On "moment of near death"

(posted as said to me)

"Bhai! - jab main ne drug overdose kiya aur ICU ke bed pe para tha to - sab keh rahe the - ab ye nahi bache ga. Mujhe kuch kuch sunai aur dikhai bhi de raha tha - magar unko lag raha tha main aakhri hichkian le raha hun...... 

Main ne CPR ko bhi mehsoos kiya, ragoN main dawaian bhi mehsoos ho rahi thi. Mera vomitting kerna... aadha jism sun ho jaana ... dil ka dubna, bhai sab mehsoos ker raha tha main, magar...

Magar bhai - sab se ajeeb baat ye thi - mere dil ko yaqeen tha abhi maut nahi aani! Mera dil kahin keh raha tha - ye maut ka lamha to nahi ho sakta - Maut aesi to nahi hoti. 

Bhai! tum to doctor ho aur tum ne to aesi bohat kitabain paRi hain - Kiya hamari ruh ko maut ke zaaiqe ka ilm hota hai. Kiya maut aati hai to jism choRne ka pataa - dil, dimag, hum-zaat aur ruh saath de dete hain?

Bhai! mujhe aesa laga - main pehle bhi kabhi kahin mar chuka hun - aur tab to maut aesi nahi thi..Bhai! mujeh aagahii thi ke maut main to baRa itminaan hota hai... 

Bhai woh sab kiya tha! Bolo na !!!"

On "JaN Nisar Akhtar's Dile NadaN"

Jan Nisaar Akhtar (father of Javed Akhtar) was a well-known progressive poet of pre-post partition India. He was from Lucknow school of poetry - and kept his poetry simple - away from heavy Persian and Arabic words. One of his poetry - Ae dile Nadan, which was inducted after 7 years of his death in the movie, Razia Sultana, by Kamal Amrohi Sahab - speaks of the beauty of his simple language poetry. I am putting a link from youtube but God knows how long link will stay alive. Each word and line feel like a marvel - (indeed with voice of Lata Mangeshkar and music of Khayyam).

Ye zameeN chup hai, aasmaaN chup hai

Phir ye dhaRkan si chaar-su kiya hai

A Curious Case of a Bathroom Curious

Being a physician - and after so many years, if I can call myself a seasoned physician, I have seen many familiar and uncommon diseases. But this case was unique. I am unsure if it ever got published as I could not follow it later due to privacy reasons - but this case, even after so many years, is hard to explain.

The patient was a physician in his mid-fifties - and was blessed with fortune, fame, family, and all stabilities. But he was addicted to sneaking into people's houses (like a thief) when they were not home to use the bathrooms. If he cannot quickly get into a place, he will check into any hotel/motel and sneak into an occupied room when a guest is out during the daytime. He will take nothing - just visit and use the bathroom - and leave. He managed to avail master key or machine to duplicate cards for the hotel rooms. Eventually, he was caught by a guest and later arrested due to hotel cameras. I don't know if he could practice later, but as far as I know, he was let go without pressing charges from a particular guest and hotel. On the same day, shaken from arrest, he checked himself into ER to seek professional help - and our service was consulted for an unrelated issue.

I asked many psychiatrist friends, but no one ever heard of any such case. Each shrink has his theory to explain his behavior - but nothing concrete ever came out. This case always comes to mind when I see many successful people around me with odd habits.

Indeed, even after 25 years of everyday work as a physician - humans continue to boggle my intelligence - and every day, I get my 'humility pie' of wrong judgment or presumed diagnosis.

Insaan is kaainat ki sab se bari kitab hai 

*

"Hats off Sir"

Saw Edhi Sahab multiple times between 1986 and 1992 - when I worked as a medical student, volunteer and later as a house officer in "Casualty" (ER). He was shockingly a simple person. Courageous to carry any wounded in his arm from his ambulances arriving one after another from riot-torn areas, irrespective of any ethnicity - and without any fear of any political goons there.

Indeed, a legend - a man far bigger than any price - died.

On "Writing"

I had to visit Boston for some work and see old friends. Saw this sign in one of the corridors at MIT. It explains, why I blog

O Man! You who just see me below my navel

محترمہ (ثروت زہرا) کا خوبصورت کھرا، سچائ سے بھرپور کلام

My loose English translation below

(مجھے میری ناف سے نیچے دیکھنے والے!)

