Playboy

(2 weeks ago, I was out of town. Fortunately met some old friends. From one late night mehfil)

(The following post has some sexual content)

I have been called and rightly called 'Playboy' all my life. I don't even remember how many women I have slept with or had an affair with. I don't take women seriously. Maybe a couple of times in my life, I thought of getting married to a particular woman, but spending the rest of my life with one woman freaked me out. I run away! Though I enjoy their company and conversation, I think women are just good for F***.

Now that said, let me narrate my one childhood experience. I was nine years old. Since all characters are now dead, I am comfortable sharing this. We were not very rich people. We lived in Lyallpur. They start calling it Faisalabad to make Arabs happy. Our father, in the mid-1970s, with a wave of the labor force, went to Dubai so he could provide a better lifestyle for us. He used to stay there for a year or two amid brief trips back to see family on Eids. Every evening, we went to the neighbor's house to watch TV for hours. One evening, my two-year-old brother and I were sent home early by neighbors, and we found our mother sleeping with my one distant uncle. That day, we did not know what to make out of a naked man and a woman sleeping together.

My brother and I never talked about that.

As chapters of life unfolded in the next 30 years, I turned into a playboy. And my brother is a divorced, impotent man who lives in a one-bedroom apartment somewhere, popping anti-depressants every night and every week, spending 200 dollars on his psychotherapy session.

May I step out to puff a cigarette?

*

About last night / Captain Phillip

About last night is a typical hollywood Saturday night flick, with tons of comical sex scenes. What we call paisa wasool masala picture. But one conversation was interesting.

Girl: "Why keep trying if 95% of relationships are epic failure."
Boy: "Because other 5% are mindblowing."

Movie Trailer here

Captain Phillip: I watched Tom Hanks' Captain Phillip in Airplane. After Forrest gump, this is one of his most mature and powerful performance. In last 10 minutes of movie, playing a role of a man who is shaken and broken  was just awesome - particularly when he delivered the dialogue; "Its not my blood". Pure Oscar performance. Trailer here

A worthy Man and A Lucky Man

(years and years ago, one sage gave me a worthy piece of advice) 

Qaabeel-e-qadar hai woh shaks jo Ma ki izzat kare, biwi ka bharosa kare aur beti se piyar kare - Aur , Khush-naseeb hai woh shaks jise Ma ka piyar mil jaye, biwi ki izzat aur beti ka aetamad. Agar Khush naseebi na mile to kam-az-kam apni qadar ko barha lo.

A Man is worthy if he respects his mother, trust his wife and love his daughter. And,
A Man is lucky if he gets love of his mother, respect of his wife and trust of his daughter.
If you are not lucky, at least be a worthy.

A quote

''The more fragile an idea is, the more terrifying its defenders are.''

-  Syrian writer Nabil Fayyad 

Perspective / Parenting

Roti

(This one line haunted me for days)

The Last Valentine

"Since childhood my father celebrated Valentine's Day. My mom passed away long time before I can even comprehend things. My father never married again. We were three siblings. 2 Brothers and I was the youngest, special and princess of the house.  Every Valentine, coming from work, my father brought flowers, card and cake. When I was away for college and even when I married and moved 10 states away, his card, flowers and cake arrived every year. Forty five years and not even a single year was missed. One year my husband was stationed overseas in Germany and indeed his valentine's flowers arrived. My father got diagnose with lung cancer two years back. Chemotherapy did not stop him from his ritual. My father died on the 13th of January at MD Anderson. It was a sad day. But this morning card, flowers and cake arrived with a note saying Good bye, love and Happy (last) Valentine's. He made arrangement with local floral shop before he died. I will always miss my Dad.... Happy Valentine's Dad".

Aik Bud-Dua

Mujeh malum hai tum bud-duaoN ko nahi mante magar hamare khandan ki kahani suno

Jab mere 'par-Nana' ne meri 'par-Nani' se dusri shadi ki to, log kehte hain, unki pehli biwi ne meri 'par-Nani' ko bud-dua di ke: Tumhari saat (7) nasloN main kisi aurat ka ghar na basey.

Mere 'Nana' jawani main hi meri 'Nani' ko bewah ker gaye

Mere 'baap' aur meri 'Ma' main saari zindagi alehdgi rahi

Mere Shohar ne apne ghar walon ko  khud-kushi ki dhamkiaN de de ker mujh se shadi ki aur phir meri beti ke paida hote hi woh mujeh chor gaya.

Main ne saari zindagi laga laga ker jis beti ko parhaya likhaya, achhi tarbiyat ki .......... pata nahi, achha bhala larka tha - woh dono saath pale barhe - dhum dham se hasi khushi shadi hui , honeymoon banaya - - - - - aaj wahi beti apni beti ko liye mere ghar aa bethi hai...

