Where Men and Women Differ

 

Quote - Men, Women and Peace

Men settle where there is peace, women bring peace where they're treated well. 

On Domestic violence / A woman's perspective

(One email)

I came across your blog recently and realized you make fun of women and their influences on their men. Husbands and wives and their stories are all very amusing. You think love is there when the diamonds are bought and the trips are arranged and the money is being generous. But there is a flip side to it. When a man pushes and grabs a woman in his anger. 

When the woman tries to leave as she does not want to increase the tension, he stands in his way and grabs her throat. But when the woman says please do not touch me, he twists her fingers and grab her wrists and tell her that he can touch her when ever he wants to. When he drags her to 'talk' to her. Because he is angry. Because he is the man. Because he can take away to car keys and tell the woman to walk if she wants to go out because it is his car and he can have it and she will not have it. And the woman is thankful that he did not pull her hair out as it would be supremely painful and did not hit the blemish free face as it will leave a bruise and she will not be able to tell the world what happened.

This is where the other side of picture is obvious. A woman with kids and family, a woman who is so independent and well educated, a woman who is the most cherished one by many, that woman is just a commodity behind the close doors. Because that woman went to the gym in the morning and the man did not want to give breakfast to the kids. Where as normally, it would not be a problem, but what if the man is stressed because of work? And as a man, he can make his woman the victim of his wrath and treat her as a animal because he is a man and she is a woman.

Jane's (Fairy Tale) (take on Man)

"Did you see my big fat diamond ring?"

"Get out of here. When did this happen?"

"A week ago! .......... I was born in a broken family. My Dad left us when I was very young. My mother was an alcoholic. My Grandmother raised me. I never had a 'Man' in my life! In my teenage and 20s - I was so busy with work and my education. I had only one short serious relationship, but it was too violent. He was an angry and physically abusive man. I gave up and moved on. I put all my energy into work. I turned 40 three years ago. Going to an empty home was not a great feeling. Cooking for self was labor. I always craved that warmth of a kind, gentle, but firm man. I don't know about other women, but I always felt incomplete. I never had a father, brother, or a proper boyfriend. 'Man' was a fairy tale to me. I met him a year ago at the airport as our flight was delayed for six hours. We started talking, and since then, there was not a single day we hadn't talked. 2 weeks ago, he was here, and one Saturday night, quietly on the couch as we watched TV, he slept ring in my finger. I was speechless. I had tears in my eyes. I don't know how to explain. For a woman, nothing is more precious than a loving man lying next to her in bed each night. She wants his arms, either around her or her breasts, with a cozy hug. A ring is a big thing as it signs love and security.....We are going to Montreal for our honeymoon.......I am out of here soon, dude!"

*

Izzat!

"Tumhara shohar kitna bad-dimag aur bad-tameez shakhs hai. Phir bhi tum uski kitni izzat kerti ho. Kal us ne tum se kitna jhagra kiya magar - aaj subah - tum ne usi tarah us ka nashta banaya, aur uska 'tiffin' bandha. Kese ker leti ho?"

"Awwal to saari duniya ko kiun pata chale ke mian biwi ka jhagra huwa hai, is liye aaj 'tiffin' nahi aaya! Dusri baat, Aurat akeli ho to us ke aas paas hazar mard jama ho jaate hain. Us pe dil waarne waale, dilkash 'slick talk' kerne wale, us pe paisa urane wale - magar --- Aurat ko apna naam dene wala, izzat ki chadar aur char deewari ki 'security' dene wala, use dusre mardoN ki nazroN se mehfooz kerne ke liye anghooti daalne wala --- hazaroN main bas aik mard hota hai. Ab aurat uski bhi izzat na kare to kiya apne pairoN pe kulhari maar le?"

Aaj ki Sita!

"Zamana badal gaya hai! Aur aaj ki Aurat bhi badal gai hai!"

"Kuch nahi badla meri jaan! ...............Jab jab Sita ne 'Lakhsman Rekha' paar kerne ki koshish ki hai, us ka saamna Rawan se hi huwa hai"

Himmat!

"Tum main itni taqat kese aa gai?"

"Jab raat ke andhere main, aapke bister main woh mard ghus aaye jo aap ki bahen ka shohar ho to taqat aaye na aaye, magar itni himmat zaroor aa jati hai, jis se koi bhi insaan dusre insaan ke gale pe churi pher sakta hai"


(one conversation happened almost 25 years ago)

On 'Hymenoplasty' / 'Erectile Dysfuntion'

On my previous post "Hymenoplaty" (here), Received following comment from TT.

