Grandparents

Mera khayal hai jis ghar main Dada Dadi ya Nana Nani bachhoN ke saath rehte hain unki nafsiyati sehat sirf waldain ke saath rehne wale bachhoN se behtar hoti hai.

(I think kids who live with grand parents have better psychological health than who just live with their parents)

Habib Jalib's Mainay Uss Say Yeh Kaha

Habib Jalib's famous poem sung so great by UK based band "Laal"

You can hear same poem in Jalib's own voice here

My other post on Habib Jalib here

On dead loved ones

Kiya ye sach hoga ke jo log hum se muhabbat kerte hain woh maut ke baad bhi hamare liye fiqar mand rehte hain.

Aurat ke gaaloN ki surkhi

Hamari umer koi 12/13 baras rahi hogi jub bari Apa ki shadi hui. Bari Apa shayed shadi se bohat khush nahi thiN magar doli beth gaiN. Dusre roz jub khandan waale unhe rasm ke liye ghar le kar aaye to bari chachi ne kaha: "GaaloN ki surkhi dekh ke lagta hai, bitiya sari zindagi khush rahe gi"

Meri aadhi zindagi guzar gai tub mujhe pata laga - Aurat ke gaaloN ki surkhi ka kiya matlab hota hai!

On End of life care

Agar aap ko yaad ho to main ne is blog pe Shamsha aur Salim (here) ka zikar kiya tha. Kuch dinoN pehle mujeh ittlah mili ke un ki walida Karachi ke aik hospital main bohat bimar hai!

Main ne unhe phone kiya to Shamsha se baat hui. Baat bohat choti si hai magar bohat aham hai -aur shayed hum sab ko sikhati hai ke apne 'loved ones' ke aakhri ayyam main hame kiya sochna chahiye.

Jub Shamsha ne phone pe mujhe saari tafseel batai to main na khaha: "Dekho tumhari walida ke bachne ki umeed to bohat kum hai. Ye batao tum kiya chahti ho?....I mean do you want to be very aggressive till doctors do CPR, cardiac shock and code till technically pronounce dead or let her go peacefully if there is no reasonable hope. Un ki further treatment - is baat pe depend kerti hai ke - tum kiya chahti ho?"

Shamsha ne jawab diya : "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!"

"Than remove ventilator and let her be pain free with morphine". I replied.

Bieng a physician, my impression is that - many times family members treat themselves and put their 'loved ones' through painful medical interventions which unnecessary just prolong their agony!

Magar ye sochne ki salaihiyat pane ke liye ke "Hum to bas unke liye aasani chahte hain!" - khud andar se bohat mazboot hona parta hai.

Trust me - its not easy!!

Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai

Zehra Nigah ki khubsurat nazam - Pakistan ke har Shahr ke naam


Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai

Suna hai sher ka jub pet bhar jaaye
to woh hamla nahi kerta
darkhtoN ki ghani chauN main ja ker let jaata hai

Hawa ke tez jhonke jub darkhtoN ko hilate hain
to maina apne bacche chor ke
kawwe ke andon ko paron se tham leti hai

Suna hai ghonsle se koi bachha gir pare to
sara jangal jaag jaata hai

Suna hai jub kisi naddi ke paani main
baye ke ghonsle ka gandumi saaya larzta hai
to naddi ki rupehli machlian use parosi maan leti hain

Koi toofan aa jaaye koi pul toot jaaye
to kisi lakri ke takhte per
ghilari, saanp, bakri aur cheetah saath hote hain

Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai

Khuda wanda, jaleel-o-mautabar,
daana-o-beena, munseef-o-akbar
mere is shahr main
ab janglon hi ka koi qanoon naafiz ker

Suna hai janglon ka bhi koi dastoor hota hai

On Journalism

"Page 3" is one of my favorite movies on yellow journalism. See the following scene - from 3.32 secs to 5.12 secs. I love this guy - Atul kulkarni. His dialogues are worth giving attention.

https://youtu.be/Yp6usDPuG3g  (If video doesn't plat, click the link)

