Anila!

(I haven't sleep properly in last 2 days. Someone close quietly died. This post is more of vent -gubar - than anything)

Anila se meri pehli mulaqat August main aik shadi main hui. Anila 'wheelchair' pe thi.  Main ne Anila se  poocha tha: "Why you are on wheelchair?" 

Usne jawab diya: "main safai kerte huwe gir gai thi"..Magar ye jhoot tha. Anila ko last stage 'refractory ovarian cancer' tha. Mujeh is baat ka ilm uski maut ke baad huwa.

Anila apne ma baap ke saath mere ghar ke qareeb 'apartments' main rehti thi. 3 saal pehle uska jawan bhai, kisi hadse main faut ho gaya tha. Uski maut ka baar baar zikar kerti thi.

August aur September.....woh mujeh musalsal text kerti, raatoN ko phone ker ke utha deti. Kabhi kehti mujeh 'faluda' khilane le jao. Kabhi kehti aaj 'desi chai' pilao. Jab mumkin hota main us ko le chalta. ..Woh bolti rehti - aur main uski be sar-o-pa bachhoN jesi batain sun ker hasta rehta. Mujeh kiya maalum tha - kitna dard liye bethi hai

Woh ab bhi langra ke chalti thi....main poochta to koi bahana bana deti.

Usne mujeh ye pata hi nahi lagne diya ke uska Ovarian cancer ab bone tak sarayat kar gaya hai. Chemo/radiation ki manzil se guzar ker ab woh pain killers pe aakhri din guzar rahi hai...

Aik din uska text aaya 'is Hemoglobin of 4 too low?', Main ne jawab diya: 'yes'. ....Aur phir Anila aik dam se gaib ho gai.....Main ne kai 'texts' kiye, email kiye, facebook pe messages chore .......magar....nadarat!

Anila! 

Tum ne mujeh bataya kiun nahi?..ke tumhari kamar ka dard - girne se nahi hai - bulke tumhe 'bone metastasis' hai.....Tum ne mujeh ye kiun nahi bataya ke - tum aik dam se is liye gaib ho gain - kiun ke ab tum main - baat kerne ki bhi himmat nahi rahi

Tum ne mujh se kaha ke main tumhe 'Mika Singh' ke concert main le chalun - main ne inkaar ker diya tha  ----- Agar tum mujeh batati ke ---- tum marne se pehle 'sense of normalcy' chahti ho, tumhe aese das concert dikhane le chalta. Khuda ki qasam, tumhare liye duniya ke saare kaam chor deta.............Trust me! I would have done it.... 

Us raat tum mujh se raat bhar baat kerna chahti thi - tum ne kaha "aaj dard bohat ziyada hai" - main phone off ker ke so gaya --- tum ne bataya kiun nahi ke ye cancer ka dard hai ----Main aesi kai raatain tum se batain ker ke guzar deta. Tumhare saath  us gadhe 'Imran Hashmi' ke love songs ki mindless videos zaroor raat bhar dekhta ke yahi tumhare liye 'Morphine' hai!

Anila! If I would have known that why you suddenly stopped talking to me - I would not have taken you off Facebook.....Mere hi kehne pe tum ne apne Facebook ki profile picture badal li thi, ke tum us main bohat 'khili khili' lag rahi thi. ............Ab to tumhari koi tasveer bhi mere paas nahi!

Anila! - you died so quietly in hospice  - - - - It was not fair - It was absolutely not fair - - - -Main ne saari  zindagi dostiaN nibahi hain. ........Anila! tum mujeh moqa to deti...

You were just not fair to me by hiding your pain!

On 'Hymenoplasty'

"Now let me tell you a brutal fact. I am not married and I am not a Virgin. Yes! I did sleep with someone. I am not proud of myself but it happened. I am a Muslim so I am expected to be a virgin. I told 2 potential men, who came with proposals, that I am not a virgin - they freaked out and went away after passing judgement on my character".

"To tum 'Hymen Restoration' - kiya kehte hain use - 'Hymenoplasty' kiun nahi kerwa leti"

"Nahi....Jhoot pe palne wale rishte se behtar hai woh rishta, jo toot jaaye"

Life of Pi - 2

I read this novel last year and blogged about it (here). They did an excellent job making a movie from this mystical/abstract novel. I am still scratching my head about how they made a movie with a 450-pound heavy Bengal tiger, showing him in such proximity to the central character, Pi. Irfan Khan is, as usual, outstanding, and Tabu continues to mesmerize with her voice and tone!

As I blogged earlier, the story revolves around a South Indian boy who gets in a shipwreck. Now, he has to survive in a small boat with a giant tiger. In contrast to the novel, which has the flaw of getting too dragged with the tiger and boy's interaction, the movie kept a good rhythm and pace. The film held the audience on the edge of the seat.

Central idea: We all have to live with our inner selves till we find our rescue at shore. We have to train our inner self, keeping instinctual evil under control. We have to feed our inner ego gently and make friends with him. The movie/novel is written in an abstract form - portraying different humans as animals (simple Buddhist monk as a Zebra, Pi's mother as a loving Orangutan, Evil cook as a Hyena, and self Pi as a Tiger) - meaning God's plan in our life also manifest as impersonation. Events in our life are all abstracts having other real meanings.

When Pi and Tiger get stuck on a faraway island - it is a tale that - sometime in our life, we think of a deadly island as a last destination, but we need to know that life is all about moving till we reach ashore among livings again.

Dialogues are powerful, like"People meant to go away - Amma, Abba, Ravi - but what hurt most - there was no goodbye or thank you, after we survive so long together."

P'S: Another Hollywood flick, "Parental Guidance," is also an excellent watch with a friendly family comedy of my favorite, Billy Crystal. 'Les Misérables' is also a good watch but nowhere near an actual novel.

*

On 'Grief and Acceptance'

There was one woman, named Gotami, whose child had just died. She was so sad that she became crazy. She went everywhere trying to bring her child back to life. Her friends felt sorry for her and said, "Gotami, you should go and see the Buddha. Perhaps he can help you. She went before Buddha still holding her child in her arms. "Please bring him back to life for me," she cried. Very gently Buddha answered her, " I can help you, Gotami, but first you must bring me something. I need some water. However, it must come from a house where no one has ever died."