Ye kesi bud-dua hai ke, betiaN hi janam leti hain, aur kisi aurat ka ghar hi nahi basta

Jane's (Fairy Tale) (take on Man)

"Did you see my big fat diamond ring?"

"Get out of here. When did this happen?"

"A week ago! .......... I was born in a broken family. My Dad left us when I was very young. My mother was an alcoholic. My Grandmother raised me. I never had a 'Man' in my life! In my teenage and 20s - I was so busy with work and my education. I had only one short serious relationship, but it was too violent. He was an angry and physically abusive man. I gave up and moved on. I put all my energy into work. I turned 40 three years ago. Going to an empty home was not a great feeling. Cooking for self was labor. I always craved that warmth of a kind, gentle, but firm man. I don't know about other women, but I always felt incomplete. I never had a father, brother, or a proper boyfriend. 'Man' was a fairy tale to me. I met him a year ago at the airport as our flight was delayed for six hours. We started talking, and since then, there was not a single day we hadn't talked. 2 weeks ago, he was here, and one Saturday night, quietly on the couch as we watched TV, he slept ring in my finger. I was speechless. I had tears in my eyes. I don't know how to explain. For a woman, nothing is more precious than a loving man lying next to her in bed each night. She wants his arms, either around her or her breasts, with a cozy hug. A ring is a big thing as it signs love and security.....We are going to Montreal for our honeymoon.......I am out of here soon, dude!"

*

On 'Equality'

"Is it true, all men are created Equal?"

"No Son! Don't let that crap contaminate your mind. Everyday thousands of kids born very ill, handicapped enough to be dependent all their lives, in extreme poverty, ill fortune and in shackles of not yet described slavery. Be thankful for, to be blessed and privileged than others". 

On Sisterly love

(found in my old inbox)

Years ago, I met a very intelligent girl. She had masters' in English literature (and earlier had admission offers from two world class universities). Once she had fight with her only sister. They had huge disconnect, miscommunication and heartburn. At end of extreme frustration, she sent this poem of E.E. Cummings to her sister. And, I believe, this best describes a relationship between siblings.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Assertiveness

I wanted to have this small post for a long time.

One small lesson, I learned in life, which turned out to be the most difficult skill or character to have is "assertiveness". No show of undue emotions, no prologue or epilogue, no intimidation, no explanations, no fear or threat. Just simply stating the fact and speaking up of mind. 

I guess, I can't describe, that's why it took so long to do this simple post!

'her'

On recommendation of one good friend, I went to see movie "her". I will not label this movie as a science fiction, rather it is something which has a very high probability to happen soon in our lives! it's a scary movie!

The way, we humans are getting addicted to our iPhones, androids, tablets, computers and other gadgets - God forbid someday, if we have an operating system or an app. with precise emotional intelligence than what it would be like?

Film is based in a near future (5-7 years ahead?) and revolves around a lonely, relatively sentimental gadget bound guy who lives in a downtown metro area. He is going through a divorce from a woman whom he truly loved. In between via ad. at train station, he bought an operating system with an emotional intelligence and an ability to converse, formed and grow inside a person's psych. It gets interesting as Samantha (computer program) develops sexual desires and later they both develop emotions of love, jealousy and betrayal. Meanwhile this is happening to many other people around him! As movie progress, we learn that how these gadgets can really F*** our minds!

Moral was simple: Gadgets and electronics can't replace human love and we all are walking on a pretty tight rope with iPhone in one arm and our relationships in other arm.

It is a beautiful movie to watch (Rated R). Trailer here

Perspective

Ony of my colleague was lately under stress as he thought he made his girlfriend pregnant. 2 days ago, he happily told me that his girlfriend is not pregnant, it was a false alarm and he feels relieved. I said: "Great! Crises averted".

He replied: "There was no crises"

I asked: "Then?"

He said: "It would have been crisis, if I would have abandoned her, or I would have forced her for abortion, if it happens. It was an event of life, and I was only struggling to figure out, how I will raise this child".

I guess, life is all about perspective. If you think, it is a crisis to panic or just an event of a life to walk through with character and dignity!

Sam Berns last talk

Sam Berns is gone! But certainly we have his last words. I watched these thirteen minutes with my daughter and she was more captivated than me.

Link: http://youtu.be/36m1o-tM05g

 

Existentialism defined

 "The question of my bread is a material question but the question of my neighbour's bread is a spiritual question." - Nikolai Berdyaev, a Russian thinker and existentialist. 