میری ناف کے پہلو میں میری کوکھ بھی موجود ہے۔
جہاں تمھارے جیسی کئی کائناتوں کی تجسیم کی گنجائش
رکھ دی گئی ہے۔
اور اس سے ذرا اوپر مرا دل ہے۔
جہاں عمر بھر کی محبتوں کا اتنا زیادہ بہی کھاتا لکھا جاتا ہے۔
کہ اب یہاں عبادت گاہوں سے زیادہ تقدس گونجتا ہے۔
اور یہی کہیں قریب سے ہی تمھاری پہلی
غذا کی دھارائیں نکلتی ہیں۔
اور اس دل سے اوپر میری زبان ہے جہاں
الف کے بےنقاط اور ب کے تمام نقاطـ
کے ذائقے دے دیے گئے ہیں۔
اور اس دہن سے اوپر میری آنکھ ہے۔
جو چشم آہو کے علاوہ گمان و یقین کو اپنی
روشنی کی لگام سے باندھنا جانتی ہے۔
اور ان آنکھوں سے اوپر ایک دماغ ہے۔
جس کے اعصابی
ریشوں کے درمیان شعور سے لاشعور تک
کے سارے توازن رکھے گئے ہیں۔
مجھے میری ناف سے نیچے دیکھنے والے!
شائد اسی لئے میرے قدموں کے نیچے جنتیں رکھ دی گئی ہیں

(O Man! who just see me below my navel)

Beside my navel lies my uterus too
Where lies the potential of creation
of many universes like you
And just above that is my heart
Where registers fountain of life-long loves
making it holier than any temple
And somewhere near it flows
The lifeline of your first food
And above that lies my tongue
Where (Almighty) kept the pleasures
of all finities of A and infinities of B
And above that opening
Lies my eyes
Which want to circle all lights
Beyond perception of sight and vision
And above that, there is a mind
Between neurons of which he kept
All balances of
Subconscious to consciousness
O Man!  You who just see me below my navel
That's why lies heavens below my feet

On "Full Moon"

Zindagi main mujhe poore chaand se ziyada koi cheez mystify nahi kerti!

Poore chaand pe aik waqiya aksar yaad aata hai: USA main mera pehla hafta hai. Mujhe residency ke interview ke liye NewYork se Detroit jaana paRa. Paise the nahi, to bus ki raat ki ticket pe safar kerna shuru kiya. NewYork ke Grand Central Station se (Itna baRa station na dekha na suna) mere saath aik aur Pakistani doctor sawar ho gaye - Dr. Anwar. Hum saath saath seat per beth gaye. Jab raat apne joban pe paunchi to bus ki khiRki se mujhe aye baRa chaand nazar aaya. Itna baRa chaand main ne pehle nahi dekha tha. Main aur Dr. Anwar poori hairat se itna baRa chaand dekhte rahe. Phir Dr. Anwar ne aankhain band kerta huwa kaha: "Soch liya! Ab saari zindagi isi mulk main rehna hai". 

Main ne poocha: "Abhi se faisla ker liya?"

Bole: "Jis mulk main aesa kubsurat aur baRa chaand niklta ho, use koi kaafir hi choR ker jaaye ga".  Shayed sach hi kehte the woh!

Hum huwe tum huwe ke meer huwe
us kii zulfoN    ke sab    aseer huwe*


*(ye shyr is liye likha ke hamare aik dost dusre misreh main us ko tanzian hamesah US - United States - parhte hain)

On "Midlife Crisis of Men"

"Tum jaante ho mard ke 'mid-life crisis' ka sab se bhayanak roop kaun sa hota hai?"

"Kaunsa?"

"Jab woh apni dhalti jawani ko chupaane ke liye aurat pe zulm-o-jabar pe utar aata hai"

Three Dreams of Ann Frank

Last week, I had to go to Iowa for hospital work. I was tagged with a local family doctor. It was an eye-opener. We drove miles and miles of beautiful, lush green cornfields and soybean farms. He told me that his family always wanted him to be a farmer, but he decided to be a small-town doctor, though he still helps out his father as a part-time farmer. I laughed and said: "In our part of the world, all parents want their children to be doctors."

