Jub hum residency ker rahe the to hamare paas aksar qismat ke maare Pakistani, Indian lurke 2/3 hafte ke liye aa ker ruk jaya kerte the. Koi student hota, koi unemployed hota, koi is perdess main naya naya be-sahara hota.....
Aese hi aik lurka aaya tha Asghar. Asghar koi 3 mahine hamare saath raha. Phir use Loyola University main admission mil gaya aur woh kahiN aur roommate chala gaya. Jub hum hospital main hote to woh 'kitchen apron' pahen ker bari nafasat se hamare liye khane pakata.
Hum saare roommate har shaam apne bache kuche khulle (change) yogurt ke aik khali dabbe main daal dete. Farig auqat main Asghar un quarters, dimes, nickels aur pennies se khelta rehta. Aik din main ne Asghar se poocha: "Ye tum 'change' se kehlte rehte ho, is ka kiya maqsad?". Asghar ne jawab diya: "Yun change se kehlne se mere andar, bure waqt ke aehsas pe aik marham sa lug jata hai"
Uske baad meri zindagi main do teen aese waqt aaye jub mujhe paison ki aik dam se shadeed zaroorat par gai magar intazam nahi ho raha tha. Mujhe Asghar yaad aaya. 'Change' se kehlte huwe sach much mera dard kuch kum ho gaya...
A psychological escape - I guess!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Ishq
Jub log kehte hain ke Hazrat Ibrahim ke liye aag gul-o-gulzar ban gai thi to mujhe nahi lagta ke aag sach much main bujh gai ho gi - bulke mera khayal hai ke Hazrat Ibrahim Allah ke ishq main is qadar doob chuke the ke - namrud ki sulgaii us aag ki tapish ka unhe aehsas hi nahi hua....
Pata nahi kiun mujhe aesa lagta hai
Pata nahi kiun mujhe aesa lagta hai
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Aik lakh rupe
(I wanted to write this post for a while but hold back as every time I think of it, shiver runs through my spine. It also tells how people perceive situation and moments differently - This will be both in english and urdu words as uttered by characters)
I think it was 1995. After starting residency, I was visiting Pakistan first time. Abdul was one of my childhood friend. He asked me to lend him 1 lac rupees for one year. I knew Abdul very well. They were 5 brothers and sisters and he was the bread winner for family with his father. He secretly invested all savings of family (intended for sisters' marriages) in stock market and lost every penny. He appeared very dishevel and depress. I had few money saved during residency. I lended him 1 lac rupees...
Every time I visited Pakistan - he had issues going in life and he always asked for one more year. Over years, I forgot about that money. 13 years passed...one lac rupees even lost its value in US dollars. Last year while I was visiting Pakistan, I was passing through the area of Abdul's residence. Without any intention, I entered his apartment complex and knocked on his door. By now Abdul was married and had 2 kids.
He was more surprised than happy to see me. Though, he welcomed me to his home.."pareshani us ke chehre se saaf ayaN thi"....His wife (bhabhi) came and asked for "chai". She was a gracious lady.
As I realized, what's making him 'jhijhak', I decided to leave after salam-dua and without any mention of money. As I stand up to leave, Abdul closed the door of his living room.
Abdul: "Main janta hun tumhare aik lakh rupe barsoN se mere paas udhar hain magar kiya karun meri zaroortoN ne kubhi mujhe itne paise jama hi na hone diye"...
He hold my hand and start crying. I was speechless. An adult man of 2 growing kids was crying like a kid. As I remained speechless, he thought I am angry or thinking that he is just acting up a drama ... Probably, he wanted me to say something but I just could not find words..
Abdul: "Sach poocho to main tumhare aik lakh rupe to kubhi wapas na ker sakooN ga magar..."
woh thori der khamosh raha aur jumla mukammal kiya...
"...magar tum chaho to aaj ki raat meri jagah meri biwi ke saath reh sakte ho"
Ye jumla sun ker meri ooper ki saans ooper aur neeche ki saans neeche reh gai...
I just walked out of his house and could not breath properly till I walked 2 miles before hailing taxi...and till today as I said it send shiver through my spine...
