Second Innings

America main mujeh aik nahi bulke kai aese log mile jo apne mulk main aik behtreen zindagi guzar rahe the, aur phir halat ki wajah se yahan aaye aur ab unhe zindagi guzaarne ke liye 'odd jobs' kerni paR rahi hain.

Ye woh log hain jo apni zindagi ki second innings khel rahe hain.

- Chicago main aik russian neurosurgeon se mulaqat hui, jise 'janitor' ka kaam kerna paR raha tha
- Dallas main gas station ke counter  pe aik Pakistani orthopedic surgeon se mulaqat hui
- Toronto main aik Bangladeshi pharmacist se cab main mulaqat hui
- Houston main Karachi University ki aik microbiologist PhD professor ko Phlebotomist ka kaam kerte dekha
- LA main aik Iranian writer ko dry cleaning pe kapre sort out kerte dekha

Main aksar un logon ke baare main socha kerta - Ye log "events of life" ki wajah se - ab zindagi ki 'second innings' khel rahe the. Main aksar sochta: In main kiya cheez mushtarak hai

In sab main aik baat mushtarak thi - ye sab apni 'second innings' ki job bhi bari imandaari aur mehnat se ker rahe the - shayed afsos ka shaaiba zaroor ho, magar nadamat nahi thi - ye sab ab bhi apni zaat main utne hi purwaqar the. Shayed maali tor per gareeb the magar andar ki daulat wese hi thi

Aur shayed ye us kirdaar ki taqat se thi - jo ilm ke noor se aati hai

Tasmanian Devil

Is kurrae-arz ke kisi kone main aik janwar rehta hai, jise 'Tasmanian Devil" kehte hain. Is janwar ko khuda na la-tadad khubioN se nawaza hai magar woh un tamam khubion se shaitaini kaam leta hai, isi liye use devil kehte hain - Jese us ke aik niwaale ki tawat 1200 pound/sq inch hoti hai aur us ke daant is qadar tez hote hain ke, ye shikar ke gudoN (bone marrow) tak utar jaate hain - magar khata phir bhi ye murdaar (dead bodies) hi hai. Ye to sirf aik misaal hai. Aaap jitna ziyada is janwar ke baare main paRhte  jaayain ge, aap ka mun hairat se khulta chala jaaye ga! 

Is janwar ne kai zoologists, anthropologists or ecologists ko tajassus ka shikaar kiya hai - Is per bohat kuch likha bhi gaya hai.

Is ke baare main, main jitna paRhta gaya mujhe aesa laga ye hum insaanoN ki misaal hai - jise "ahsane taqweem" ki meeras bulke mairaj pe tarasha gaya aur phir "asfala safleen" ki gherayion main utar diya gaya.

Waqt mile to paRhiye ga - aur sir dhuniye ga - ke hum insaan bhi kese apni khubion ko shaitain aamal ke liye waqf kiye rakhte hain.

"so much resting on such a simple thing"

(What a beautiful write-up. I was in ave for few moments after reading this)

 "The nature of a baby with hypoplastic left heart syndrome (a “hypoplast,” as we call them) means that oxygen—the life-giving, lifesaving drug that we routinely use during medical emergencies—can kill. There is a tiny duct that is helping to keep the baby alive, their fetal underwater circulation. Usually, this closes a few days after birth, but Baby Murphy’s duct needs to stay open. Oxygen can speed up the closure of this hole. If these babies cry, they let in too much oxygen. Much of a nurse’s job caring for a pre-stage-one Norwood procedure—the first of three major replumbing operations to treat hypoplastic left heart syndrome—is to make sure these babies don’t cry: so much resting on such a simple thing”

Excerpt From The Language of Kindness: A Nurse's Story
Christie Watson

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Language-Kindness-Nurses-Story-ebook/dp/B074YMCB54/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

Selfless vs a sacrificial lamb

(found on the internet and liked it)

A long long time ago, my husband, our two sons and I had gone out for an ice-cream treat. It was sometime when I was always thinking of curbing unnecessary expenditure.

As a selfless person, who was too much in love with her family to deny them of any pleasure, I always chose to sacrifice my own excesses. And it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice ever, because I was a woman of very few needs/ wants/ desires. So, when my husband asked each one of us to choose our favorite flavor of ice-cream, I responded as usual, “I won’t have any.” The boys enjoyed one round and ordered another; my response remained the same, “I don’t want any.” I was happy in my family’s happiness. I was happy that my not indulging in pleasure was perhaps ensuring some more goodies in the future for my dear ones.

But my husband looked at me and said, “Please don’t do this to yourself and to us. I want a happy wife; not a sacrificial lamb. I have seen that too much sacrifice eventually leads to bitterness and victim mentality. And I sure as hell do not want you to develop that. You see, after a period of time, the boys and I will stop asking you for your choice, because we will assume that you don’t want it; we will take you for granted and subconsciously start treating you as a doormat. It will then hurt you.. and you will feel miserable and unimportant. You will think that we don’t care about you. While in truth we would be behaving naturally, knowing from experience that you don’t care for yourself. That your wishes are not important. So, I suggest that you always take your share and then if you really don’t like it, share it with someone who does. That will be good for all of us. You will learn how to claim your importance in your own and our eyes and we will always ask you. There will be happiness all around.”

His talk made sense to me. This made me take a re-look at the word 'selfless', equating it with self-sacrifice. That day the meaning of these words opened up for me!

Self-sacrifice ......... is not the balanced way!!!

