On "End of Life Comfort"

Dr. K works as a consultant for Palliative care in our hospital. Once he told me that he used to be a private GP in community but one day he decided to switch and became an end of life or palliative care physician. I asked him what makes him to switch his sub-speciality. He said: "Being a GP, I was a horrible clinician. I used to make many misdiagnoses. In outpatient setting, it was not a big deal but I had to go through guilt trip every time I misread a clinical sign. One day, it dawned to me that if I cannot provide a good comfort to people who are alive and active, at least I can be a good provider to make people at deathbed to die with dignity and comfort. Dignity and comfort at death is something which is often missing in today's medicine. And, I am happy I made a right choice".

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajeun

(I heard this many centuries ago, but recently get reminded on the death of a loved one. Its not necesaary to agree on this but I always found fascination and element of thought in this statement).

"Tum jaante ho Islam is qadar 'addictive' mazhab kiun hai? Kiunke - Maut ka bara khauf hota hai. Har mazhab isi khauf ka ilaj chahta hai - magar saare mazahib main sirf Islam hi tha - jo kisi bhi maut pe 'closure' ki aik aesi kefiiat paida ker deta hai - ke uske manne wale khud ko apne parwadegar ke asal main wasil samjhne lagte hain - Aik 'Monorealism' ki si kaifiat".

(Personally, I believe these 2 ayats should be read in conjunction with each other (2:155 and 2:156 - but I guess that's another topic)

Na-shukri

Jab meri shadi hui to mujeh bara shoq tha ke foran se bachhe ho jaain, magar mere shohar ne kaha: "abhi hamare ye halat nahi ke diaper ke karch bardasht ker sakain, aur agar kambakht ne breast-feeding main tang kiya to dabbe ke doodh ka kharch alag". ...Ye baat mere dil pe aese teer ki tarah lagi, ke main ne zikar hi chor diya.

Saat baras baad mere shohar ne faisla kiya ke ab aulad ki koshish kerni chahiye - magar aaj 28 baras guzarne ke baad bhi hum la-aulad hain.

Magar mere shohar ki na-shukri ka bojh main kiun utha rahi hun?

On "wife's cheating"

"Bhai! BarsoN ho gaye apne aap se ye jang larte. 15 saal purani baat hai, magar us raat ki har baat mujeh yaad hai. Saare shawahid (situations) is baat ki gawahii dete the ke meri biwi us raat kisi gair-mard ke saath thi, magar chunke main ne apni aankhoN se nahi dekha tha to main ne us ke 'excuse ko accept' ker liya. Itne barsoN main ye faisla nahi ker paya ke main kamzor tha ya apne kirdar ki parvarish ker raha tha! Magar bhai! Aese kirdar aur sachhaii ka koi kiya kare jo aadmi ko andar hi andar har roz apne na-mard hone ka aehsas dilati rahe".

Sach aur Wafa

(Written as heard. Not necessary to agree)

"Mard saari zindagi sachhaii ka chasma dhundhta rehta hai aur Aurat wafa ke darya se piyas bujhane ki sa'ii kerti rehti hai. Us bhaRwe ko pata hi nahi chalta ke aurat sach ke bagair to jii sakti hai magar wafa ke bagair kumla jaati hai".

Acknowledgement aur Yajooj Majooj ki Deewar

"Tum jaante ho aurat mard ko chor ker apne mayike kiun chali jaati hai?"
"Tum batao"

"Woh acknowledgement chahti hai. Apne wajood ki tasdeeq chahti hai. Woh apna muafza (price) aese hi wasool kerti hai. Attention hi uski meeras hai. Aik dafa uska shohar use lene aa jaye to kachhe dhage se bandhi chali aati hai. Magar aksar is khel main, rishte toot jaate hain. Aurat jaan hi nahi paati ke mard ki anaa'  yajooj majooj ki woh deewar hai, jeese saari umar chaatte raho magar woh har subah usi shaan se phir khari ho jaati hai".

A Quote

“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers”.  – Voltaire

A Daughter's letter to Dad on Pornography

(I am not sure, if this letter is just crafted or real - I received  in a forwaded mail and found worth sharing)

Dear Dad,

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.

Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

Love, Your Daughter

Story of a Kite

Father is flying a kite. His son is watching him carefully. After some time son says " Dad. Because of the string the kite is not able to go any further higher. ‎" Hearing this, the father smiles and breaks the string. 

The kite goes higher after breaking of the thread and then shortly after that it comes and falls on the ground. The child is very dejected and sad. The father sits next to him and calmly expalains:

" Son, in life we reach a certain level of prosperity and then we feel that there are certain things in our life that are not letting us grow any further like Home, ‎Family, Culture Friendship etc. We feel we want to be free from those strings which we believe are stopping us from going higher. But, remember son. Going higher is easier than staying at the higher level. And family and culture etc are the things that will help us stay stable at the high heights that we have achieved. If we try to break away from those strings our condition will be similar to the kite."

