Playing with change!

Jub hum residency ker rahe the to hamare paas aksar qismat ke maare Pakistani, Indian lurke 2/3 hafte ke liye aa ker ruk jaya kerte the. Koi student hota, koi unemployed hota, koi is perdess main naya naya be-sahara hota.....

Aese hi aik lurka aaya tha Asghar. Asghar koi 3 mahine hamare saath raha. Phir use Loyola University main admission mil gaya aur woh kahiN aur roommate chala gaya. Jub hum hospital main hote to woh 'kitchen apron' pahen ker bari nafasat se hamare liye khane pakata.

Hum saare roommate har shaam apne bache kuche khulle (change) yogurt ke aik khali dabbe main daal dete. Farig auqat main Asghar un quarters, dimes, nickels aur pennies se khelta rehta. Aik din main ne Asghar se poocha: "Ye tum 'change' se kehlte rehte ho, is ka kiya maqsad?". Asghar ne jawab diya: "Yun change se kehlne se mere andar, bure waqt ke aehsas pe aik marham sa lug jata hai"

Uske baad meri zindagi main do teen aese waqt aaye jub mujhe paison ki aik dam se shadeed zaroorat par gai magar intazam nahi ho raha tha. Mujhe Asghar yaad aaya. 'Change' se kehlte huwe sach much mera dard kuch kum ho gaya...

A psychological escape - I guess!

Ishq

Jub log kehte hain ke Hazrat Ibrahim ke liye aag gul-o-gulzar ban gai thi to mujhe nahi lagta ke aag sach much main bujh gai ho gi - bulke mera khayal hai ke Hazrat Ibrahim Allah ke ishq main is qadar doob chuke the ke - namrud ki sulgaii us aag ki tapish ka unhe aehsas hi nahi hua....

Pata nahi kiun mujhe aesa lagta hai

Aik lakh rupe

(I wanted to write this post for a while but hold back as every time I think of it, shiver runs through my spine. It also tells how people perceive situation and moments differently - This will be both in english and urdu words as uttered by characters)


I think it was 1995. After starting residency, I was visiting Pakistan first time. Abdul was one of my childhood friend. He asked me to lend him 1 lac rupees for one year. I knew Abdul very well. They were 5 brothers and sisters and he was the bread winner for family with his father. He secretly invested all savings of family (intended for sisters' marriages) in stock market and lost every penny. He appeared very dishevel and depress. I had few money saved during residency. I lended him 1 lac rupees...

Every time I visited Pakistan - he had issues going in life and he always asked for one more year. Over years, I forgot about that money. 13 years passed...one lac rupees even lost its value in US dollars. Last year while I was visiting Pakistan, I was passing through the area of Abdul's residence. Without any intention, I entered his apartment complex and knocked on his door. By now Abdul was married and had 2 kids.

He was more surprised than happy to see me. Though, he welcomed me to his home.."pareshani us ke chehre se saaf ayaN thi"....His wife (bhabhi) came and asked for "chai". She was a gracious lady.

As I realized, what's making him 'jhijhak', I decided to leave after salam-dua and without any mention of money. As I stand up to leave, Abdul closed the door of his living room.

Abdul: "Main janta hun tumhare aik lakh rupe barsoN se mere paas udhar hain magar kiya karun meri zaroortoN ne kubhi mujhe itne paise jama hi na hone diye"...

He hold my hand and start crying. I was speechless. An adult man of 2 growing kids was crying like a kid. As I remained speechless, he thought I am angry or thinking that he is just acting up a drama ... Probably, he wanted me to say something but I just could not find words..

Abdul: "Sach poocho to main tumhare aik lakh rupe to kubhi wapas na ker sakooN ga magar..."

woh thori der khamosh raha aur jumla mukammal kiya...

"...magar tum chaho to aaj ki raat meri jagah meri biwi ke saath reh sakte ho"

Ye jumla sun ker meri ooper ki saans ooper aur neeche ki saans neeche reh gai...

I just walked out of his house and could not breath properly till I walked 2 miles before hailing taxi...and till today as I said it send shiver through my spine...

Ye gurbat bari kamini cheez hai

Friendship

What a remarkable quote of Martin Luther King Jr.

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends".

Divorcing on 5th Anniversary

(following post carries the content of sexual description)

Ever heard of people divorcing on their wedding anniversary? - Read this tale.

When Alam Khan came from Pakistan, he was a young tall, handsome Pathan boy of 22. His father was my friend. Due to a snowstorm in Chicago, his connecting flight was canceled, and he stayed with me for three days before I shipped him on a domestic flight to his father. He was one heck of a jolly happy dandy young man.

