On "Facebook updates"

I have been culprit of this. I have my load of difference with Ashfaq sahab but I have extreme high respect for his thoughts on many matters. I learned a lot from following

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Read here on wikipedia on origin of this famous poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning’s hush 

I am the swift uplifting rush 

Of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there; I did not die

On "Misery and Beauty of Travel"

Due to various reasons, I got stuck in unknown and undesired places a few times during my travels. Though very frustrating, in retrospect, I value those times. As I had no option but to regurgitate my feelings, I sat back, examined my life, and tried to judge it as a third person from far.

Once stuck in a tiny small town of upstate New York due to massive snow, I had the most peaceful dinner (steak cooked by an older man) under very dim light at a small eatery adjacent to a motel. It was nothing but serenity in my heart - the steak was tender, the silence was priceless, and the moonlight after the snow was magical. The next day, I had to walk to a small store in foot deep snow to buy food. A mother and her little girls ran the store. Happiness on their faces to find a customer told me how important it is for people to pay bills on time. It was a very humbling experience.

 Driving through Alabama, my car broke down, and I had to wait three days in a tiny town. I had no choice but to sit on the balcony all day and read a book - and watch people going on with their life. It dawned on me that we all are just characters on a TV screen. The script is indeed written somewhere else. I became less judgemental of people since then.

 When I had a two-month gap between my residency and board exam, I took a road trip and drove I-90 across the continent from West to East Coast. On the first night, as I entered Idaho, I was exhausted. I stopped by at a small gas station. I saw a sign of "psychic." He gave me graphic details of my life for the next 20 years. Many of them turned out to be very real and in the same manner!

 Not very long ago, two old hostesses of not a very fancy 'Bed and Breakfast' in a small town in France fought with a taxi driver as I missed my train as he didn't arrive on time. They forced him to drive me to the train station for free.

 I encountered good and bad people, but I found humans helping and of good heart in general. The family has opened doors on me in the pitch darkness of the massive wilderness of Indiana. In Ottowa, a bartender has cooked fresh-cut fries for me knowing I am hungry. Denny's waitress had let go of half my bill in Kentucky as I was short on money, and my credit card didn't work. It was in Turkey that I was served free breakfast only because I was from Pakistan! I have people buying a subway ticket for me in Quebec as I struggled with the machine due to the language barrier. I had the best samosas of my life in the far land of Tanzania. Forget humans; I had bears on the highway staring at me but let me pass without harm.

 I have no regrets of unkind hosts, harsh weather, getting mugged (once), missed flights, broken car, long lines, dirty motels, sleeping in rest areas, etc. - as these all made me witness the beauty of humanity from very near.

*

On "not valuing eternal moments"

As, I was cleaning my old emails, there was a years years old email sitting there. I am glad it was still there to remind me that we are cruel people. We never value present eternal moments of life at those given moments (Idea behind this post). I wish, I have understood the beauty of heart of another person at that given moment. I lament my kamzarfi of not to appreciate beauty of those moments as they happen. We are idiots, at least I am.

When I left the town after residency and went back to re-visit. One woman I adored a lot. We realized we cannot be together due to our religious, family, color, language, cultural and circumstantial differences.

It has some explicits. Read at your own risk but I believe explicits is the beauty of this letter.


"Strange thoughts. It is like you never came. And when you were here, it was like you never left. Fuck you, doctor. All my frustration of not being touched by you just merges into one word. Fuck you. You and your touch. You inside me. The pressure of your body on my body. The weight. I never knew simple lovemaking is so good. The look of your face when you are about to climax. The constant kissing. Your eyes. I think unlike as you were with me before, we did not talk as much as I would like us to. Your hands. Doctor, it was domestic almost. We getting ready to go out. I was wearing make up, you were changing clothes, I was correcting your collar. Fuck you. Just fuck you. 