Shatranj

(When I was learning chess - I remember following advise from a teacher)

"Dekho beta! Shatranj ke khel main 2 tarah ke khiladi hote hain. Aik woh, jo pehle chaal chal ker dushman ko maat dena chahte hain. Magar ziyada shatir woh hote hain, jo dushman ki chaal ka intezar kerte hain taake na sirf dushman ki zehni kefiat ka andaza ho sake bulke us ke mohre chal jaane ke baad, ziyada kari zarab lagai ja sake. Shatranj ke khel main, chalak hone se ziyada sabir hona zaroori hai"

Zindagi ka khel bhi shatranj ki bisat se koi ziyada mukhtalif to nahi!

On dealing with women

Aurat ko samjha nahi jata; Aurat ko samjhaya nahi jata - bulke Aurat ko sirf 'manage' kiya jata hai.

(As per one wise husband)

Destiny

Amma aksar rawani main aik baat kehti hain - kitni sach hai:
"Aap aulad ko janam de sakte hain karam nahi"

(you can give birth to your kids but not destiny)

Ishq ka ghao

Tum kiya jano ishq ka ghao kiya hota hai.

Hamara kunba kattar ahle-tashee tha. Muharram ke mahine main ghar pe matam aur noha-khawani hona, bahir sabeel lagana, shame gareebaN ki majlis main jana aur taziye sajana - jub se aankh khuli yahi dekha tha.

Aur phir mujhe aik naujawan se mohabbat ho gai. Wahi meri zindagi ho gaya. Wahi mera orhna bichona ban gaya. Usi ke dam se har chiragaN tha. Use bhi shayed mujh se itni hi mohabbat thi. Pehle chup chup ke chitthi ke zariye ishq hua, phir mulaqataiN hone lagi. Ghar walon ko pata laga to pehle shamat aayi magar abba ne halat ki naazuki ko jana aur usse se kaha, hamare ghar rishta bhej de. Woh rishta le ker aaye, baat pakki ho gayi. Tayyariyan hone lagi, 'card' bat gaye. Main aroosi jore ke khawab bunne lagi. Main saatwaiN aasman pe thi. Duniya mere peroN tale thi. Lagta tha sab kuch mil gaya.

Shadi ko 7 roz baqi the ke meri hone wali saas ne mujhe ghar bulaya aur kaha: "Is ghar main bahu ban ke aana hai to - apna maslak chorna hoga, tumhe sunni banna pare ga". Meri aankoN tale andhera aa gaya. Larka bhi 'Summun Bukmun Umyun' ho gaya. Main ishq aur iman ke beech phans gai. Main ne Iman ko chun liya. Maslak chorne se inkar ker diya. Baat barh gai. Abba bhi bharak gaye. Shadi toot gayi. Woh gusse main America chala gaya.

Main aadhi pagal ho gayi. Soch soch ker mera blood pressure itna barha ke 'stroke' ho gaya. Socho 23 baras ki lurki ko 'stroke' ho jaaye. Us se bachi to saare baal sufed hona shuru ho gaye. Doctors ne test kiye to bataya koi 'auto-immune disease' hai. "Steroid" se itni moti ho gai ke ab khud ko aaine main dekhti hun to ghin aati hai. Ye baalon pe khizab laga hai. Ye jild ki mulayimat masnooyi hai (softness of skin is fake).......

Ab bhi poora din bank main kaam ker ke jub ghar aati hun aur thake haare aankh band ker ke takiye pe sir rakhti hun to lagta hai jese uske qadmoN ki aahat hui hai......Tum dekhna aik din isi 'insomnia' se mar jaaun gi..

Mere bhole doctor - Tum kiya jano ishq ka ghao kiya hota hai.

