Scarface

"I was born and raised in an extremely wealthy family. I was the youngest child in the house. I went to the best private school in Pakistan. Since childhood, we have frequented England, the USA, and across the globe like ordinary things. My parents were very much into proper etiquette and sophisticated upbringing. I learned piano, horse riding, swimming, ice skating, painting, dancing, gymnastics, and God knows which other classes I went to. In short, I had a very polished upbringing, graduating from Columbia. I got very picky when it came to selecting my future husband. I wanted the best "Mr. Right" for myself. In the process, I became 35 years old but still unmarried. My parents started freaking out as every birthday passed by. One day in frustration and after arguments, I told my parents to pick a good person for me.

And I married him. He was the son of some family friend. He was an IT engineer. He was raised in the slums of Karachi. He did not go to private school. He had never traveled except coming to this country. He struggled to get an H1 visa and Green card. He had a colossal desi accent. His grammar was way out of the norm. He was a lousy dresser, a huge turn-off for me.

He tried his best to make the marriage work. He was a sincere, hard-working, and soft-spoken man, but he was not cut out for a polished girl like me! For two years, I struggled. I could not adjust. He was not "Mr. Right." I felt ashamed introducing him to my class of friends and going out with him to good restaurants and parties. He was a poor lovemaker. He lacked the mental chip to buy flowers, gifts, and romantic cards. He was too generic for me. He was too Walmart-type for me. Eventually, his frustration starts showing up with escalating arguments. Finally, I called off marriage (shocking my parents to death). I was very nasty with him blaming his FOBism and lack of personal grooming. He did not say anything except say: "I appreciate your honesty."

Since then, I dated many "cut out" widely traveled, well-dressed, gym body guys with excellent table mannerisms and perfect linguistics, but beneath the hype of all this "sophistication," there was always a phoniness, cheating, show-off, display of family pride, etc., etc.

Mujeh nahi pata ab woh kahan hai. Magar aik baar, mil ker us se, main bhi kehna chachti hun: "I failed to appreciate your honesty. I appreciate you never lie to me, even in matters of a penny. I appreciate you have never been physical with me. I appreciate you for always respecting me. I appreciate you making warm soup for me when I was sick. I always thought you were not cut out for me, but I was never cut out for you".

It took a long time for me to learn that his scarface was a sign of the depth of his struggle.

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