Ye gurbat bari kamini cheez hai
I think it was 1995. After starting residency, I was visiting Pakistan first time. Abdul was one of my childhood friend. He asked me to lend him 1 lac rupees for one year. I knew Abdul very well. They were 5 brothers and sisters and he was the bread winner for family with his father. He secretly invested all savings of family (intended for sisters' marriages) in stock market and lost every penny. He appeared very dishevel and depress. I had few money saved during residency. I lended him 1 lac rupees...
Every time I visited Pakistan - he had issues going in life and he always asked for one more year. Over years, I forgot about that money. 13 years passed...one lac rupees even lost its value in US dollars. Last year while I was visiting Pakistan, I was passing through the area of Abdul's residence. Without any intention, I entered his apartment complex and knocked on his door. By now Abdul was married and had 2 kids.
He was more surprised than happy to see me. Though, he welcomed me to his home.."pareshani us ke chehre se saaf ayaN thi"....His wife (bhabhi) came and asked for "chai". She was a gracious lady.
As I realized, what's making him 'jhijhak', I decided to leave after salam-dua and without any mention of money. As I stand up to leave, Abdul closed the door of his living room.
Abdul: "Main janta hun tumhare aik lakh rupe barsoN se mere paas udhar hain magar kiya karun meri zaroortoN ne kubhi mujhe itne paise jama hi na hone diye"...
He hold my hand and start crying. I was speechless. An adult man of 2 growing kids was crying like a kid. As I remained speechless, he thought I am angry or thinking that he is just acting up a drama ... Probably, he wanted me to say something but I just could not find words..
Abdul: "Sach poocho to main tumhare aik lakh rupe to kubhi wapas na ker sakooN ga magar..."
woh thori der khamosh raha aur jumla mukammal kiya...
"...magar tum chaho to aaj ki raat meri jagah meri biwi ke saath reh sakte ho"
Ye jumla sun ker meri ooper ki saans ooper aur neeche ki saans neeche reh gai...
I just walked out of his house and could not breath properly till I walked 2 miles before hailing taxi...and till today as I said it send shiver through my spine...
Ye gurbat bari kamini cheez hai
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Friendship
What a remarkable quote of Martin Luther King Jr.
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends".
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends".
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Divorcing on 5th Anniversary
(following post carries the content of sexual description)
Ever heard of people divorcing on their wedding anniversary? - Read this tale.
When Alam Khan came from Pakistan, he was a young tall, handsome Pathan boy of 22. His father was my friend. Due to a snowstorm in Chicago, his connecting flight was canceled, and he stayed with me for three days before I shipped him on a domestic flight to his father. He was one heck of a jolly happy dandy young man.
Alam Khan, with his father's help, bought a small gas station in one of the rural areas of Tennessee in the vicinity of the Smoky mountains. Amina - who later became his wife, was passing by with her family to visit there. When they stopped at Alam's gas station, Amina went inside the store to get a soda and met Alam Khan. It was a love of first sight. Somehow Alam managed to slip his cell phone number to Amina. They stayed in touch. Amina's family declined the marriage proposal from Alam's family as they were Shia sect, and Alam was from the Sunni sect. Amina rebelled against her family's wishes, ran away from home, and went to stay with Alam. Their families disowned both. One day I received a call from Alam and Amina to see if I could make their families accept their relationship. First thing I advised them to go to court and get married. Indeed, they did. I spoke to Alam's father and Amina's family (who were furious), but since they were legally married, both families had no choice but to swallow their kids' wishes. A grand reception was finally arranged at one of the 5-star hotels in Atlanta. I was invited to their wedding over the memorial weekend in 2004. Alam and Amina were pleased and glowing. Amina met me for the first time but treated me like her brother. I got very close to her family (and still I am).
Once the honeymoon period was over - fights erupted between Alam and Amina. I received calls from Amina on and off with various complaints against Alam. Over time after having long talks with Amina, I realized that the underlying issue was something else. What was taking a toll on marriage was Alam's habit of pornography! Since the business was doing good and employees were running it, Alam all day watched, read, and chatted porno on his computer at work and masturbated many times every day while at work, and consequently unable to perform intercourse at night due to penile fatigue. I started getting calls from Alam to prescribe viagra, which I initially took just as a curious inquiry from a newly married man; later, Amina told me that he couldn't perform despite getting a heavy supply from a local urologist. Amina, being an eastern girl, was unable to verbalize her agony and reacted with fights as it is still taboo in our culture for a girl to acknowledge sexual dissatisfaction. Once I realized the issue, I had multiple talks with Alam to abandon his addiction to pornography, but he could not. He was, in real terms, addicted. I advised him to see a therapist and to go to a marriage counselor. Nothing worked.