Aag

"Main ne to zindagi main kubhi tassawur bhi nahi kiya tha ke meri talaq hogi. Mera baap aik gareeb dukandar tha jiski gulberg main aik choti si parchoon ki dukan thi. Hum saat bahenain (seven sisters) thiN. Hame maaloom tha ke jahan bhi shaadi ho wahan kuch bhi ho jaaye nibah kerna pare ga. Jub gurbat itni ziyada ho to 'domestic violence' aur 'shohar ki berahravi' (infidelity) wagera jesi cheezain sab be-maani ho jaati hain.

Mere liye jab America ke lurke ka rishta aaya to Amma Abba ne kuch soche samjhe bagair biyah diya. Mera kiya tha - pehle hi zindagi kaunsi jahannam se kum thi....

Bachpun se mujhe aik khawab aata tha ke darya kinare mera aik makan hai - aur phir ghar ke peeche sabzazar (backyard) main aag lagti hai aur mere poore makan ko lapet main le leti hai. Main mushkil se jaan bachati hun. Main ne is khawab ko kubhi koi ahemiat nahi di....

Shaadi ker ke main florida aayi. Darya kinare khubsurat house tha. Phir aahista aahista shohar ki asliat zahir hona shuru hui. Aaye din maar khana, Us ka din raat drunk hona, Marital (a***) rape kerna, strip dancers ke saath uska dinon gaib ho jana - mere liye maamul ban gaya. Sab sehti rehi ke peeche amma abba aur baqi behenain pareshan hongi. Phir 2 betiyan ho gayi to unka khayal aata. Sochti chalo 'financial' aasudgi to hai...Bachhiyan achhi taalim to paa rahin hai.... Main samjh lungi ke kisi kothe pe tawaif bethi hun.

Magar us khawab ne peecha na chora.

Phir hamre peeche ke house main aik Pakistani family aa ker abad hui. Mere shohar ka unki aik lurki se chakkar chal gaya. Us pe mere shohar ne khub paise lutane shuru ker diye. Aur phir aik din usne mujhe talaq ka kagaz pakra diya.

Salam kerti hun is mulk ke nizam ko, jis ne mujhe mera haq dilwaya - aur itna kuch mila ke main aur betiyan mehfooz hain aur izzat se sufed-poshi ka bharam qaaim hai.

Socha na tha ke woh khawab sachha hoga. Shayed bohut kuch pehle se hamari qismat ki kitab main likh diya jaata hai. Woh aag aik aurat thi, jis ne darya kinare wala mera makan jala diya."

Baat Go Zara Si Hai

Amjad Islam Amjad ki aik khubsurat nazam

Zindagi Kay Melay MeiN
KhwahishooN Kay Railay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JanaaN
Es Qadar Jhamailay MeiN

Waqt Ki Ravaani Hai
Bakht Ki Girani Hai
Sakht Bay-Zameeni Hay
Sakht La-makani Hai

Hijr Kay Samandar MeiN
Takht Aur Takhtay Ki
Ek Hi Kahani Hai
Tum Ko Jo Sunani Hai

Baat Go Zara Si Hai
Baat Umr Bhar Ki Hai

Umr Bhar Ki BaataiN Kab
Do Ghari MeiN Hoti HeiN
Dard Kay Samandar MeiN
Un-Ginat Jazeeray HeiN
Bayshumaar Moti HeiN

Aankh Kay Jazeeray MeiN
Tum Ne Jo Sajaya Tha
Baat Us Diyay Ki Hai
Baat Us Gilay Ki Hai

Jo Lahoo Ki Khilvat MeiN
Chor Ban Kay Aata Hai
Lafz Ki FaseelooN Par
Toot Toot Jaata Hai

Zindagi Se Lambi Hai
Baat Takhliyay Ki Hai

Takhliyay Ki BaatoN MeiN
Guftagoo Izaafi Hai
Piyar Karnay WalooN Ko
Ek Nigah Hi Kafi Hai

Ho Sakay To Sun Ja'oo
Ek Din Akailay MeiN
Tum Se Kiya KahaiN JannaN
Es Qadar Jamailay MeiN!

