Anila!

(I haven't sleep properly in last 2 days. Someone close quietly died. This post is more of vent -gubar - than anything)

Anila se meri pehli mulaqat August main aik shadi main hui. Anila 'wheelchair' pe thi.  Main ne Anila se  poocha tha: "Why you are on wheelchair?" 

Usne jawab diya: "main safai kerte huwe gir gai thi"..Magar ye jhoot tha. Anila ko last stage 'refractory ovarian cancer' tha. Mujeh is baat ka ilm uski maut ke baad huwa.

Anila apne ma baap ke saath mere ghar ke qareeb 'apartments' main rehti thi. 3 saal pehle uska jawan bhai, kisi hadse main faut ho gaya tha. Uski maut ka baar baar zikar kerti thi.

August aur September.....woh mujeh musalsal text kerti, raatoN ko phone ker ke utha deti. Kabhi kehti mujeh 'faluda' khilane le jao. Kabhi kehti aaj 'desi chai' pilao. Jab mumkin hota main us ko le chalta. ..Woh bolti rehti - aur main uski be sar-o-pa bachhoN jesi batain sun ker hasta rehta. Mujeh kiya maalum tha - kitna dard liye bethi hai

Woh ab bhi langra ke chalti thi....main poochta to koi bahana bana deti.

Usne mujeh ye pata hi nahi lagne diya ke uska Ovarian cancer ab bone tak sarayat kar gaya hai. Chemo/radiation ki manzil se guzar ker ab woh pain killers pe aakhri din guzar rahi hai...

Aik din uska text aaya 'is Hemoglobin of 4 too low?', Main ne jawab diya: 'yes'. ....Aur phir Anila aik dam se gaib ho gai.....Main ne kai 'texts' kiye, email kiye, facebook pe messages chore .......magar....nadarat!

Anila! 

Tum ne mujeh bataya kiun nahi?..ke tumhari kamar ka dard - girne se nahi hai - bulke tumhe 'bone metastasis' hai.....Tum ne mujeh ye kiun nahi bataya ke - tum aik dam se is liye gaib ho gain - kiun ke ab tum main - baat kerne ki bhi himmat nahi rahi

Tum ne mujh se kaha ke main tumhe 'Mika Singh' ke concert main le chalun - main ne inkaar ker diya tha  ----- Agar tum mujeh batati ke ---- tum marne se pehle 'sense of normalcy' chahti ho, tumhe aese das concert dikhane le chalta. Khuda ki qasam, tumhare liye duniya ke saare kaam chor deta.............Trust me! I would have done it.... 

Us raat tum mujh se raat bhar baat kerna chahti thi - tum ne kaha "aaj dard bohat ziyada hai" - main phone off ker ke so gaya --- tum ne bataya kiun nahi ke ye cancer ka dard hai ----Main aesi kai raatain tum se batain ker ke guzar deta. Tumhare saath  us gadhe 'Imran Hashmi' ke love songs ki mindless videos zaroor raat bhar dekhta ke yahi tumhare liye 'Morphine' hai!

Anila! If I would have known that why you suddenly stopped talking to me - I would not have taken you off Facebook.....Mere hi kehne pe tum ne apne Facebook ki profile picture badal li thi, ke tum us main bohat 'khili khili' lag rahi thi. ............Ab to tumhari koi tasveer bhi mere paas nahi!

Anila! - you died so quietly in hospice  - - - - It was not fair - It was absolutely not fair - - - -Main ne saari  zindagi dostiaN nibahi hain. ........Anila! tum mujeh moqa to deti...

You were just not fair to me by hiding your pain!

On 'Hymenoplasty'

"Now let me tell you a brutal fact. I am not married and I am not a Virgin. Yes! I did sleep with someone. I am not proud of myself but it happened. I am a Muslim so I am expected to be a virgin. I told 2 potential men, who came with proposals, that I am not a virgin - they freaked out and went away after passing judgement on my character".

"To tum 'Hymen Restoration' - kiya kehte hain use - 'Hymenoplasty' kiun nahi kerwa leti"

"Nahi....Jhoot pe palne wale rishte se behtar hai woh rishta, jo toot jaaye"

Life of Pi - 2

I read this novel last year and blogged about it (here). They did an excellent job making a movie from this mystical/abstract novel. I am still scratching my head about how they made a movie with a 450-pound heavy Bengal tiger, showing him in such proximity to the central character, Pi. Irfan Khan is, as usual, outstanding, and Tabu continues to mesmerize with her voice and tone!

As I blogged earlier, the story revolves around a South Indian boy who gets in a shipwreck. Now, he has to survive in a small boat with a giant tiger. In contrast to the novel, which has the flaw of getting too dragged with the tiger and boy's interaction, the movie kept a good rhythm and pace. The film held the audience on the edge of the seat.