They divorced on their 5th wedding anniversary!
*
Monday, June 08, 2009
Closure!
Zindagi main insaan kubhi sirf aik lafz dhundhta reh jaata hai.
Kisi kitab ka aakhri safha nahi milta.
Koi 'file' hai jo kabhi daakhile-daftar nahi hoti.
Dil main weerani aesa basera daal leti hai,
dil ki zameen aesi baanjh ho jaati hai ke
insaan sehra ki tapti dhoop main -
har sarab ka peecha kerta rehta hai -
magar paani ki woh bund nahi milti jis se qarar aa jaye!
Is blog pe main ne apne dost Ahsan Ali ki maut ka pehle bhi zikar kiya hai (like here). Is 'weekend' pe main aik shaadi pe gaya to aik dum se Ahsan Ali ki biwi (Rehana bhabhi) saamne mil gai. Salam Dua ke baad usne kaha main tum se kuch baat kerna chahti hun. Ahsan Ali ki maut ko 3 baras ho gaye magar mujhe aesa laga ke Rehana bhabhi ke chehre ne shayed 30 barson ka safar tey kiya hai.
Hum starbucks ki taraf rawana huwe. Jese hi main ne gari start ki lata ji ka song shuru ho gaya "tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi" (here). Main ne CD band kerna chahi to Rehana bhabhi ne manah ker diya. Kehne lagiN main ye sunna chahti hun. Hum kafi der starbucks ke parking lot main khamosh bethe rahe. Mujhe nahi maloom main Rehana bhabhi ka dukh kese baantta. Kuch der bad bhabhi phoot phoot ke rone lagi. Main kiya kehta. Jub unki kuch dharas bandhi to unhon ne kaha: "Tum Ahsan Ali ke sab se achhe dost the. Bus dua karo kisi tarah aik baar kisi tarah woh aake muje se keh jaaye ke, main ne tumhe muaf ker diya hai. Uski maut ke baad aik aik lamha main us ke 'forgiveness' ko tarsi hun. Bus aik dafa, bus aik dafa kahin kisi khawab main aake, ya kisi aur tarah mere kaan main keh jaaye - ke use mujhe se koi gila nahi werna ye guilt mujhe maar dega"
Main tasalli ke do lafzon ke siwa kuch na keh saka. I drove her back to wedding.
Meri Dua hai Bhabhi ke dil ko sukoon mil jaye.
Unke dukh ko 'closure' mil jaaye.... I hope she can moveon with life.
Kuch zakham saari zindagi nahi bharte - bus aaihsta aahista riste rehte hain!
Kisi kitab ka aakhri safha nahi milta.
Koi 'file' hai jo kabhi daakhile-daftar nahi hoti.
Dil main weerani aesa basera daal leti hai,
dil ki zameen aesi baanjh ho jaati hai ke
insaan sehra ki tapti dhoop main -
har sarab ka peecha kerta rehta hai -
magar paani ki woh bund nahi milti jis se qarar aa jaye!
Is blog pe main ne apne dost Ahsan Ali ki maut ka pehle bhi zikar kiya hai (like here). Is 'weekend' pe main aik shaadi pe gaya to aik dum se Ahsan Ali ki biwi (Rehana bhabhi) saamne mil gai. Salam Dua ke baad usne kaha main tum se kuch baat kerna chahti hun. Ahsan Ali ki maut ko 3 baras ho gaye magar mujhe aesa laga ke Rehana bhabhi ke chehre ne shayed 30 barson ka safar tey kiya hai.
