Our Fallacy

 

Profession and People

 I always wondered in my life: Is it the personality that makes people choose a specific profession, or vice versa, meaning the type of profession changes people?

‏جو شخص اونٹ پالتا ھے ‏اس میں ضد کا مادہ پیدا ھوتا ھے۔ ‏اور جو شخص گھوڑے پالتا ھے اس میں تکبر آ جاتا ھے ‏جو شخص بھیڑ بکریاں پالتا ھے اس میں عاجزی پیدا ھوتی ھے۔ ‏لہذا جو شخص کتے پالتا ھے۔ اسے بھونکنے کی عادت پڑ جاتی ھے ۔ ‏ 

Cross!

"، ڈاکٹر داؤد رہبر نے پچاس کی دہائی میں قیام انقرہ کے دوران بپتسمہ لے لیا تھا ۔ ن م راشد صاحب نے کسی موقع پر ان سے کہا کہ باتوں اور خیالات سے تم ہم جیسے ہو، پھر یہ مسیحیت کا کیا پاکھنڈ بنا رکھا ہے ۔ رہبر صاحب نے دل چسپ جواب دیا جو کچھ یوں تھا کہ میں بطور انسان اندر سے بہت کم زور ہوں اور مجھے مایوسی کی انتہا پر پہنچ کر پاگل ہونے یا خود کشی سے بچنے کے لیے ایک نفسیاتی سہارا درکار ہوتا ہے۔ میں نے مارکیٹ میں دست یاب خدا کے جملہ ماڈلز پر نظر ڈالی تو سب سے زیادہ مجھے اس خدا نے اپنی جانب کھینچا جو میری نجات کی خاطر بے قصور سولی پر چڑھ گیا ، سو ۔۔" 

On psychology of addiction

 A gambler who loses repeatedly yet continues to play even when the game is clearly against them. It is not that they misunderstand the odds; instead, the very proximity to ruin, the tension of almost‑winning, and the ritual of play are all sites of jouissance. The drive is scopic and invocatory here—the visual scene of cards and machines, the sounds of the casino—sustaining a circuit that does not want to conclude

- Lacan

Otrovert

 A new term is up in the personality world: "otrovert."

Coined by psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski, it describes people who feel like perpetual outsiders, not quite introverts, not quite extroverts, but something entirely different.

Unlike introverts (who recharge alone) or extroverts (who recharge with people), otroverts energize themselves by thinking their own thoughts. They don’t feel tied to any group, trend, or social expectation. They’re observers, free thinkers, and deeply independent.

They’re often warm, kind, funny, and great conversationalists, but usually connect deeply with only a few people. They’re not interested in what “everyone” is doing, don’t need validation, and typically prefer meaningful one-on-one conversations over group activities.

Some people discover they’re otroverts later in life. Others only realize it when a partner, friend, or article finally gives them a name for what they've always felt.

If this resonates, you might be an otrovert… or you might know someone who is.

Reflection on the Psychology of C***old Fantasy

 The following post is highly rated - You are free to ignore it.

It has been a long time since I stopped hanging out with friends at bars for happy hours. Last weekend, I was for a 'boys night out'. As Saadat Hasan Manto said:

Our conversation moved to sexual kinks, adventures, and fantasies. We were all shocked when one of the friends acknowledged his cuckold fantasy. He is a huge 6'2 guy with heavy muscles, and we have heard of a long list of girls having a crush on him. That's how he explained:

I’ve spent a long time trying to understand why the cuckold dynamic pulls at me the way it does, and what it’s actually trying to resolve inside me. It’s easy for people to write it off as humiliation or insecurity, but that’s surface-level thinking. The reality is more layered, more personal, and honestly, more revealing than anyone wants to admit.

For me, the core of it isn’t about another man at all.

It’s about confronting the parts of myself I don’t show openly — desire, vulnerability, jealousy, ego, devotion, fear, trust — all in one place. Strangely, the fantasy becomes a mirror. It reflects back things I’ve pushed down, ignored, or never had the space to acknowledge. Part of me wants to feel undone a little, like I’m peeling away the performance of masculinity I’ve worn for years. Another part wants to test myself, to stand in the middle of emotions most people won’t even let themselves name. The jealousy, the surrender, the intensity of wanting someone so much that I’m willing to feel uncomfortable — that says more about me than the fantasy itself.

And there’s the truth nobody talks about: It makes me confront my values. Not in a way that diminishes me, but in a way that forces me to separate worth from control. It pushes me to ask:

Do I love for possession or for connection?
Is my desire rooted in ego or in vulnerability?
Can I handle seeing my partner fully chosen by someone else, even if just in my mind?
What happens to me emotionally when I’m no longer the center?

