It is not that I was molested as a child or I never had a loving father. I had a very typical, secure, and affectionate household - but - I always felt attracted to men, way over my age.
I was 24 when I first saw him at a wedding. He must be 48 or 50 (In fact, he was 54). He looked so dashing in cream-colored sherwani, churi daar pajama, salt pepper hair, graceful mustache, in his unwavering confidence and the way he was carrying himself. He was never married before for various reasons. My untamed eyes finally caught his attention, and without going into detail as soon as he proposed to me, I said 'yes. My parents had a heart attack, siblings cried, but in the end, everyone gave up. We got married. He agreed to have at least one child.
No, it was not a happily live ever after story. Life sucks!
As he grew old and started losing charm, I was more and more into life. You may not know, and doc, you don't know, and you will never know! For a woman, 30ish is the most agile, sexual, lively, and womanly period, where she needs a 'man.' Her fear of dreaded 40 makes her go wild as she approaches more and more towards late 30..........
His list of medications was growing. His arthritis and complicated knee surgery made him immobile. He developed diabetes and bought stents to the heart. I became from a wife to a nurse. I tried to reconcile myself 1000 times. I cried. I read Quran. I went to dars in the local mosque. I joined group therapies - but love was gone. Let me confess it, I was dying to have sex, and he could not perform. I never cheated on him, but the vacuum grew deeper. Eventually, that thread of feeble connection, of holding hands, went rotten too. I find excuses and now sleep in our only child's room.
And no, there is no climax to this story. - that what sucks!
I guess 'Cheeni kum' type romance only exists in Bollywood - or they don't dare to make a sequel to it?
Note: 'Cheeni Kum' was a Bollywood flick starring Amitabh and Tabu showing romance apart of 30 years difference (here)
5 comments:
I know someone who is very close to me in a marriage which was never consummated. The couple knew each other since childhood. They both have come to terms with it now and love each other a lot. Like cannot like without each other kind of love. Both are in their 30s. It is weird. How would you explain this,doctor?
Life sucks and life is strange!
Each relationship, particularly spousal relationship is very unique in its own way. You can't compare one to another.
Bohot dilchisp aor behtareen. Have read many of these posts and developed an interest to read more n more. Thank you for stopping by my blogzine!
Rafi Mian - Once I finish reading your short stories, I will make a post with link to your blog....I hope it is OK with you
I'll say 'ditto' to mystic's comment
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