Depression

I have written on this blog various times before about stigma of using antipsychotics, antidepressants and medicines related to mental health in our society. Mani ki Kahani (here) still haunts me some nights and give me goose bumps reading that post. This picture beautifully capture the dragon of depression.

Paanch Farar

Jab "Urdu main novel-nigari" (here)  wali post likh raha tha to aik laRka 'Yasir Gondal' bohat yaad aaya. Main ne inter (FSC), Karachi ke National College se kiya. 'Yasir Gondal' Urdu club ka President tha. Jab dosti hui aur pata laga ke uske abba mochi hain to mere peroN tale se zameen nikal gayi. 

Yasir Gondal ne Urdu literature main "Baag-o-bahaar",  "Fasanaye-Ajaib" se le ker Bazaari ghatiya novel tak sab kuch parha huwa tha. Saala Urdu poetry ki chalti phirti wikipedia tha. Musalsal 4 saal College main bet-baazi ka champion raha, (Ab pata nahi kahan hai).

Yasir Gondal mujh se aik saal aage tha. Aik din hum ne shaam ko club ki traf se Minto ke afsane "Khol do" pe discussion ka aehtamam kiya. Us din mujeh pata laga ke kiun "khol do" Urdu ki sab se baRi kahani hai (Us raat main bohat roya). Dusre din main ne Gondal se kaha: "Yaar tu baRi cheez hai. Itni knowledge kese aa gai tere paas?" to kamina zor zor se hasne laga. Kehne laga:

"Dekh Bhai! Sharif aadmi ke liye Gurbat se nafsiyaati farar ke 5 raaste hote hain:  Sharab, Mazhab, Banduq, jisam-faroshi ya Kitab. Is Zia ke Islami nizaam ne mazhab se dil uchaaT ker diya hai, - Sharab sharifoN ka shewa nahi. Banduq na tujh se uthe gi na mujh se. Jisam-faroshi se baRi galazat koi nahi. Reh gai Kitab - to bhai - mere aur tere jese log isi se masturbation ker ke kaam chala rahe hain! Is liye na to mujhe kabhi is pe koi fakhar huwa na naaz, bulke ulta sharminda aur dara dara sa hi rehta hun, ke kahin meri chori na pakRi jaaye".

On "Novels in Urdu Literature"

Ye 1984 se 1987 ke beech ka koi zamana tha. Karachi university ke Urdu department ne shaam ko "Urdu main novel-nigari" pe nishast ka aehtmaam kiya. Ye woh zamana tha, jab hum apne aap ko Urdu literature ke champion samjhte the, halanke ibne safi se ziyada ki khabar na thi. Main 3 busaiN badal ker wahan pauncha. Ye bhi nahi maloom tha wapas kese aaun ga ke raat ko (tab university ke weerane) se transport kum hi chalta tha. Nishast ki sadarat Intazar Hussain ker rahe the. Wahan kisi ne shosha choRa aur mehfil se pocha: "Aap ke khayal main Urdu ke 4 baRe novels kaunse hain?" . Pehle 3 par to sab ka ittfaq tha magar chothe naam pe baRi le de hui.

1. Udas NaslaiN (Abdullah Hussain)
2. Aag ka Darya (Quratulain Haider)
3. Raja Gidh (Banu Qudsia)
4. ChakiWaRa main wisaal ( Mohd. Khalid Akhtar)*

* Main ne chaaroN novel paRhe huwe the - go samjh kuch kum hi aaya tha. Main ne haat khaRa kiya aur kaha - ChakiWaRa main wisal ki bajaye is list main Shaukat Siddiqui ke novel "Khuda ki Basti" ko shamil kiya jaana chahiye. Aaj 30 baras baad bhi main samjhta hun: "Go ChakiWaRa main wisal , khuda ki basti se ziyada 'intense' novel hai magar us main kirdar-parwari (Character building) aur zujiyaat (supplements) ka fuqdan hai". 

Kai aur naam liye gaye, maslan Ahmad Ali sahab ka "Dilli ki Sham" bhi noveliat (?word) ke saare mayaar pe poora utarta hai, magar asal musaweda angrezi main hai (Twilight in Dehli). Ye uska tarjuma hai. 

Aur zaroor kai aur naam bhi the...