Most importantly, I learned that small farmers struggle in the midwest USA despite highly fertile land. They have been exploited in the same way as in any other part of the world. Small farmers can not compete with big giant corporations and are eventually bullied out to sell their farms (Ha! Walmart). The cost and maintenance of new farming machines are skyrocketing. To ease the pain of financial hardships, towns set up small weekly markets for local farmers and retailers to sell vegetables, fruits, crafts, etc. We drove to the neighboring state of Minnesota to see the Thursday market in Rochester. There was a stall of books written by local authors. I bought a storybook by Rod Starcke: "Three Dreams of Anne Frank." It was an interesting story of a young girl, Anne, struggling to write a good Fairy tale. As the story evolves, she goes through a mystical journey of three dreams named Ocean, Church, and The Tracks (of the train) - where out of her fear and fight for survival (and her deaths), she learns to help out other people At the end, she writes: "Finally! I have it right. Ellen dies and comes back in people's dreams so that she can keep comforting them even after death".

It sounds like a typical life story of any Sufi !!!

I was not expecting such a forceful story sitting at a small stall in a small town. It was just beautiful.

*

On "Hijab"

"Mera Shohar kehta hai: Agar main ne hijab nahi pehna to woh mujeh choR dega. Mujhe kiya kerna chahiye? Mere 2 chote bachhe hain. Main kahan jaun gi?"

"Wese to hijab tumhara aur tumhare khuda ke beech ka muamla hai. Par agar tum apne ghar ko pamaali se bachaane ke liye hijab pahen leti ho to mere khayal main, ye amal khuda ki nazar main, hijab pahenne ki har dusri illat se afzal-tar hoga."

A quote

Captain America:Civil War

This is an interesting movie where they have collected all famous superheroes. This movie though marked by periodic action of typical spider-man/Iron Man/Avengers type movies but more than half of a movie is discussion:

Is it ethically right to accept collateral damages in the eternal war of Good and Evil? Violence eventually bore more violence, and killing innocent individuals for the sake of the prevalence of truth may not be justifiable. Do we call it collateral damage when other people are dying but when our own loved ones die, we become egoistic revengers? (and that creates civil war among superheroes, as they cannot come to a logical conclusion).

 (ringing bell of Iraq war? or US drone attacks?)

 - or was it another shrewd move of evil by implanting this debate among advocates of truth?

It reminded me the famous quote of German-American author, Charles Bukowski that: "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

Robert Downey Jr. again proved himself to be the #1 heartthrob of Hollywood.

Trailer here: https://youtu.be/uVdV-lxRPFo

Quote - True?

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food" - George Bernard Shaw

On 'Sufism - and Philosophy &Science"

(Someone sent this quote yesterday. Religion, Philosophy and Science are travelling together over centuries in quest of truth).

صوفی جو تجرید پیش کرتا ھے واردات کے بعد ، برسوں بعد فلسفی اس پہ دھیان باندھتا ھے اور اس بھی برسوں بعد سائنس دان اس کی مساوات دریافت کرتا ھے۔

Depression - 2

(one email on previous post on depression. Speechless)

".....A very good friend of mine had a history of attempted suicide, and was on medications. He was married with two beautiful children, and was always joking with me. He was admitted to hospital and was treated for many days. Finally, they felt comfortable and discharged him. After getting home, next day he hanged himself in his basement. He and his wife both were doctors and were in successful practices in their specialties......."

Depression

I have written on this blog various times before about stigma of using antipsychotics, antidepressants and medicines related to mental health in our society. Mani ki Kahani (here) still haunts me some nights and give me goose bumps reading that post. This picture beautifully capture the dragon of depression.

Paanch Farar

Jab "Urdu main novel-nigari" (here)  wali post likh raha tha to aik laRka 'Yasir Gondal' bohat yaad aaya. Main ne inter (FSC), Karachi ke National College se kiya. 'Yasir Gondal' Urdu club ka President tha. Jab dosti hui aur pata laga ke uske abba mochi hain to mere peroN tale se zameen nikal gayi. 

