Empty nest (yes again)

This is the time of the year (August - October) when I hear a lot of crying, vent., experiences of my friends who see-off their kids to college. The USA is a huge country and most of the time children go far away to other states. This is particularly hard when daughters have to go away, knowing our desi culture. One of my friends who sent his daughter to the east coast this year made an interesting comment. Mind it he and his wife watch a lot of Urdu dramas :)

This tells us how the human mind tries different rationalizations to cope with grief in life.

"Pehle hum bachhon ki shadiaN kerte the. Beti susral chali jaati thi to us se - dil maar ker - rishta kam rakhte the ke susraal ko apna ghar samjhe. Ab un ko college bhejte hain - aur dil maar ker baar baar text nahi kerte ke - ab woh nai zindagi main set ho jaaye.  Bachhe baRe ho jaayain to chale hi jaate hain - bus peeche yaadain reh jaati hain. Zindagi ke atthara baras pal main guzar jaate hain".

Education

Nazeeri's mystic poem

The translation is mine and done at 2 in the morning - so all apologies!!

حریفِ صافی و دُردی نہ ای خطا اینجاست

تمیزِ ناخوش و خوش می کُنی بلا اینجاست

You are not a candidate/capable for drinking clean or dirty - and that's your sin

You make a distinction between happiness and unhappiness - and that's your evil

بغیرِ دل ھمہ نقش و نگار بے معنیست

ھمیں ورق کہ سیہ گشتہ مدّعا اینجاست

Without  heart all decoration is meaningless

(and your) this page (heart) is black, that's the whole thing

ز فرق تا قَدَمَش ہر کجا کہ می نگرَم

کرشمہ دامنِ دل می کشَد کہ جا اینجاست

From head to toe wherever I glance 
The miracle in my heart says each place is my destination
  

خطا بہ مردمِ دیوانہ کس نمی گیرَد

جنوں نداری و آشفتہ ای خطا اینجاست

Nobody takes acts of  (only) a crazy man serious
You are not psychotic & neurotic yet and that's your sin

ز دل بہ دل گذَری ہست، تا محبت ہست

رہِ چمن نتواں بست تا صبا اینجاست

As far as heart is connected to heart, love exits
Garden will blossom till breeze is blowing here

بدی و نیکیِ ما، شکر، بر تو پنہاں نیست

ہزار دشمنِ دیرینہ، آشنا اینجاست

Thanks, my good and evil is not related to you
I still have thousand old enemies who stay with me

سرشکِ دیدۂ دل بستہ بے تو نکشایَد

اگرچہ یک گرہ و صد گرہ کشا اینجاست

Closed tears of my heart will not open without beloved
Though there are one & thousand (many) knot-solvers here

بہ ہر کجا رَوَم اخلاص را خریداریست

متاع کاسِد و بازارِ ناروا اینجاست

I have buyer of my deeds everywhere
But value of my all acts are not accepted here

ز کوئے عجز نظیری سرِ نیاز مَکَش

ز ہر رہے کہ درآیند انتہا اینجاست

Nazeeri! don't raise your humble head from circle of humility
(Does not matter) Whatever route he comes from - is the end here 

زفرق تا بہ قدم ہر .................

زفرق تا بہ قدم ہر کجا کہ می نگرم 

کرشمہ دامن دل می کشد کہ جا اینجاست

This is a well known couplet from Sufi poem of Nazeeri Nishapuri, a Persian poet of the 16th century who came to Mogul court and introduced classic Persian poetry. This poem is well known as every couplet can be translated in different ways despite easy words. This poem was referenced by mostly all classic Urdu authors including Dard, Ghalib, Shibli Naumani, Haali and Abul Kalam Azad. He was called the prophet of mystic poetry in Urdu, and Ghalib clearly tried to copy his and Bedil style. Ghalib was notorious to steal styles of Persian poets (he confessed this in his letters). 

