7 uncles, liver failure and 'Mayyat ki izzat'

On Medicine, Cultural barriers and Ethics.

"My last uncle (mamu) died today. I had 7 uncles (Mamus). My first uncle died at age of 42 when I was 7 years old and than later one by one each died every 5 to 7 years in line. One of my uncle was computer engineer and he moved to USA years ago. He was diagnosed of liver failure when he died. Later in Pakistan 3 uncles died of same diagnosis. None were alcoholic and interestingly all workup turned negative on youngest uncle but he died today with same diagnosis. He complained of fever, headache and not feeling well for few days. Thats it! On his death I suggested taking his liver out and send to Pathology. If we get diagnosis we may save a whole lot of people in next generation. For me it was a no brainer but elders in family refused on the ground that "Bhai hum mayyat ki behurmati nahi kerwa sakte" .

Children of a lesser God

Life is not fair. This blog is about how life presents differently to different people. Following is taken from internet. Without comment.

" I am the oldest of five children by four different fathers. My mother emotionally and physically abused all of us, but I received special attention. She told me how worthless I was and how much she hated me. When I was 12, my mother put the two youngest children up for adoption. I was placed in foster care and have had little contact with the family. I'm now happily married and have a successful career and caring friends. Through much introspection and the assistance of a good therapist, I have been at peace for many years—until recently. The two siblings who were placed for adoption found me a few months ago through a social-networking Web site. It turns out they have been in constant communication with my mother for several years. Neither of them recalls their early life, and I am hesitant to talk about it. I haven't heard much from the brother, but the sister calls frequently. She desperately wants us to be one big happy family. I have repeatedly told her that can't happen. Conversations with her leave me depressed, and I've started avoiding her calls. Childhood memories have resurfaced. I find myself caught up in that "worthless loop," and then I feel guilty for not being able to let bygones be bygones. The siblings and I don't have anything in common besides blood. What do I owe them? How do I handle this?

—Not in the Family Way"

Source: here

3 Rules

I am lucky in the sense that I met many interesting people in life (or probably I have this psychological dyslexia of noticing them more). When we were in grade 6, we had a relatively young teacher. On first day he told his 3 rules in class......

Rule no. 1 - "I Rule"
Rule no. 2 - "When I speak, no one else speak"
Rule no. 3 - "When you speak, only you speak"

(Is class main sirf mera qanoon chale ga. Jub main bolunga to sirf main bolun ga magar jub aap bolain ge tub sirf aap bolain ge)

tazad!

Ye bhi aik ajeeb baat hai. Aik hi ghar main rehne wale do bachhe - aik hi school, aik hi ustad, aik hi waaldain, aik hi bhai bahen, aik hi mohalla, aik hi yaar dost, aik hi mahol - magar aik bachha bara ho ker Daheriya (atheist) ho jaata hai aur dusre ko mazhab ka heza ho jaata hai.

What kind of difference have I made!

One of my all time favorite movie: "About Schmidt". Following scene of Jack Nicholson has been regarded as one of his best work done. Indeed it is worth listening!




"Dear Ndugu,- you'll be glad to know that Jeannie's wedding came off without a hitch. Right now, she and Randall are on their way to sunny Orlando,- on my nickle, of course. As for me, I'm headed back to Omaha. I'm driving straight through this time, and I've made only one stop. The impressive new archer over the interstate in Corney, Nebraska. An arch that commemorates the courage and determination of - the pioneers who cross the state on their way west. You've really got to see it to believe it. And it... kind of got me thinking, - looking at all that history and, reflecting on the achievement - of people long ago kind of...put things into perspective. My trip to Denver, for instance is so insignificant compared to - the journeys that others have taken, - the bravery that they have shown, - the hardships they've endured. I know we are all pretty small in the big scheme of things. And I supposed the most you can hope for - is to make some kind of difference. What... what kind of difference have I made? What in the world is better because of me? When I was out in Denver, I tried to do the right thing,- tried to convince Jeannie, she was...making a big mistake but...I failed. Now she is married to that lincoln poop and there is nothing I can do about it. I am... weak. And I am a failure. There is just no getting around it. Relatively soon, I will die. Maybe in 20 years... maybe tomorrow...It doesn't matter. Once I am dead, and everyone who knew me dies too, a little - be as though I never even existed. What difference is my life made to anyone ? None that I can think of. None... at all. Hope things are fine with you. Yours truly... Warren Schmidt.

Master Ayub!

The ability to say No!