Yasir Gondal ne Urdu literature main "Baag-o-bahaar",  "Fasanaye-Ajaib" se le ker Bazaari ghatiya novel tak sab kuch parha huwa tha. Saala Urdu poetry ki chalti phirti wikipedia tha. Musalsal 4 saal College main bet-baazi ka champion raha, (Ab pata nahi kahan hai).

Yasir Gondal mujh se aik saal aage tha. Aik din hum ne shaam ko club ki traf se Minto ke afsane "Khol do" pe discussion ka aehtamam kiya. Us din mujeh pata laga ke kiun "khol do" Urdu ki sab se baRi kahani hai (Us raat main bohat roya). Dusre din main ne Gondal se kaha: "Yaar tu baRi cheez hai. Itni knowledge kese aa gai tere paas?" to kamina zor zor se hasne laga. Kehne laga:

"Dekh Bhai! Sharif aadmi ke liye Gurbat se nafsiyaati farar ke 5 raaste hote hain:  Sharab, Mazhab, Banduq, jisam-faroshi ya Kitab. Is Zia ke Islami nizaam ne mazhab se dil uchaaT ker diya hai, - Sharab sharifoN ka shewa nahi. Banduq na tujh se uthe gi na mujh se. Jisam-faroshi se baRi galazat koi nahi. Reh gai Kitab - to bhai - mere aur tere jese log isi se masturbation ker ke kaam chala rahe hain! Is liye na to mujhe kabhi is pe koi fakhar huwa na naaz, bulke ulta sharminda aur dara dara sa hi rehta hun, ke kahin meri chori na pakRi jaaye".

On "Novels in Urdu Literature"

Ye 1984 se 1987 ke beech ka koi zamana tha. Karachi university ke Urdu department ne shaam ko "Urdu main novel-nigari" pe nishast ka aehtmaam kiya. Ye woh zamana tha, jab hum apne aap ko Urdu literature ke champion samjhte the, halanke ibne safi se ziyada ki khabar na thi. Main 3 busaiN badal ker wahan pauncha. Ye bhi nahi maloom tha wapas kese aaun ga ke raat ko (tab university ke weerane) se transport kum hi chalta tha. Nishast ki sadarat Intazar Hussain ker rahe the. Wahan kisi ne shosha choRa aur mehfil se pocha: "Aap ke khayal main Urdu ke 4 baRe novels kaunse hain?" . Pehle 3 par to sab ka ittfaq tha magar chothe naam pe baRi le de hui.

1. Udas NaslaiN (Abdullah Hussain)
2. Aag ka Darya (Quratulain Haider)
3. Raja Gidh (Banu Qudsia)
4. ChakiWaRa main wisaal ( Mohd. Khalid Akhtar)*

* Main ne chaaroN novel paRhe huwe the - go samjh kuch kum hi aaya tha. Main ne haat khaRa kiya aur kaha - ChakiWaRa main wisal ki bajaye is list main Shaukat Siddiqui ke novel "Khuda ki Basti" ko shamil kiya jaana chahiye. Aaj 30 baras baad bhi main samjhta hun: "Go ChakiWaRa main wisal , khuda ki basti se ziyada 'intense' novel hai magar us main kirdar-parwari (Character building) aur zujiyaat (supplements) ka fuqdan hai". 

Kai aur naam liye gaye, maslan Ahmad Ali sahab ka "Dilli ki Sham" bhi noveliat (?word) ke saare mayaar pe poora utarta hai, magar asal musaweda angrezi main hai (Twilight in Dehli). Ye uska tarjuma hai. 

Aur zaroor kai aur naam bhi the...

'Udas Naslain' ka bohat hi khubsurat hissa (muttafiq hona zaroori nahi)

Doctor Karim Kheera

Dr. Karim mujh se 3 saal senior the. Meri unse dosti medical school ki library main hui. Orangi town main rehte the aur subah sawere fajar ki namaz parh ker ghar se niklte aur har subah saat baje library khulne ke time sab se pehle aadmi hote. Unke kai naam the - Karim library, Karim saat baje, Karim orangi, Karim tuition wagera magar sab se ziyada takleef-deh naam tha Karim Kheera.

