Hijab

"Tum Hijab kiun pehnti ho?"
"Taake tum jese kamine aadmi dur rahain"

Fish and pond

I always wondered: Is it good to be a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond?

Kalla !!

Is blog pe aap ko yaad ho to main ne aik post ajmal sahab ki bebasi ke hawale se likhi thi, Usi waqt ka aik aur waqiya jo mujhe yaad reh gaya, woh bhi tawajjah ka talib hai.

Meri wahi geriatric rotation jis 'skilled nursing facility' main thi, us ke aik secutity guard "desi" hazrat the. Ab naam yaad nahi magar unka taaluq jalandhar, punjab se tha aur unki wahan bhi india/pakistan ke bank security guards ki tarah 'aye bari bari dhashatnak munchain' thi.

Main subah walk ker ke aqab ke darwaze se 'nursing facility' main daakhil hota tha. Aik subah, darwaze pe food services ki gaari thi aur woh security guard saman utarwane main masroof the. Darwaza khula tha. Main apne doctors' coat main tha aur ab tuk meri un se baat-cheet ho chali thi. Main darwaze se daakhil hone laga to mere saath hi aik "Afro-american" bhi dhakil ho gaya. Main ne to koi ziyada dhiyan nahi diya magar jab woh 'black' building main daakhil hone laga to security guard ki us per nazar pari aur woh uske peeche bhage magar tub tuk - that black was gone in elevator. Security guard ne mujhe se urdu/hindi main kaha: "sala kalla ! ander ghus gaya. Ye itna saman dekh ke chori ke liye hi ghusa hoga". Main chup raha. Sach kahun, to shayed aik lamhe ko main bhi unki baat ka qaa'il ho gaya.

Main apne floor pe pauncha to woh "kalla" apni burhi ma ko dekhne aaya tha.

Hum sab khud kitne racist aur sterotyped hain. Mujhe khud bohut sharam aayi.

Khushnaseeb Insaan

Kisi mard ke liye 'unemployed' ho jana aik bara nafsiyati 'shock' hota hai.

Prakash uncle ki mere ghar ke qareeb 'postal services and mail boxes' ki aik choti si shop hai. By profession he is an engineer. Main aksar unki shop pe jata rehta hun. Unse suni aik baat ne mujhe zindagi main bohut kuch sikhaya hai.

"Main 1972 main america aaya. Tub se aik hi company main engineer tha. 5 baras pehle aik din main aik dum se layoff ho gaya. It was like an electric shock. I lost my ego, pride, self esteem and self respect in a flash. I was devastated. Main Ghar aa ker sir pakar ker sofe pe beth gaya. Itni himmat bhi nahi hoti thi ke biwi se kahun ke - naukri chut gai hai. Jub darte darte main ne apni biwi ko bataya ke, main layoff ho gaya hun to us ne jawab diya: "Good! ye to bohut achha huwa. Tumhari roz aik hi aik kahani sun ke main bore ho gai thi. Ab kuch din aram karo phir dekhainge kiya kerna hai. Meanwhile if needed, I will do some job"

Prakash uncle kehte hain, us din se mere dil se ye dar nikal gaya ke 'kul kiya hoga'. Mujhe us din pata laga ke 'jise bure waqt main saath nibhane wali biwi mil jaaye wahi khushnaseeb insaan hai'.

(I wrote above post solely from man mindset with apologies to other gender)

3 Pardeh

Jub main Pakistan chor ker pehli dafa America aa raha tha to amma ne naseehat ki: "Beta! 3 cheezon ka pardah rakhna - aurat ka, daulat ka aur apne dastarkhawan ka".

Ye naseehat samjhne main mujhe 15 baras lag gaye. Matlab tha ke
1) be-hayai se bachna
2)Paison ki numaish na kerna aur
3) jo rizq mile sabar-o-shukar se kha lena

Woh aik khawab !

Aaj subah kagaz pe taarikh daalte mera haat 2 seconds ke liye ruk gaya. Aaj july ki 11 tarikh hai. Is din mujhe Ahsan Ali bohat yaad aata hai. Ahsan Ali mere liye sage bhaion ki tarah tha.