Gotami quickly went out in search of water from such house. She asked many homes where no one has ever died. At the end of the day she returned to the Buddha. "What have you found, Gotami?" he asked. "Where is your water?" She answered, "Buddha, today I have discovered that I am not the only one who has lost a loved one. I see my foolish. I have accepted his death, and this afternoon I buried him."

Mera Harjaii, Mera Taranhaar!

Gul meri zindagi ki aik aesi chubhti yaadgar hai jeese bhulana aasan nahi. Is silsile ki 2 posts pehle likh chuka hun (here, here)......Main ne kuch dinoN pehle use phone is liye kiya tha ke meri chubhan main kuch kami ho, magar is  qatil zaher ka shayed koi taryaq mumkin nahi.

"Suna hai tumhara shohar koi bara kamina insaan hai"

"saari duniya ke liye woh haramzaada aur kamina hai. Aur ye sach bhi hai ke usne khandan, mohalle main bari bad-naami kamaii hai.... Shadi-shuda aurtoN pe dore daalna, doston rishtedaroN ki bahen betioN se chakkar chalana, bazari aurton se taaluqat rakhna, juwa kehlna, sharab peena - jo kamana woh ayyashi main ura dena --- ye sab sach hai ------- Magar mujh jesi larki, jo sirf buri qismat se shamaye-mehfil ban jaati hai, ko ghar ki izzat banana, aese hi mard ki jurrat ker sakti hai --- werna tum jese mard to saari zindagi bus mantiq ke ghore dorate rehte ho ---- aur hum jesi larkian kisi bazar ki dahleez pe bethe bethe 'aunty' ban jaati hain.....Koi kuch bhi kahe magar mera to woh taranhaar (rescuer) hai....Har sham bhale kisi aur aurat ki bahoN main rehta ho magar har subah woh meri agosh main bedaar hota hai. ......tum nahi samjh pao ge!.... Badqismat hoti hain woh aurtain jo laut aane wale mard ki aasudgi se saari zindagi na-waqif rehti hain ---- aur mera harjaii to har subh mere paas lota hai".

Jhoot ki Deewar

This email is in response to one previous post: 'Ali Karim, Drugs, Sex aur Namaz!' (here)

"I read your post on Ali Karim's issue with weed/drugs. Let me tell you my ordeal - and what price I paid for this bad habit. 

I was engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world. Everything was like a Bollywood movie. We remained engaged for five years and finally had a memorable wedding. I had used weed since my college days. It never interfered with my studies or professional life. It was my hidden secret. I never shared with anyone, even her. We were together for almost eight years! And I hid from her my addiction to weed. Once we were married, she recovered weed from my jacket. I tried to hide again, but it was self-evident. It was not addiction or weed itself that broke our relationship but a web of lies I weaved over eight years - Retrospectively, all those small lies for bad breath, getting late, acting silly, red eyes, crashing on the sofa, etc., etc. - us aik jhoot ko chupane ke liye 100 dusre jhoot -

I wish she would come back, but still, what she said while leaving hurts me: "Tumne jhoot ki itni unchi deewar khari ker di hai ke main wapas bhi aana chaun to mumkin nahi"

I did quit weed cold turkey but still waiting for her"

*

Nina!

Nina jesi dhan paan si nazuk larki yun aik jhatke se "Buck" ki gardan pe chura pher ke use kaat degi - mere to rongte khare ho gaye!

Nina aur us ka shohar mere parosi the. Peechle saal mujeh koi kaam nahi tha to main unke saath  'Deer hunting' pe ho liya ke chalo ye bhi aik tajarba rahe ga. 

Nina housewife thi. 3 bachhe the. Mere to waham-o-guman main bhi nahi aa sakta tha ke woh ghar-daari aur 'cooking' ke ilawa kuch aur bhi ker sakti hai.

Machan pe bethe abhi ghanta guzra hoga ke hirnoN ki aik toli namudar hui. "Buck" unke peeche jharioN main chupa huwa tha. Nina ne apni 'Remington Rifle' uthai aur "Buck" ki 'cervical neck' pe fire kiya - magar goli uske kaandhe pe lagi. Woh zakhmi ho ker gira. Nina aik jhatke main machan se neeche aai aur khanjar nikal ke "Buck" ko zibah ker diya. Main dekhta reh gaya!

Kuch der baad jub woh 'buck' ki skin utar rahi thi aur intestines clean ker rahi thi - us ne meri taraf dekha aur tanziya muskurahat se kaha: "Learn to never underestimate a woman".

On "Sarmad"

Mughal badshah Aurangzeb ne Sarmad (here) ki grdan sirf is liye kaat di - kiunke woh kalma poora nahi parhta tha!  Woh kalme main La ilaha (there is no God) to kehta tha magar illallah (Except God) nahi kehta tha.

Kisi na poocha: 'Kalma poora kiun nahi parhte'?
Jawab diya: 'Abhi nafi ki manzil pe hun, jub asbat ki manzil ko pochunga tab poora kalma parhun ga'. (I am at level of non-existence. Once I exist, I will say full kalma).

Bewaqoof aadmi - sab ki tarah yunhi, jaane bagair, poora kalma parh leta to gardan to na katti!


*BTW: Sarmad means eternal!

2 kinds of Women

"I am looking for a bride. Which one quality should I look for?"

"Listen young man! There are only 2 kinds of women. One who constantly complain and one who does not. Try to get the other one! All other things will fall in place by itself".

Pakistan!

(Main ne use Airport se pick kiya.... Woh keh raha tha. Main Khamosh tha)

"Tum 20 baras pehle jab wahan the to Pakistan se kitni mohabbat kerte the, choti choti baat pe dinoN kurhte rehte the, saare ke saare akhbaar parhte the - GadhoN ki tarah 9 baje ka khabar-nama sunte the! koi buri baat ho jaaye to poori poori raat nahi sote the...... Pakistan chorte tum kitna roye the. Departure lounge se baar baar phone kerte the... ....... ..... Khuda ka shukar hai tum woh des chor aaye, werna ab ke jo wahan hote, to tumhari to dimag ki rag, kab ki phat chuki hoti!"

Barfi

Note: Earlier I wrote a positive review on this Indian movie. Its now deleted since I discovered many scenes and even central idea has been directly  lifted from various Hollywood movies. Hindustan Times reports here

What a shame! 

