(I haven't sleep properly in last 2 days. Someone close quietly died. This post is more of vent -gubar - than anything)
Anila se meri pehli mulaqat August main aik shadi main hui. Anila 'wheelchair' pe thi. Main ne Anila se poocha tha: "Why you are on wheelchair?"
Usne jawab diya: "main safai kerte huwe gir gai thi"..Magar ye jhoot tha. Anila ko last stage 'refractory ovarian cancer' tha. Mujeh is baat ka ilm uski maut ke baad huwa.
Anila apne ma baap ke saath mere ghar ke qareeb 'apartments' main rehti thi. 3 saal pehle uska jawan bhai, kisi hadse main faut ho gaya tha. Uski maut ka baar baar zikar kerti thi.
August aur September.....woh mujeh musalsal text kerti, raatoN ko phone ker ke utha deti. Kabhi kehti mujeh 'faluda' khilane le jao. Kabhi kehti aaj 'desi chai' pilao. Jab mumkin hota main us ko le chalta. ..Woh bolti rehti - aur main uski be sar-o-pa bachhoN jesi batain sun ker hasta rehta. Mujeh kiya maalum tha - kitna dard liye bethi hai
Woh ab bhi langra ke chalti thi....main poochta to koi bahana bana deti.
Usne mujeh ye pata hi nahi lagne diya ke uska Ovarian cancer ab bone tak sarayat kar gaya hai. Chemo/radiation ki manzil se guzar ker ab woh pain killers pe aakhri din guzar rahi hai...
Aik din uska text aaya 'is Hemoglobin of 4 too low?', Main ne jawab diya: 'yes'. ....Aur phir Anila aik dam se gaib ho gai.....Main ne kai 'texts' kiye, email kiye, facebook pe messages chore .......magar....nadarat!
Anila!
Tum ne mujeh bataya kiun nahi?..ke tumhari kamar ka dard - girne se nahi hai - bulke tumhe 'bone metastasis' hai.....Tum ne mujeh ye kiun nahi bataya ke - tum aik dam se is liye gaib ho gain - kiun ke ab tum main - baat kerne ki bhi himmat nahi rahi
Tum ne mujh se kaha ke main tumhe 'Mika Singh' ke concert main le chalun - main ne inkaar ker diya tha ----- Agar tum mujeh batati ke ---- tum marne se pehle 'sense of normalcy' chahti ho, tumhe aese das concert dikhane le chalta. Khuda ki qasam, tumhare liye duniya ke saare kaam chor deta.............Trust me! I would have done it....
Us raat tum mujh se raat bhar baat kerna chahti thi - tum ne kaha "aaj dard bohat ziyada hai" - main phone off ker ke so gaya --- tum ne bataya kiun nahi ke ye cancer ka dard hai ----Main aesi kai raatain tum se batain ker ke guzar deta. Tumhare saath us gadhe 'Imran Hashmi' ke love songs ki mindless videos zaroor raat bhar dekhta ke yahi tumhare liye 'Morphine' hai!
Anila! If I would have known that why you suddenly stopped talking to me - I would not have taken you off Facebook.....Mere hi kehne pe tum ne apne Facebook ki profile picture badal li thi, ke tum us main bohat 'khili khili' lag rahi thi. ............Ab to tumhari koi tasveer bhi mere paas nahi!
Anila! - you died so quietly in hospice - - - - It was not fair - It was absolutely not fair - - - -Main ne saari zindagi dostiaN nibahi hain. ........Anila! tum mujeh moqa to deti...
You were just not fair to me by hiding your pain!
Anila se meri pehli mulaqat August main aik shadi main hui. Anila 'wheelchair' pe thi. Main ne Anila se poocha tha: "Why you are on wheelchair?"
Usne jawab diya: "main safai kerte huwe gir gai thi"..Magar ye jhoot tha. Anila ko last stage 'refractory ovarian cancer' tha. Mujeh is baat ka ilm uski maut ke baad huwa.
Anila apne ma baap ke saath mere ghar ke qareeb 'apartments' main rehti thi. 3 saal pehle uska jawan bhai, kisi hadse main faut ho gaya tha. Uski maut ka baar baar zikar kerti thi.
August aur September.....woh mujeh musalsal text kerti, raatoN ko phone ker ke utha deti. Kabhi kehti mujeh 'faluda' khilane le jao. Kabhi kehti aaj 'desi chai' pilao. Jab mumkin hota main us ko le chalta. ..Woh bolti rehti - aur main uski be sar-o-pa bachhoN jesi batain sun ker hasta rehta. Mujeh kiya maalum tha - kitna dard liye bethi hai
Woh ab bhi langra ke chalti thi....main poochta to koi bahana bana deti.
Usne mujeh ye pata hi nahi lagne diya ke uska Ovarian cancer ab bone tak sarayat kar gaya hai. Chemo/radiation ki manzil se guzar ker ab woh pain killers pe aakhri din guzar rahi hai...
Aik din uska text aaya 'is Hemoglobin of 4 too low?', Main ne jawab diya: 'yes'. ....Aur phir Anila aik dam se gaib ho gai.....Main ne kai 'texts' kiye, email kiye, facebook pe messages chore .......magar....nadarat!
Anila!
Tum ne mujeh bataya kiun nahi?..ke tumhari kamar ka dard - girne se nahi hai - bulke tumhe 'bone metastasis' hai.....Tum ne mujeh ye kiun nahi bataya ke - tum aik dam se is liye gaib ho gain - kiun ke ab tum main - baat kerne ki bhi himmat nahi rahi
Tum ne mujh se kaha ke main tumhe 'Mika Singh' ke concert main le chalun - main ne inkaar ker diya tha ----- Agar tum mujeh batati ke ---- tum marne se pehle 'sense of normalcy' chahti ho, tumhe aese das concert dikhane le chalta. Khuda ki qasam, tumhare liye duniya ke saare kaam chor deta.............Trust me! I would have done it....
Us raat tum mujh se raat bhar baat kerna chahti thi - tum ne kaha "aaj dard bohat ziyada hai" - main phone off ker ke so gaya --- tum ne bataya kiun nahi ke ye cancer ka dard hai ----Main aesi kai raatain tum se batain ker ke guzar deta. Tumhare saath us gadhe 'Imran Hashmi' ke love songs ki mindless videos zaroor raat bhar dekhta ke yahi tumhare liye 'Morphine' hai!
Anila! If I would have known that why you suddenly stopped talking to me - I would not have taken you off Facebook.....Mere hi kehne pe tum ne apne Facebook ki profile picture badal li thi, ke tum us main bohat 'khili khili' lag rahi thi. ............Ab to tumhari koi tasveer bhi mere paas nahi!
Anila! - you died so quietly in hospice - - - - It was not fair - It was absolutely not fair - - - -Main ne saari zindagi dostiaN nibahi hain. ........Anila! tum mujeh moqa to deti...
You were just not fair to me by hiding your pain!
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