".... Let me give you the flip side. I met a boy through family connection. We get married after few outings (dates?). First 3 months were fine. Than I discovered kit hidden in closet with Testosterone shots and packets of Cialis. I was heartbroken, not because of his sexual problem but because he didn't tell me. I googled and found that Testosterone may decrease the chances of fertility. I confronted him. He was only 32. It hurted his manly ego. He went defensive. Unfortunately, things quickly went out of hand. He divorced me. In counseling, I was told - this problem is common in men even in young's.  I could have bear it, if he would have trusted me. I would have gone to doctors with him. I saw your other posts on 'jhoot', lies and relationship.

Can't agree more with the girl who said: "Jhoot pe palne wale rishte se behtar hai woh rishta, jo toot jaaye".

On 'Hymenoplasty'

"Now let me tell you a brutal fact. I am not married and I am not a Virgin. Yes! I did sleep with someone. I am not proud of myself but it happened. I am a Muslim so I am expected to be a virgin. I told 2 potential men, who came with proposals, that I am not a virgin - they freaked out and went away after passing judgement on my character".

"To tum 'Hymen Restoration' - kiya kehte hain use - 'Hymenoplasty' kiun nahi kerwa leti"

"Nahi....Jhoot pe palne wale rishte se behtar hai woh rishta, jo toot jaaye"

Bimar Khala

(posted as heard)


"Hamare paros main aik khala rehti thiN - sada ki bimar! Un ki 4 betiaN thi, jin ke rishte ki fiqar maiN woh ghul ghul ke bimar rehne lagi thiN. Blood pressure, Migraine aur na jaane kesi ajeeb ajeeb - dil hola dene wali - bimariaN thi. Saare mohalle main 'Bimar Khala' ke naam se mashoor thi -------- Aik mazaq ban ker reh gai thiN.


Aaj jub meri aik beti 26 baras ki hai aur uska koi rishta nahi aata to mera bhi blood pressure high rehne laga hai. Mujhe bhi migraine hone laga hai..............Log kehte hain, duniya badal gai - beta beti ka koi faraq nahi raha. "Desi culture" khatam hi samjho! ----- Ho sakta hai, yeh sach hoke duniya bohat badal gai hai magar abhi aik Ma ka dil itna nahi badla ke - beti beta lagne lage...... Aaj bhi beti ko ghar aane main 10 minute der ho jaaye to dil dharkne lagta hai....pooch to nahi sakti magar dua hi kerti hun ke izzat salamat ho........ShadioN main le ker jaati hun, ziyada khane se tokti hun, aas paas ke logoN se kehti hun, 2 dafa darood shariff bhi kerwaya....


Kiya tum mujhe neend ki koi goli likh ke nahi de sakte?"

Love, InshAllah

 It took me a month to finish 25 true stories of Muslim women who spoke about their romantic and sexual side. It was not only an interesting read but an important one. Being a man of Muslim immigrant heritage who is raising a daughter, it was simultaneously heartwarming as well as disturbing to learn about the passion as well as pressure on Muslim women in western society. These stories range from traditional matchmaking at one extreme to graphic detail of a lovemaking act to an other extreme! It talk about rape, coming out of lesbian closet, infatuation, heartbreaks, polygamy and as well as it talk about marriage proposals for Green Card. It also talk about Istikhara, prayers and divine intervention via dreams. It talk about inter-racial marriages, 3 marriages, successful marriage with a man carrying 5 kids from previous, and about gori getting married to a brown boy! Also, it talk about racism against 'blacks' from their own religious community. It describes a girl attached to a Muslim rock band and punks!

Some stories are just cute (can't find better word than this) like of both Ayeshas, Leena, Nura, Nour Gamal and Huda. Zahra Noorbakhsh's take was extremely funny (I got the Hole). Yasmin Khan talk about blog, chat and facebook. Story of going back to first love from Safiyyah is very interesting. Leila Khan story will break your heart as like wait of Chinyere Obimba!

Men in stories will equally leave mark on you like Javed (loved him), Matthew, Marcelo, Mika'l, Mike and Mohamed of Egypt.

Stories are divided into 5 sections. 1) Allah Alim: its about girls meeting their first love 2) Alif: it mostly talk about their first sexual encounter 3) International Habibti: It talks about affair overseas 4) Third Time's the Naseeb: It talked about relationship after 2 previous failed marriages 5) Ayat: Relationship via cyber world.

Shukar..

(overheard)

"Baji! aap ke bhayya har chutti wale din, poora poora din bethe video games kehlte rehte hain....unko koi baat hi samjh nahi aati"

"Are bibi shukar karo! ghar pe tumhari aankhoN ke saamne hote hain....Mere Mian ki tarah poori poori raat strip club main nahi pare rehte"

Aurat ka Kaaba

"Aurat ki sab se bari 'problem' ye hai ke - us ka kaaba sirf apni zaat hoti hai"

Sexual journey - Men & Women

I didn't agree but for sure pondered when I read this:

"Men's sexual journey starts with wandering eyes and polygamous nature but as they grow old they learn that only monogamous relationship works. Thats their comedy of error. Women's puberty sets in with monogamous mindset but as she grow more in life, she learns the pleasure of polygamous relationships. That's her tragedy of error"

On dealing with women

Aurat ko samjha nahi jata; Aurat ko samjhaya nahi jata - bulke Aurat ko sirf 'manage' kiya jata hai.