The Third Wave!

I advise people to have at least some glimpse of this amazing thinker (Alvin Toffler) and his concept of third wave! (here)

Mehrooni (A short story from Bombay)

On 'Wazoo'

"Tum mujeh namaz parhna sikha sakti ho?"

"Pehle wazoo kerna to sikh lo"

"Champion! main namaz apne 'nafsiyati tajarbe' ke liye parhna cha raha hun, tum mujhe Maulvi bana rahi ho...... Ye wazoo, nafal, topi, musallah wagera jama ker ke cheezon ko 'complicate' na karo"

"Mere se bare champion! Aadmi to tum doctor ho magar aqal tumhari aadhi hai! - Wazoo bhi 'nafsiyati tajarba' hi hai.... Itne se paani se koi najasat saaf thori hoti hai.......ye to bas 'psychological appetizer' hai us 'psychological relief' ka ke - main apne saare 'hidden skeletons' phenk ke apna 'closet' dhona chahta hun"!

"Hmmmmmm"

"Head to Head trial ker ke dekh lo - wazoo aur bagair wazoo ki namaz  -main se kis namaz se ziyada 'relief' hota hai"

Aik conversation!

"At the end of the day....Mard ki izzat isi baat se hoti hai ke woh ghar main kitne paise kama ke lata hai aur aurat ghar ko kitna sanwar sambhal ke rakhti hai....ye 'homemaker dad'  aur 'career woman' wagera wagera sab dil ke behlawe hain"

"Not in this age! I don't agree"

"I didn't ask you to agree"

On Khalil Jibran

When I moved from Pakistan, I left all my books of Khalil Jibran. He is a one must read in growing age. I don't miss his stories anymore except I still go back and read his best work "The prophet". Following will give you a good flavor of his writings!

( 'The Prophet' available online here)

"When I learned that people sleeping on luscious beds and on floor have same dreams, I start trusting All Mighty's justice"

On Character!

(Read on internet)

What you do, when people are watching you, is your personality.
What you do, when no one is watching you, is your character.

Aik khubsurat sher!

zindgani ki kaj-adaii  per, tabsray sab fazool hotay hein 
apni apni bisat hey sab ki, apnay apnay asool hotay hein 

 Mohsin Naqvi

On intricacies of life, useless are all explanations
each has own game, each has own postulations

Woman's Vagina

I am a stupid, rather an idiot!! It took me half of my life to learn that woman's vagina is attached to her brain. Nothing is more painful than realization that you slept with a woman who really didn't want you!

Us aurat se ziyada to woh mard bad-qismat hai, jis ke saath aurat sirf kisi zaroorat ke tahet so jaaye!

Waqt ki Qadar

When I was a kid, I was in 'Cub Scouts'. I was 11 years old. One day I was late for a meeting by a minute. My teacher holded my shoulder and said: "If you have to be here at 9.45 AM, remember 9.46 AM is considered late".

Than he said in Urdu 'Beta Waqt ki qadar nahi karo ge to waqt tumhari qadar nahi kare ga'.

Woh din aur aaj ka din - main kabhi late nahi huwa. ...

If I am late, it bothers me. But above all, it always paid me off  in life with earning respect!

(And, I guess this is the best thing I thought to my kids)

Correction of one common literary mistake!

Mir Taqi Mir famous sher

Ibtidaye-ishq hai  rota  hai  kiya 
aage aage dekhiye hota hai kiya

It is wrong. Actual sher is

Rahe-daure-ishq main rota hai kiya 
aage  aage dekhiye  hota  hai  kiya   

 Most people read first misrah as Ibtidaye-ishq hai rota hai kiya  wrong

 (per Kuliyaate-Mir by Zille Abbas Abbasi, from Fort William College original reference)                                

Challenge in Marriage

(I have an interesting profession. I meet various people from all across the world with amazing life experiences. A piece of advice from one old grandpa)

"Greatest challenge you will find in marriage is hanging with your spouse. You will always encounter people smarter, more handsome, more attractive, and even more seductive than your spouse. There would be a huge temptation, lust, and even frustration due to this with your spouse. You will feel like, with the wrong person. But once - and only once - you stray away; it is a slippery slope going into a deep ditch. If you have a spouse who is a good person, hang with them. Nothing beats that".

*

On Death of 1 year old!

Sima Hui was a famous Chinese hermit (alike behlol deeewana in our folklore) . His most famous characteristic is to always say; "Good"! ( 'achha ho gaya' ya 'kher hui')

Once, a one year old baby of a family died. He said: "Very Good"! His wife chided him for that, saying, "Everyone sees you as a wise person, so they're willing to tell you their problems. Why do you say very good when someone tells you that his son had died?" Sima replied, "It's also good to hear what you've just said." Than he went on explaining: "Think of the sorrow if son would have grown as a man and died afterwards".

On 'Law of Nature!'

(One conversation after watching the movie Cloud Atlas')

"What do you mean we are not important to Nature as an individual?"

"We are mere numbers. One generation comes, give birth to another, and passes away. Like it or not! We all get old, frail, and die. No one is special to Nature. Deal with it and suck it up! Live your life to best, and when Nature calls, move your a** out of here."

*

Cloud Atlas

"Cloud Atlas" is an excellent conceptual movie, though 3 hours long.

After 'Forrest Gump,' this is Tom Hank's finest performance!

The movie simultaneously carries multiple stories from multiple eras of human living, showing that we all are interconnected. Each act is interconnected. Our unfinished letters, half-read books, our unexplained dreams, etc. We all are living in a massive ball of Time. Past, present, and future are illusions. Irrespective of the time we are living and regardless of our level of civilization - what matters is human love, bonding, our heart to help each other, overcoming our inner fear - And above all, our ability to stand up for truth.

The most exciting part of the movie was the portrayal of different versions of human slavery - from classic black slavery to old age people restraints in nursing homes! - or like - emotional blackmailing as shown of one gay person by his boss. The outcomes of our endeavors may not be positive and may fail (suicide, execution, etc.) - but what matters is to keep fighting the evil with strong sustained human bondings!

A touch of science fiction was inevitable, like human cloning, etc. - but the amusing was that people in one far past era had no surprise when a ship from the future and another planet visited them!