The sex was like movie kind of sex. In the middle of all the lovemaking, the idea that you may not love me the way I love you. That my emotions for you are may be too strong for you to handle. It makes me feel strange that actual physical part of lovemaking can be so good. That it can sustain for more than few minutes. That somebody can devour my breasts. That I can kiss you for hours. That I can climax twice in a day without self-pleasure. Fuck you. You are a motherfucker. Touch my arms. Touch my back. I could taste my vagina, the smell in your mouth. The kiss on the lake. Just fucking disappear. I should have ask you about normal things like flight, weather, family, work. And you will forget me and my touch. But I will not forget. I will not forget. Before, I missed you more than your touch. This time, I will miss your touch more than you. You are an asshole. I hate you. The rage that I feel inside is overfuckingwhelming.

So angry. Cannot live with you, cannot live without you. A kiss on the side of lake, a touch of hands while sitting together, having a hot chocolate. Dreaming of living with you in the sun."

On La of Ilaha!

"Khuda ke raaste ka musafir banne ke liye khuda ko manna zaroori nahi" 

Jab ye baat main logon se kehta hun to log mujeh hairat se dekhte hain - magar ye sach hai

Ilaha ki rah main lailaha ki kai mazilain aati hain, shakook ke samandar aur be-yaqeeni ki waseeh khaleejain haail hoti hain - kaa'baa o kalisaa ki kashmakash chalti rehti hai - Us se ghabraane ki ya gunah ka aehsas rakhne ki zaroorat nahi - It is absolutely normal!

Bande ka kaam sirf chalna hai - Sach ki talab agar raasikh ho to ye manzilain guzar jaati hain.

Ilaha ka suraj lailaha ke andheroN main hi chamkta hai

Maryam

Jab peechle saal main Rome ja raha tha to Elsa (my co-worker) ne mujh se kaha mere liye Bibi Maryam ke naam ki tasbeeh (rosary) le aana. Jab main wapas aaya to usne mujh se poocha: "Tumhe Vatican main sab se achha kiya laga?"

Main ne Jawab diya: "Maryam ke naam ki tasbeeh"

To hasne lagi aur kehne lagi: "Tum to Vatican ja ker bilkul hi isaaii ho gaye ho?"

Main ne kaha: "Ye baat nahi....magar jun jun meri umar guzarti ja rahi hai...main sochta hun Ibne maryam to saare zamane ke dukhoN ka madawa kerta tha - magar Maryam apni aulad pe hota zulm dekh ker jis dukh aur karb se guzarti hogi, to us bechaari ke aansu kaun paunchta hoga....."

On word "Whore"

On my one previous post (here), 'Beyond' wrote a comment. I agree completely and don't feel like adding anything except to answer that probably we use monogamy as a tool to treat our insecurities.

 "I feel sad for a whore in any case. The term itself is very derogatory towards female gender. There is no male equivalent for men in common language. The idea that a woman will know men better if she has sold herself physically is revolting. It may be true but paints a very bleak picture of this world. Why is the idea of marriage so appealing to masses? If a woman is with several men, it is considered a taboo. If she is married to a man, all is well. Monogamy makes us very comfortable. Please blog about it mystic, someday."

Clay pots

For the longest time, I remained curious about the fascination of artists with clay pots. Once, a priest told me that bible symbolises human souls in bodies, similar to perseverance of treasures in clay pots. I came across the following quote and felt like sharing.

Walmart

If you want to destroy a community, culture or a town - built walmart there.

Maujeeza

Log kehte hain paani pe chalna maujiza hai, magar main kehta hun - 
jeese zameen pe chalne ka saliqa aa gaya use maujeeza mil gaya

~ Annonymous

One ER doc

(A conversation with one of my desi ER colleague)

"Tum itne pur-sakoon kese rehte ho?"