Hum starbucks ki taraf rawana huwe. Jese hi main ne gari start ki lata ji ka song shuru ho gaya "tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi" (here). Main ne CD band kerna chahi to Rehana bhabhi ne manah ker diya. Kehne lagiN main ye sunna chahti hun. Hum kafi der starbucks ke parking lot main khamosh bethe rahe. Mujhe nahi maloom main Rehana bhabhi ka dukh kese baantta. Kuch der bad bhabhi phoot phoot ke rone lagi. Main kiya kehta. Jub unki kuch dharas bandhi to unhon ne kaha: "Tum Ahsan Ali ke sab se achhe dost the. Bus dua karo kisi tarah aik baar kisi tarah woh aake muje se keh jaaye ke, main ne tumhe muaf ker diya hai. Uski maut ke baad aik aik lamha main us ke 'forgiveness' ko tarsi hun. Bus aik dafa, bus aik dafa kahin kisi khawab main aake, ya kisi aur tarah mere kaan main keh jaaye - ke use mujhe se koi gila nahi werna ye guilt mujhe maar dega"
Main tasalli ke do lafzon ke siwa kuch na keh saka. I drove her back to wedding.
Meri Dua hai Bhabhi ke dil ko sukoon mil jaye.
Unke dukh ko 'closure' mil jaaye.... I hope she can moveon with life.
Kuch zakham saari zindagi nahi bharte - bus aaihsta aahista riste rehte hain!
Thursday, June 04, 2009
preserving victory
One important lesson I learned in life is to understand that: only victory is not important but to learn to preserve victory by following path of grace.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Brighter side - A conversation
(How things can be percieved differently. Here is one example. Recently one of my friend visited his child's pediatrician with his wife...)
"We are so worried. Our son is 5 years old and still not potty trained. We don't know what else to try. We tried every trick we learned from textbooks, internet and various magazines. He just don't get it. He just don't giveup to any prize or punishment either."
"Isn't it good?"
"What? is it good that our son is already 5 years old and still in diapers?"
"There is no human being on this planet earth who remained in diaper ever because he was not thought to be potty trained. Its a natural thing bound to occur sooner or later. But I think, your son is showing a trend in his personality that he doesn't give up to pressures. Isn't it good?"
"Yesss....but...."
"Rather concentrating on his potty training, concentrate on his positive personality trait and to conserve it from not going to other extreme of stubborness.."
"We are so worried. Our son is 5 years old and still not potty trained. We don't know what else to try. We tried every trick we learned from textbooks, internet and various magazines. He just don't get it. He just don't giveup to any prize or punishment either."
"Isn't it good?"
"What? is it good that our son is already 5 years old and still in diapers?"
"There is no human being on this planet earth who remained in diaper ever because he was not thought to be potty trained. Its a natural thing bound to occur sooner or later. But I think, your son is showing a trend in his personality that he doesn't give up to pressures. Isn't it good?"
"Yesss....but...."
"Rather concentrating on his potty training, concentrate on his positive personality trait and to conserve it from not going to other extreme of stubborness.."
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Acceptance
Zindagi main insaan ki saari khushi ka daro-madar sirf aik lafz pe hai - "acceptance" (qabool ker lena).
Biwi saari zindagi is liye 'unhappy' rehti hai - kiunke shohar ko 'accept' nahi ker pati. Shohar saari zindagi biwi se nalaN rehta hai. Kisi ko haar (defeat) 'accept' nahi hoti. Aashiq ye 'accept' nahi ker pata ke mehbooba us ki nahi ho sakti.
Aur agar insaan accept kerne pe aaye to 'wheel chair' ko bhi accept ker leta hai - jese mera dost asif - jo jawani main hi paraplegic ho gaya. Jese koi majboor aurat apne tawaaiif hone ko piyar se nibha jaati hai. Parents aulad ki maut tuk seh jaate hain. Beti ke dukh pe pehle hi is blog pe kai posts hain.
Dil ki jalan se markatul-araa 'art, literature, poetry' janam leti hai, magar saali andar ki bechani nahi jaati.
Agar aap ne Rohinton Mistry ka novel 'A fine balance' parha ho (nahi parha to zaroor parhiye) to uska bunyadi khayal bhi yahi hai ke: "Jin halat ko aap tabdeel nahi ker sakte, un dukhoN ko accept ker lain" - zindagi sahl ho jaati hai.
I want to write few words from one of my prev. post: ".......Is kaainat main kub saare sawalon ke jawab milte hain. Koi formula nahi chalta. Kisi mantiq ki chul theek nahi bethti. Hum saari zindagi jaanne ki tag-o-do main lage rehte hain magar saara kuch is dil ke maanne se hai. Agar dil ko qarar aa jaaye to koi maujiza naqabile yaqeen nahi rehta. Kuch bhi namumkin nahi rehta. Falsafa chale na chale magar jo baat, jo cheez is dil ki dharkan ki ley(tune) se murtaish (vibrate) ho jaaye - wahi haq, wahi sach ! Sala ye harami dil !!.."