Happy New Year

Pardesi aur Purani Kahani

"Kiya huwa tum Pakistan nahi gaye? 6 mahine se shor machaya huwa tha, 10 baras baad Pakistan jaane ka!"

"Bhai! wahi purani kahani ho gai! Socha tha ghar walon ko surprise dunga jaane se 2 din pehle bata ke. Amma ko bataya to kehne lagiN: Choti ki shadi ki tayyari kerni hai, Abba ne kaha: ooper ki manzil banwani hai - aur ghar ke har fard ki farmaishain thi.... kisi ko iphone chahiye tha to kisi ko iPad aur kisi ko Nike ke joote... 10 hazar dollar bachane ke liye phir Pakistan jane ka program late ker diya. Inshallah agle baras...shayed....."

Shah Vazeer

Shah Vazeer aik nahi do naam hain. Shah aur Vazeer. 
Ye dono dost hain. Aur ab bhi Karachi main kahin rehte hain.

Jab main medical school jaane ki tayyari main tha to aik tuition center main parhta bhi tha aur parhata bhi tha. Wahin meri mulaqat Shah aur Vazeer se hui thi. Ye dono aik dusre ke bachpan ke dost the. Bachpan se aik hi school gaye. Aik hi mohalle main rahe. Itne saath rahe ke naam hi 'Shah Vazeer' par gaya!

Un dono ko medical college jaane ka koi shoq nahi tha. Ghar waloN ke zor per intermediate repeat ker rahe the. Magar poora din Tuition Center ke bahir bethe rehte. Cigarette phoonkte rehte. Larkion ko dekhte aur class ka time khatam hota to bus main char ker ghar chale jaate. Main un se poochta ke jab medical college nahi jaana to kiun waqt barbad kerte ho? to hanste rehte. Saal khatam ho gaya. Main medical school chala gaya. Unhon ne science chor ker B.Com main admission le liya. 

Kuch  dino pehle Shah Vazeer ke mohalle ka aik larka America main mil gaya. Main ne Shah Vazeer ka poocha to usne bataya: "Shah Vazeer ab bhi usi mohalle main, usi makan main rehte hain. Dono ke paas ab aik aik motorcycle hai. Dono ke 3-3 bachhe hain. Shah ki aik choti si kiryane ki dukan hai aur Vazeer apni motorcycle pe supply ka kaam kerta hai. Woh ab bhi yunhi haste hain, khush rehte hain - aur jab koi unse poochta hai: aage kiya irada hai? to woh haste rehte hain"!

Pata nahi kiun? Main bohat dinoN tak Shah Vazeer ke baare main sochta raha! 25-27 baras baad bhi mujeh andar se yun mehsoos hota raha jese Main ne Shah Vazeer ke saath Tutition Center ke bahir saath cigarette na phoonk ker koi galati ker di !!!!!!

And culture continues...

(Despite immigrants continue to move toward west, their values continue to haunt many of their new relationships. A simple story  - with my gulabi english translation below).

From uncle Saugoree Urdu blog 

میرے ایک عزیز دوست جگ بیتی او آپ بیتی  'کہانیاں' لکھتے ہیں   میں اکثر ان سے متاثّر ہوتا ہوں کبھی کبھی مجھے بھی ایسا لکھنے کا خیال آتا ہے

عرصہ ہوا میں اس وقت انگلستان میں کام کر رہا تھا اس وقت وہاں ہسپتالوں کی گروپینگ اور قسم کی تھی خیر ہمارے

 گرپ کے تمام ہندوستانی اور پاکستانی کسی اتوار کو اکٹّے ہو جاتے اور خوب محفل جمتی چنانچہ اس طرح ہم سب ایک دوسرے سے واقف ہوجاتے تھے اسی زمانے کا ذکر ہے ہمارے گروپ میں ایک نئ ہندوساتی ہائوس فزیشن آئ بڑی سیدھی سادی لڑکی تھی ہمارے سینئر لڑکوں میں ایک صاحب جو مسلمان تھے انھیں وہ لڑکی پسند آئ۔ وہ بھی سیدھے سادھے مسلمان پاکستانی تھے لڑکی کی ایک بات یاد ہے کہ اس کے وارڈ میں ایک سٹروک کا مریض داخل ہوا بچاری پریشان تھی کیا کرے کس طرح اس کی مدد کرے ساری رات اس کے سرہانے بیٹھی سوچتی رہی اور جو اس کی ضروریات تھی نرس کی طرح کرتی رہی  - اب ممکن ہے اس میں کچھ  'ذیب داستاں کے لئے کچھ بڑھا' بھی دیا گیا ہو مگر قارئین کو اس کی سادگی سمجھ آگئ ہو گی  ہوتے ہوتے ان دونوں میں - یعنی جن پاکستانی صاحب کا ذکر کیا ہے ان میں باقاعدہ محبت ہوگئ شادی کی بات چلی  دہلی میں اس کے گھر والے نہ مانے اور پاکستان میں ان کے گھر والے تیار نہ ہوئے اب یہ مجھے یاد نہیں کہ لڑکی نے ہندو سے مسلمان ہونے کا ذکر کیا تھا یا نہیں