It's an interesting watch.

Trailer here

*

Litmus test

(From a lady friend who has been in the dating world for the last 20 years)

"How do you know that guy is sincere or just playing with you?"

"Over 20 years, I learned one litmus test. If a guy is willing to meet you with his family - he is sincere. If he avoids bringing families in between, he is a player. "

*

explaining "Khalad"

(The following post is just a rambling description of one event. No interference is intended about the right or wrong of any religion)

I always read Quran as a book of literature! But in the process had a few interesting experiences. Let me share one! - call it my psychological manifestation!!!

A few years ago, I could not accept how some Quranic verses said you might go to hell or heaven forever! (like 2: 81-82) - Most translations for the word "khalidun" were forever. It didn't make sense to me. If heaven or hell is a reward or punishment - it should have some form of closure/end. Otherwise, the whole spiritual journey seems like trash to me. Just F**** heaven or hell can't be a logical end to a massive design of divinity? - it should be way bigger than that.

I spend many years trying to find the answer to this question. No explanation from any sage provided me with any satisfactory answer. One night - I put Quran on my bedside and went to bed - very tired.

In the middle of the night, I dreamed that snakes and deadly bugs surrounded me. My heart was pounding with fear, and I felt that this fear would never go away. I woke up sweating and thought I had a nightmare - but then I was surrounded by this feeling that my query was answered. Heaven or hell is nothing but a feeling (which seems like forever) in our heart - maybe - to continue purifying us via good deeds or to keep us away from evil deeds. Even today, when I think of that dream, fear occupies my heart like everything.

In the next few years - I learned that most translations were wrong. Khalidun originated from the word 'khalad,'' never getting old.' Rewards or punishments end, but their lesson/feeling stays young forever - and we move from one axis to another in pursuit of a bigger end. Hell or heaven is just medium of knowledge. Books/Sufism are full of this talk of the spiritual journey. Google it!

Hum  ko malum  hai  jannat  ki   haqeeqat,   lekin
Dil ke khush rakhne ko Ghlib ye khayal achha hai

DuaoN ka saaiban

Aik woh waqt tha jab Mirza Ghalib 'Dilli' ki khak chana kerte the magar darbar tak rasaai ki koi sabeel nahi ban aati thi - aur har taraf Ustad Zauq ka tooti bolta tha.

Kehte hain, Dilli ki aik gaane wali tawaif 'Nawab Jan' ko Mirza Ghalib ki ghazal pasand aa gai. Jab use Mirza ki halat ka ilm huwa to us ne Mirza se kaha: "Mere Aulia (Hazrat Nizamuddin) ne meri har Dua qabool ki hai. Hum Dua kerte hain - aik din Aap dilli ke sab se bare shayer khelain" - Dekh lijye, Ghalib se bara koi shayer paida nahi huwa.

Wese bhi kehte hain - tawaif ki dua main bara asar hota hai!!

Mujeh ye kehne main ko aar nahi ke - mujh per bhi aesi kai duaoN ka saaiban hai! - werna hamara Allah jaanta hai - hum to kab ke mar gaye hote!!


Related: Amma ki Dua

One professional advise!

When I came to this country, Dr. Vikas was my mentor in residency. He was a brotherly figure - understanding my handicaps as a foreign physician in an american system. One of his advise always guided me:

"Everyday go to your work like its your first day as well as last day simultaneously. First day - like you have to impress everyone around with your dedication and hard work. And, last day - like you don't want any chip on your shoulder and want to keep your record straight with same hard work and dedication".

(Also here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here)

$2 Bill

"Unconditional" is a low budget 'bible belt type' movie based on a true story of a Tennessee man with renal failure who devoted his life for betterment of kids in projects! (youtube trailer here)

It is a regular movie which conveys the message of love and I doubt it deserves any review but one theme was very touchy as well as amusing in that movie - rather was the most glossy face of the movie!

"Love is like a $2 Bill - you seldom see it. Though it is rare but it is there. Tragedy is that, when we find it we don't value it and let it go. Next time when you find $2 bill - keep it and gift it to someone you love. It will make a mark".

(Personally, since I saw this movie I am still looking for it but haven't found it. Damn! these credit cards!!)

Aik kutba (anokha sa)!

Huwe mar ke hum jo ruswa, huwe kyon na garq-e-dariya 

Na   kabhi   janaaza    uthta,   na   kahin   mazaar   hota

(click to enlarge)

On 'Nafse-Lawwama' (human consciousness)

Years ago - when it was a liberal Pakistan, I was once given an unique lesson by a pure bearded Mualvi. It was Baqr Eid and I had to accompany a friend in a very low socio-economic area of Karachi. I had never heard of that area before called ramswami. At my friend's relative house we met a pure bearded mullah. He was young though, in his 30s. At that time I was pure agnostic and was highly allergic to religious people. But what he said, amazed me and I never forgot his lesson. I was a medical student and he kept calling me Sir!

"Sir! Qayamat ke din hisab is baat se nahi hoga ke aapne kitne bakre kaate, kitni qurbani ki.  Sir! hisab is baat se bhi nahi hoga ke aapne kitni namazain parhi, kitne roze rakhe, kitne Haj kiye ya kitni kheraat ki. Sir! ye sab to 'Supplements' hain! In sab ka sawab added ho ga, - Magar Sir! aap ko pata hai hisab ki kasoti kiya hogi?" - "Sir! hisab is baat se hoga ke aap ne apni zameer ki awaz pe kitna dhiyan dhara!!...Sir! Quran ki aik surah hai 'Surah Qayamat'. Us main khuda Qayamat ke saath saath insaan ke 'nafse-lawwama' ki qasam khata hai. Aap ko pata hai 'nafse-lawwama' kiya hai? Sir! 'Nafse-Lawwama' insan ke zameer ko kehte hain. ...Na to khuda ne 'Nafse-Ammara' ki qasam khai aur na hi 'Nafse-Mutmainna' ki.....Ye dekhain Sir! (us ne mujeh Quran ki 75:1-2 ayat khol ke dikhai)...Sir! mujeh to yahi samjh aata hai ke jab Khuda Qayamat ke saath Insaan ke Zameer ki qasam khata hai to  sab se bari azmaish khud isaan ka zameer hai....Sir! aap samjh rahe hain na, main kiya keh raha hun"?