Usre Yusra

I didn't blog much in last one week, as I was trying to overcome the shock of death of one of my very good friend. Imagine a friend, who you meet everyday - who is always smiling, helping and ready to give fair advise - who you talk to in the morning and in the evening you get news that he is shot dead during house robbery, leaving behind a 2 year old and a pregnant wife!

It took me sometime to overcome the grief. I tried to find solace in books, movies, internet and may-o-meena-o-ayag but without any help. I can't explain but what bring some relief to my heart were 2 small ayats from Quran. Actually, the same thing is said twice - telling me how important is this message of life:

F'inna-m'a'l-usre-yusra. Inna m'a'l-usre-yusra (94:5-6)
(So verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief)

It took me back 16 years ago, when we all friends were going through little tough time trying to find residency spot in USA. One of my friend received news of having baby back home in Pakistan. He jumped with joy in Chicago's lincoln park and named his daughter Yusra. Indeed! he was smart and was able to connect the dots of this universal mystic web.

Allah hum sab ko asani de aur asani taqseem kerne ka sharf de (Ashfaq Ahmad)

Mr. Singh ki kahani

"Mr. Singh, the widower, grew up in a boisterous Indian household with 14 family members. In Fremont (california), he moved in with his son’s family and devoted himself to his grandchildren, picking them up from school and ferrying them to soccer practice. Then his son and daughter-in-law decided “they wanted their privacy,” said Mr. Singh, an undertone of sadness in his voice. He reluctantly concluded he should move out. So when he leaves the Hub, dead leaves swirling around its fake cobblestones, Mr. Singh drives to the rented room in a house he found on Craigslist. His could be a dorm room, except for the arthritis heat wraps packed neatly in plastic bins.

“In India there is a favorable bias toward the elders,” Mr. Singh said, sitting amid Hindu religious posters and a photograph of his late wife. “Here people think about what is convenient and inconvenient for them.”

Read full story here from NYtimes

Vibes of the House!

Koi 2 saal pehle is blog pe main ne apne nana ki aik choti si baat likhi thi jis main unhon ne makan se inssan ki wabastagi ka zikar kiya tha (here)

Mera aik dost aaj kul 'house' buy kerne ke liye alag alag neighbouhood ke chakkar kaat raha hai. Us ke walid (visiting from Pakistan) ka israr hai ke woh jo makan bhi dekhne jaaye unhe zaroor saath le jaaye.

Main ne apne dost se poocha: "Tumhare walid ka har makan dekhne ke liye saath chalna mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai. Ye faisla to tum dono mian biwi ko kerna chahiye"

Mere dost ne jawab diya: "Tumhari baat theek hogi. Magar mere abbu kehte hain, har makan ki apni aik musbat ya manfi maqnatisyat (postive or negative vibes) hoti hai. Jis makan main kubhi achhe log rehte hain, woh makan aap hi apni khusbu deta hai aur wahan rehne wale khub abad hote hain, unhe sukoon ka aehsas rehta hai aur unke kaam khub bunte hain. Aur kuch makan apne saath nahoosat ke saaye le ker aate hain.

Mere walid saath chalte hain to na to woh makan ki qeemat poochte hain na tafseel janna chahte hain - na to unhon ne is makan main rehna hai - jub tuk hum mian biwi apne hisab se makan jaanchte hain woh bus chup chap makan ke andar phirte rehte hain. Pasand aata hai to sir hila ke kehte hain "theek hai" ya phir kehte hain - koi dusra makan bhi nazar main rakho".

Kiya ye sach hoga ke - "every house has its positive or negative vibes?"

On phone calls

One lesson I learned atleast last weekend is to always return phone calls. You may not know the person or may even dislike the person. But, it may make difference in someone's life.


Nida went with me to medical school in Pakistan. One day while we were in second year, she left medical school forever without any notice. That left a bitter taste for everyone in the group. Somehow, her signed transcript of anatomy rotations (called "stages" in Pakistani medical schools) stayed in my dissection manual. She never appeared in exam so this was the only valid transcript available.

