Ever heard of people divorcing on their wedding anniversary? - Read this tale.
When Alam Khan came from Pakistan, he was a young tall, handsome Pathan boy of 22. His father was my friend. Due to a snowstorm in Chicago, his connecting flight was canceled, and he stayed with me for three days before I shipped him on a domestic flight to his father. He was one heck of a jolly happy dandy young man.
Alam Khan, with his father's help, bought a small gas station in one of the rural areas of Tennessee in the vicinity of the Smoky mountains. Amina - who later became his wife, was passing by with her family to visit there. When they stopped at Alam's gas station, Amina went inside the store to get a soda and met Alam Khan. It was a love of first sight. Somehow Alam managed to slip his cell phone number to Amina. They stayed in touch. Amina's family declined the marriage proposal from Alam's family as they were Shia sect, and Alam was from the Sunni sect. Amina rebelled against her family's wishes, ran away from home, and went to stay with Alam. Their families disowned both. One day I received a call from Alam and Amina to see if I could make their families accept their relationship. First thing I advised them to go to court and get married. Indeed, they did. I spoke to Alam's father and Amina's family (who were furious), but since they were legally married, both families had no choice but to swallow their kids' wishes. A grand reception was finally arranged at one of the 5-star hotels in Atlanta. I was invited to their wedding over the memorial weekend in 2004. Alam and Amina were pleased and glowing. Amina met me for the first time but treated me like her brother. I got very close to her family (and still I am).
Once the honeymoon period was over - fights erupted between Alam and Amina. I received calls from Amina on and off with various complaints against Alam. Over time after having long talks with Amina, I realized that the underlying issue was something else. What was taking a toll on marriage was Alam's habit of pornography! Since the business was doing good and employees were running it, Alam all day watched, read, and chatted porno on his computer at work and masturbated many times every day while at work, and consequently unable to perform intercourse at night due to penile fatigue. I started getting calls from Alam to prescribe viagra, which I initially took just as a curious inquiry from a newly married man; later, Amina told me that he couldn't perform despite getting a heavy supply from a local urologist. Amina, being an eastern girl, was unable to verbalize her agony and reacted with fights as it is still taboo in our culture for a girl to acknowledge sexual dissatisfaction. Once I realized the issue, I had multiple talks with Alam to abandon his addiction to pornography, but he could not. He was, in real terms, addicted. I advised him to see a therapist and to go to a marriage counselor. Nothing worked.
They divorced on their 5th wedding anniversary!
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7 comments:
Ah well! He deserved the divorce, but indeed how sad. He was too young to end up like this.
I think, it was unfortunate for both.....
Unfortunate yes but I am thinking in terms of a disease and its therapy. You are right he was addicted (and probably is still addicted) So how we go about doing something useful.
he should be treated--- first thing he needs is realization this is a disease/disorder whatever you call it; he has to be convinced. Somebody close to him should do or his doctor should do it. once he realizes the chain reaction will begin. It is like AA
One must declare he is an alcoholic and admit it. So he must do it.
Can you help since you have known him. They divorced on their anniversary is not funny any more. I would understand if you do not have that access available.
Dear Uncle!
Yes he understands well his problem now - Just on personal level, I am bringing him to my place this weekend. I am sure in next 3 days, I will be able to get him to therapist.
Divorce already happened but I am sure he still needs help....
Jazakallh That is what I meant for you.
BTW mrei confusion wali blog bhi daikhna. Mujhay bhi imdaad ki zuroorat hay
Yes I read and actually left message...
Sir!
you are dead wrong. Amina didn't get frustrated due to lack of sex but it was sense of cheating, and feeling that she can't provide enough for her husband. Women hate their men watching porno for reasons which you might not understand as a man.
Its more emotional frustration than a physical one as you tried to portray....
raheema
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