Zikr aur Sabr

"Sir! kiya zikr se Allah ka deedar ho jaata hai"

"Mere bachhe! Deedar na bhi ho to zikr se kai aur daulatain haat aa jaati hain. Dukh main marham parh jaata hai, sukh main itminaan ki gheraii paatal ko chu leti hai - aur sab se barh ker sabr haat aa jaata hai. Anxiety kam ho jaati hai. Tabiyat main TehraO aa jaata hai. "Red signal" pe ya traffic main phans gaye, mobile ki jagah zikr shuru ker do. "Bank" ki line lambi ho gayi, zikr chalu ker do".

"Sach Sir! ye sab asani se ho jaata hai?

"Boht asani se - bas uska koi naam jo achha lage chun lo. Aur 3 mahine aazma ke dekho. Tawaf ki ruh badal jaati hai. Qibla khud seedha ho jaata hai. Chaal halki parh jaati hai. 

'Driving tickets' bhi nahi milti!"

KhushiaN

"Zaroori nahi ke har khushi sab se baant li jaaye. Jese kabhi koi phool band kamre ko ziyada der tak mehkaaye rakhta hai - waisey hi. 

Kuch khushiaN har kisi se baantne se murjha si jaati hain. 

Kuch khushian der tak mautaar rehti hain - jab tak un khushioN se wabasta logoN ke darmiyan rahe - jese kisi chote se khandan ka apna koi 'inside joke' - jese kisi do dost ke 'inside secret' 

Marriage - Husband, Wife and their Demons

I have a lot of unique friends. One of my friends seldom talk but once he has his ounce of wine, he can go for hours and hours. As chacha said

phir dekhiye andaaz-e-gul-afshaaniye-guftaar 

 rakh de koi paimaana-e-sahbaa mere aage

On our last 'baithak' he said something sensible. 

"Marriage is not an easy thing. Once a honeymoon period is over and many times even before or during it, demons start coming out of husband and wife. Apparently reasonable human beings turned into mean souls. One lead to another and both start treating each other unfairly. Hope is that eventually they will understand their demons and will put them under the cage. And, this is the reason marriage eventually makes you a better human being as you come to know your own faults better than anyone. But there are many who get perished in this journey".

"Ethics of War" - and Muhammad

While writing a post on 'Red Door' from our Scotland trip last year, I had another interesting encounter on that trip - which I never blogged about as I was unsure how factual it was. Also, I didn't want my Muslim and non-Muslim readers to feel offended. But it was interesting, and please read it merely as a conversation.

I didn't know the significance of April 16 in the history of Scottish people. It was April 16, and I was getting on a train from Glasgow to Edinburgh. There were few school kids at the station performing war plays. I was watching them with interest. As our train departed, the person beside me introduced himself as 'Chuck.' He was a history professor who started telling me about the English-Scottish wars. And how France backstabbed the Scottish people during the Jacobite rise and how brutally the English army butchered not only Scottish soldiers but also women who were nursing, confiscated cattle and burned houses, etc.

Then he turned and asked me: "Are you a Muslim?" I replied in the affirmative.

He said: "Let me tell you one thing. I am the professor of history. And, there is only one person in documented modern human history who established and practiced "ethics of war" - and that was Muhammad of Arabia—neither any of his nearest followers nor any distant of his enemies ever practiced ethics of war. To treat prisoners with respect, not to harm women, children, and elderly, not to destroy wells and food or harm cattle and horses, and not to initiate war if not intended, and not to expand war if not needed were his rules of war and virtues of his diplomacy. Not to offend you, he died, and with him, the values of Islam died".

I am curious to know how biased he was against English folks or how accurate his reading on the ethics of war was. I guess I need to study by myself. 

*

Masculine side?

"It happens to women who have an intense sex life. They develop their masculine side."

(Madame Collette to Paprika in Italian classic 'Paprika')

Paprika is considered a classic of renowned director Tinto Brass. It is a movie of a countryside girl who comes to live in a brothel. It is considered a mainstream art movie despite its massive R rated content as it depicted the confusion of society towards brothels and showed mindsets, issues, and culture at such places in any given society.

"Red Door"

Last year, a group of our friends decided to take a tour of Skye and the Highlands of Scotland. We were six goras, 3 Chinese and myself. As Scotland is home to whiskey, they decided one evening to go for whiskey tasting. I had no option but to accompany them, roam outside, drink cappuccino and wait for them.

Most beautiful things in life come as surprises. I saw a sign of art gallery and walked through the door. It was all paintings of Scotland's renowned artist Jim Woodman. Emotions he portrayed in the paintings were breathtaking. But one theme I found in his paintings boggled my mind for many hours. I was thinking about it even during my return flight. He had this unique "Red Door" in few of his paintings. It took me a while to understand his idea behind it. We all have these waves of emotions and thoughts going through our heart and soul every second of the life. And unconsciously, we all are trying to find that (provocative) door through which we can channel, pass, placate and home all these emotions at rest. I was very impressed and that Red Door always stayed with me.

You can browse his paintings, and read more about him at www.jimwoodman.co.uk

Gum-naami

I am blessed to have many friends with incredibly high IQs, psychological dyslexias and out of box thinkings. They continue to amaze my intellect. Last week I had an interesting conversation with one such friend.

Me: "Hum sab shayed apni maut se daRte hain"
He: "Mera khayal hai hum sab apni gum-naami se daRte hain"

As chacha Ghalib said: Duboyā mujh ko hone ne na hotā maiñ to kyā hotā