Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Old Age and Perdes

"I think we killed our father. My father was one heck of a happy man in Pakistan. He was in plumbing and gas contractor company for all his life. He enjoyed his naukri with whoever people he worked with. Beside co-workers, he had one best friend all his life with whom he shared everything.

First my brother moved to Canada, followed by me and my sister. We sponsored our parents. My father never wanted to leave Pakistan but on mother's and our insistence, he gave up. But mentally he never left Pakistan. He was destroyed by losing his work and his only friend. Overtime Papa became more and more somnolent. He can be quiet without a single word for hours. He didn't want to do anything. We tried to get him involve in dawats, parties and community events but he would not talk to any person sitting next to him even as a courtesy. In the beginning, it was tolerable as he enjoyed grand-kids but as kids got more involve in their lives, he lost all interest in life as he had nothing to look forward each morning. He stopped going to my brother's or sister's place. In the begining, he enjoyed News from back home but they didn't do any good as most news were depressing. And, as he became more and more homebound in the severe harsh cold weather of Canada, his diabetes went out of control. His arthritis starts acting up. He starts getting angry at himself since his body was not functioning well. He starts popping more and more pills.

We thought of sending him back to Pakistan but if If he goes to Pakistan means mother also has to go with him, but she wanted to live here with her kids and grand-kids. Also, we always lived in a rental place in Pakistan. We lived on 4th floor and last year when we visited, papa  couldn't even climb those stairs. He firmly believed that he came to this state of health because he went to Canada and became house-bound there. If he would have stayed in Pakistan, he would have been fine and running. When we went to Pak, only one person came to meet with him - his only friend. Papa was extremely sad that day when his friend left. I considered leaving Papa back in Pakistan but logistically it was not possible. Coming back, he was a stranger fellow.

One day he was welcomed with a mini-stroke. He was prescribed walker by his physical therapist, but he wasn't ready to use his walker though he continues to have attacks of vertigo. It was a huge blow to his ego as all his life he was never dependent on anything and was never seen as a weak man. We thought he may listen to another man so we asked my brother to 'have a talk' with him, but he didn't listen to my brother, and my brother doesn't have that much patience to talk with him over and over for the same reason. He loses his mind when papa gave rough answers. Mom and I have been so stressed keeping an eye on each of his movement, ke abhi gire abhi gire.

On that day, we had a big argument with papa. He in return decided that he will not eat his lunch. He fall due to hypoglycemic shock and died.


bsc said...

A sad story indeed but realistic.
I remember going through with such feelings of getting elders/parents with us for a comfortable life but decided against it for such reasons
who will sit with them
who will talk to them
there are no neighbors to come and chat or just to say salams mian saheb or whatever
Life is so individualistic in these societies. Even I am feeling that "loneliness' at my age
It does appear he was depressed, may Allah forgive him ad award him al-Jannah

mystic-soul said...