Ab yaad nahi ke kiun ye taarikh hamare beech aik bandhan bun gai - shayed ye woh taarikh thi jub main ne residency ke bad Chicago chora aur Ahsan Ali mujh se aakhri baar mila. Aahista aahista hamara taaluq kum hota gaya magar har saal is taarikh ko uska voicemail pe aik chota sa message zaroor hota ke: " Aese hi phone kia tha, call me if you get time". Aur call back na kerne ka jo ranj mujhe saari zindagi rahe ga us ka zikar pehle (here) ker chuka hun.

Uski maut se koi darh saal pehle ki baat hai. Mujhe khawab (dream) aaya ke main pareshani ke alam main 'dizzy' ho ke girne wale Ahsan Ali ko, us ke ghar se ghasit ke nikalta hun aur deewar se laga ker, pehle bahen ki aur phir ma ki gali de ker kehta hun ke - "agar tu ne talaq nahi li to is gum ko le ker do saal main hi mar jaaye ga". Ahsan Ali ko galion se shadeed nafrat thi aur use koi baat zabardasti samjhani ho to hi main mun se gaali nikalta tha. Pehle din mujhe khayal aaya ke Ahsan Ali ko phone karun. Mujhe Ahsan ali ki 'azwaji nachakion' (Marital problems) ka koi ilm nahi tha. Phir main ne ise sirf aik 'dream' samjh ke jaane diya. Aur Ahsan Ali sach much 2 saal ke andar Allah ko piyara ho gaya. Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajeun !

Bandhan ki manfi tapish ("Relatioship's negative energy" ) bohut barh jaaye to uski jhankar dur tuk jati hai aur aksar bandhe insaanon ki jaan bhi le leti hai.

Kubhi khayal aata hai - kiun us se koi baat nahi ki phir sochta hun agar ye waqiah aaj hota to main kiya kerta? Shayed wahi kerta jo tub kiya tha. Aadmi kese kisi se keh de ke talaq le le, woh bhi sirf aik khawab ki bunyad pe? Ashfaq Ahmad Ka kehna hai ke keh dene wali sharmindagi, us ahsase nadamat (guilt) se behtar hai jo saari zindagi saath rehti hai. Baqol Munir Niazi

madad kerni ho us ki, yaar ki dharas bandhana ho
bahut derena raston pe kisi se milne jaana ho

kisi ko maut se pehle, kisi gum se bachana ho
Hamesah der ker deta hun main , hur kaam kerne main

On people watching, perceptions, and reality

An immensely intelligent post from Aisha (with her permission). I loved her take at the end of post from this small observation in life.

"Suddenly we were startled by a loud screech. A young man in a pale blue Rolls Royce convertible pulled up to parallel park in front of us. Three cars could comfortable fit in the space he now struggled to park in. Twice he nearly slammed his car into the Volkswagen behind him. So the rich don't need to learn how to park? I thought. Two men, clearly homeless, approached the car. Loudly, jumping up down and waving their hands, they tried helping him back in. As he parked more men began surrounding his car. The sun was quickly setting and I grew alarmed. As I pressed my hand against my phone, one man with tattered khakis and a flannel shirt reached into the car. He pulled out a walker and placed it on the sidewalk; another opened the car door and a third helped him onto the curb. They promised to watch his car until he returned. The man smiled with a hint of sadness, and then with trembling legs, crossed the street."

Read full post here

Rebecca

Rebecca se meri shadi main mazhab sub se bari ruqawat bun gaya, kiunke woh yahudi (jew) thi. Rebecca mere saath 'transitional resident' thi. Usne aage opthalmology ki residency kerni thi. Rebecca yun to aik aam si american larki thi magar uski jo baat mujhe attract kerti thi, woh uski sach bolne ki taqat thi. Jese Jese hamari dosti barhti gai, main zindagi ki choti choti baton se le ker zindagi ke bare bare 'issues' per, uske 'brutal' sach ko sun ker hairan reh jata tha. Lijye main yahan aap ke liye, apni May 25, 1996 ki diary naqal kerta hun:

"Rebecca kese itni asani se sach bol leti hai? Agar mujhe saari zindagi ki riyazat ke baad bhi Rebecca ki tarah (thora sa) sach bolna aa jaye to main samjhun ga (ke) meri zindagi 'worth' hai"