Jab tak maloom na tha, mujeh bhi bara ajeeb lagta - woh ghar se rozana 4 ya 5 kheerey (cucumber) le ker aate aur poore din main har 2/3 ghante ke waqfe se library se nikalte - aik kheera bag se nikalte, aur ghar se laaye chaat masala aur namak mirch chiRak chiRak ker khaate. Phir library ke saath lagi tank se pani ka aik glass peete. Log unpe awaz kaste to muskura ke hans dete. Mujeh library main guidance ki zaroorart paRti to un se pooch leta. Aahista aahista dosti ho gai. Bhaiyon ki tarah rakhte, samjhaate, guide kerte.

Aik din darte darte main ne poocha - Karim bhai ye kheerey ka kiya maajra hai? Muskura diye aur bole - Dekho bhai hum orangi town ke rehne waale hain. Shaam ko tuitions paRha ke mahiney ke 1000-1200 rupe jamah ker leta hun. Ghar ke kharch main abba ko 1000 rupe de deta hun. Mere liye 200-300 rupe bachte hain. Bus ka kiraya aur kitaboN ke kharch ke baad, yahi theek rehta hai ke sabzi wale se mile saste kheere se pet bhar lun. Hum khud koi bohat ameer na the magar Karim bhai se us din ke baad main ne koi sawal na kiya.

Unhon ne Orangi town ki Qatar hospital main subah shaam kaam ker ke kese imtahan paas kiya, malum nahi - magar woh ECFMG paas ker ke America chale gaye. Phir barson baad pata laga NY main surgery ki residency ker rahe hain, phir kisi ne bataya cardiothoracic surgery ki fellowship ke liye Cleveland Clinic main hain - aur phir barson pata na chala kahan gaye. 2 mahine pehle doctors ke aik program main achanak mil gaye, khub gale se lagaya, ghar walon ki khairiat poochte rahe. Pata laga Boston ki aik well renowned university main cardiac devices aur transplant surgeon ke tor pe associate professor kaam ker rahe hain. Batain kerte huwe parking lot main hum saath aaye to Mercedes 500 series ki gaari thi. Meri nazar gaari pe dekh ke bole - qasam le lo orangi ki bus ab tak nahi bhoola.  

Main mil ker zara dur gaya to awaz de ke wapas bulaya - gale lagaya aur chupke se poocha: Kheera khao ge? - Aur phir gale laga ker bohat hanse. Woh chale gaye - aur main sochta raha - log inhe kitna cheRte the, mazaq uRate the - magar inhain kisi ki parwa na hui aur apni manzil pe paunch ke dum liya. Zindagi ki doR main ye bhi aik shaks tha!

Sochta hun kisi roz aik baar Karachi jaa ker subah sawere fajar ki namaz ke baad bus se orangi town ka safar karun - aur dekhun ke kheerey pe poora din kese guzarta hai.

On "fasting"

Last week I had a 82-year-old patient who came for elective percutaneous valve replacement to the hospital, but otherwise healthy. I asked him, how he made to age 82 without any long list of medications. He replied:

"Son! I didn't have a healthy lifestyle up to age 50. I smoke, drank and even experimented with drugs during the hippie era. I was obese, deconditioned and never thought of disease. Just before my 50th birthday, I became very short of breath just climbing a little hill during hunting. I felt very ashamed as older folks in our party were not showing any distress. On my birthday, I made a resolution. I never mentioned this to anyone. I quit alcohol, tobacco & junk food cold turkey, start walking every day 3 miles and promised to myself I will never take elevators or escalators but only stairs, no matter how many floors I have to climb. It was not easy when I visited Eiffel tower and New York".

"And that all paid off?" I asked

"Indeed! But what actually I think made the real difference was my deployment to Morocco at work. Just to experiment, I did 30 days of fasting with my Muslim colleagues. No no, I didn't become a Muslim. I am still a hardcore atheist but I lost 10 lbs in 30 days. I liked it so much that I am fasting since last 25 years. I made sure, I don't gain weight after fasting is over. That was the key. Are you a Muslim?"

"Yes I am", I replied

"I am at lost. Explain to me how come after having such an immense and deep impacted ritual, Muslims are so stagnant and on the decline"!

"I don't know Sir! I wish I knew the answer". I failed miserably to hide my embarrassment.