Empty nest (yes again)

This is the time of the year (August - October) when I hear a lot of crying, vent., experiences of my friends who see-off their kids to college. The USA is a huge country and most of the time children go far away to other states. This is particularly hard when daughters have to go away, knowing our desi culture. One of my friends who sent his daughter to the east coast this year made an interesting comment. Mind it he and his wife watch a lot of Urdu dramas :)

This tells us how the human mind tries different rationalizations to cope with grief in life.

"Pehle hum bachhon ki shadiaN kerte the. Beti susral chali jaati thi to us se - dil maar ker - rishta kam rakhte the ke susraal ko apna ghar samjhe. Ab un ko college bhejte hain - aur dil maar ker baar baar text nahi kerte ke - ab woh nai zindagi main set ho jaaye.  Bachhe baRe ho jaayain to chale hi jaate hain - bus peeche yaadain reh jaati hain. Zindagi ke atthara baras pal main guzar jaate hain".

Education

Nazeeri's mystic poem

The translation is mine and done at 2 in the morning - so all apologies!!

حریفِ صافی و دُردی نہ ای خطا اینجاست

تمیزِ ناخوش و خوش می کُنی بلا اینجاست

You are not a candidate/capable for drinking clean or dirty - and that's your sin

You make a distinction between happiness and unhappiness - and that's your evil

بغیرِ دل ھمہ نقش و نگار بے معنیست

ھمیں ورق کہ سیہ گشتہ مدّعا اینجاست

Without  heart all decoration is meaningless

(and your) this page (heart) is black, that's the whole thing

ز فرق تا قَدَمَش ہر کجا کہ می نگرَم

کرشمہ دامنِ دل می کشَد کہ جا اینجاست

From head to toe wherever I glance 
The miracle in my heart says each place is my destination
  

خطا بہ مردمِ دیوانہ کس نمی گیرَد

جنوں نداری و آشفتہ ای خطا اینجاست

Nobody takes acts of  (only) a crazy man serious
You are not psychotic & neurotic yet and that's your sin

ز دل بہ دل گذَری ہست، تا محبت ہست

رہِ چمن نتواں بست تا صبا اینجاست

As far as heart is connected to heart, love exits
Garden will blossom till breeze is blowing here

بدی و نیکیِ ما، شکر، بر تو پنہاں نیست

ہزار دشمنِ دیرینہ، آشنا اینجاست

Thanks, my good and evil is not related to you
I still have thousand old enemies who stay with me

سرشکِ دیدۂ دل بستہ بے تو نکشایَد

اگرچہ یک گرہ و صد گرہ کشا اینجاست

Closed tears of my heart will not open without beloved
Though there are one & thousand (many) knot-solvers here

بہ ہر کجا رَوَم اخلاص را خریداریست

متاع کاسِد و بازارِ ناروا اینجاست

I have buyer of my deeds everywhere
But value of my all acts are not accepted here

ز کوئے عجز نظیری سرِ نیاز مَکَش

ز ہر رہے کہ درآیند انتہا اینجاست

Nazeeri! don't raise your humble head from circle of humility
(Does not matter) Whatever route he comes from - is the end here 

زفرق تا بہ قدم ہر .................

زفرق تا بہ قدم ہر کجا کہ می نگرم 

کرشمہ دامن دل می کشد کہ جا اینجاست

This is a well known couplet from Sufi poem of Nazeeri Nishapuri, a Persian poet of the 16th century who came to Mogul court and introduced classic Persian poetry. This poem is well known as every couplet can be translated in different ways despite easy words. This poem was referenced by mostly all classic Urdu authors including Dard, Ghalib, Shibli Naumani, Haali and Abul Kalam Azad. He was called the prophet of mystic poetry in Urdu, and Ghalib clearly tried to copy his and Bedil style. Ghalib was notorious to steal styles of Persian poets (he confessed this in his letters). 

Z'faraq = The thing which differs/distict (used for face/Head)

Qadam = feet 

Kuja = corner

Mi = myself

Nagram = attention

Karishma = Miracle

Kush'd = to drench/to find/ to conclude

Ja = place

einjaast  = this is it / this is the place 

Various translations:

1. Wherever I see my beloved, from head to toe - In my heart, each place feels like the place to stay

2. Wherever I go and search, your love drew me back - that my place is here

3. Every day of my life, morn till eve., - My heart see miracles in every moment

4. Happiness or Sorrow - whatever color of life I get from my beloved is good to me.

Immigration, Muhammad, Macca and Medina

Travel is an amazing thing. You meet people and hear things you may not experience in your comfort zone. Last week, I was in England attending a medical workshop. I met an older Pakistani physician who resided and practiced medicine in a relatively small town in the Lake District area for the last 40 years. (He was kind enough to take me after the conference for a 2-day tour of a stunningly beautiful lake-district area).