Aik purani kahawat!

I have unique interest in old sayings (kahawat) - as I believe they tell realities (or should I say brutalities) of life in one line.

Hamari Dadi ki pasandeeda kahawat thi: "Ghar ghar matti ke chuleh hain"*

Matlab ye tha - ke har ghar main koi na koi an-baab, nagawaar cheez ya laraai - hoti rehti hai. Apne ghar ki - ya kisi aur ghar ki - burai kerna koi aqalmandi nahi. 


* (every house has fragile stove).

A quote

Great German philosopher Nietzsche says: 

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Understanding deeper meaning of 'Kal'

English language has different words for past, present and future days like yesterday, today and tomorrow. But Urdu or Hindi actually has same word for previous and next days called "Kal"........and there is a reason for it.

"Kal" has originated from a Sanskrit word "Kaal" which means nothing or non-existence.  jese kehte hain - kaal par gaya.  Another similar originated word from  kaal is Kaala which means black. Sanskrit is (?was) a very rich language but same terminology is used for both previous and next day. What it signifies that for a human, past and present both are just non existent. Human life only exists in present (aaj).

In short, wahi kuch hai jo haal hai - baaqi sab maya aur kaal hai

Qabooliat ki Ghari - 2

I blogged once about the old saying of Qabooliat ki ghari (here)... you decide!

This is a recent true event from one of my co-worker life

"On my 50th birthday, I decided to take long 3 weeks cruise all by myself. I locked my house. When I went to drop my keys to friend so he can keep eye on my house and check my mails. I just jokingly said to call me 'only' if my parents die! And guess what? As I found wi-fi connection at one port in remote eastern Europe  I check my  messages - and sure indeed! my father passed away in my native town of Montana 4 days after I left. I packed everything and went to his funeral after connecting 8 flights and 40 hours.  I feel God answered my joke"

From "Yaadon ki Baarat" - 2

I got couple of emails where people asked to post Josh saheb's claim that he was visited by Prophet Mohammad. Josh continue to believe that it was non-spiritual though unexplained meta-physical event. He described 2 dreams

1. In childhood dream, he encountered Hazrat Abu-zar gaffari, Hazrat Ali and Prophet Mohammad - and he was given 'basharat' that he will be a very famous person. Click and read Page 147 - 149

http://www.iqbalcyberlibrary.net//pdf/969-416-228-019.pdf

2. Second in which he was instructed by Prophet Mohammad to travel to Hyderabad Deccan and stay under Nizam for 10 years. Click and Read page 203 to page 208

http://www.iqbalcyberlibrary.net//pdf/969-416-228-019.pdf


Personally, I have no doubts on above dreams. Similar encounters have been described by others like Qudaratullah shahab - I  believe "Buzurg hastiaN" appears in dreams more frequently than we imagine particularly in trying times....( In fact, I can attest to them but I guess every thing can't be written on blog!) and as like Josh I believe these as normal encounters!! - there is nothing special about it. We all live in one huge fireball of infinite time. And past, present and future are just illusions of time...

(Don't miss Tom Hank's new flick Cloud Atlas in this regard. It explains this better.)

From "Yaadon ki Baraat"

It is said that Urdu Poetry has produced 5 big poets....Mir, Ghalib, Iqbal, Josh and Faiz. Unfortunately Josh Malih-abadi was never given his due place in Sub-continental history. His poetry is like uninterrupted flow of words ...jese koi ilhami kalam ho...Keeping his poetry aside,  if you ever get chance - I highly recommend to read his auto-biography "Yaadon ki Baarat".

Josh himself was an atheist or at least non conformist  - but - spiritual experiences he described in that book are mind boggling, It is beyond  scope of this post to discuss his experience of Prophet visiting him but I will just mention his chapter on "Maulvi Ahmad Hussain".

Maulvi Ahmad Hussain tried to teach 'asrar-o-ramooz-e-marfat'  to Josh but Josh's approach was very logical in this matter. Despite his unaccepted view to 'maarfa', Josh was unable to explain the phenomenon that when last time Maulvi sahab met Josh, he informed that he will continue to visit Josh for 30 days in dreams - which he did - and he will meet him physically once 6 months before his death - which he did.

Read pages 574-601 from link below

http://www.iqbalcyberlibrary.net/Urdu-Books/969-416-228-019/index.php

Furqan

Ye 1992 ki baat hai....Main 'PMDC' se apni degree ki tajdeed kerwane Islamabad gaya huwa tha. ..Taxi nahi mili to wagon hi pakar li...Wagon main sawar hone laga to saath saath aik Babaji ki bhi wagon main charhne main madad kerdi..

Babaji bole: "Beta! Allah Hazrat Musa ki tarah tumhe bhi kitab aur Furqan ki nemat de".....

Main ne Poocha: "Babaji! Ye Kitab aur Furqan ki nemat kiya hoti hai"

Babaji bole: "Beta! kitab to sab parh lete hain magar kitab ke sath Furqan ki nemat har kisi ko nahi milti. Furqan faraq se nikla hai. Matlab ye ke Allah tumhe na sirf kitab parhne ki nemat de bulke saath saath zindagi main achhe bure ki tameez kerne ki nemat se bhi nawaze.."

20 baras main bare bare tafseerdaanoN ki furqan ki taaweelaiN parh li...magar aik line main Furqan ki jo 'defination' babaji de gaye woh kahin na mili....


(As per Arabic roots - its true that Furqan originated from word faraq)

Ali Karim, Drugs, Sex aur Namaz!

Ali Karim se meri pehli mulaqat uski khatna pe hui!  - Ye baat sach bhi thi aur hum dono ka mazaq bhi.

Meri umar 7 baras ki thi jab Amma mujhe Ali Karim ki khatna pe le ker gain! Ali Karim ki Amma meri walida ki bachpan ki saheli thi. Magar unke aur hamare gharelu halat main zameen aasman ka faraq tha!

Ali Karim ke walid aik mazdoor insaan the jo gadha gaari pe dukanoN se khali borion ki len den ka kaam kerte the. Ghar main gurbat ka raaj the. Ali Karim aathween (8th class) tak ba-mushkil school gaya aur phir baap ke saath kaam main juth gaya. 