"Jab poora din ER main logon pe yak-dum aane wali aafton se nipat ker ghar aata hun, to ghanton sochta rehta hun ke insaan ki zindagi kese aik lamhe main badal jaati hai. Saari kahanian, saath khaRe ghar wale, unke aansu....... Sab ko lagta hai pur-sakoon hun magar andar toofan chal raha hota hai"

On 'Ultra-short stories' - 2

On one of my previous post on 'ultra-short stories', (here) someone left a short but a powerful comment

~ my two words story "she lived"  ~

Suqraat ka piyala

Yesterday one friend said a beautiful sentence in between conversation. I am not sure he himself even noticed it, but I loved it. Fortunately or unfortunately, I am surround by intellectually dyslexic people

سمجھہ نہیں آتا سقراط کے پیالے میں زہر تھا یا امرت 

۔

On "Social Pressure"

It is unfortunate that due to media, movies, magazines and in general - society has put so much burden on a common regular 'joe and jane' person to look "good"!  Being a physician, I have seen many women suffering from dreaded complications (and I mean dreaded) from undue and unneeded procedures! Many women have been rendered depressed and clueless. Again it's unfortunate. I was told by one plastic surgeon that now men are under pressure too. He has more men for hair transplants, tummy tucks, botox etc.

Personal grooming, being healthy and cleanliness is another thing but to have perfect body image is undue expectation from a self.

Intern

25 years and Robert De Niro continue to amaze me! His new movie with Ann Hathaway is another gem which moviegoers should not miss. It's all about putting people at comfort and peace. You may disagree but I see this as a mystic movie as Ashfaq sahab used to say: "Allah aap ko aasani de aur aasani taqseem kerne ka sharf de".

It is a story of a young married working self-made woman who at surface looks having perfect life but going through issues in life - and how a chance encounter with a 70 years old man put her at ease! Simple but beautiful.

Trailer here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6dKhzYgksc

On 'ultra-short' stories

I developed interest in writing or reading 'ultrashort stories' when our tenth grade teacher gave us an assignment to write a "three words story" after giving introduction of allegedly six words story of Ernest Hemingway  - "For sale: baby shoes, never worn"  (there is a controversy about his authorship).  I remember my story was: "Main Insaan hun" (I'm a Human). Somebody forwarded this ultrashort story to me, and I loved it.

Interesting quote

Very interesting observation. Let me put my comment after quote

"WHORES, ANNA ONCE READ, make the very best wives. They are accustomed to the varying moods of men, they keep their broken hearts to themselves, and easy women always ease through grief." ~ From Chapter 3 Jill Alexander Essbaum's “Hausfrau.”

I fully agree with above. Also, man needs to be very careful in cheating or deceiving 'whore turned wife' - as if she turns angry, he may not be able to bear that burnt, or she may ditch him in blink of an eye. 

Life after delivery

In a mother’s womb were two babies.  The first baby asked the other:  “Do you believe in life after delivery?”  

The second baby replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery.  Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

  

“Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery.  What would that life be?”  

“I don’t know, but there will be more light than here.  Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths.”

  

The doubting baby laughed. “This is absurd!  Walking is impossible.  And eat with our mouths?  Ridiculous.  The umbilical cord supplies nutrition.  Life after delivery is to be excluded.  The umbilical cord is too short.”  

The second baby held his ground. “I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here.”

The first baby replied, “No one has ever come back from there.  Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere.” 

“Well, I don’t know,” said the twin, “but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us.”  

“Mother?” The first baby guffawed. “You believe in mother?  Where is she now?” 

 

The second baby calmly and patiently tried to explain. “She is all around us.  It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world.”  

“Ha. I don’t see her, so it’s only logical that she doesn’t exist.”  

To which the other replied, “Sometimes when you’re in silence you can hear her, you can perceive her.  I believe there is a reality after delivery and we are here to prepare ourselves for that reality when it comes….”

One fine read from Zia Mohyeddin

This is one miscellaneous read from Zia Sahib from Urdu literature - particularly first part on woman !!!! - in 2 Parts

Jibran says

"Keep me away from the wisdom which doesn't cry, the philosophy which doesn't laugh and the greatness which doesn't bow." ~ Khalil Jibran