son. I was shaken and naturally my son was!
Probably, my mom's Dua saved me and my son. As I wrote earlier on this blog - yo can't dismiss all dreams.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Duniya bhi ajab sara-e-faani
Duniya bhi ajab sara-e-faani dekhi
Har cheez yahaa'n ki aani jaani dekhi
Jo aa ke na jaaye wo budhaapa dekha
Jo jaa ke na aaye wo jawaani dekhi
(Mir Anees)
World is like a mortal motel
everything here is sure fatal (But)
saw never ending oldhood
and forever gone young puerile
Har cheez yahaa'n ki aani jaani dekhi
Jo aa ke na jaaye wo budhaapa dekha
Jo jaa ke na aaye wo jawaani dekhi
(Mir Anees)
World is like a mortal motel
everything here is sure fatal (But)
saw never ending oldhood
and forever gone young puerile
Monday, May 18, 2009
Rizq
Ye koi 1988-89 ki baat rahi hogi. Main Medical School main tha. Parhai likhai to kum hi hoti thi, ziyada tar waqt 'canteen' main katta tha. Poora din lateefeh, shayerii, siyasat aur 'chai samose' chalte rehte the.
Aik roz main canteen ke kinare aik unchi pahari pe betha tha. Saamne 'bench' pe 'chai samose' rakhe the aur main ne 'bench' pe paun rakha huwa tha. 'Chai samose' mere paun ke saath pare the.
Saath hi thori dur aik baba ji khana kha rahe the. UnhoN ne mujhe toka ke: "Beta! rizq ke saath paun nahi rakhte - behurmati hoti hai".
Hum jawani ke zom main hote the. Main ne kaha: "O Babaji ! apne kaam se kaam rakho - ziyada maulvi banne ki zaroorat nahi hai". Babaji chup ho gaye.
Bus unhon ne ye kaha: "Allah tumhe rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufiq de"
Is baat ko 20 baras guzar gaye. Mujhe ye baat zara yaad na rahi. Itne barsoN main jub zindagi ki charkhi ki kaat lagi to ye baat samjh aai ke - rizq Allah ki taraf se aata hai. Insaan ki mehnat aik saanwi (secondary) si cheez hai.
Aaj sham main hospital se wapas aaya to mera beta sofe pe beth ke khana kha raha tha. Us ke paun saamne table pe rizq ke saath pare the. Main ne kaha: "Bete paun neeche rakho. Rizq ki behurmati hoti hai".
Mere Bete ne paun neeche to rakh diye, magar kaha: "Com'on daddy - what difference does it make?"
Mujhe aesa laga, jo thappar mujhe 20 baras pehle parna chahiye tha woh aaj par gaya. Khuda ki be-awaz lathi. Aik dum se 20 baras pehle wale babaji ka chehra yun saamne aa gaya jese do pal pehle ki baat ho.
Apni harkat ki saza khuda mujhe yun dega - socha na tha!
Allah hum sab ko apne rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufeeq ata farmaye - Aameen
Aik roz main canteen ke kinare aik unchi pahari pe betha tha. Saamne 'bench' pe 'chai samose' rakhe the aur main ne 'bench' pe paun rakha huwa tha. 'Chai samose' mere paun ke saath pare the.
Saath hi thori dur aik baba ji khana kha rahe the. UnhoN ne mujhe toka ke: "Beta! rizq ke saath paun nahi rakhte - behurmati hoti hai".
Hum jawani ke zom main hote the. Main ne kaha: "O Babaji ! apne kaam se kaam rakho - ziyada maulvi banne ki zaroorat nahi hai". Babaji chup ho gaye.
Bus unhon ne ye kaha: "Allah tumhe rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufiq de"
Is baat ko 20 baras guzar gaye. Mujhe ye baat zara yaad na rahi. Itne barsoN main jub zindagi ki charkhi ki kaat lagi to ye baat samjh aai ke - rizq Allah ki taraf se aata hai. Insaan ki mehnat aik saanwi (secondary) si cheez hai.
Aaj sham main hospital se wapas aaya to mera beta sofe pe beth ke khana kha raha tha. Us ke paun saamne table pe rizq ke saath pare the. Main ne kaha: "Bete paun neeche rakho. Rizq ki behurmati hoti hai".
Mere Bete ne paun neeche to rakh diye, magar kaha: "Com'on daddy - what difference does it make?"
