Samjhaute ki chadar

Sometimes we get 'connected' to someone up to the level where we share very personal things with them. It's just a matter of trust. That's how Jim and I were connected. When I saw Jim in the breakroom one Monday morning, he appeared a little upset. I asked:

"What's going on, man? You don't seem right. Is everything ok? How was your trip to see your daughter". Jim has one daughter who went to college last year somewhere in California. He and his wife used to make frequent trips to see her.

"It was not a great trip but made it easy for me to decide to have divorced after 20 years and start a new life".

I knew Jim had a bad marriage, marked by frequent fights. He and his wife were very incompatible by nature. The only reason he stayed in marriage as he was afraid of losing his daughter, and more than that, he never wanted her to have psychological trauma of a broken home and visitation fights. Still, things got skewed once his daughter went to college.

"Is everything ok?" I asked again.

"On the last day, as we were walking down the college's hill towards the parking lot, I again pleaded with my daughter to get in college somewhere here in our state to see her more often. Between all this, I was fighting with my wife about driving our new SUV. Yes! When you have a bad marriage, you fight like kids. Our daughter was listening to our conversation. As we reached the car, I threw keys on the car, which infuriated my wife more. As I kissed my daughter on her forehead and asked her again to move back home, she said: "Daddy, I don't want to hurt you, but truly speaking, I miss mummy more, but she wanted me to stay here." My wife teased me, saying: "She is always mummy's girl. She loves mummy more. She will do as mummy says". I was hurt for a while. I gave my life for her, and it was hard to listen to this. But you know, parents love kids unconditionally. I kissed my daughter on the forehead. I said, "Do what you think is right for you." ...I handed the keys of our SUV to my wife, who graciously went to the driving seat. When you have a terrible marriage, being in the driving seat is like, I am the boss, won the argument, or am in command. It was again an endless and mindless game of arguments, fights, etc."

I just shook my head. Jim was a classic example of compromised marriage. Compromised marriage is like an exit of American highways, which often has no quick U-turn. I recalled the poem by Zehra Nigah.

Mulayam garm samjhaute ki chadar
Yeh chadar mein ne barson mein buni hai
Kahin bhi sach ke gul boote nahi hai
Kissi bhi jhooth ka taanka nahin hai
Issi se main bhi tan dhak loongi apna
Issi se tum bhi aasooda rahoge
Na khush hoge, na pashmarda hoge

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