On Sisterly love

(found in my old inbox)

Years ago, I met a very intelligent girl. She had masters' in English literature (and earlier had admission offers from two world class universities). Once she had fight with her only sister. They had huge disconnect, miscommunication and heartburn. At end of extreme frustration, she sent this poem of E.E. Cummings to her sister. And, I believe, this best describes a relationship between siblings.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Assertiveness

I wanted to have this small post for a long time.

One small lesson, I learned in life, which turned out to be the most difficult skill or character to have is "assertiveness". No show of undue emotions, no prologue or epilogue, no intimidation, no explanations, no fear or threat. Just simply stating the fact and speaking up of mind. 

I guess, I can't describe, that's why it took so long to do this simple post!

'her'

On recommendation of one good friend, I went to see movie "her". I will not label this movie as a science fiction, rather it is something which has a very high probability to happen soon in our lives! it's a scary movie!

The way, we humans are getting addicted to our iPhones, androids, tablets, computers and other gadgets - God forbid someday, if we have an operating system or an app. with precise emotional intelligence than what it would be like?

Film is based in a near future (5-7 years ahead?) and revolves around a lonely, relatively sentimental gadget bound guy who lives in a downtown metro area. He is going through a divorce from a woman whom he truly loved. In between via ad. at train station, he bought an operating system with an emotional intelligence and an ability to converse, formed and grow inside a person's psych. It gets interesting as Samantha (computer program) develops sexual desires and later they both develop emotions of love, jealousy and betrayal. Meanwhile this is happening to many other people around him! As movie progress, we learn that how these gadgets can really F*** our minds!

Moral was simple: Gadgets and electronics can't replace human love and we all are walking on a pretty tight rope with iPhone in one arm and our relationships in other arm.

It is a beautiful movie to watch (Rated R). Trailer here

Perspective

Ony of my colleague was lately under stress as he thought he made his girlfriend pregnant. 2 days ago, he happily told me that his girlfriend is not pregnant, it was a false alarm and he feels relieved. I said: "Great! Crises averted".

He replied: "There was no crises"

I asked: "Then?"

He said: "It would have been crisis, if I would have abandoned her, or I would have forced her for abortion, if it happens. It was an event of life, and I was only struggling to figure out, how I will raise this child".

I guess, life is all about perspective. If you think, it is a crisis to panic or just an event of a life to walk through with character and dignity!

Sam Berns last talk

Sam Berns is gone! But certainly we have his last words. I watched these thirteen minutes with my daughter and she was more captivated than me.

Link: http://youtu.be/36m1o-tM05g

 

Existentialism defined

 "The question of my bread is a material question but the question of my neighbour's bread is a spiritual question." - Nikolai Berdyaev, a Russian thinker and existentialist. 

(Existentialism  argues that every compassion, feeling, act and attitude revolves around a self)

On Bollywood's "Ishqiya" Sequel

After "Ishqiya" (here), I saw its sequel "Dedh Ishqiya" (here) too. They both are well done work, though commercial at core. But the whole concept revolves around one theme:

"Women can be very calculative and manipulative and can make ass out of any man if she wants, on the name of love".

(Ye mard hi hai jo Ishq ka tamancha bajata rehta hai) 

Scarface

"I was born and raised in an extremely wealthy family. I was the youngest child in the house. I went to the best private school in Pakistan. Since childhood, we have frequented England, the USA, and across the globe like ordinary things. My parents were very much into proper etiquette and sophisticated upbringing. I learned piano, horse riding, swimming, ice skating, painting, dancing, gymnastics, and God knows which other classes I went to. In short, I had a very polished upbringing, graduating from Columbia. I got very picky when it came to selecting my future husband. I wanted the best "Mr. Right" for myself. In the process, I became 35 years old but still unmarried. My parents started freaking out as every birthday passed by. One day in frustration and after arguments, I told my parents to pick a good person for me.

And I married him. He was the son of some family friend. He was an IT engineer. He was raised in the slums of Karachi. He did not go to private school. He had never traveled except coming to this country. He struggled to get an H1 visa and Green card. He had a colossal desi accent. His grammar was way out of the norm. He was a lousy dresser, a huge turn-off for me.

He tried his best to make the marriage work. He was a sincere, hard-working, and soft-spoken man, but he was not cut out for a polished girl like me! For two years, I struggled. I could not adjust. He was not "Mr. Right." I felt ashamed introducing him to my class of friends and going out with him to good restaurants and parties. He was a poor lovemaker. He lacked the mental chip to buy flowers, gifts, and romantic cards. He was too generic for me. He was too Walmart-type for me. Eventually, his frustration starts showing up with escalating arguments. Finally, I called off marriage (shocking my parents to death). I was very nasty with him blaming his FOBism and lack of personal grooming. He did not say anything except say: "I appreciate your honesty."

Since then, I dated many "cut out" widely traveled, well-dressed, gym body guys with excellent table mannerisms and perfect linguistics, but beneath the hype of all this "sophistication," there was always a phoniness, cheating, show-off, display of family pride, etc., etc.

Mujeh nahi pata ab woh kahan hai. Magar aik baar, mil ker us se, main bhi kehna chachti hun: "I failed to appreciate your honesty. I appreciate you never lie to me, even in matters of a penny. I appreciate you have never been physical with me. I appreciate you for always respecting me. I appreciate you making warm soup for me when I was sick. I always thought you were not cut out for me, but I was never cut out for you".