Alam Khan, with his father's help, bought a small gas station in one of the rural areas of Tennessee in the vicinity of the Smoky mountains. Amina - who later became his wife, was passing by with her family to visit there. When they stopped at Alam's gas station, Amina went inside the store to get a soda and met Alam Khan. It was a love of first sight. Somehow Alam managed to slip his cell phone number to Amina. They stayed in touch. Amina's family declined the marriage proposal from Alam's family as they were Shia sect, and Alam was from the Sunni sect. Amina rebelled against her family's wishes, ran away from home, and went to stay with Alam. Their families disowned both. One day I received a call from Alam and Amina to see if I could make their families accept their relationship. First thing I advised them to go to court and get married. Indeed, they did. I spoke to Alam's father and Amina's family (who were furious), but since they were legally married, both families had no choice but to swallow their kids' wishes. A grand reception was finally arranged at one of the 5-star hotels in Atlanta. I was invited to their wedding over the memorial weekend in 2004. Alam and Amina were pleased and glowing. Amina met me for the first time but treated me like her brother. I got very close to her family (and still I am).

Once the honeymoon period was over - fights erupted between Alam and Amina. I received calls from Amina on and off with various complaints against Alam. Over time after having long talks with Amina, I realized that the underlying issue was something else. What was taking a toll on marriage was Alam's habit of pornography! Since the business was doing good and employees were running it, Alam all day watched, read, and chatted porno on his computer at work and masturbated many times every day while at work, and consequently unable to perform intercourse at night due to penile fatigue. I started getting calls from Alam to prescribe viagra, which I initially took just as a curious inquiry from a newly married man; later, Amina told me that he couldn't perform despite getting a heavy supply from a local urologist. Amina, being an eastern girl, was unable to verbalize her agony and reacted with fights as it is still taboo in our culture for a girl to acknowledge sexual dissatisfaction. Once I realized the issue, I had multiple talks with Alam to abandon his addiction to pornography, but he could not. He was, in real terms, addicted. I advised him to see a therapist and to go to a marriage counselor. Nothing worked.

They divorced on their 5th wedding anniversary!

*

Closure!

Zindagi main insaan kubhi sirf aik lafz dhundhta reh jaata hai.
Kisi kitab ka aakhri safha nahi milta.
Koi 'file' hai jo kabhi daakhile-daftar nahi hoti.
Dil main weerani aesa basera daal leti hai,
dil ki zameen aesi baanjh ho jaati hai ke
insaan sehra ki tapti dhoop main -
har sarab ka peecha kerta rehta hai -
magar paani ki woh bund nahi milti jis se qarar aa jaye!

Is blog pe main ne apne dost Ahsan Ali ki maut ka pehle bhi zikar kiya hai (like here). Is 'weekend' pe main aik shaadi pe gaya to aik dum se Ahsan Ali ki biwi (Rehana bhabhi) saamne mil gai. Salam Dua ke baad usne kaha main tum se kuch baat kerna chahti hun. Ahsan Ali ki maut ko 3 baras ho gaye magar mujhe aesa laga ke Rehana bhabhi ke chehre ne shayed 30 barson ka safar tey kiya hai.

Hum starbucks ki taraf rawana huwe. Jese hi main ne gari start ki lata ji ka song shuru ho gaya "tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi" (here). Main ne CD band kerna chahi to Rehana bhabhi ne manah ker diya. Kehne lagiN main ye sunna chahti hun. Hum kafi der starbucks ke parking lot main khamosh bethe rahe. Mujhe nahi maloom main Rehana bhabhi ka dukh kese baantta. Kuch der bad bhabhi phoot phoot ke rone lagi. Main kiya kehta. Jub unki kuch dharas bandhi to unhon ne kaha: "Tum Ahsan Ali ke sab se achhe dost the. Bus dua karo kisi tarah aik baar kisi tarah woh aake muje se keh jaaye ke, main ne tumhe muaf ker diya hai. Uski maut ke baad aik aik lamha main us ke 'forgiveness' ko tarsi hun. Bus aik dafa, bus aik dafa kahin kisi khawab main aake, ya kisi aur tarah mere kaan main keh jaaye - ke use mujhe se koi gila nahi werna ye guilt mujhe maar dega"

Main tasalli ke do lafzon ke siwa kuch na keh saka. I drove her back to wedding.

Meri Dua hai Bhabhi ke dil ko sukoon mil jaye.
Unke dukh ko 'closure' mil jaaye.... I hope she can moveon with life.

Kuch zakham saari zindagi nahi bharte - bus aaihsta aahista riste rehte hain!

preserving victory

One important lesson I learned in life is to understand that: only victory is not important but to learn to preserve victory by following path of grace.