Z'faraq = The thing which differs/distict (used for face/Head)

Qadam = feet 

Kuja = corner

Mi = myself

Nagram = attention

Karishma = Miracle

Kush'd = to drench/to find/ to conclude

Ja = place

einjaast  = this is it / this is the place 

Various translations:

1. Wherever I see my beloved, from head to toe - In my heart, each place feels like the place to stay

2. Wherever I go and search, your love drew me back - that my place is here

3. Every day of my life, morn till eve., - My heart see miracles in every moment

4. Happiness or Sorrow - whatever color of life I get from my beloved is good to me.

Immigration, Muhammad, Macca and Medina

Travel is an amazing thing. You meet people and hear things you may not experience in your comfort zone. Last week, I was in England attending a medical workshop. I met an older Pakistani physician who resided and practiced medicine in a relatively small town in the Lake District area for the last 40 years. (He was kind enough to take me after the conference for a 2-day tour of a stunningly beautiful lake-district area).

We discussed the mindset of Pakistani and immigrant diasporas in the UK and the USA. We talked about immigrants' dilemma of staying in a new country and their constant inner desire to move back to their home country. He said something which I have never heard. He said:

"I came to the UK 40 years ago. I am not a very practicing Muslim. I married a Scottish woman. I never pushed my kids to adopt any particular religion. But I never returned to Pakistan and made the UK my home because that's what I learned from the prophet Muhammad's life. Although Muhammad won Mecca, he had all the good reasons and means to return to Mecca. He stayed in Medina - his new home. He treated Medina as his home and created a model state known as riyasate Medina. This is a huge lesson for all immigrants that make your new country your home and deliver all your best to your new home". 

*

Meri Khudkushi aur Chacha Tota

(shared by a friend as we discussed a few of our colleagues who committed or tried to suicide during our medical school)

Khubsurat to main itna tha ke log 'Hero' kehte the. Amma abba, bhai bahen - sab muhabbat bhi bohat kerte the. PaRhaii main bhi achha tha. Magar....

Bachpan se dil main Allah jaane kese aik - 'endogenous depression' - ghar kar gaya tha. Udas rehta tha. Bazahir koi wajah nahi thi magar bachpan se jawani main qadam rakha to depression ki shiddat baRhti chali gai. Shayerii aur kitabon main panah dhundhi to depression ki aag aur bharak gai. Mazhab ki taraf ragib hua to woh bhi aik dhakoslaa hi lagne laga. Dil hi dil main roz Allah mian se jhagRa kerne laga.

Aahista aahista - andar hi andar khudkushi ke plan banane laga. Medical school ke first year main final year ki aik laRki ko dil de betha aur chupke chupke aik-tarfah ishq kerne laga. Jab us ki shadi ki khabar aayi to pakka irada ker liya khudkushi ka. Jumme ke Din aakhri namaz parh ke - Karimabad ke pul ke neeche se jo train ki paTRi guzarti hai, us pe jaa ke marne ki niyyat ker li. 

Mohalle ki masjid ke bahir har jumme, aik chacha faal niklne ke liye tote ke saath bethte. Hum unhe tote wala chacha kehte. Khudkushi ka plan to bana liya magar andar aik dar bhi tha. Kiya dil main aayi chacha ko kaha faal nikal do. Chacha ne faal nikal ke khud hi paRhi. Unki Aankhon main dar utar aaya. Meri seedhi hateli haath main le ker dekhne lage. Hateli pe qamri ubhar pe bane teekon (Triangle on mount moon) ko dekh ke zor se 'Ya nabi rasulallah' ka naara lagaya. KhaRe huwe, mujhe khaRa kiya. Gale lagaya. Rone lage kehne lage: "Mere bachhe ye zulm na ker. Sach bata, kiya khudkushi ka irada kiya hai?' Main ne jawab diya: "Ji".

Gale laga ker rote rahe. Bole: "Dekh khudkushi kerne wala bara khud garz hota hai. Khud chala jaata hai. Apne piyaroN ko saari zindi ke liye jalti dozakh main daal jaata hai. Apna intiqam un se na le".