Biwi saari zindagi is liye 'unhappy' rehti hai - kiunke shohar ko 'accept' nahi ker pati. Shohar saari zindagi biwi se nalaN rehta hai. Kisi ko haar (defeat) 'accept' nahi hoti. Aashiq ye 'accept' nahi ker pata ke mehbooba us ki nahi ho sakti.
Aur agar insaan accept kerne pe aaye to 'wheel chair' ko bhi accept ker leta hai - jese mera dost asif - jo jawani main hi paraplegic ho gaya. Jese koi majboor aurat apne tawaaiif hone ko piyar se nibha jaati hai. Parents aulad ki maut tuk seh jaate hain. Beti ke dukh pe pehle hi is blog pe kai posts hain.
Dil ki jalan se markatul-araa 'art, literature, poetry' janam leti hai, magar saali andar ki bechani nahi jaati.
Agar aap ne Rohinton Mistry ka novel 'A fine balance' parha ho (nahi parha to zaroor parhiye) to uska bunyadi khayal bhi yahi hai ke: "Jin halat ko aap tabdeel nahi ker sakte, un dukhoN ko accept ker lain" - zindagi sahl ho jaati hai.
I want to write few words from one of my prev. post: ".......Is kaainat main kub saare sawalon ke jawab milte hain. Koi formula nahi chalta. Kisi mantiq ki chul theek nahi bethti. Hum saari zindagi jaanne ki tag-o-do main lage rehte hain magar saara kuch is dil ke maanne se hai. Agar dil ko qarar aa jaaye to koi maujiza naqabile yaqeen nahi rehta. Kuch bhi namumkin nahi rehta. Falsafa chale na chale magar jo baat, jo cheez is dil ki dharkan ki ley(tune) se murtaish (vibrate) ho jaaye - wahi haq, wahi sach ! Sala ye harami dil !!.."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Drowning incident and dreams
Sheik Adil Kalbani is recently appointed first black Imam at the Grand Mosque in Mecca. 2 years ago, he dreamed that he had become an imam at the Grand Mosque in Mecca, but he dismissed that dream.
This long weekend, I planned to take my son to a water park. A night before I dreamed that I have some kind of accident and I am all blue. Than its all dark in my house and my son is hysterically crying, and my mom is trying to calm him done (I am not there anymore)........I woke up with this dream and dismissed it as a mere nightmare.
On Sunday, I was with my son doing a water ride with double tube. My son was excited and little hyper. While we approached ride, he moved his legs inside the tube and that disbalance the whole tube. As I tried to manage, tube flipped upside down. I felt myself drowning (I don't know how to swim). Somehow - I was able to grab floating tube with one hand and my son with other hand. I kept floating inside water for a minute. Those 60 seconds were like 60 years. I kept my mouth annd nose shut. I was worried about my son. Meanwhile, life guard was there, he rescued me and my son. I was shaken and naturally my son was!
Probably, my mom's Dua saved me and my son. As I wrote earlier on this blog - yo can't dismiss all dreams.
This long weekend, I planned to take my son to a water park. A night before I dreamed that I have some kind of accident and I am all blue. Than its all dark in my house and my son is hysterically crying, and my mom is trying to calm him done (I am not there anymore)........I woke up with this dream and dismissed it as a mere nightmare.
On Sunday, I was with my son doing a water ride with double tube. My son was excited and little hyper. While we approached ride, he moved his legs inside the tube and that disbalance the whole tube. As I tried to manage, tube flipped upside down. I felt myself drowning (I don't know how to swim). Somehow - I was able to grab floating tube with one hand and my son with other hand. I kept floating inside water for a minute. Those 60 seconds were like 60 years. I kept my mouth annd nose shut. I was worried about my son. Meanwhile, life guard was there, he rescued me and my son. I was shaken and naturally my son was!