'Udas Naslain' ka bohat hi khubsurat hissa (muttafiq hona zaroori nahi)

Doctor Karim Kheera

Dr. Karim mujh se 3 saal senior the. Meri unse dosti medical school ki library main hui. Orangi town main rehte the aur subah sawere fajar ki namaz parh ker ghar se niklte aur har subah saat baje library khulne ke time sab se pehle aadmi hote. Unke kai naam the - Karim library, Karim saat baje, Karim orangi, Karim tuition wagera magar sab se ziyada takleef-deh naam tha Karim Kheera.

Jab tak maloom na tha, mujeh bhi bara ajeeb lagta - woh ghar se rozana 4 ya 5 kheerey (cucumber) le ker aate aur poore din main har 2/3 ghante ke waqfe se library se nikalte - aik kheera bag se nikalte, aur ghar se laaye chaat masala aur namak mirch chiRak chiRak ker khaate. Phir library ke saath lagi tank se pani ka aik glass peete. Log unpe awaz kaste to muskura ke hans dete. Mujeh library main guidance ki zaroorart paRti to un se pooch leta. Aahista aahista dosti ho gai. Bhaiyon ki tarah rakhte, samjhaate, guide kerte.

Aik din darte darte main ne poocha - Karim bhai ye kheerey ka kiya maajra hai? Muskura diye aur bole - Dekho bhai hum orangi town ke rehne waale hain. Shaam ko tuitions paRha ke mahiney ke 1000-1200 rupe jamah ker leta hun. Ghar ke kharch main abba ko 1000 rupe de deta hun. Mere liye 200-300 rupe bachte hain. Bus ka kiraya aur kitaboN ke kharch ke baad, yahi theek rehta hai ke sabzi wale se mile saste kheere se pet bhar lun. Hum khud koi bohat ameer na the magar Karim bhai se us din ke baad main ne koi sawal na kiya.

Unhon ne Orangi town ki Qatar hospital main subah shaam kaam ker ke kese imtahan paas kiya, malum nahi - magar woh ECFMG paas ker ke America chale gaye. Phir barson baad pata laga NY main surgery ki residency ker rahe hain, phir kisi ne bataya cardiothoracic surgery ki fellowship ke liye Cleveland Clinic main hain - aur phir barson pata na chala kahan gaye. 2 mahine pehle doctors ke aik program main achanak mil gaye, khub gale se lagaya, ghar walon ki khairiat poochte rahe. Pata laga Boston ki aik well renowned university main cardiac devices aur transplant surgeon ke tor pe associate professor kaam ker rahe hain. Batain kerte huwe parking lot main hum saath aaye to Mercedes 500 series ki gaari thi. Meri nazar gaari pe dekh ke bole - qasam le lo orangi ki bus ab tak nahi bhoola.  

Main mil ker zara dur gaya to awaz de ke wapas bulaya - gale lagaya aur chupke se poocha: Kheera khao ge? - Aur phir gale laga ker bohat hanse. Woh chale gaye - aur main sochta raha - log inhe kitna cheRte the, mazaq uRate the - magar inhain kisi ki parwa na hui aur apni manzil pe paunch ke dum liya. Zindagi ki doR main ye bhi aik shaks tha!

Sochta hun kisi roz aik baar Karachi jaa ker subah sawere fajar ki namaz ke baad bus se orangi town ka safar karun - aur dekhun ke kheerey pe poora din kese guzarta hai.

On "fasting"

Last week I had a 82-year-old patient who came for elective percutaneous valve replacement to the hospital, but otherwise healthy. I asked him, how he made to age 82 without any long list of medications. He replied:

"Son! I didn't have a healthy lifestyle up to age 50. I smoke, drank and even experimented with drugs during the hippie era. I was obese, deconditioned and never thought of disease. Just before my 50th birthday, I became very short of breath just climbing a little hill during hunting. I felt very ashamed as older folks in our party were not showing any distress. On my birthday, I made a resolution. I never mentioned this to anyone. I quit alcohol, tobacco & junk food cold turkey, start walking every day 3 miles and promised to myself I will never take elevators or escalators but only stairs, no matter how many floors I have to climb. It was not easy when I visited Eiffel tower and New York".