Mujhe aesa laga, jo thappar mujhe 20 baras pehle parna chahiye tha woh aaj par gaya. Khuda ki be-awaz lathi. Aik dum se 20 baras pehle wale babaji ka chehra yun saamne aa gaya jese do pal pehle ki baat ho.
Apni harkat ki saza khuda mujhe yun dega - socha na tha!
Allah hum sab ko apne rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufeeq ata farmaye - Aameen
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hear Attack
Another poem of Faiz Ahmad Faiz with my loose translation.
You may Listen this poem in Zia Mohiuddin voice here
Pain was so severe that night, savage heart
wanted to confront each vein
diaphoresed from each sweat gland
(my heart was)
Like far at your patio
each petal washed in my despondent blood
appear morose with grace of moonlite glow
Like in my deserted body
tents of all aching threads openly
start giving signs serially (of)
farewell of (my) passions' flock
And when appeared somewhere under smoldering lites of remembrance
one last moment of your affection
pain was so intense that (heart) wanted to pass it on
We did want to stay though, heart did not desire so
You may Listen this poem in Zia Mohiuddin voice here
Pain was so severe that night, savage heart
wanted to confront each vein
diaphoresed from each sweat gland
(my heart was)
Like far at your patio
each petal washed in my despondent blood
appear morose with grace of moonlite glow
Like in my deserted body
tents of all aching threads openly
start giving signs serially (of)
farewell of (my) passions' flock
And when appeared somewhere under smoldering lites of remembrance
one last moment of your affection
pain was so intense that (heart) wanted to pass it on
We did want to stay though, heart did not desire so
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Meray dard ko jo zabaN milay
Faiz sahab ki khubsurat nazam - sorry for the loose translation
Mera dard naghma-e-be sada
Meri zaat zarra-e-benishaN
Meray dard ko jo zabaN milay
Mujhe apna nam-o-nishaN mile
Meri zaat ko jo nishan mile
Mujhe raz-e-nazm-e-jahan mile
Jo mujhe ye raz-e-nihaN mile
Meri khamoshi ko bayaN mile
Mujhe kainat ki sarwarii
Mujhe dolat-e-do jahaN mile
My sorrow is a song of no voice
My self is a grain of no sign
(but)
if my sorrow finds a cry
I find my (own) self
And if I find any sign of myself
I find secret of core of cosmos
(and)
if I find that open secret
My silence finds (its) narration
I get kingship of universe
I find treasure of both worlds
Listen Nayyara Noor singing it here
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Most immigrants' diary
(I should call it the diary of most immigrants)
".......In my son's eyes I see the ambition that had first hurled me across the world. In a few years he will graduate and pave his own way, alone and unprotected. But I remind myself that he has a father who is still living, a mother who is happy and strong. Whenever he is discouraged, I tell him that if I can survive on three continents, then there is no obstacle he cannot conquer. While the astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
From one of my favorite short stories -
- 'The Third and Final Continent by Jhumpa Lahiri
".......In my son's eyes I see the ambition that had first hurled me across the world. In a few years he will graduate and pave his own way, alone and unprotected. But I remind myself that he has a father who is still living, a mother who is happy and strong. Whenever he is discouraged, I tell him that if I can survive on three continents, then there is no obstacle he cannot conquer. While the astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
From one of my favorite short stories -
- 'The Third and Final Continent by Jhumpa Lahiri
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Ameer Khan
Modern sufi ki post likhte huwe mujhe Ameer Khan bohat yaad aa rahe the.
Agar aap ko meri aik purani post Amma ki Dua yaad ho to - main ne aik American-Pakistani physician Dr. Saima ka zikar kiya tha. Ameer Khan unke shohar hote hain.
Peechle saal main ne Africa main aik charity project main participate kiya tha. Ittafaq se Dr. Saima mere saath thiN. Jub hum sab pehli dafa 'kampala' ke 'hawaii adde' pe mile to Ameer Khan se meri mulaqat hui. Bazla-sanj (witty) aadmi the, hamari achhi dosti ho gai. Pehle to main ye samjha ke Ameer Khan bhi doctor hain magar phir pata laga ke woh to 'computer engineer' hain. Main ne yunhi keh diya; "Aap aa to gaye ho magar aap poore 2 hafte hamare saath karo ge kiya?". UnhoN ne jawab diya: "Abhi socha nahi hai. Apne line ki koi cheez dhundh ker main bhi koi charity kaam ker lunga". Ab suniye unhoN ne kiya kiya.