Jub main pehli baar Pakistan gaya to Rebecca ne poocha mere liye Karachi se kiya laoge. Main ne kaha, 'tum batao'. Boli, 'koi aesi cheez jise pahen ke main Pakistani nazar aaun'. Main uske liye aik bohut hi khubsurat sa shalwar kameez le ker aaya. Apni graduation wale din, usne mujh se poocha, 'tum kiya pahno ge?', Main ne kaha: "shalwar kameez". Usne apni graduation pe mera laya huwa shalwar kameez pahen ker mujhe kiya, sub hi ko hairan ker diya. Rebecca ke waldain bohut ameer the. Kehne ko to woh residency ker rahi thi, magar Chicago ki Michigan lake ke 'most expensive' condomium main rehti thi. Uske ghar main intihayi aala paye ka furniture saliqe se laga tha aur deewaron pe us ki ma ki banaii huwi khubsurat paintings aawezan thi. Ye woh sham thi jub hum dono ne kai ghante saath beth ke batain ki ....

Uske baad ki chand mulaqaton main aik waqt aesa aaya jub hum shadi pe baat kerne lage. Ye baat bhi nikli ke bachhon ka kiya 'religion' hoga? Main ne mun se to koi jawab nahi diya magar chehre se saaf zahir tha ke - 'bachhe to musalman honge'. Agar main sach bol deta to shayed use bura nahi lagta magar meri bahane-baazi use bohut buri lagi. Us ne phir aik sach bola jo mujhe shayed hazam nahi huwa: "You are a nice muslim pakistani boy. But I don't think, you have guts to speak truth" !! Us din ke baad hum kubhi nahi mile...

Aur phir aik din Rebecca Chicago chor ker chali gai. Aik sham main ghar wapas aaya to mere roommate ne mujhe woh lifafa diya jo Rebecca jaate de gai thi. Lifafe main woh shalwar kameez aur dupatta tha jo amma karachi main anar-kali bazaar se le ker aai thin !!

Aaj bhi jub kubhi khud ko koi jhut bolte pata hun to Rebecca ka chehra saamne aa jata hai. 12 baras baad bhi mere dimag main yahi sawal utthta hai ke Rebecca kese itni asani se sach bol leti thi?

Rebecca yahudi thi magar mujh jese musalman se kai gunah behtar thi......

Fortune Cookie

I never believed in Fortune Cookies but I have to admit that lately in many instances, I have found very appropriate messages inside cookies and sometime I even felt like finding an answer to my querry.

Do you believe in fortune cookie?

Wa tuizzu man tasah......

Moin Akhtar Pakistan ka aik aesa unique comedian hai, jis ka koi muqabla nahi ker sakta. No one even come close to his versatility. For me, atleast in Indian subcontinent, he is 'the best'. I can watch him for hours and hours. I think, he is in show business for almost 40 years but...Moin Akhtar ki shayed hi koi aesi performance hogi jisko dekh ker kisi ne ye kaha ho ke - he performed below expectation.

Kuch dinon pehle, Moin Akhtar ka TV per aik interview suna. Us interview main, us ki aik baat sun ker mujhe bara taajub huwa. Us ne kaha ke: "itne barson baad bhi, aaj bhi kisi show se pehle uske haat paun aese hi thande par jaate hain, jese pehla show ho. Aur woh kone main jake dua maangta hai ke ya Allah ! izzat rakhna".

Jub tuk insaan apni izzat aur zillat ke liye Allah se darta rahe, Allah use izzat aur kamyabi deta hai. Jis din kisi ke dil main ye khayal aaya ke, mujhe apna kaam sub se achha aata hai and I am master of my work - bus wahin se uska zawal shuru ho jata hai !!

Think everyday in your career as your first day and be humble !


"Say O Allah. Lord of Power, Thou givest power to whom Thou pleasest, and Thou strippest off power from whom Thou pleasest: Thou enduest with honour whom Thou pleasest, and Thou bringest low whom Thou pleasest: In Thy hand is all good. Verily, over all things Thou hast power" (3:26)

Mismatch

(Taken from Windmills of My Mind)

Judgemental (Salahuddin ki kahani)

Ab sochta hun to bohut ajeeb lagta hai ke meri Salahuddin se kese dosti ho gai ? Bus itna yaad hai pehli baar meri us se mulaqat aik dost ke hawale se kharadar (old karachi) main hui thi, jahan main mamu ke liye sharab khareedne gaya tha.