Saath saath awaragardi, sharab aur charas ki aadat bhi par gai. 

Ajeeb dosti thi hamari! Alag alag duniya thi hamari - magar jab milte to yun gap lagti jese sab se ghera yaarana ho!

Main medical school main tha ke khabar mili Ali Karim Turkey chala gaya hai. Wahan se Germany pauncha aur ghumte ghumate America paunch gaya. YahaN aa ker bhi odd jobs kerta raha. Kuch paise ghar bhej deta, baqi juwe, sharab aur 'weed' main ura deta!  

2 saal pehle woh achhi job ke chakkar main mere shahr aa gaya to uski aik nai sifat mujh pe aashkara hui.....Uske paas aik se aik khubsurat larkioN ki line lagi rehti...gori, kaali, spanish, desi....you name it!

Aik din main ne us se poocha: "How many women you have slept so far?"
Usne jawab diya: "pata nahi, Shayed 300!"

Main us se aksar kehte: "Saale! na to teri shakal-o-surat hai, na to tujhe angrezi dhang se bolna aati hai, na tu shave kerta hai, na kapre dhang ke pehnta hai  - sharab tu peeta hai, 'weed' tu peeta hai - paise to tu saare juwe main ura deta hai ---- phir itni larkian kese?" 

Aur ye sach tha - main ne larkioN ko Ali Karim ki minnat kerte dekha hai  - to sleep with him!!

Woh  mujhe batata; "Bhai! aap bhi 'weed' aur 'ecstasy' pi pila ke sex karo phir jadoo dekho". Uske baad woh zor se hasta aur mujeh sher sunata

Aurat maange na taj-o-takht
Aurat maange L**a^ sakht

Aik din mujeh Ali Karim ka phone aaya ke "Bhai! I need your help". Ali Karim ko police ne traffic violation pe roka to gaari se 'drugs' baramad hui. ...He was in jail....I went to bond him and get him out...

Jab jail se wapas aaya to zindagi main pehli baar main ne use samjhane ki koshish ki. Ab woh addict ho chuka tha! ab us ka larki ke bagair to kaam chal jata tha magar drugs ke bagair uski halat  gair ho jaati thi!

I pushed him to get Rehab! I get him admitted to a good rehab......... Wahan us ki Allah jaane kiya kaya palti ke aik din mujh se kehne laga: "Bhai! namaz ki kitab la do"!..Main to namazi aadmi tha nahi, na mujhe namaz aati hai ,,magar aik desi store se namaz ki kitab khreed ke use de di.....

2 din pehle main uske paas gaya to usne mera haat pakar ke kaha: "Bhai! mera aik kaam ker do"

Main ne poocha: "Kiya?"

Kehne laga: "Kisi aesi larki se shadi kara do jo mere andar ke janwar se ziyada mere andar ke insaan ko apna le. ......Bhai! ab aik Allah aur Aik aurat ka hone ko ji chahta hai"


^ Urdu slang for mens' genital

Mushtaq Ahmad Yousufi

Mushtaq Ahmad Yousufi was a banker by profession. People with background in 'money related profession' usually lacks such sense of humor and satire but Urdu literature has very few names who come close to caliber of Oscar Wilde or Mark Twain! - No one beats Mushtaq Ahmad yousufi when it comes to real 'lateef mizah'. - In immortal voice of Zia Mohiuddin

Aik sher Malala ke Naam!

14 year old kid shot by Talibans (Manimals)

Qatale-tiflaN ki munadi ho rahi hai shaher main
Ma mujhe bhi misle-musa tu baha de naher main

On Makafate-Amal

(Father of my one friend said a beautiful thing)

"Dekho Beta! Mujeh ye to nahi malum ke agar aap kisi ko takleef dete hain to makafate-amal hota hai......kiunke main ne kai kamine saari zindagi bohat khush dekhe hain! Magar itna zaroor jaanta hun ke jis takleef se main guzarta hun, main nahi chahta koi aur insaan bhi us takleef se guzre. Beta! is tarah ka hisab kitab to chote logon ka kaam hai!!"

Nikah - 2

(Received this email on my one previous post 2-Bol)

Sir!

I read your post on Nikah (here). My wife divorced me as I cheated on her. Fair enough!! But she re-marry a person who already had 2 wives from before. I still can't comprehend that a woman who threw fit all over for her husband to sleep with another woman,  accepted to live with a man who simultaneously sleeps with 3 women, just because some religious figure attested it.

xyz

Zoo!

I can go to Zoo with you. But I don't enjoy Zoo! I can't just make sense out of it that you put wild animals in cage and enjoy their captivation. And don't give me that crap about learning wild life! 

Somehow it reminds me of Planet of the apes!..."Men has no understanding. It could be taught of few simple tricks, nothing more"!   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVo7O349BFk

On Minto

Log mujeh sayah Qalam khate hain - lakeen Mai tkhte sayah par Kali caak (chalk) se nahi likhta,.. safaid caak istemal karta hoon - takeh tkhte ki siyahi aur bhi numayan ho jae. (Minto)


(People says: I am a black writer - but I don't use black chalk on black board, I use white chalk - so blackness of board becomes more visible - Minto)

Woman's Yes and No

(Read on internet)

"Aurat ki 'Haan' aur 'Na' main itna fa'sla hota hai ke sui bhi ba-mushkil guzar sake"

(Distance between woman's yes and no is so narrow that needle may barely pass)

Sure-Asar!

Jab hum school main the to hamare islamiat ke teacher the Sir Aleem (RIP). (I blogged about him in past).

Woh kehte the: "Tumhe sure-asar ki taqat ka andaza aaj nahi hoga bulke tub hoga jub burhape ke qareeb paunho ge"

kitna sach kehte the Sir Aleem! Dekho to Sure-Asar ki in 2 linoN ke siwa zindagi hai hi kiya..
 

DuaoN ka safar!

Ghayas Bhai na to doctor the aur na hi hamare koi rishtedar. Ab to theek tarah yaad bhi nahi aata ke - kab kahan kese - unse mulaqat hui. Unki sadar ke ilaqe main bikul 'bus stop' ke sath ghari ki dukan thi aur shayed yunhi kisi bahane baat cheet ka silsila chal nikla hoga.