We discussed the mindset of Pakistani and immigrant diasporas in the UK and the USA. We talked about immigrants' dilemma of staying in a new country and their constant inner desire to move back to their home country. He said something which I have never heard. He said:

"I came to the UK 40 years ago. I am not a very practicing Muslim. I married a Scottish woman. I never pushed my kids to adopt any particular religion. But I never returned to Pakistan and made the UK my home because that's what I learned from the prophet Muhammad's life. Although Muhammad won Mecca, he had all the good reasons and means to return to Mecca. He stayed in Medina - his new home. He treated Medina as his home and created a model state known as riyasate Medina. This is a huge lesson for all immigrants that make your new country your home and deliver all your best to your new home". 

*

Meri Khudkushi aur Chacha Tota

(shared by a friend as we discussed a few of our colleagues who committed or tried to suicide during our medical school)

Khubsurat to main itna tha ke log 'Hero' kehte the. Amma abba, bhai bahen - sab muhabbat bhi bohat kerte the. PaRhaii main bhi achha tha. Magar....

Bachpan se dil main Allah jaane kese aik - 'endogenous depression' - ghar kar gaya tha. Udas rehta tha. Bazahir koi wajah nahi thi magar bachpan se jawani main qadam rakha to depression ki shiddat baRhti chali gai. Shayerii aur kitabon main panah dhundhi to depression ki aag aur bharak gai. Mazhab ki taraf ragib hua to woh bhi aik dhakoslaa hi lagne laga. Dil hi dil main roz Allah mian se jhagRa kerne laga.

Aahista aahista - andar hi andar khudkushi ke plan banane laga. Medical school ke first year main final year ki aik laRki ko dil de betha aur chupke chupke aik-tarfah ishq kerne laga. Jab us ki shadi ki khabar aayi to pakka irada ker liya khudkushi ka. Jumme ke Din aakhri namaz parh ke - Karimabad ke pul ke neeche se jo train ki paTRi guzarti hai, us pe jaa ke marne ki niyyat ker li. 

Mohalle ki masjid ke bahir har jumme, aik chacha faal niklne ke liye tote ke saath bethte. Hum unhe tote wala chacha kehte. Khudkushi ka plan to bana liya magar andar aik dar bhi tha. Kiya dil main aayi chacha ko kaha faal nikal do. Chacha ne faal nikal ke khud hi paRhi. Unki Aankhon main dar utar aaya. Meri seedhi hateli haath main le ker dekhne lage. Hateli pe qamri ubhar pe bane teekon (Triangle on mount moon) ko dekh ke zor se 'Ya nabi rasulallah' ka naara lagaya. KhaRe huwe, mujhe khaRa kiya. Gale lagaya. Rone lage kehne lage: "Mere bachhe ye zulm na ker. Sach bata, kiya khudkushi ka irada kiya hai?' Main ne jawab diya: "Ji".

Gale laga ker rote rahe. Bole: "Dekh khudkushi kerne wala bara khud garz hota hai. Khud chala jaata hai. Apne piyaroN ko saari zindi ke liye jalti dozakh main daal jaata hai. Apna intiqam un se na le".

Ye baat sun ke amma, abba, bhai, aur behnoN ka chehra aankhon main ghum gaya. Dimagi kaiffiyat thi ya chacha ka koi taaweez. Khud hi ka janaza jaate dekhta hun. Dekhta hun Amma been ker rahi hain, abba ka dil betha jaa raha hai. behnain sogwaar hain. Bhaii himmat haare betha hai.

Bhag ke ghare aaya. Amma ke zaanu main paR ke der tak rota raha. Amma bhi roti rahin. Woh din aur aaj ka din - kabhi phir khudkushi ka khayal na aaya. Raat abba se pehli baar apni dimagi halat ka zikar kiya. Woh bhi rone lage. Dusre din Ziauddin hospital Dr. XXX ke paas le gaye. Ilaj kerwaya. Magar chacha tota ki mantiq sab se ziyada kargar thi.

Samjh aa gaya. Khudkushi aur kuch nahi - apne hi piyaroN pe zulm hai.

Psychiatry main residency ki. Ab yahi nuskha dusroN ko baantta hun - bus zaban angrezi hai