Years later, when I was in residency, I received a call from a person named Badar Ali to call back. I could not recognise the person and just ignored it, thinking some Pakistani may be looking for a free prescription.

This weekend I bumped a familiar girl in a desi restaurant. She was sitting there with her family. We both looked at each other and I realized its Nida. I introduced myself. She was surprised too. Her father was there. He said: "I tried to contact you few years ago, when Nida went to Pakistan and could not locate her transcript there. She found your number there and asked me to contact you. If she would have it, it would have saved many credit hours and money for her PA (physician assistant) program. I guess, it was a wrong number ".

I kept quiet.

Guess what ! I came home and open my file from medical school. Nida's transcript was lying there along with my rotations. I am still thinking - should I call her and return it or just move on with my life till I find enough courage to face her and her father!


P.S: She left medical school overnight as her father received threats from a business rival to pay either good amount of money or loose daughters.

The Time Traveler's Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife is a newly released film and based on a best selling novel. Plot is very unique. It's a story of a girl who falls in love at a very young tender age with a man who time travel unpredictably at different stages of her life. It's a conceptual movie about immortality of love.

I saw this movie with understanding that true love comes to your heart no matter how unbelievable its for other people. When you are in love - time, space, death and other life events - doesn't matter. You always live with the perception of other person beyond his actual physical growth and existence. I think, its a worth watching movie.

From novel:

"Our life together in this too-small apartment is punctuated by Henry's small absences. Sometimes he disappears unobtrusively; I might be walking from the kitchen into the hall and find a pile of clothing on the floor. I might get out of bed in the morning and find the shower running and no one in it. Sometimes it's frightening. I am working in my studio one afternoon when I hear someone moaning outside my door; when I open it I find Henry on his hands and knees, naked, in the hall, bleeding heavily from his head. He opens his eyes, sees me, and vanishes. Sometimes I wake up in the night and Henry is gone. In the morning he will tell me where he's been, the way other husbands might tell their wives a dream they had: "I was in the Selzer Library in the dark, in 1989." Or: "I was chased by a German shepherd across somebody's backyard and had to climb a tree." Or: "I was standing in the rain near my parents' apartment, listening to my mother sing." I am waiting for Henry to tell me that he has seen me as a child, but so far this hasn't happened. When I was a child I looked forward to seeing Henry. Every visit was an event. Now every absence is a nonevent, a subtraction, an adventure I will hear about when my adventurer materializes at my feet, bleeding or whistling, smiling or shaking. Now I am afraid when he is gone.."

Schizophrenia

I have seen few casses of schizophrenia during my practice and very much convinced that more than a psychological disorder, its a physiological disease. Its just unfortunate that few people get it. No they are not crazy people. Its just like diabetes, coronary artey disease or breast cancer which strike many people without their own fault.

"Doctor Sahib, chote chote bonoN (dwarf) jesi koi makhlooq hai. HazaroN ki taadat main mere aas paas jama rehte hain. Bus dar lagta hai mere ooper na char doraiN. Soti hun to bister ke neeche jama ho jaate hain. Kubhi yun mehsoos hota hai, bahir khirki ke jama hain. Aik shor sa har waqt machaye rakhte hain. Har waqt ayatul kursi parhti rehti hun magar koi faraq nahi parta. Kisi aur ko nazar nahi aate na sunai dete hain. Dr. Sahib, log kehte hain mujhe schizophrenia hai. Hoga magar khuda ki qasam - kuch to hai jo sach hai. Sab kuch jhoot nahi. Ye sirf mere dimag ka khalal nahi...."

50 lessons of life

Regina Brett is a well known american columnist. The single most popular column ever written by Regina was "50 Life Lessons," written for The Plain Dealer when she turned 50 years old in 2006. Actually she found her fame for this column. I choose my most favourite ones and at end put link for original 50.

• Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
• You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
• Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
• The most important sex organ is the brain.
• Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
• What other people think of you is none of your business.
• Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
• Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
• Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
• Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
• If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
• All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
• No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
• If you don't ask, you don't get.

All 50 here