Jab kabhi unke paas do minute ke liye rukta - woh har baar chalte huwe mera haat tham ke kehte: "Dekho pareshan na hona, apna khayal rakhna, achha! - Allah tumhara nigheban hoga"....Aur mujhe yun lagta jese badloN ka aik saya mere sir se guzar gaya....Phir to yun huwa ke sirf unki dua simatne main unki dukan pe rasta badal ke ther jata.

Zindagi main kai azab aaye magar jab kabhi akela hua ya himmat tuti to ghayas bhai yaad aa gaye.

...Yun lagta jese  mere 'cerebral cortex' main ghayas bhai ki duaoN ka Imam zamin bandha ho!

Kuch dinoN pehle khawab main kiya dekhta hun ke, mera aik bhateejah bohat beemar hai. Main ne use phone kiya - sab khariyat hi thi magar ghayas bhai ki di hui dua ko main ne phone rakhte huwe aage barha diya - "Dekho pareshan na hona, apna khayal rakhna, achha! - Allah tumhara nigheban hoga"...

Aadmi to main kafir hun! ye to nahi malum ke duaoN ka kitna asar hota hai - magar ghayas bhai jese khubsurat logon ki khubsarat duaon ka safar chalta rahe to achha hai....

On Happiness

One of my co-worker is a very happy go jolly fellow.

I asked him: "How come I always see you happy?"
He replied: "I don't let unhappy people surround me"!

2 Bol

"Saath rehne ke liye nikah zaroori hai kiya?"

"Saath rehne ke liye to nikah zaroori nahi hai - magar rishte ki gheraii main uterne ke liye ye 2 bol bohat zaroori hain. Jab masjid, mandir, 'church' ya 'civil court' ke kamre main bandhan ke 2 lafz parhey jaate hain ya 'signature' kiye jaate hain  - to 'trust' ki gheraii patal tak utar jaati hai. Shayed wajah sirf ye hai ke - jab saare zamane ke saamne ailan-e-wafa hota hai - to aadmi ko bharose ki woh tawanii chu leti hai jeese torna bohat mushkil ho jaata hai"

"Hmmmm...May be"

Bharam ka Barzakh!

(Tale of one shocking text in middle of hectic work - which let me excuse from everything around me)


Meri Ma 3 baras se maut ke sarahane pari thi. Us ka dam nahi nikal raha tha. Use bus meri fikar khaye jaati thi. Mere baap ko mare to 17 baras ho gaye magar meri Ma darwaze pe nazrain jamaye mujh se kehti thi: 

"Meri baat man le, dekh tera baap mujhe le jane ke liye kab se khara hai. Apne shohar se laraii khatam ker de. Chali ja apne mard ke pass khuda ke liye..."

Jis din main ne apni Ma ki baat mani, usi din meri Ma is jahane faani se kuch ker gai. Meri Ma ki ruh mere aur  mere shohar ki judaii (separation) main atak gai thi. Ma jo theri!

Aur ab mujhe us wade ka bharam nibhane ke liye aakhri saans tak us barzakh main jalna pare ga!  --- I guess, I am left with no choice.

La Li'nea

I had to get on 5 hours trans-continental flight, so I picked this book from store. It was so interesting that I was able to get it done in one sitting before my flight landed. Since its publication in 2006, this book has made a lot of waves and now has been put in reading schedules of many curriculum. Its an essential read for neo-immigrants like me though it is a tell of 2 kids risking their lives to cross border across Mexico to USA.

Apart from its pace and interesting content what strike my nerve was amazing question this book raised for immigrants. As it is written itself at book's back cover. "But they quickly learn that you can't always count on dreams - even the ones that come true".

Also, just crossing one physical border is not enough. Immigrants have to cross many many more borders to get adjust in new country, new culture and new society. Another sad aspect of the story is that how dream of prosperous life sometime torn apart family across miles, unseen by people living around and unfortunately accepted as fate for many!
"I hang up the phone. We don't say good-bye. We never do."

And many times, for many people - its more satisfying to go back where they feel more in peace with their own kinds!!

It reminded me of Faiz

Ye bhi kar dekha hey so baar, ke jab raahoN meiN
des-pardes ki be-mehar guzargaahoN meiN
qaafley qaamat-o-rukhsaar-o-lab-o-gesu key
parda-e-chasham pey utrey heiN, yuN be-soorat-o-rang
jis tarha band dareechoN pey girey baarish-e-sang

Aur dil kehta hey har baar, laut chalo
is sey pehley ke wahaaN jaaeNy to ye dukh bhi naa ho
ye nishaani ke wo darwaaza khula hey ab bhi
aur us sehan meiN, har su, yuNhi pehley ki tarha
farsh-e-nao-umeedeey-e-deedar bicha hey ab bhi

"My Heart Sinks"

I am teaching elementary school kids for 30 years! I have seen all kinds of student and dealt with all kind of situations but nothing makes my heart weep more than not knowing who is going to pick up kids. Mom calls Dad will pick up the kid. Dad calls Mom will pick up the kid. Mom calls back again - 'No! tell Dad, it is his turn today!'

Yesterday one of my third grader put her head on my shoulder and said: "Teacher I don't want to go home".  First time in 30 years I felt my heart is sinking!

The Words

"The words" is a suspense thriller but you may not know till the end! As someone said - it has stories within stories. It is a kind of a thriller you look forward to see. It makes you smile. It makes you cry. And, at the end it makes you scratch your head!

Major strength of the movie beside its consistent pace, climax and acting is its strong dialogues like:

"Life is about making choices. But hardest part is to live with those choices"
"My tragedy is that I loved words more than the woman who inspired me to write those words"

Theme: Movie revolves around the fact of life that reality and fiction are 2 distinct entities but with a very fine line in between! And sometime humans may tend to blur that line...

Plot: A young writer, with a loving and supportive wife in New York (Ah NY!) is struggling to make fate in writing world but with little success. Finally, he finds his break with a twist that story he published is not written by him but he accidentally found it in an old antique bag. Now the actual writer (old man in movie) discovered his lost work. Movie deals with interaction between actual and pseudo writer. Story is narrated in movie by another middle age writer to audience who is trolled and seduced back stage by a young beautiful, wanna be Columbia graduate writer, who is in quest to know - how much is the fact and how much is the fiction?