Probably, my mom's Dua saved me and my son. As I wrote earlier on this blog - yo can't dismiss all dreams.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Duniya bhi ajab sara-e-faani
Duniya bhi ajab sara-e-faani dekhi
Har cheez yahaa'n ki aani jaani dekhi
Jo aa ke na jaaye wo budhaapa dekha
Jo jaa ke na aaye wo jawaani dekhi
(Mir Anees)
World is like a mortal motel
everything here is sure fatal (But)
saw never ending oldhood
and forever gone young puerile
Har cheez yahaa'n ki aani jaani dekhi
Jo aa ke na jaaye wo budhaapa dekha
Jo jaa ke na aaye wo jawaani dekhi
(Mir Anees)
World is like a mortal motel
everything here is sure fatal (But)
saw never ending oldhood
and forever gone young puerile
Monday, May 18, 2009
Rizq
Ye koi 1988-89 ki baat rahi hogi. Main Medical School main tha. Parhai likhai to kum hi hoti thi, ziyada tar waqt 'canteen' main katta tha. Poora din lateefeh, shayerii, siyasat aur 'chai samose' chalte rehte the.
Aik roz main canteen ke kinare aik unchi pahari pe betha tha. Saamne 'bench' pe 'chai samose' rakhe the aur main ne 'bench' pe paun rakha huwa tha. 'Chai samose' mere paun ke saath pare the.
Saath hi thori dur aik baba ji khana kha rahe the. UnhoN ne mujhe toka ke: "Beta! rizq ke saath paun nahi rakhte - behurmati hoti hai".
Hum jawani ke zom main hote the. Main ne kaha: "O Babaji ! apne kaam se kaam rakho - ziyada maulvi banne ki zaroorat nahi hai". Babaji chup ho gaye.
Bus unhon ne ye kaha: "Allah tumhe rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufiq de"
Is baat ko 20 baras guzar gaye. Mujhe ye baat zara yaad na rahi. Itne barsoN main jub zindagi ki charkhi ki kaat lagi to ye baat samjh aai ke - rizq Allah ki taraf se aata hai. Insaan ki mehnat aik saanwi (secondary) si cheez hai.
Aaj sham main hospital se wapas aaya to mera beta sofe pe beth ke khana kha raha tha. Us ke paun saamne table pe rizq ke saath pare the. Main ne kaha: "Bete paun neeche rakho. Rizq ki behurmati hoti hai".
Mere Bete ne paun neeche to rakh diye, magar kaha: "Com'on daddy - what difference does it make?"
Mujhe aesa laga, jo thappar mujhe 20 baras pehle parna chahiye tha woh aaj par gaya. Khuda ki be-awaz lathi. Aik dum se 20 baras pehle wale babaji ka chehra yun saamne aa gaya jese do pal pehle ki baat ho.
Apni harkat ki saza khuda mujhe yun dega - socha na tha!
Allah hum sab ko apne rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufeeq ata farmaye - Aameen
Aik roz main canteen ke kinare aik unchi pahari pe betha tha. Saamne 'bench' pe 'chai samose' rakhe the aur main ne 'bench' pe paun rakha huwa tha. 'Chai samose' mere paun ke saath pare the.
Saath hi thori dur aik baba ji khana kha rahe the. UnhoN ne mujhe toka ke: "Beta! rizq ke saath paun nahi rakhte - behurmati hoti hai".
Hum jawani ke zom main hote the. Main ne kaha: "O Babaji ! apne kaam se kaam rakho - ziyada maulvi banne ki zaroorat nahi hai". Babaji chup ho gaye.
Bus unhon ne ye kaha: "Allah tumhe rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufiq de"
Is baat ko 20 baras guzar gaye. Mujhe ye baat zara yaad na rahi. Itne barsoN main jub zindagi ki charkhi ki kaat lagi to ye baat samjh aai ke - rizq Allah ki taraf se aata hai. Insaan ki mehnat aik saanwi (secondary) si cheez hai.
Aaj sham main hospital se wapas aaya to mera beta sofe pe beth ke khana kha raha tha. Us ke paun saamne table pe rizq ke saath pare the. Main ne kaha: "Bete paun neeche rakho. Rizq ki behurmati hoti hai".
Mere Bete ne paun neeche to rakh diye, magar kaha: "Com'on daddy - what difference does it make?"