It took a long time for me to learn that his scarface was a sign of the depth of his struggle.

*

Calling and Closure (The Lowland -2)

(An email came in my inbox last night)

"I get connected to your blog 3/4 years ago. I read your blog once in a while since I am a physician also working in the USA. To be precise, I am an Urologist. I came to this country a long time ago before you came. Your blog makes me feel relevant. I got compel to write this email as "The Lowland" came in my life at a very crucial time. And, surprisingly you completely missed that point in your review.

I came to this country, married a white American woman and for two decades had a very good family life. Then, my kids moved out. My wife divorced me and at age 54, I was again a lonely man. Over time I lost complete touch with my community. My parents passed away and siblings were living their own life in Pakistan. I was done with women. For ten years I came to an empty house. I tried to adopt some hobbies. I  learned to play golf. I start travelling. I start contributing to local charity causes. But nothing brought relief.

I read "the Lowland" over Thanksgiving. I took off from work and planned to go and play golf. I picked this book at airport. I was stuck in Dallas hotel as it was all icy outside. When I reached the chapter, where Gauri suddenly bought ticket to India at Heathrow airport, I felt like doing the same thing. I asked my partners to cover me for a month. I packed stuff and just took flight to Lahore. My mind was empty. I had lost myself. I didn't know why I am alive. Kids education was paid off and they were gone except texts and few emails.

After 40 years Lahore was a resurrection for me (why it is always 40 years?). I get deeply connected with my old childhood friends, my brothers and my two sisters. My nieces and nephews were a pure delight speaking Urdu. But there comes an accidental meeting with an old surgeon friend, running a charity hospital and needed a good surgeon. I made deal with him to spend six weeks in winter every year to do free surgeries for him. That was my calling and closure to me.

How did you miss that closure and calling we all immigrants need at old age? Perhaps because you are too young for that.

(Keep my name private)  

Life

Somebody send me this song. I heard this song after such a long time and enjoyed it so much. Posting here as it coincides with the theme of this blog.

Us umar main insaan ke andar kitni zindagi hoti hai - werna ab to, baqol Amitabh - 'Ye jeena bhi koi jeena hai lallu' 

The Lowland

I think "The Lowland" is so far the most mature work from Jhumpa Lahiri, taking theme from Naxalite movement in West Bengal in 1960s. It is not that she came up with an idea and wrote a novel sitting on desktop, but she researched it well. It was apparent that she did make sure that all historical events can be substantiated by references. I am sure, she made travels solely for the sake of novel. (Her control over city of Calcutta, Rhode Island, California and even Ireland was amazing). She poured her heart out. Immense emotional intelligence. She was able to touch every cord of my heart. The way she wrote chapter 4 of part V11 of novel is really a work of art.

Why this novel was important to me?

I grew up in Karachi in Zia Martial Law. I have seen student politics from very near. Later I saw rise and fall of MQM in my own backyards. Many jiyalas of PPP, Sindhi nationalist and leftist parties and later of MQM were killed in fake police encounters (or fighting with each other). These were politically conscious kids who were misguided by their leaders. They were foot soldiers who were used as pawns by their self-centered leaders.. and there is no trace of those unnamed poor souls. (You may project this to suicide bombers now grooming in Pakistan).

This is a tale of psychological suffering of many people, even generations, when a person dies in this unnatural way. Udayan died but his parents, his brother Subhash, wife Gauri, daughter Bela and even grand-daughter Meghna suffered in her own way. It took 40 years before there was a silver lining on clouds. This novel was a story of different dimensions of love, intricacies of relationships, heartbreaks and promises.

The most heartbreaking (and simultaneously heartwarming) highlight of the novel (for me) was - how Gauri kept secret of her husband hidden from every single soul. Throughout novel, I kept questioning the behavior of Gauri, and in last few chapters, I was even thinking that all this is now redundant but at last it turns out that there was something she knew as a wife which no one knew!

I was little turn off at one point where meeting of Bela and her mother Gauri was made little filmi/Bollywood. I think that part went too loud. Also, its hard to explain to me that why new generation Desi-American authors are still not out of fatalistic approach? - But overall, I loved this novel.

Balon wale Hakeem Baba

Hamare mohalle se 3/4 mohalla chor ker aik Hakeem sahab ka hikmat-khana tha. Hakeem Sahab ko log 'balon wale hakeem baba' ke naam se jaante the - kiunke jab bhi mareez unke paas ja ker bethta, woh nabz se pehle baloN ko haat laga ke check kerte. Unka kehna tha baalon ki 'haiyat' (texture) se sahat ka andaza ho jaata hai.

Ye baat yun yaad aai ke peechli dinOn hospital main aik dermatologist ne lecture main kaha: 'people with healthy hair are usually healthy people and live longer'.

Chor

Dhoom 3 was a typical mindless, paisa wasool masala picture. But one dialogue was really interesting.

"Hum sub hi chor hain bus churane ke liye apne matlab ki cheez milni chaiye"

(Amir Khan, Abhishek and Jackie Sharoff - all 3 did an impressive acting. KK is now getting boring)