Salahuddin na kubhi school gaya aur na kubhi use parhna likhna aaya. Duniya bhar ke saare kaale kaam woh kerta tha. Kharadar ke makar pare se defence ki elite class ko sharab supply kerna, charas bechna, chori ki motorcycles khareedna bechna, jaali kaagzat banwana wagera wagera - ye uske dhandhe the. Mere paas medical college ka card tha aur curfew paas hota tha. Kai dafa hum curfew main sharab le ker police ki naka bandi se nikle. Ajeeb baat hai, tub mujhe koi dar nahi laga. Ab sochta bhi hun to hol aata hai. Faheem bhai ko pata laga to kehne lage, ab to tum hamare baap logon ke saath uthne bethne lage ho !

Main abhi karachi main hi tha ke pata laga salahuddin bankok chala gaya hai. Residency ke third year main, jub main Pakistan gaya to pata laga salahuddin Thailand ki kisi jail main band ho gaya hai. Mujeh koi hairat nahi hui bulke sab ne kaha - he destined himself for it.

2005 main Pakistan gaya to pata laga Salahuddin ab england main hota hai. Uska phone number mil gaya. Main ne aik roz use phone kiya. Kafi batain hui. Main ne us se Bankok ka qissa poocha. Salahuddin ki aik baat ka mujhe yaqeen hai ke usne kubhi jhoot nahi bola. Shayed use zaroorat hi nahi thi. Kiunke uska hum logon ki tarah koi 'gray zone' nahi tha. Koi jhuti aan baan ya munafiqat se bharpur sufed poshi nahi thi. Bankok ka qissa uski zabani suniya:

"Main Bankok isi niyyat se gaya tha ke saare kaale kaam chor ker ab mehnat ki rozi kamaun ga. Saare kaam peeche Karachi main chor diye. Wahan aik factory main naukri mil gai. Mere paas koi papers nahi the. Sara din factory main chup ker naukri kerta aur raat wahin so rehta. Umeed thi, kuch paise wagera jama ho jaayain aur sabeel ho jaaye to australia nikal jaunga. Magar Allah ko kuch aur hi manzoor tha. Aik roz factory ke bahir, aik burhe shaks ko aik gaari ne takkar mar di. Gari wala maar ker niklne laga magar main ne gari ka number note ker liya. Jub police aai to main ne police ko woh number diya. Wahan ki police ka haal hamari police se mukhtalif nahi. Ulta mujhe lene ke dene par gaye. Main illegal 'job' ker raha tha. Police ne ooper se 3/4 aur case thok diye. Mujhe lambi jail ho gai. Jub tuk Karachi main raha, koi achha kaam nahi kiya aur azad raha. Zindagi main aik achha kaam kiya aur jail chala gaya".

Phir usne mujh se poocha: "Is ka matlab samjhte ho?" Main ne kha: "Nahi"

Us ne kaha: "Is ka matlab hai, bahir azad phirne wala har koi naik nahi aur jail main band har koi gunhagar nahi. Insaan ka faisla kerne wali yahan ki adalat nahi, sirf Allah ki zaat hai".

Us din se main ne sirf CNN, Newsweek aur Geo ki news sun ker logon ke baare main judgemental hona chor diya hai.

Decencies

(cross post from one of my most fav. blogger karrvakarela )

Dear Person Who Took My Clothes Out of the Dryer,

I just wanted to thank you for folding them. I had put them in two days ago and gone to work, completely forgetting that they needed to be removed. Imagine my joy, then, after returning forty-eight hours later to rescue what should have been an insensible mess and finding them all placed in a neat pile, the socks matched and tucked into each other, on top of the dryer. We don't know each other - the laundry room, churning and rumbling in detergent frenzy, is hardly a place to discover new friends - but yours was a wonderful gesture and it made my day. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
kk

A side note: KK call his i-pod, Bhai-pod !!

Women and gifts !!

Aurat tohfon (gifts) se khush hoti hai !