Central idea: We all have to live with our inner selves till we find our rescue at shore. We have to train our inner self, keeping instinctual evil under control. We have to feed our inner ego gently and make friends with him. The movie/novel is written in an abstract form - portraying different humans as animals (simple Buddhist monk as a Zebra, Pi's mother as a loving Orangutan, Evil cook as a Hyena, and self Pi as a Tiger) - meaning God's plan in our life also manifest as impersonation. Events in our life are all abstracts having other real meanings.

When Pi and Tiger get stuck on a faraway island - it is a tale that - sometime in our life, we think of a deadly island as a last destination, but we need to know that life is all about moving till we reach ashore among livings again.

Dialogues are powerful, like"People meant to go away - Amma, Abba, Ravi - but what hurt most - there was no goodbye or thank you, after we survive so long together."

P'S: Another Hollywood flick, "Parental Guidance," is also an excellent watch with a friendly family comedy of my favorite, Billy Crystal. 'Les Misérables' is also a good watch but nowhere near an actual novel.

*

On 'Grief and Acceptance'

There was one woman, named Gotami, whose child had just died. She was so sad that she became crazy. She went everywhere trying to bring her child back to life. Her friends felt sorry for her and said, "Gotami, you should go and see the Buddha. Perhaps he can help you. She went before Buddha still holding her child in her arms. "Please bring him back to life for me," she cried. Very gently Buddha answered her, " I can help you, Gotami, but first you must bring me something. I need some water. However, it must come from a house where no one has ever died."

Gotami quickly went out in search of water from such house. She asked many homes where no one has ever died. At the end of the day she returned to the Buddha. "What have you found, Gotami?" he asked. "Where is your water?" She answered, "Buddha, today I have discovered that I am not the only one who has lost a loved one. I see my foolish. I have accepted his death, and this afternoon I buried him."

Mera Harjaii, Mera Taranhaar!

Gul meri zindagi ki aik aesi chubhti yaadgar hai jeese bhulana aasan nahi. Is silsile ki 2 posts pehle likh chuka hun (here, here)......Main ne kuch dinoN pehle use phone is liye kiya tha ke meri chubhan main kuch kami ho, magar is  qatil zaher ka shayed koi taryaq mumkin nahi.

"Suna hai tumhara shohar koi bara kamina insaan hai"

"saari duniya ke liye woh haramzaada aur kamina hai. Aur ye sach bhi hai ke usne khandan, mohalle main bari bad-naami kamaii hai.... Shadi-shuda aurtoN pe dore daalna, doston rishtedaroN ki bahen betioN se chakkar chalana, bazari aurton se taaluqat rakhna, juwa kehlna, sharab peena - jo kamana woh ayyashi main ura dena --- ye sab sach hai ------- Magar mujh jesi larki, jo sirf buri qismat se shamaye-mehfil ban jaati hai, ko ghar ki izzat banana, aese hi mard ki jurrat ker sakti hai --- werna tum jese mard to saari zindagi bus mantiq ke ghore dorate rehte ho ---- aur hum jesi larkian kisi bazar ki dahleez pe bethe bethe 'aunty' ban jaati hain.....Koi kuch bhi kahe magar mera to woh taranhaar (rescuer) hai....Har sham bhale kisi aur aurat ki bahoN main rehta ho magar har subah woh meri agosh main bedaar hota hai. ......tum nahi samjh pao ge!.... Badqismat hoti hain woh aurtain jo laut aane wale mard ki aasudgi se saari zindagi na-waqif rehti hain ---- aur mera harjaii to har subh mere paas lota hai".

Jhoot ki Deewar

This email is in response to one previous post: 'Ali Karim, Drugs, Sex aur Namaz!' (here)

"I read your post on Ali Karim's issue with weed/drugs. Let me tell you my ordeal - and what price I paid for this bad habit. 

I was engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world. Everything was like a Bollywood movie. We remained engaged for five years and finally had a memorable wedding. I had used weed since my college days. It never interfered with my studies or professional life. It was my hidden secret. I never shared with anyone, even her. We were together for almost eight years! And I hid from her my addiction to weed. Once we were married, she recovered weed from my jacket. I tried to hide again, but it was self-evident. It was not addiction or weed itself that broke our relationship but a web of lies I weaved over eight years - Retrospectively, all those small lies for bad breath, getting late, acting silly, red eyes, crashing on the sofa, etc., etc. - us aik jhoot ko chupane ke liye 100 dusre jhoot -

I wish she would come back, but still, what she said while leaving hurts me: "Tumne jhoot ki itni unchi deewar khari ker di hai ke main wapas bhi aana chaun to mumkin nahi"

I did quit weed cold turkey but still waiting for her"

*

Nina!

Nina jesi dhan paan si nazuk larki yun aik jhatke se "Buck" ki gardan pe chura pher ke use kaat degi - mere to rongte khare ho gaye!