Hum jitne din clinic aur hospital main training kerte rahe, Ameer Khan 'kampala' ki mashoor 'Owino market' se 3 computer khareed laye. Hospital ke IT department se internet connection lagwaya - Hospital se 10-12 burhe (65 years and above) jama kiye aur un ko ye training deni shuru kerdi ke 'email' kese kerte hain. Main ne kaha - 'aap ko ye khayal kiun aaya? aur aakhir is ka kiya faida?'.
Unhon ne jawab diya: "In burhoN ke bachhe in se dur hain. Aaj ki nasal bus email kerti hai. Koi in burhe ma-baap ko khat nahi likhta. Main ne hospital main announcement bhijwaya to ye 12 burhe mil gaye. Ye burhe agar - 'how are you?', 'call me' wagera jesi choti choti email kerna bhi sikh lain to in ke dil ko kitna qarar rahe". (Just a note - cell phone is very very expensive in Uganda). Unhon ne aage bataya: "Main ne yeh 3 computer yahan sirf isi kaam ke liye donate ker diye hain ke ye burhe apni aulad se ba-asani contact rakh sakain"
Khuda kay aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga,
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
Agar aap ko meri aik purani post Amma ki Dua yaad ho to - main ne aik American-Pakistani physician Dr. Saima ka zikar kiya tha. Ameer Khan unke shohar hote hain.
Peechle saal main ne Africa main aik charity project main participate kiya tha. Ittafaq se Dr. Saima mere saath thiN. Jub hum sab pehli dafa 'kampala' ke 'hawaii adde' pe mile to Ameer Khan se meri mulaqat hui. Bazla-sanj (witty) aadmi the, hamari achhi dosti ho gai. Pehle to main ye samjha ke Ameer Khan bhi doctor hain magar phir pata laga ke woh to 'computer engineer' hain. Main ne yunhi keh diya; "Aap aa to gaye ho magar aap poore 2 hafte hamare saath karo ge kiya?". UnhoN ne jawab diya: "Abhi socha nahi hai. Apne line ki koi cheez dhundh ker main bhi koi charity kaam ker lunga". Ab suniye unhoN ne kiya kiya.
Hum jitne din clinic aur hospital main training kerte rahe, Ameer Khan 'kampala' ki mashoor 'Owino market' se 3 computer khareed laye. Hospital ke IT department se internet connection lagwaya - Hospital se 10-12 burhe (65 years and above) jama kiye aur un ko ye training deni shuru kerdi ke 'email' kese kerte hain. Main ne kaha - 'aap ko ye khayal kiun aaya? aur aakhir is ka kiya faida?'.
Unhon ne jawab diya: "In burhoN ke bachhe in se dur hain. Aaj ki nasal bus email kerti hai. Koi in burhe ma-baap ko khat nahi likhta. Main ne hospital main announcement bhijwaya to ye 12 burhe mil gaye. Ye burhe agar - 'how are you?', 'call me' wagera jesi choti choti email kerna bhi sikh lain to in ke dil ko kitna qarar rahe". (Just a note - cell phone is very very expensive in Uganda). Unhon ne aage bataya: "Main ne yeh 3 computer yahan sirf isi kaam ke liye donate ker diye hain ke ye burhe apni aulad se ba-asani contact rakh sakain"
Khuda kay aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga,
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
Friday, May 08, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Modern Sufi-2
A week ago, I did a post on modern sufi. Somebody left a shair of Allama Iqbal on comment section and I think, this one shair describe what I really wanted to say
Khuda kay Aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
{God has thousands of his (human) lovers
roaming astray in jungles (to seek him)
I will be the disciple of one,
who would have love for humans }
Khuda kay Aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
{God has thousands of his (human) lovers
roaming astray in jungles (to seek him)
I will be the disciple of one,
who would have love for humans }
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Teenage nostalgia
In 1981, Lata Mangeshkar sung a song. That was the same time when we start having teenage rebellion against society, culture, values, dictators etc. but simultaneously were carefree about everything and not to mention pubertal attraction to other gender.
This song was an instant hit among youngsters and became a milestone song in Bollywood history. What a nostalgia
This song was an instant hit among youngsters and became a milestone song in Bollywood history. What a nostalgia
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