"And that all paid off?" I asked

"Indeed! But what actually I think made the real difference was my deployment to Morocco at work. Just to experiment, I did 30 days of fasting with my Muslim colleagues. No no, I didn't become a Muslim. I am still a hardcore atheist but I lost 10 lbs in 30 days. I liked it so much that I am fasting since last 25 years. I made sure, I don't gain weight after fasting is over. That was the key. Are you a Muslim?"

"Yes I am", I replied

"I am at lost. Explain to me how come after having such an immense and deep impacted ritual, Muslims are so stagnant and on the decline"!

"I don't know Sir! I wish I knew the answer". I failed miserably to hide my embarrassment.

On "women and zewar"

(A friend said this in emotional storm - True?)

Allah ne aurat bhi kamal ki cheez banaii hai - Koi rishta toot jaaye to itni dukhi nahi hoti,  magar agar koi man-pasand zewar kho jaaye

On "weaning vs liberation"

Doctors are well aware that if any patient who is on the ventilator, and when he starts to get better of his disease, is taken off from ventilator via a systemic protocol. In common words, it is called "weaning". As patient gets better, and can slowly takes over his or her own breathing -oxygen, respiratory rate and other parameters are progressively cut down. One of our (teaching) attending always used to correct us. If in our presentation we use the word 'weaning', he will say: weaning is a misnomer which misguide doctors. Right terminology is liberation from the ventilator. Many patients never come out of ventilator by getting tangled into nitty jitty of the protocol of weaning. Complications occur during the process which many times can be fatal.

(I remember him coming in the morning, getting sedation off on patients and if on handshake patient feels strong, he will pull endotracheal tube out - and amazingly most patients stayed off ventilator)

Over years, I learned in my life that, same thing is true for relationships. Either relationships exist or they don't! You can't wean relationships.

On "Sibling Rivalry"

It was almost 3 in the morning when I came out at Manchester airport. It was not a surprise that my taxi driver was a 60-year-old Pakistani gentleman, named Yasir sahib. When he came to know that I am from USA, he started to ask many questions and was curious about going to USA, trying luck and be prosperous like his brother!

"Hum do bhai the. Woh USA chala gaya aur main qismat aazmane UK chala aaya. 40 baras main woh bohat aage nikal gaya aur main ab tak Taxi driver. Khandan main har jagah usi ki baat hoti hai, aao bhagat hoti hai aur taarifoN ke taante bandhte hain. Main ne to ab ruswaii ke dar se Pakistan jaana bhi choR diya hai. Bus aik dafa duniya ko dikha dun ke main bhi us ki tarah kuch hun"

And I was thinking:

Ye zindagi saali baRi kutti cheez hai - Insaan ke bachpan ke ghao kabhi nahi bharne deti. Insaan saari zindagi kisi na kisi surat gali main doRne wale bachhoN main se woh bachha banna chahta hai, jo looti patang haat main le ker aik faateh ki tarah mohalle main dakhil hota hai, aur baqi sab bachhoN ko tamaskhur ki nigah se dekhta hai.

Shayed Insaan kabhi baRa nahi hota - bus bachpan ke khel ke rang badal jaate hain.

On our "Humility Pies"

When I was in fellowship, one of our attending was famous to thrash house staff (residents/fellows) who tend to brag about their academic knowledge by asking further difficult questions. He used to say: "Son it is your time to eat some humility pie".

Life is another teacher which make sure to feed us our humility pies whenever we tend to cross our line.

Insaan khubsurat ho to ishq ka ghao kha jaata hai
DusroN pe dhons jamaye to beemari kha jaati hai
Aqalmandi pe magroor ho to  koi chuna laga jaata hai
BaRe chao se gaari khareedtta hai to koi nuqs nikal aata hai
Shandaar makan main basera kare to chat' tapakne lagti hai
siyana ho ke short cut maare to traffic jam main phans jaata hai

I found life to serve everyone, his or her share of humility pie

Masaan / Montreal Airport gate # 75

(The following post has two parts. Interestingly, the last scene was a replica of one event from my own life - and I am sure from many other people's lives.)

I had never heard of or intended to watch this Indian movie, but this was my only choice while on the airplane.

This is an interesting movie that takes you in its grip from the first scene. Life is a strange and bizarre collection of unexpected events that sometimes leave people numb and not knowing how to react. Unexpected sudden deaths or near-deaths of loved ones, the financial crisis in the middle of poverty, class differences, and brutality of society - we all live in the ocean of such potential setbacks. In the end, an ordinary human has no choice but

- to let go of sorrow (as Devi let go of the gift of her boyfriend at one of the ghaat of Varanasi) 

- and share the sufferings of other humans (as Deepak did by offering the bottled water to her).