There’s a strange kind of honesty in facing those questions. A peculiar kind of freedom, too. And deep down, I think the fantasy attempts to resolve one central tension inside me: I want to love without holding on so tightly that I crush the thing I’m trying to keep. It’s not about watching. It’s about facing who I am when I’m stripped of control, ego, and assumption. That’s the part that hits hardest. That’s the part the fetish is trying to reach. And maybe… resolve.

Human psychology on life and death

 

Viktor Frankl

 Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, used his profound Holocaust experiences to create one of history’s most impactful psychotherapy approaches – logotherapy. His harrowing journey through concentration camps significantly shaped his work and philosophy, making his life and career a testament to the human spirit’s resilience even in the darkest times.

Born in 1905, Frankl had always been fascinated by the human search for meaning. As a young psychiatrist, he believed that this quest was the central force in human life. This belief was severely tested when, in 1942, Frankl and his family were deported to the Theresienstadt concentration camp. Later, he was transferred to Auschwitz and other camps, enduring intense suffering and the loss of his parents, wife, and siblings.

Despite the brutality, Frankl found that those who maintained a sense of meaning – even under extreme hardship – were more likely to survive. His own survival in the camps and his ability to find meaning in his suffering led him to develop logotherapy, a psychotherapy approach emphasizing the importance of finding meaning in life, regardless of circumstances.

After surviving the Holocaust, Frankl returned to Vienna and became a prominent psychiatrist, writing extensively about his experiences. His most famous work, "Man’s Search for Meaning," is a powerful account of his concentration camp experiences and insights into suffering, human resilience, and the pursuit of meaning. The book has sold millions of copies worldwide, inspiring readers to find purpose and strength in their own lives.

In logotherapy, Frankl emphasized that while we cannot control our circumstances, we can always control how we respond to them. He argued that even in the most hopeless situations, like those in the camps, individuals could find meaning by focusing on their inner strength, relationships, or a higher purpose.

Frankl’s teachings resonated deeply with people from all walks of life, offering hope and inspiration to those grappling with existential questions or trauma. He believed that discovering meaning could help individuals not only survive but thrive, even after immense suffering. His work has influenced generations of therapists, spiritual leaders, and individuals seeking to find purpose in their own lives.

Viktor Frankl’s story is one of courage, determination, and the unbreakable human spirit. Through his work, he demonstrated that even in profound suffering, we can find meaning, achieve personal growth, and attain inner peace. His legacy continues to guide those facing life’s challenges, reminding us that the search for meaning is the key to healing and survival.

Pseudo-happiness

 

Chivas Regal Effect

 

Why?

 Why do so many educated and relatively successful people commit suicide?

Human psychology, emotions, and rationalizations are the hardest things to understand. I doubt any science explains it.

I was disturbed by this news:

"J. Michael Cline, the founder of movie ticket company Fandango, fell to his death from a New York City hotel Tuesday, a law enforcement official confirmed to CNN. The New York Police Department said that around 10 am on Tuesday, the 64-year-old was found with injuries indicating he fell from an elevated height from The Kimberly Hotel, a luxury boutique hotel in midtown Manhattan. Investigators believe he jumped from the 20th floor of the hotel. He was declared dead soon after by emergency medical services."

He was a Harvard MBA graduate who founded many companies.

Link: https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/18/business/fandango-founder-death/index.html

Processing vs Bypassing

 

The Zeigarnik Effect

 You pull out the key to open your house. You unlock the door and get inside. Then several hours later you're looking for the key and wondering where it is. And you discover that you have left it behind on the door. Has this happened to you?

To understand why it happens, let’s flashback to Bluma Zeigarnik, a Russian psychologist. One evening, Zeigarnik and her friends went out for dinner to a restaurant. They had a lovely meal. Guess what the highlight was? It was the service. More specifically, their waiter. He had an amazing memory. So as everybody placed their orders, he remembered every little detail, without writing anything down. He remembered who ordered what. And how they wanted it. Zeigarnik and her friends were all amazed by the waiter's memory.

After the meal, they were driving back when Zeigarnik discovered that she had left her jacket behind in the restaurant. So she turned around, drove back to the restaurant and sought out that friendly waiter who she knew would be happy to help her locate her jacket. Imagine her horror though when she found the waiter, but the waiter didn't even recognize her. What happened?