Ye baat sun ke amma, abba, bhai, aur behnoN ka chehra aankhon main ghum gaya. Dimagi kaiffiyat thi ya chacha ka koi taaweez. Khud hi ka janaza jaate dekhta hun. Dekhta hun Amma been ker rahi hain, abba ka dil betha jaa raha hai. behnain sogwaar hain. Bhaii himmat haare betha hai.

Bhag ke ghare aaya. Amma ke zaanu main paR ke der tak rota raha. Amma bhi roti rahin. Woh din aur aaj ka din - kabhi phir khudkushi ka khayal na aaya. Raat abba se pehli baar apni dimagi halat ka zikar kiya. Woh bhi rone lage. Dusre din Ziauddin hospital Dr. XXX ke paas le gaye. Ilaj kerwaya. Magar chacha tota ki mantiq sab se ziyada kargar thi.

Samjh aa gaya. Khudkushi aur kuch nahi - apne hi piyaroN pe zulm hai.

Psychiatry main residency ki. Ab yahi nuskha dusroN ko baantta hun - bus zaban angrezi hai

Hafiz Shirazi says

Hamare lafz hi hamara kirdar ban jaate hain

Tom & Delma

Elderly couple married for 62 years die together while holding hands

Their first date of sorts happened when Tom had to “just move his car.”

“They drove around two, three different blocks or whatever and they came back and they parked and he said he reached over and he grabbed her hand and he said, 'I don't know what made me do it.'

Three weeks later, they were married. Two daughters soon followed, then grandchildren and then great-grandchildren. It was a life filled with love and laughter.

Then, in April of this year, Delma fell ill and did not recover. A few days later, Tom too fell ill. “We got him over to the nursing home with Mama. They had pushed their little beds together and Mama was laying right there, facing him. She was asleep and Daddy goes and he reached over there and he grabbed ahold of her hand and he just laid there with her, and it was so sweet,” Nichols said.

 Not long after, Tom died. Delma followed, not even an hour and a half later. Their lives ended the same way their relationship began – holding hands.

Read real life love story from Texas here:

https://www.click2houston.com/news/after-62-years-of-marriage-couple-dies-together-while-holding-hands

On 'Muslims & Dogs'

(Thanks to uncle for sharing this article with me from Ingrid Mattson)

"...I have long felt badly that many Muslims fear dogs as a result of negative experiences and that they resort to confused religious reasoning to shun them.....Whatever the implications of this report, there is no doubt that the Qur’an is positive about dogs. The Qur’an allows the use of hunting dogs, which is one of the reasons the Maliki school makes a distinction between domestic and wild dogs – since we can eat game that has been in a retriever’s mouth. But most compelling is the Qur’anic description of a dog who kept company with righteous youths escaping religious persecution. The party finds shelter in a cave where God places them in a deep sleep; the Qur’an (18:18) says:

 You would have thought them awake, but they were asleep And [God] turned them on their right sides then on their left sides And their dog stretched his forelegs across the threshold

This tender description of the dog guarding the cave makes it clear that the animal is good company for believers...."

Link here: http://ingridmattson.org/article/whats-up-with-muslims-and-dogs/

Core reason

Somebody yesterday said a beautiful thing. And, I think it is true and makes a lot of sense.

"The core reason societies, countries or civilizations go down, is because at some point rich and elite stop carrying for the poor and downtrodden masses".

2 Opposed Ideas!!

This is coming from one of my most favorite authors

Horse Whisperer

There was a long period of time in history where horses continued to be considered an integral part of human living. Not only they were the fastest mode of transportation and communication, but they were also used as a weapon in wars, loyal companions as friends, and source of highest pride. It was considered art to handle them. (if you ever get chance, watch Robert Redford's movie horse whisperer -  here)

This was an interesting article came out 2 weeks ago:

"There was real fear, real danger and real potential for consequences," Beckerman said. "Grant (owner of the ranch) showed the power of love and kindness, of trust and establishing boundaries. The experience reinforced my beliefs about the downside of anger, confrontation and aggression."