(Existentialism  argues that every compassion, feeling, act and attitude revolves around a self)

On Bollywood's "Ishqiya" Sequel

After "Ishqiya" (here), I saw its sequel "Dedh Ishqiya" (here) too. They both are well done work, though commercial at core. But the whole concept revolves around one theme:

"Women can be very calculative and manipulative and can make ass out of any man if she wants, on the name of love".

(Ye mard hi hai jo Ishq ka tamancha bajata rehta hai) 

Scars

"I was born and raised in an extremely wealthy family. I was the youngest child in the house. I went to the best private school in Pakistan. Since childhood, we have frequented England, the USA, and across the globe like ordinary things. My parents were very much into proper etiquette and sophisticated upbringing. I learned piano, horse riding, swimming, ice skating, painting, dancing, gymnastics, and God knows which other classes I went to. In short, I had a very polished upbringing, graduating from Columbia. I got very picky when it came to selecting my future husband. I wanted the best "Mr. Right" for myself. In the process, I became 35 years old but still unmarried. My parents started freaking out as every birthday passed by. One day, in frustration and after arguments, I told my parents to pick a good person for me.

And I married him. He was the son of some family friend. He was an IT engineer. He was raised in the slums of Karachi. He did not go to private school. He had never traveled except coming to this country. He struggled to get an H1 visa and Green card. He had a colossal desi accent. His grammar was way out of the norm. He was a lousy dresser, a huge turn-off for me.

He tried his best to make the marriage work. He was a sincere, hard-working, and soft-spoken man, but he was not cut out for a polished girl like me! For two years, I struggled. I could not adjust. He was not "Mr. Right." I felt ashamed introducing him to my class of friends and going out with him to good restaurants and parties. He was a poor lovemaker. He lacked the mental chip to buy flowers, gifts, and romantic cards. He was too generic for me. He was too Walmart-type for me. Eventually, his frustration starts showing up with escalating arguments. Finally, I called off marriage (shocking my parents to death). I was very nasty with him, blaming his FOBism and lack of personal grooming. He did not say anything except: "I appreciate your honesty."

Since then, I have dated many "cut out" widely traveled, well-dressed, gym body guys with excellent table mannerisms and perfect linguistics. However, beneath the hype of all this "sophistication," there was always phoniness, cheating, show-off, display of family pride, etc., etc.

Mujeh nahi pata ab woh kahan hai. Magar aik baar, mil ker us se, main bhi kehna chachti hun: "I failed to appreciate your honesty. I appreciate you never lie to me, even in matters of a penny. I appreciate you have never been physical with me. I appreciate you for always respecting me. I appreciate you making warm soup for me when I was sick. I always thought you were not cut out for me, but in fact, I was never cut out for you".

It took me a long time to learn that his scars were the signs of the depth of his struggle.

*

Calling and Closure (The Lowland -2)

(An email came in my inbox last night)

"I get connected to your blog 3/4 years ago. I read your blog once in a while since I am a physician also working in the USA. To be precise, I am an Urologist. I came to this country a long time ago before you came. Your blog makes me feel relevant. I got compel to write this email as "The Lowland" came in my life at a very crucial time. And, surprisingly you completely missed that point in your review.

I came to this country, married a white American woman and for two decades had a very good family life. Then, my kids moved out. My wife divorced me and at age 54, I was again a lonely man. Over time I lost complete touch with my community. My parents passed away and siblings were living their own life in Pakistan. I was done with women. For ten years I came to an empty house. I tried to adopt some hobbies. I  learned to play golf. I start travelling. I start contributing to local charity causes. But nothing brought relief.

I read "the Lowland" over Thanksgiving. I took off from work and planned to go and play golf. I picked this book at airport. I was stuck in Dallas hotel as it was all icy outside. When I reached the chapter, where Gauri suddenly bought ticket to India at Heathrow airport, I felt like doing the same thing. I asked my partners to cover me for a month. I packed stuff and just took flight to Lahore. My mind was empty. I had lost myself. I didn't know why I am alive. Kids education was paid off and they were gone except texts and few emails.

After 40 years Lahore was a resurrection for me (why it is always 40 years?). I get deeply connected with my old childhood friends, my brothers and my two sisters. My nieces and nephews were a pure delight speaking Urdu. But there comes an accidental meeting with an old surgeon friend, running a charity hospital and needed a good surgeon. I made deal with him to spend six weeks in winter every year to do free surgeries for him. That was my calling and closure to me.

How did you miss that closure and calling we all immigrants need at old age? Perhaps because you are too young for that.

(Keep my name private)  

Life

Somebody send me this song. I heard this song after such a long time and enjoyed it so much. Posting here as it coincides with the theme of this blog.

Us umar main insaan ke andar kitni zindagi hoti hai - werna ab to, baqol Amitabh - 'Ye jeena bhi koi jeena hai lallu'