It got Zeigarnik thinking. And her research then showed how our brain tends to work. When a task is completed, our brain hits the delete button. And our memory gets wiped clean. Our short term memory struggles with space to retain information. So it keeps only the unfinished tasks alive. And the minute a task is completed it hits the delete button. And that's why waiters at restaurants will remember every little detail of your order. But only until the bill is made. That’s why when we photocopy a document, we pick up the copy and walk away, leaving the original behind. This has come to be known as the Zeigarnik effect. A term that describes how our short-term memory deletes completed tasks. Fascinating, isn't it?

The Zeigarnik effect might explain why at a bank’s ATM, you are now required to pull your card out before collecting the cash. They know Zeigarnik will be at play and once you collect the cash, the task is finished and good chance you will forget to take your card back.

It's something we can all put to good use. In serials, every episode ends tantalisingly. Each episode ends at a point where you will say ‘wow, what happens next’? You want to know, you want to come back. There is no closure at the end of that episode and that's what brings us back all the time. Had there been closure, chances are we’d quickly forget about it. Maybe a powerful idea for all of us. If there is something you want to make sure remains alive, keep it just a bit unfinished. Writing a book? Make sure you end every writing session at a point of suspense or tension. Don’t resolve it. Don’t finish it. That will bring you back next day to writing again.

The Zeigarnik effect might also explain my favourite piece of communication advice. It’s this. Someone said that there are really two golden rules of communication: 1. Never tell everything at once.

That’s it. Ah, the Zeigarnik effect!

The writer is an author, speaker and leadership coach and former MD of Kimberly Clark Lever BEST BRAINS.

The director of the George Washington University School of Medicine argues that the brain of an older person is much more practical than is commonly believed. At this age, the interaction of the right and left hemispheres of the brain becomes harmonious, which expands our creative possibilities. That is why among people over 60 years of age you can find many personalities who have just started their creative activities.

  Of course, the brain is no longer as fast as it was in youth. However, it gains in flexibility. Therefore, with age, we are more likely to make the right decisions and are less exposed to negative emotions. The peak of human intellectual activity occurs around the age of 70, when the brain begins to function at full strength.

  Over time, the amount of myelin in the brain increases, a substance that facilitates the rapid passage of signals between neurons. Due to this, intellectual abilities increase by 300% compared to the average.

 Also interesting is the fact that after 60 years, a person can use 2 hemispheres at the same time. This allows you to solve much more complex problems.

 Professor Monchi Uri, from the University of Montreal, believes that the old man's brain chooses the path that consumes less energy, eliminates the unnecessary and leaves only the right options to solve the problem. A study was conducted involving different age groups. Young people were very confused when passing the tests, while those over 60 years of age made the right decisions.

 Now, let's look at the characteristics of the brain between the ages of 60 and 80. They are really pink.

 *CHARACTERISTICS OF THE BRAIN OF AN ELDERLY PERSON.*

 1. Neurons in the brain do not die, as everyone around you says. The connections between them simply disappear if one does not engage in mental work.

 2. Distraction and forgetfulness arise due to an overabundance of information. Therefore, *it is not necessary for you to concentrate your whole life on unnecessary trifles.*

 3. From the age of 60, a person, when making decisions, does not use one hemisphere at the same time, like young people, but both.

 *4. Conclusion: if a person leads a healthy lifestyle, moves, has viable physical activity and is fully mentally active, intellectual abilities do NOT decrease with age, they simply GROW, reaching a peak at the age of 80-90 years.*

 *So do not be afraid of old age. Strive to develop intellectually. Learn new crafts, make music, learn to play musical instruments, paint pictures! Take an interest in life, meet and communicate with friends, plan for the future, travel as best you can. Do not forget to go to shops, shows. Don't shut up alone, it's destructive to anyone. Live with the thought: all good things are still ahead of me!*

Subconscious Mind

Recently, a CEO of a big healthcare system told me that: 

"All of my landmark or tuned-good decisions and strategies were never made while I was vigilant. They all came out of my subconscious mind during the last stretch of my sleep. I sleep 9-10 hours a day. In the last two hours of sleep, during a trans-state before waking up, I usually find answers to my unsolved queries, difficult situations, and strategies for uncharted territories. They always turned out better than all brilliant minds' long discussion sessions."

The dark side of Emotional Intelligence

The dark side of Emotional Intelligence

 

On epidemic of psych disorders

 

Dunning Kruger Effect

 

Ghar ka chota/nikamma bachha

 

Our conditioned mind!

 

Childhood trauma - Shakeeb Jalali

Urdu poet Shakeeb Jalali committed suicide by throwing himself in front of a furious train at age 32 - about 22 years after he witnessed his father throwing his mother to an incoming train!

His own couplet was

فصیل جسم پہ تازہ لہو کے چھینٹے ہیں

 حدود وقت سے آگے نکل گیا ہے کوئی

Life is a bitch!