Link: What executives can learn from a horse

Url: https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/29/success/executives-horses/index.html

Aehsan aur Shar - 3

Previous posts are here: Aehsan aur shar-1, Aehsan aur shar - 2

Lately, I start liking Quora. It is fastly getting a popular website to read unusual queries from life and answers from experts. While reading following Q/A, I recalled our posts from Aehsan and Shar.

Q: How do you feel about all restaurants being required by law to serve all the food to the homeless that they would have otherwise thrown out?

A: Very bad idea. There are several restaurants, bakeries or stores who tried exactly that. Instead of throwing all the food away, give it to the poor and the homeless. It never ended up well. I was witness to one such story. A local bakery started to give away stale bread once per week to poor. First the people were grateful, but after a while they started to consider the free food as obligation of the store. That bread is not a stable supply -- sometimes there is a lot left over, sometimes none at all. But the people expect to get their share all the time; there were scandals, threats and fights when there was not enough for everyone. Queues started to form before closing times scaring away paying customers. Final straw was when the bakery got vandalized by beggars who did not get their share and decided to take it out on the shop because they did not get enough. After the repairs were done, the practice stopped. Owner contacted a local farmer and gave him all the leftovers to feed the pigs - at least they would not ruin his bakery.


Link: https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-feel-about-all-restaurants-being-required-by-law-to-serve-all-the-food-to-the-homeless-that-they-would-have-otherwise-thrown-out?ch=8&share=5561e8c8&srid=xfJv9

Maran-MuRi (Nursing Home ki aik jesi - aik aur kahani)

Main ne aur meri biwi ne saari zindagi mehnat ki. 
5 bacche bare kiya. 
Bulke bachhon ke bacchon ko bhi bara kiya.

Main plumber tha, meri biwi school teacher. 
Pehle paise jama ker ker ke baRe bete ko Amrika bheja. 
Phir teen betion ko parhaya likahya aur beeha ker Canada, Qatar aur London bheja. 
Sab se chote bete ko NED university se engineer banaya.

Kabhi na makan banwaya na koi daulat burhape ke liye jamaa ki

Sab bachhon ki shadi ke baad aik ke baad dusri aulad ki auladon ki babysitting ki
London, Canada, Qatar aur Amreeka ke beech football ki tarah - 

~ umar guzar gai
Meri umar 80 baras ki aur meri biwi ki umar 75 baras ho gai.
Bimari aur burhape ka choli daman ka saath hai

Mere diabetes ne mujeh bistar se laga diya
Meri biwi ko 3 mahina pehle stroke ho gaya

Wahi huwa jo is perdes main hota hai

Main shahr ke aik kone pe aik nursing home main 
- meri biwi shahr ke dusre kone main dusre nursing home main... 

Dusre ma-baap ko ab bhi ye mashwara dete huwe zaban laRkhaRa jaati hai ke
 - burhape ka koi sahara bacha ke rakhain - Apni maran-muRi ki hifazat karain
kiunke apni hi aulad pe harf aata hai

Wese perdes main aulad  bhi majboor hoti hai, un se bhi koi gila nahi 
- dekho hum dono mian-biwi ke pass - aakhri waqt kaatne ke liye - ye iPad aur wifi ki service bhi hai.

Religions and Real-Estate

When we travel, we meet interesting people with interesting background. A couple of nights ago, I was sitting at a coffee shop - enjoying my favorite cappuccino. (Unfortunately, I only enjoy coffee if I am away from the USA).

As I was minding my book and my leisure time, I met a person who joined my table. This individual was a professional accountant and an auditor, who specialized in accounting for churches and religious institutions (never heard of it). He said an interesting thing:

"Religions are the biggest real estate mafia in this world."

Now pondering on this statement for the last two days, I have no concrete answer - and tend to agree with it.

Cosmos and us

So true!

Yaad-maazi

Amrita Preetam in her classic way

Khayal

Log aksar rawani main khubsurat batain keh jaate hain. Kal kisi ne yunhi kaha:

"Har achha khayal darasal qudrat ka irada hai"

(Every good thought is actually a universe plan)

Ashabe-Kahaf (1 and 2)