 ممکن ہے اور بھی ایسے وقعات ہوتے رہتے ہیں ان میں کچھ اور اسباب ہوتے ہوں لیکن اکثر ایسا دیکھنے میں آتا ہے کہ محبت کو قربان کر دیا جاتا ہے میں یہ ان مغربی ممالک کی بات کر رہا ہوں اور پڑھے لکھے ہوشمند انسانوں کا لکھ رہا ہوں .

پاکستان میں جو کچھ ہوتا ہے اس کا ذکر نہیں کر رہا ہوں

One of my good friends writes autobiographies and other people's biographies. Many times I get impressed by him, and I think of writing biographies as well.

A long time ago, when I worked in England, we had different kind of groupings, and in our group, most of the people were either Indians or Pakistanis. We used to get together on Sundays, and have a good party. That's how we got to know each other better. Then, there comes a new girl from India, who was a house physician, and a very simple girl. One of our senior boys, who was Muslim, started to like that girl. The guy was also a very simple man. The girl was so simple that I remember once in her ward, there was a patient with stroke. She was new and was confused, and didn't know how to help that patient. All night, she stayed on the patient's bedside thinking, and helping the patient just like a nurse does. It's possible that, for storytelling, I may be exaggerating a little bit, but the reader should know, how simple that girl was. 

Over time, they both, meaning the Pakistani guy I described above, and the girl formally fell in love, and wanted to get married. Unfortunately, the girl's family in Delhi, India, and the boy's family in Pakistan, didn’t accept the relationship. I don't exactly remember whether the girl agreed to convert from Hinduism to Islam, but nevertheless, the marriage didn't happen. It's very much possible that these sort of events happen regularly. There may be other factors involved, but frequently we see that love gets sacrificed. And, I am talking about educated and intelligent people in the Western world, not people back home in Pakistan! 

 [And, that surprises me a lot.]

Nuqsan

Hazrat Ali ne kaha tha: "Duniya ka sab se chota nuqsan daulat ka hota hai"

Zindagi ka aik lamba arsa guzaarne ke baad mujhe samjh aaya ke kitna sach hai ke - asal nuqsan kisi dost ka kho jaana, kisi ka aitmad kho dena, apna waqar - apni izzat kho dena, apne kisi piyare ki judaii, apni sahet ka nuqsan, apne iradoN ka past ho jana aur apne khawaboN ka nabood ho jana hai.

Aik dafa phir se ye sab parhiye aur sochiye - kiya daulat in cheezoN ka madawa ker sakti hai?

A Quote

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ~ Sharon Stone

Dilip Kumar's Advice to Actors

I was reading Dilip sahab's newest interview. What he advised to new actors and actresses in one line, is itself the deepest philosophy and a book on acting in one line! - "Invest your emotions wisely"

You can read whole interview at

http://www.bollywoodhungama.com/celebrities/features/type/view/id/7622

A Quote

(I have a privilege to meet such few people in life)

On 'Hobby' and 'one labor of love'

One important lesson I have learned in life is that every person should have one hobby and one labor of love in their life aside from their usual responsibilities of family, children, friends, and career.

A hobby can be anything you thoroughly enjoy writing, reading, movies, playing golf, traveling, gardening, or knitting - to soothe and numb yourself. (No, Facebook and Twitter are not a hobby)

One labor of love is something that requires dedication, affection, time, and effort. It could be any project like volunteering at any homeless center, teaching at church/mosque, part of any fundraising for a good cause, going to a cancer hospital to act like a clown for kids, or any reason which is dear to your heart.

darde dil ke waaste paida kiya insaan ko

*

On "bare arms"

Someone asked me: "What attracts you most in a woman besides the usual busts and bums?"!

I replied: "I find sleeveless bare arms extremely attractive."

I got an interesting comment: "Did you know Homer in the Iliad refers to certain goddesses as white-armed? So, this was almost their identification. So you are not the only one who is a fan of bare arms. It happened a few thousand years ago:-)"

*

on "Vision"

A blind person asked a sage: "Can there be anything worse than losing one's eyesight?" 
He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!" 

.