Punjabi ki aik lok kahani (folk stoy) hai

"A husband went off to a war and came back after 12 years. With all his saved money he bought a Khoti (She Donkey) so it helps her wife in work. So, the wife asks, after twelve years of absence what have you brought for me and the husband says, a khoti (she donkey). The wife says that I was able to bear the sorrow of 12 years but I can't take sorrow of this poor gift. If that is all you have brought for me after all this time, then perhaps we cannot live together".

Baari barseen khattan gaya tai khat kai kyanda kee
Khat kai lyandi khotee, meree teree naheen wasneeN!

Malakoot (dominion)

(Cross post from JAG's blog)

فَسُبۡحَـٰنَ ٱلَّذِى بِيَدِهِۦ مَلَكُوتُ كُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ وَإِلَيۡهِ تُرۡجَعُونَ
Therefore glory be to Him in Whose hand is the dominion over all things! Unto Him ye will be brought back. (Qur'an 36:83)

My little brother Ali's heart was attacked by a raging virus. We all thought it was a flu but it turned out to be a case of fulminant myocarditis, which inflamed his heart muscle so severely that it put him into cardiac arrest less than 72 hours after the onset of his relatively mild symptoms. Less than 4 days after that, his heart was pumping with such diminished capacity that he began going into organ failure, and was immediately scheduled for emergency surgery to install biventricular assist devices (BiVAD's) to pump his blood for him. Out for two days, he awoke slowly from anesthesia and is now facing the possibility of a heart transplant
............................................

Read full post here

Spouse cheated?

'History' ki kitabon main jo qisse bayan kiye jaate hain unka maqsad sirf kahani nahi hota bulke sabaq sikhna maqsood hota hai.

Agar aap ne Hazrat Yousuf (Prophet Joseph) ki zindagi ke halat parhe hon to aap jaante honge ke Allah ne unko bari khubsurti di thi.

"Yusuf was a handsome and an attractive, charming and irresistible young man. He was held in high esteem even in the house of his master. As the time passed the lady of the house fell in love with him..... One day in the absence of her husband she approached him. Yusuf refrained from doing evil but she chased him. She grabbed hard at the back of his shirt and it was torn apart. Just at that time the master appeared on the scene. He saw what was going on, He flew into a rage. The master's wife was embarrassed beyond all limits. She cried out and levelled false accusations against Yusuf. Yusuf clarified his position with the moral support of one of the maid-servants who bore witness by saying: Look at the shirt. If it is torn at the back, the Yusuf will be quite innocent. He should not be blamed. In case it is rent from the front the accused will be one of the liars. The master became convinced of the innocence of Yusuf. He appealed to him to keep the matter in secret. Moreover he admonished his wife to beg pardon of Yusuf".

Is kahani se main ne 7 sabaq sikhe

1. If God has made you physically attractive, it does not mean you have license to seduce other gender but you should remain humble like yousuf was.

2. Its not only man but woman can also sexually charge man.

3. All crying women can't be right !

4. If you hear charges levelled from your loved one against someone - you shouldn't believe it instantly, just because he or she is your 'manzoor-e-nazar'.

5. If you know the truth, speak out - it may save someone's dignity and even life (like other maid-servant did).

6. If you find out that your spouse has cheated you under flash of lust, its more graceful to keep it secret.

7. If you end-up putting "tauhmat" on someone under rage, it does not hurt to apologize.

Asghar Bhai ki Lambi Judai

Duniya ki bohut si kahanian hame aam si lagti hain magar uske ander chupa dukh kubhi kubhi sirf afsane ke kirdaron ko hi mehsoos hota hai. Aesi hi aik kahani Asghar bhai ki thi jin ke dukh ki gheraion ka kuch kuch andaza mujhe sirf aakhri din huwa !

America ke pehle 3/4 saal baqol Faiz, 'Is rah main jo sab pe guzarti hai woh guzri', ke masdaaq, roommates ke saath guzre. Un ibtadai saalon main meri mulaqat aik shaks se hui jinhe ham Asghar Bhai kehte the. Asghar bhai jese kirdar aap ko america ki roommates' community main bohut milain ge.