I took my son for Karate class. As they finished their class they all have free packets of juice. My son bypassed the table to exit. I ask him to get juice box. He said: "No!'. I insisted again: "Take it beta! its free". He again said: "No!". His karate teacher was standing there. He interjected: "Its good. He knows to say No!"

survivor

Fareed Khan se meri mulaqat Chicago main hui. Koi 3 baras meri Fareed Khan se salam dua rahi. Ajeeb hi rang ka aadmi tha.

Kubhi T shirt pahen ke Chicago ki sardi main nikal parta. Bus na aati to paidal hi meeloN chal leta. Gas station ki naukri chuti to 'cab' chalani shuru ker di. Kuch dinoN baad kisi posh restaurant main 'bartender' ho gaya. Jitni sharab pila do hawas gum nahi hota. Ji kerta to charas (weed) bhi pi leta. Magar saath hi kisi roz masjeed main imamat kerne wala na milta to ye bhi ker deta. Angrezi bolta to pata na lagta ke peshawar se aaya hai. Aap ne idhar challenge kiya aur dusre roz lurki uske saath coffee pi rahi hai.

Aik din kafi lurke saath jama ho gaye aur raat sone ki jagah na mili to kitchen ke farsh pe aaram se so gaya. Aik din shor macha diya ke 'Ab sab bahir niklo bhook lagi hai'. Hum McDonald se drive thru le ker nikle to apna bag homeless ko thama diya aur phir poore din shikayat na ki ke bhook lagi hai.....Hum se aksar kehta: Is bhook, piyas, sardi, garmi, bimari wagera pe ziyada dhiyan nahi dena chahiye zindagi ka maza kharab ho jaata hai!

Zindagi main yahi hasrat rahi ke kisi roz phir mulaqat ho to us se poochun ke Zindagi main aese kis kare waqt se guzra - ke ab use koi mushkil - mushkil nahi lagti - bulke use zindagi aik khel lagti thi. Baqol Ghalib

Ranj se khugar hua insaN to mit jata hai ranj
mushkileiN mujh par pari itni ke asaN ho gain

Security

I gave a bedtime story to my daughter of pretty princess taken away by evil and dragons to 'Koh-Qaff' and rescued by a good hearted magician. I thought she is sleeping. But after 30 minutes I saw her eyes wide open and she is starring at wall. Here is the conversation:

"Gurya! you didn't sleep?"
"Can I ask you something"
"Sure, anything for my princess"
"Am I pretty?"
"Of course! you are the most pretty girl"
"So I will be taken away by evil and dragons?"
"Hmmmm. Even if evil and dragons come to get you, Daddy will always be there to protect you..."
"Promise?"
"Pakka promise. 100%"

There was a sense of relief on her face and I found her sleeping in 2 minutes.....

Sab se bara dukh?

Hum sab dost jub is 'saturday night' saath mil bethe to guftagu is sawal pe chal nikli ke, 'duniya ka sab se bara dukh kiya hai?'

Main ne kaha - Aulad ki bimari ya aulad ke mar jaane ka dukh,
kisi ne kaha - Ma baap ki bimari ka dukh,
kisi ne kaha - apne apahaj (handicap) ho jaane ka dukh,
Kisi ne kaha - apne hi burhape ka dukh,
kisi ne kaha - tanhaii ka gum
kisi ne kaha - ishq ka dukh

raat 2 baje tuk sab par ke so rahe magar koi faisla na huwa....

Asim Butt - 2

(From Ahsan Butt)

We are working to document and catalogue Asim’s work and require the help of his friends and all those who communicated with, loved and respected him. Please share whatever you can about him and his work, specifically communication you had with him including letters and emails no matter how trivial, pictures, notes, description of his work which you own, and any other information which would help us in putting together a comprehensive account of his life and work. We realise many might not feel comfortable sharing personal communications if they contain personal references, but any such correspondence is not for publication or dissemination and will only be used, if necessary, to derive an idea of the thinking which went into the making of his art. To ensure Asim is accorded his rightful place in the pantheon of Pakistani artists, and to show just how much we all loved him, please help us in preserving his memory for posterity.

Ali Dayan Hasan
ali.asimicus@gmail.com

Arif Pervaiz
arifpervaiz@gmail.com

kashtiyaN

Mujeh ye baat samjhne main bohat waqt laga ke kiun Tariq bin Ziyad ne apni saari kashtiyaN jala di thi!

On Husband Wife 'laraii'

Hamara bachpun kuch yun guzra ke saara khandan saath aik haveli main rahta. Bare Chacha aur Bari Chachi ki khub laraii hoti. Jub bhi unki laraii hoti Dadi hame le ker ghar ke aangan main aa bethti aur hame kahaniyan sunane lagti. Abba ya Amma main se koi kehta ke: "Amma aap hi in donoN ko samjhayain", to dadi jawab deti:

"Jub do mian biwi ki laraii ho rahi ho to sab se bari kher yahi hai ke un dono ko akela chor do ke ye muamla kisi ke bhi fahem se balatar hai" .