Mujhe aesa laga, jo thappar mujhe 20 baras pehle parna chahiye tha woh aaj par gaya. Khuda ki be-awaz lathi. Aik dum se 20 baras pehle wale babaji ka chehra yun saamne aa gaya jese do pal pehle ki baat ho.
Apni harkat ki saza khuda mujhe yun dega - socha na tha!
Allah hum sab ko apne rizq ki izzat kerne ki taufeeq ata farmaye - Aameen
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hear Attack
Another poem of Faiz Ahmad Faiz with my loose translation.
You may Listen this poem in Zia Mohiuddin voice here
Pain was so severe that night, savage heart
wanted to confront each vein
diaphoresed from each sweat gland
(my heart was)
Like far at your patio
each petal washed in my despondent blood
appear morose with grace of moonlite glow
Like in my deserted body
tents of all aching threads openly
start giving signs serially (of)
farewell of (my) passions' flock
And when appeared somewhere under smoldering lites of remembrance
one last moment of your affection
pain was so intense that (heart) wanted to pass it on
We did want to stay though, heart did not desire so
You may Listen this poem in Zia Mohiuddin voice here
Pain was so severe that night, savage heart
wanted to confront each vein
diaphoresed from each sweat gland
(my heart was)
Like far at your patio
each petal washed in my despondent blood
appear morose with grace of moonlite glow
Like in my deserted body
tents of all aching threads openly
start giving signs serially (of)
farewell of (my) passions' flock
And when appeared somewhere under smoldering lites of remembrance
one last moment of your affection
pain was so intense that (heart) wanted to pass it on
We did want to stay though, heart did not desire so
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Meray dard ko jo zabaN milay
Faiz sahab ki khubsurat nazam - sorry for the loose translation
Mera dard naghma-e-be sada
Meri zaat zarra-e-benishaN
Meray dard ko jo zabaN milay
Mujhe apna nam-o-nishaN mile
Meri zaat ko jo nishan mile
Mujhe raz-e-nazm-e-jahan mile
Jo mujhe ye raz-e-nihaN mile
Meri khamoshi ko bayaN mile
Mujhe kainat ki sarwarii
Mujhe dolat-e-do jahaN mile
My sorrow is a song of no voice
My self is a grain of no sign
(but)
if my sorrow finds a cry
I find my (own) self
And if I find any sign of myself
I find secret of core of cosmos
(and)
if I find that open secret
My silence finds (its) narration
I get kingship of universe
I find treasure of both worlds
Listen Nayyara Noor singing it here
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Most immigrants' diary
(I should call it the diary of most immigrants)
".......In my son's eyes I see the ambition that had first hurled me across the world. In a few years he will graduate and pave his own way, alone and unprotected. But I remind myself that he has a father who is still living, a mother who is happy and strong. Whenever he is discouraged, I tell him that if I can survive on three continents, then there is no obstacle he cannot conquer. While the astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
From one of my favorite short stories -
- 'The Third and Final Continent by Jhumpa Lahiri
".......In my son's eyes I see the ambition that had first hurled me across the world. In a few years he will graduate and pave his own way, alone and unprotected. But I remind myself that he has a father who is still living, a mother who is happy and strong. Whenever he is discouraged, I tell him that if I can survive on three continents, then there is no obstacle he cannot conquer. While the astronauts, heroes forever, spent mere hours on the moon, I have remained in this new world for nearly thirty years. I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination."
From one of my favorite short stories -
- 'The Third and Final Continent by Jhumpa Lahiri
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Ameer Khan
Modern sufi ki post likhte huwe mujhe Ameer Khan bohat yaad aa rahe the.
Agar aap ko meri aik purani post Amma ki Dua yaad ho to - main ne aik American-Pakistani physician Dr. Saima ka zikar kiya tha. Ameer Khan unke shohar hote hain.
Peechle saal main ne Africa main aik charity project main participate kiya tha. Ittafaq se Dr. Saima mere saath thiN. Jub hum sab pehli dafa 'kampala' ke 'hawaii adde' pe mile to Ameer Khan se meri mulaqat hui. Bazla-sanj (witty) aadmi the, hamari achhi dosti ho gai. Pehle to main ye samjha ke Ameer Khan bhi doctor hain magar phir pata laga ke woh to 'computer engineer' hain. Main ne yunhi keh diya; "Aap aa to gaye ho magar aap poore 2 hafte hamare saath karo ge kiya?". UnhoN ne jawab diya: "Abhi socha nahi hai. Apne line ki koi cheez dhundh ker main bhi koi charity kaam ker lunga". Ab suniye unhoN ne kiya kiya.