Asghar Bhai mujh se 8/10 baras bare honge. Biwi bachhe Pakistan main the. Ajeeb la-ubali aadmi the. Lag ke unse koi kaam nahi hota tha. Kubhi 'Cab' drive kerte to kubhi kisi gas station pe kaam kerte, kubhi insurance agent ban jaate aur kubhi grocery store kholne ki batain kerte. Magar unki halat wahi thi ke raat ko beer ke 6 packs pi ke newsline ki khabrain sunna, magar dimag kahin aur hota. Hum sab Pakistan phone kerne ke liye raat 11 bajne ya weekend ka intzar kerte (abhi calling cards itne aam nahi huwe the aur nights/weekend pe ATT ki calls sasti hoti thi). Main ne unhe kubhi Pakistan phone kerte nahi dekha. Unke paas Green card tha magar kubhi Pakistan jaane ki baat na kerte. Itna maloom tha ke Pakistan main rozana unki biwi aur amma ke jhagre ki wajah se unki biwi ne alehdgi le li thi (saas bahu jhagra) aur Asghar bhai is jhagre se ghabra ke america main mehsoor ho gaye the.

Aik din ittlah mili ke un ke biwi bachhe Canada aa rahe hain. Mera bhai ke paas canada aana jana tha. Bole: "yaar! main ne kubhi Green card pe travel nahi kiya. Border pe jaate dar lagta hai. Mere saath Niagra Falls chalo. Mera sala border ke us taraf se mujhe pick ker lega. Mujhe himmat rahe gi". Main farig tha, main ne kaha: "sure" !

Hum border cross ker ke jub Canadian side paunche to wahan unke biwi bachhe intzar ker rahe the. Asghar bhai 7 baras baad apne biwi bachhon se mile the. Wahin sarak pe woh apne bachhon se jub mile hain aur unke zabt ke bandhan jo tute hain - mera bhi dil dahal giya. Unki biwi ki aankhon main bhi aansu the. Lagta tha usne bhi qatil judai ka aik aik lamha gin ke guzara hai. Asghar bhai ko rota dekh ke kai rah chalte log ruk jaate magar unhe kisi ki parwah nahi thi. Unke aansun aur dukh ki gherion ke saamne Niagra Falls bhi maand par gaya. Woh kubhi bete ko piyar kerte aur kubhi beti ko. Unke rone ke beech ye 2 jumle mujhe samjh aaye: "There was a not a single moment when I was not with you guys" and "Why the hell, we went through this" !

Wahan se Asghar bhai aage chale gaye. Main bus le ke Montreal chala gaya. Us roz mujhe samjh aai ke kiun Asghar bhai jese kai logon se america main koi kaam lug ke nahi hota. Woh raat ko beer ke 6 packs kiun pite hain aur newsline ki khabrain sunte huwe unka dimag kahan hota hai. Us din ke baad mujhe Asghar bhai nahi mile. Kisi ne bataya Pakistan wapas chale gaye.

Kubhi kubhi ghar ke chote chote jhagre insaan ko aphaj ker ke rakh dete hain. Woh hamare saamne hote hain magar unke dil aur dimag kahin aur hote hain !

A Quote

Silence is golden, but shouting is fun.

A nurse by choice

"I am a nurse by choice.

At that time I was a nurse student but I was unsure about pursuing this career. There was one patient on our floor who was terminally ill and was dying of liver failure due to previous alcohol and drug abuse. Every nurse was trying to avoid him saying......."Oh ! he is such a whiner. He is such a complainer. He deserves this etc etc". As no one was eager to take him, I was given that patient. For me, he was a patient like any other patient. What he did in his life was secondary to me. I listened to him and tried to make him comfortable. I took care of him for 3 days. He died on 4th day. 2 days later, his wife came to our floor, looking for me. She told me that my husband spend last 3 days of his life with peace and dignity. He was happy. He asked me to gift you his favourite coffee mug.

I still have that coffee mug sitting in front of my desk. That day I realized, as a nurse, I do make difference in peoples' life as well as death. So I am a nurse by choice".

..ke aate jaate !!

Ahmad Faraz ka aik kamal ka sher.
Jaate jaate ke saath, aate jaate ko jis khubsurti se istima'al kiya hai - uska jawab nahi !!

Silsiley tor giya woh sabhi jaate jaate

werna itne to marasim the ke aate jaate