Saturday, March 05, 2016

On "Lowest Point in Marriage - and Cheating"

(Posted as quoted)

"I remained married for 40 years before my wife died of cervical cancer. Before she died, she confessed to me of her cheating in marriage. She was shocked to know that I was aware of it! Cheating happens in marriages when they are at lowest points. In my opinion, all marriages get at least one lowest point. It occurs usually between the tenth to the fourteenth years of marriage. Our twelfth year of marriage was very stressful. I had a very sick mother at home. We were raising three school going children. I was busting my butt at work. There was a complete breakdown of communication. We were living a parallel life. There was no facebook on those days, but she met her high school sweetheart accidentally and it ignited the flame. It was a perfect storm! She was an excellent mother and she was taking care of my mother like an angel. Interestingly, I never got angry. Somehow I was able to rationalize it. It sounds and feels mind-boggling now but it didn't touch me. I am not sure, how long that fling lasted - but the episode passed as kids became auto-pilot, my mother died, business got secure - and we were able to re-connect.

I stay married for so long that after a certain time, it would not have mattered to me anyway- and I am certain it does not matter to most who stays in marriage for that long. I never lost respect for her as she raised three great respectful kids and beyond everything took care of my bed bound sick mother for so many years. Cheating looks like a minion compared to other issues we were going through in life together. Actually, I sometimes feel guilt that I failed to understand her extreme emotional exhaustion as she had to seek support somewhere else.

Marriage is a bizarre relationship of accepting and forgiving matters which outsiders can't comprehend".


bsc said...

I guess every marriage will have low and high points, but cheating is not the only reason.
I am almost 41 years into marriage and have had many ups and downs but no cheating (we were both over 30 at the time of marriage)

Anonymous said...

Cheating originates from small dissatisfactions that happen for a long period of time it doesn't happen overnight - and when those small things accumulate and become gangrenous "Cheating " is born . Once you realize that you can still live with it while being aware of it - You can just cut off the gangrenous part ( get over the cheating episode ) and use a prosthesis to walk with that relationship for a very long time.

You were able to do that I admire you for that Mystic soul!