Trailer here

Ishq-e-Majazi aur Ishq-e-Haqiqi

Ashfaq Ahmad says:
  
Mujhe bohat justa'ju thi ke Ishq-e-Majazi aur Ishq-e-Haqeeqi ka farq jaan sakun, aik din Abba Gee ne bataya ke, “Ishfaq apni ana ko kisi aik shakhs ke samney pamaal (mitany) kerney ka naam Ishq-e-Majazi hai aur apni Ana ko sab ke saamney pamal kerney ka naam Ishq-e-Haqeeqi hai…"

Nageen!

3 baras main aurat ka roop yun dhal jata hoga - mujeh andaza na tha!

Nageen se meri mulaqat 3 baras pehle vancouver ke aik coffee shop pe hui thi. Main kisi medical conference  main jhak marne Vancouver gaya tha. Sham ke baad wahin downtown main pan pacific hotel ke kinare aik coffee shop pe beth ke koi kitab parhta rehta. ...Nageen usi Coffee shop main kaam kerti thi. .... Bohat khubsurat thi. Us ke husn main aik dehshat thi, jo bohat kam aurton ko naseeb hoti hai!

Nageen ki mukhtasar si kahani thi. Woh Pakistan se thi. Umer koi 37 ya 38 ke qareeb hogi. Umar ke kisi hisse main talaq ho gai. Apne aik bete ke saath ab Vancouver main rehti thi. MardoN ki zaat se bezaar thi. Apni zindagi main magan thi!

Main har sham us se flirt kerta aur woh hasti rehti! Akhri din main ne chalte chalte Nageen ko apna card diya ke kabhi USA aao to zaroor call kerna - Tum dekhna main kachhe dhage main bandha chala aaunga! Usne zor ka qehqaha lagaya aur mera card dustbin main daal diya! (jo shayed usne baad main nikal ker rakh liya hoga).

Kuch dinoN pehle mujhe Nageen ka 'text' aaya ke woh mere 'town' main hai. Kisi qarebi dost ki shadi main aai hui hai. Kehne lagi, aaj tum coffee pilao. Jub main Nageen se milne gaya to mujeh yaqeen nahi aaya ke ye wahi Nageen hai. Uski saari khubsurti kahin gum ho gai thi. Usne kam-as-kam 40 pond wazan barah liya tha. Baalon ki chamak gaib ho chuki thi. Gaalon ki gulabi surkhi khatam ho chuki thi. Muskurahat main aik pas-mardagi thi. AankhoN main lenses ki jagah mote mote 'Ainak wale jin' jese chashme lage the!

Ham kafi der Starbucks pe bethe batain kerte rahe. ...... Nageen ka beta college chala gaya to ghar ke dar-o-deewar nageen ko kaat khane lage. Usne ghar pe cooking chor di. Junk food khane lagi thi. Beta chala gaya to zindagi ka maqsad gaib ho chuka tha. ...

"Lost" ho chuki thi.................Isi bezaari main kuch mardoN se "dating" ker ke aur "lost" ho gai thi! 

Kabhi Hijab aurhne ki batain kerti! Kabhi kehti Pakistan chali jaungi. Kabhi kehti Africa main charity mission pe jaungi. Aaj mujh main us se flirt kerne ki jurrat nahi thi. 

Zindagi main kabhi kuch nahi hota aur sab kuch ho jaata hai. Dekho to Nageen ki zindagi main uske bete ki parvarish ki aag aur rangoN ka jo aik halka sa parto tha - woh mit gaya to sab kuch khatam sa ho gaya....

Nageen ko na to aaj main ne apna card diya, na dubara milne ka wada kiya! Ghar drive kerte aik udasi thi. 

Vancouver ka neela samandar, khubsurat badal, darkhton aur phooloN ki woh lambi qata'r, paharoN pe jami woh baraf...har cheez aik dam se yun be-rang ho jaayegi - Dil ye sab kuch kese maan le !!!!

Ye zindagi saali bari kutti cheez hai!!

Under Blue Moon!

Last night was a blue moon - a rare phenomenon. As they say - once in a blue moon! I was taking walk with a friend in neighborhood as we had clear sky and visible big moon. Knowing my sarcastic attitude towards religion, following conversation happened:

"Tum Musalman ho?"

"Main musalman kese ho sakta hun? tum log chaand-raat ki talash main rehto ho - aur main poore chaand ka pujari hun! - aik fasla hai hum dono main meri jaan"

On unnecessary religious controversies!

I am not a very religious man but over years one simple story from Imam Abu Hanifa guided my way to live a tolerant life when it comes to religious beliefs. Someone asked Imam Abu Hanifa (on classic Shia-Sunni conflict among Muslims), what he thought who was on the right path in Jang-e-Jamal. He replied, "God will not ask me this question after death so I am not worried about it."

What he was implying that most differences are historical and what matters to All Mighty is your deeds.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (& Hope Springs)

'The Odd Life of Timothy Green' is a new Hollywood flick. Its an interesting abstract simple low budget movie. Being a parent it was an important watch for me.

We all crave to have a perfect child! and we all think that our child is a miracle! Its true in many senses but things get complicated when your child is 'different' (No! I don't mean abnormal). Each child comes with his own strengths and weaknesses. He may not be a perfect piano player, swimmer or a soccer player - but he may have other artistic strengths. More than anything, he may be an optimistic, good heart survivor!! He may be the source of your own creativity. Parenthood is an experience which you lives through! Also, you will love your adopted child as much as your own biological child.

Trailer here

P.S: If you like adult-theme-'spouse related relationship issues'-type-movie, watch "Hope Springs". I have no second thought that Meryl Streep is the finest actress in Hollywood!! and Tommy Lee Jones is a very under-appreciated actor! (Sexual language) Trailer here

Sorry!

During mindless human genocide, carnage and riots of 1947 partition, Saadat Hasan Manto wrote a 4 line short story, named 'Sorry', which became an Urdu classic! (Let see how many can understand this short tell)

(Source: here)

“Ripping the belly cleanly, the knife moved in a straight line down the midriff, in the process slashing the cord, which had held the man’s pajamas in place. The one with the knife took one look and exclaimed regretfully, ‘Tut, tut, tut! … Mishtake!” (Translation by Khalid Hasan)