Monday, January 13, 2014

Scarface

"I was born and raised in an extremely wealthy family. I was the youngest child in the house. I went to best private school in Pakistan. Since childhood we frequented England, USA and across the globe like a regular thing. My parents were very much into proper etiquette and sophisticated upbringing. I learned piano, horse riding, swimming, ice skating, painting, dancing, gymnastics and God knows which other classes I went to. In short, I had a very polished upbringing, graduating from Columbia. I got very picky when it came to select my future husband. I wanted the best "Mr. Right" for myself. In the process I became 35 years old, but still unmarried. My parents start freaking out as every birthday passed by. One day in frustration and after arguments, I told my parents to pick any good person for me.

And I married him. He was a son of some family friend. He was an IT engineer. He was raised in slums of Karachi. He did not go to private school. He never travelled except coming to this country. He struggled to get H1 visa and Green card. He had huge desi accent. His grammar was way out of norm. He was a lousy dresser, a huge turn off for me.

He tried his best to make marriage work. He was a very honest, hard-working and a soft spoken man, but he was not cut out for polished girl like me! For two years I struggled. I just could not adjust. He was not "Mr. Right". I felt ashamed introducing him to my class of friends and going out with him to good restaurants and parties. He was a poor love maker. He did not have mental chip to buy flowers, gifts and romantic cards. He was too generic for me. He was too Walmart type for me. Eventually his frustration starts showing up with escalating arguments. Finally, I called off marriage (shocking my parents to death). I was very nasty with him blaming his FOBism and lack of personal grooming. He did not say anything except saying: "I appreciate your honesty".

Since then I dated many, "cut out" widely travelled, well dressed, gym body guys with excellent table mannerism and perfect linguistics, but beneath the hype of all  these "sophistication", there was always a phoniness, cheating, show-off, display of family pride, etc. etc.

Mujeh nahi pata ab woh kahan hai. Magar aik baar, mil ker us se, main bhi kehna chachti hun: "It was me who failed to appreciate your honesty. I appreciate you never lying to me even in matters of penny. I appreciate you never been physical to me. I appreciate you for always respecting me. I appreciate you making warm soup for me when I was sick. I always thought you were not cut-out for me, but in actuality it was I who was never cut-out for you".

It took a long time for me to learn that his scarface was the sign of depth of his struggle.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Men are usually ignorant in this department. With my experience, I can tell you, wife's little attention, suggestion and help can groom men. I have seen many men ignored by their own wives. It is a matter of acceptance which this girl lacked.