Hum jitne din clinic aur hospital main training kerte rahe, Ameer Khan 'kampala' ki mashoor 'Owino market' se 3 computer khareed laye. Hospital ke IT department se internet connection lagwaya - Hospital se 10-12 burhe (65 years and above) jama kiye aur un ko ye training deni shuru kerdi ke 'email' kese kerte hain. Main ne kaha - 'aap ko ye khayal kiun aaya? aur aakhir is ka kiya faida?'.
Unhon ne jawab diya: "In burhoN ke bachhe in se dur hain. Aaj ki nasal bus email kerti hai. Koi in burhe ma-baap ko khat nahi likhta. Main ne hospital main announcement bhijwaya to ye 12 burhe mil gaye. Ye burhe agar - 'how are you?', 'call me' wagera jesi choti choti email kerna bhi sikh lain to in ke dil ko kitna qarar rahe". (Just a note - cell phone is very very expensive in Uganda). Unhon ne aage bataya: "Main ne yeh 3 computer yahan sirf isi kaam ke liye donate ker diye hain ke ye burhe apni aulad se ba-asani contact rakh sakain"
Khuda kay aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga,
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
Agar aap ko meri aik purani post Amma ki Dua yaad ho to - main ne aik American-Pakistani physician Dr. Saima ka zikar kiya tha. Ameer Khan unke shohar hote hain.
Peechle saal main ne Africa main aik charity project main participate kiya tha. Ittafaq se Dr. Saima mere saath thiN. Jub hum sab pehli dafa 'kampala' ke 'hawaii adde' pe mile to Ameer Khan se meri mulaqat hui. Bazla-sanj (witty) aadmi the, hamari achhi dosti ho gai. Pehle to main ye samjha ke Ameer Khan bhi doctor hain magar phir pata laga ke woh to 'computer engineer' hain. Main ne yunhi keh diya; "Aap aa to gaye ho magar aap poore 2 hafte hamare saath karo ge kiya?". UnhoN ne jawab diya: "Abhi socha nahi hai. Apne line ki koi cheez dhundh ker main bhi koi charity kaam ker lunga". Ab suniye unhoN ne kiya kiya.
Hum jitne din clinic aur hospital main training kerte rahe, Ameer Khan 'kampala' ki mashoor 'Owino market' se 3 computer khareed laye. Hospital ke IT department se internet connection lagwaya - Hospital se 10-12 burhe (65 years and above) jama kiye aur un ko ye training deni shuru kerdi ke 'email' kese kerte hain. Main ne kaha - 'aap ko ye khayal kiun aaya? aur aakhir is ka kiya faida?'.
Unhon ne jawab diya: "In burhoN ke bachhe in se dur hain. Aaj ki nasal bus email kerti hai. Koi in burhe ma-baap ko khat nahi likhta. Main ne hospital main announcement bhijwaya to ye 12 burhe mil gaye. Ye burhe agar - 'how are you?', 'call me' wagera jesi choti choti email kerna bhi sikh lain to in ke dil ko kitna qarar rahe". (Just a note - cell phone is very very expensive in Uganda). Unhon ne aage bataya: "Main ne yeh 3 computer yahan sirf isi kaam ke liye donate ker diye hain ke ye burhe apni aulad se ba-asani contact rakh sakain"
Khuda kay aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga,
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
Friday, May 08, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Modern Sufi-2
A week ago, I did a post on modern sufi. Somebody left a shair of Allama Iqbal on comment section and I think, this one shair describe what I really wanted to say
Khuda kay Aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
{God has thousands of his (human) lovers
roaming astray in jungles (to seek him)
I will be the disciple of one,
who would have love for humans }
Khuda kay Aashiq to haiN hazarooN,
banoN main phirtay haiN, maaray maaray
MaiN uss ka bunda banooN ga
jiss ko Khuda kay bundoN say payar hoga
{God has thousands of his (human) lovers
roaming astray in jungles (to seek him)
I will be the disciple of one,
who would have love for humans }
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