(As per one wise husband)

Azab-e-yaad-e-maazi

"Tumhara dil nahi kerta hamari zindagi phir 20-22 baras peeche chali jaaye. Wahi college ke din hoN. ....KhwaboN khiloN ki jaagir ho. Na rishton ka gum ho na duniya ke bandhan.... Be-fikri ke din hoN aur mehfiloN ki raataiN ho" 

"Nahi mera aesa bilkul bhi ji nahi chahta" 

"kiun?" 

"Maaazi ke kuch arse ka - aik aik lamha main ne jis barzakh (hell) main guzara hai - sirf mera khuda jaanta hai. Jub perdes main be-yaar-o-madadgar tumhe shohr 'iron rod' se itna marta ho ke tumhe 'rib factures' ho jaye aur 'renal hematoma' bun jaye aur itne 'bruises' hoN ke chehra pehchana na jaaye. Phir dusri shadi ho aur woh tumhare ma baap aur bhai ke saare paise jahez main le ker tumhe raat 11 baje ghar se nikal de. Kubhi tum 'Detroit' ki sardioN main sarak kinare aik suit case le ke khare ho. Tumhe poora mahina dost ki gaari main raat so ke guzarni pare - aur aahista aahista aik aik tinka jama ker ke jub thora sa qarar aaye magar baalon main chandni jhankne lage - to - nahi dil nahi chahta ke maazi laut ker wapas aaye"

Chand si beti!

"khuda kare tumhare haaN aik piyari si beti paida ho"

"Mujeh beti ki bad-dua mut do"

"Aese to nahi bolte. BetiaN to bari piyari hoti haiN. Sach poocho to betoN se bhi ziyada. Bilkul phooloN jesi"

"Tum jis mulk main rehte ho wahan shayed aesa hota ho magar is mulk main betiaN aaj bhi pauN ki juti hai. Jub koi shaks tumhari phool jesi beti ko roz peete ga aur lataiN ghunse maare ga, tub tum se poochon gi ke -beti ki khwaish dua hoti hai ya bad-dua"


Related previous posts: Jhannum (Living Hell) , kalank, Beti ka Dukh

Women and gifts !!

Aurat tohfon (gifts) se khush hoti hai !

Punjabi ki aik lok kahani (folk stoy) hai

"A husband went off to a war and came back after 12 years. With all his saved money he bought a Khoti (She Donkey) so it helps her wife in work. So, the wife asks, after twelve years of absence what have you brought for me and the husband says, a khoti (she donkey). The wife says that I was able to bear the sorrow of 12 years but I can't take sorrow of this poor gift. If that is all you have brought for me after all this time, then perhaps we cannot live together".

Baari barseen khattan gaya tai khat kai kyanda kee
Khat kai lyandi khotee, meree teree naheen wasneeN!

Smile Again

Picked up from suffering with behaviours

"Nasreen Sharif was once beautiful. So lovely that when she turned 14 her cousin poured a whole bottle of sulphuric acid on her face as she slept. His only excuse was that he couldn't stand other boys whistling at her when she crossed the street. This young woman is now 23 and she no longer bears any resemblance to that youthful beauty. "My skin melted and my hair burned away. I am now blind, I have no ears and I have no sense of smell."

Please visit this site Smile again Foundation

(Foundation to help female survivors of acid and kerosene oil burns in Pakistan by providing them essential first-aid treatment, appropriate medical attention and reconstructive surgery, psychological/ psychiatric support, shelter and vocational training).

Hawwa ki beti

Very touching poem, printed in urdu newspaper 'jang' (taken shamelessly from blog of 'suffering with behaviours' but paid off with my own translation and send it to editor of newspaper's magazine. I hope Ms. Shahida Israr Kanwal get it)

Daughter of Eve

Wearing shroud of 'customs'

little dreaded, little afraid

fearfully bundled in herself

either scared of (her own) loved ones, or of people

unaware of privilege of finding her own destiny

sustaining all atrocities, being doll of contentment

as sacrifice and suffering, from nature

granted to her with birth (in her genes)

And she !

knowing her 'evangelical rights' upto words only

(but) can't (even) move her lips

because her loved ones

told her to remember only her duties

and 'stuck' in this 'racket' since ever

atleast so far, she is unable to get freedom