Asim Butt - another to die in dark lane

Asim Butt ne Khud kushi nahi ki bulke use hum sab ne mil ker maara hai

naarsai agar apni taqdeer thee
teri ulfat to apni he tadbeer thee
kisko shikva hai agar shouq ke silsiley
hijr ki qatal_gahooN se sab ja miley
qatal_gahooN se chun kar humarey alum
aur niklaiN gaiN usshaq ke qafley
jin ki raah-e-talab se humarey qadam
muKhtasar kar chaley dard ke fasley
kar chaley jin ki Khatir jahaaN_geer hum
jaaN gaNva ke teri dilbaree ka bharam
hum jo tareek rahooN main marey gaey (Faiz)*

See Asim's work here

Read more here, here, here, and here

*If not to reach you was our fate
but to love you was our accord
So who complains if these matters of desire
brought me to death cell of (eternal) isolation
From same death cell holding up distinct flags,
new caravan of lovers will emerge
Their ardent desire made (my) steps
to shortened the distances of sorrow,
it’s because of them that we ruled the world,
By sacrificing life we entertained your heart
we who died in the darker lanes.

Messiah

I am out of medical school for now almost 20 years but I still recall these words of one of our teacher. At that time I though its so simple but it turned out to be one of the most difficult lesson to learn:

"Medicine is not about avoiding all deaths but its about helping alive humans from their sufferings and diseases. Its all about making everyday life easy for humans - and once its over - to make their dying process graceful and peaceful" .

3 Things

Life is perfect when you have 3 things together -

• Steak which is tender and medium done,
• Woman who loves wine, and
• Puffs of tobacco in cold weather!

2 great modern day sufi babas!!

"I think the world's a better place because Bill realised that his goal isn't to be the richest guy in the cemetery." - Steve Jobs about Bill Gates

"I'd give a lot to have Steve's taste. The way he does things is just different and, you know, I think it's magical." - Bill Gates about Steve Jobs

3 Idiots

I wanted to write this post since I saw Aamir Khan's new movie, "3 Idiots." It's worth watching. Though the second half is typical Indian cheezy drama, I enjoyed this movie. The theme is very strong. It reminded me of many of my strange, weird, funny, spooky, and unusual class fellows. Many of them quit medicine and did something else in life! One committed suicide and many turned psycho under pressure to pass exams.

But the central character (Aamir Khan) reminded me of Ejaz Ahmad. He entered medical school with us. He did all the exams with us. He was friends with all the big student union guys. Suddenly, he vanished in 4th year. I met him after many, many years. When I asked him about his whereabouts, he laughed very hard. He was never a student of our medical school. He was a police informer planted with new arrivals. He innocently said - I don't think you should blame me for this! I was doing my job for 5000 rupees per month...And I was thinking, how the hell did you pass all those medical exams, and what about all those deep discussions on anatomy, physiology, biochemistry......

Gaye dinon ka surag le ker kidhar se aaya kidhar gaya woh
Ajeeb ma'noos ajnabee tha, mujeh to heraan ker gaya woh

*

Dur kitni hai abhi subah

Part of one of my fav. Faiz' poetry (with loose translation)

Ho na ho apne qabile ka bhi koi lashkar
muntazir hoga andheron ki faseelon ke udhar
unko sholoN ke rajz apna pata to dain ge
kher hum tuk na pauncheN bhi, sada to dain ge
dur kitni hai abhi subah bata to dain ge


If no one but at least one army of our tribe
would be waiting on other side of walls of darkness (for us)
we will send them message by (making) noisy flames
they may not be able to reach but will call us
how far is dawn (for sure they) will tell us

Front desk

"I work at front desk of a 5 star hotel. Yes it hurts when people treat us like servants. I had more respect working in a simple low level motel. People with less money were more accomodative. No its not my fault - if you could not get upgraded private suite. Unfortunately few people have more money than you or probably you pressed wrong button making reservation. Yes we close our kitchen at 11 PM. Yes my hotel charge for continental breakfast. Its not my fault. You don't have to yell on me if your internet is not working. Yes sometime heaters, airconditions and toilets do not work properly even in best hotels but its not front desk person fault. We may sound polite on face but hope you can see our bleeding heart. I hope some day you understand - money does not give you passport to humiliate others knowing he is slave of his paycheck and your undue complaint may cause him his livelihood"