Nina aur us ka shohar mere parosi the. Peechle saal mujeh koi kaam nahi tha to main unke saath  'Deer hunting' pe ho liya ke chalo ye bhi aik tajarba rahe ga. 

Nina housewife thi. 3 bachhe the. Mere to waham-o-guman main bhi nahi aa sakta tha ke woh ghar-daari aur 'cooking' ke ilawa kuch aur bhi ker sakti hai.

Machan pe bethe abhi ghanta guzra hoga ke hirnoN ki aik toli namudar hui. "Buck" unke peeche jharioN main chupa huwa tha. Nina ne apni 'Remington Rifle' uthai aur "Buck" ki 'cervical neck' pe fire kiya - magar goli uske kaandhe pe lagi. Woh zakhmi ho ker gira. Nina aik jhatke main machan se neeche aai aur khanjar nikal ke "Buck" ko zibah ker diya. Main dekhta reh gaya!

Kuch der baad jub woh 'buck' ki skin utar rahi thi aur intestines clean ker rahi thi - us ne meri taraf dekha aur tanziya muskurahat se kaha: "Learn to never underestimate a woman".

On "Sarmad"

Mughal badshah Aurangzeb ne Sarmad (here) ki grdan sirf is liye kaat di - kiunke woh kalma poora nahi parhta tha!  Woh kalme main La ilaha (there is no God) to kehta tha magar illallah (Except God) nahi kehta tha.

Kisi na poocha: 'Kalma poora kiun nahi parhte'?
Jawab diya: 'Abhi nafi ki manzil pe hun, jub asbat ki manzil ko pochunga tab poora kalma parhun ga'. (I am at level of non-existence. Once I exist, I will say full kalma).

Bewaqoof aadmi - sab ki tarah yunhi, jaane bagair, poora kalma parh leta to gardan to na katti!


*BTW: Sarmad means eternal!

2 kinds of Women

"I am looking for a bride. Which one quality should I look for?"

"Listen young man! There are only 2 kinds of women. One who constantly complain and one who does not. Try to get the other one! All other things will fall in place by itself".

Pakistan!

(Main ne use Airport se pick kiya.... Woh keh raha tha. Main Khamosh tha)

"Tum 20 baras pehle jab wahan the to Pakistan se kitni mohabbat kerte the, choti choti baat pe dinoN kurhte rehte the, saare ke saare akhbaar parhte the - GadhoN ki tarah 9 baje ka khabar-nama sunte the! koi buri baat ho jaaye to poori poori raat nahi sote the...... Pakistan chorte tum kitna roye the. Departure lounge se baar baar phone kerte the... ....... ..... Khuda ka shukar hai tum woh des chor aaye, werna ab ke jo wahan hote, to tumhari to dimag ki rag, kab ki phat chuki hoti!"

Barfi

Note: Earlier I wrote a positive review on this Indian movie. Its now deleted since I discovered many scenes and even central idea has been directly  lifted from various Hollywood movies. Hindustan Times reports here

What a shame! 

The Third Wave!

I advise people to have at least some glimpse of this amazing thinker (Alvin Toffler) and his concept of third wave! (here)

Mehrooni (A short story from Bombay)

On 'Wazoo'

"Tum mujeh namaz parhna sikha sakti ho?"

"Pehle wazoo kerna to sikh lo"

"Champion! main namaz apne 'nafsiyati tajarbe' ke liye parhna cha raha hun, tum mujhe Maulvi bana rahi ho...... Ye wazoo, nafal, topi, musallah wagera jama ker ke cheezon ko 'complicate' na karo"

"Mere se bare champion! Aadmi to tum doctor ho magar aqal tumhari aadhi hai! - Wazoo bhi 'nafsiyati tajarba' hi hai.... Itne se paani se koi najasat saaf thori hoti hai.......ye to bas 'psychological appetizer' hai us 'psychological relief' ka ke - main apne saare 'hidden skeletons' phenk ke apna 'closet' dhona chahta hun"!

"Hmmmmmm"

"Head to Head trial ker ke dekh lo - wazoo aur bagair wazoo ki namaz  -main se kis namaz se ziyada 'relief' hota hai"

Aik conversation!

"At the end of the day....Mard ki izzat isi baat se hoti hai ke woh ghar main kitne paise kama ke lata hai aur aurat ghar ko kitna sanwar sambhal ke rakhti hai....ye 'homemaker dad'  aur 'career woman' wagera wagera sab dil ke behlawe hain"

"Not in this age! I don't agree"

"I didn't ask you to agree"

On Khalil Jibran

When I moved from Pakistan, I left all my books of Khalil Jibran. He is a one must read in growing age. I don't miss his stories anymore except I still go back and read his best work "The prophet". Following will give you a good flavor of his writings!

( 'The Prophet' available online here)

"When I learned that people sleeping on luscious beds and on floor have same dreams, I start trusting All Mighty's justice"