Word masaan is a short form of shamshaan (cremation place).

The movie reportedly won many awards.

Trailer @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKJfBo3xMW0

*

---------------------------------------------------------

Ye shayed 2013 ka saal tha. Main thake qadmoN Montreal Airport ke gate number 75 pe apni flight ka intazaar ker raha tha. Saamne 'second cup' se li hui 'chai latte' mere haaton main thandi ho rahi thi. BichaRne wale mehboob ka dukh bhi shadeed tha aur apni kam-maaigi ka aehsaas bhi bohat qawi tha. Mere saamne aik 20-22 baras ki french-canadian laRki baar baar apne cell-phone ki screen dekhti jaati thi aur zaar-o-qatar roye jaati thi. Jab uska rona hichkioN main bandh giya to main ne us se poocha: "I hope everything is OK with you? And is there anything I can do for you?". Us ne apne cell-phone ki screen mujeh dikhaii - jis pe uske boyfriend ka message tha: "we can't be together, we are done". Aese moqoN pe alfaaz kahan kaam aate hain - main uth ker phir 'second cup' gaya - aur pani ki aik bottle laa ker use de di ke 'I hope you feel better'! 

- aur larki ne jo anghooti mujeh wapas ki thi, ko wahin aik charity box main drop ker diya.

A quote

Playing A Violin With Three Strings

"........

Here is a man who has prepared all his life to make music on a violin of four strings, who, all of a sudden, in the middle of a concert, finds himself with only three strings; so he makes music with three strings, and the music he made that night with just three strings was more beautiful, more sacred, more memorable, than any that he had ever made before, when he had four strings. So, perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make music, at first with all that we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left."


Read full story here

Weblink: http://www.inspirationpeak.com/shortstories/threestringedviolin.html

Qeemat

Zindagi main aesa bhi hota hai ke koi baat, insaan barson pehle sunta hai aur uski gheraii ka aehsaas use zindagi ke kisi aur hisse main ja ker hota hai.

Gul (here) ne aik dafa kaha tha: "Bazari aurat qeemat mard ke saath sone ki nahi, bulke  jis zillat aur ghiN se use guzarna paRta hai, us ki leti hai - Jis din tumhe koi khilone (sex-toy) ki tarah istamaal ker ke dustbin main phenk dega - us din tumhe bazari aurat ke dukh ke paataal ki gheraii ka andazza hoga". 

Life is like a .....

Mujeh apne aik dost ki baat aksar yaad aati hai, magar blog pe likhte likhte ruk jaata tha - ke thoRi na-shaistaa hai - ke - 

"Life is like a group sex. -- Jis ko jahan moqa milta hai, woh dusre ki thoK deta hai -- hum sab bhi bus aese hi hain"

Jhoot ki Tijarat

Jis rishte main sirf jhoot ki tijarat ho - us se sifaye dukh, barbaadi, saraab aur nuqsaan ke - kiya haat aana hai

Zootopia

Lately, I found kids' animated movies full of mature themes. 'Inside Out' (here) and 'Minions' (here) were two remarkable movies where complicated concepts were simplified for kids in simple animated versions. Zootopia is on the same line. Zootopia came out at least 2 months back and I was scratching my head with wonder that why this movie became a huge blockbuster, and so many adults went to theaters to watch this movie.

In view of the recent political climate of USA - it was a perfect statement against bigotries, myths and biases of any human society, which may get out of hand with a simple misconception and may harm many innocent lives - and destroy communities. If you are a Muslim, gay, black or an immigrant in present day's America  - and if you are watching inflammatory rhetoric of Donald Trump with apprehensions - this movie is for you to watch.

With massive box-office  business, I am happy that most of the common Americans embraced the idea and notion display in the movie that color, origination (said as DNA in the movie), religion or any other orientation do not make humans savages or predators but one given bad ideology can turn any human into it.

I agree with Mr. Warren Buffet - that people like Donald Trump may slow the process of the diversification (popularly known as melting pot) of America - but it will not stop American business, and kids born in present day America are the luckiest crop!

Full five stars to movie